by Anna Scott
I was so distraught by Luke leaving - regardless that I told him to go - that I began to cry. I cried for what we could have been to each other. I cried because he left, and didn’t put up a fight. I cried because I knew that I loved him, and no matter what happened, I always would.
The next morning, I felt the bed move and pried one eye open to look at the intruder. I already knew who I’d see there, but knowing in advance, didn’t prepare my heart for the sight of Luke. He was sleep mussed and only wore his jeans. I could see the pain and fatigue in his eyes, which almost made me feel bad for him. I almost reached out to comfort him. Just in the nick of time, I remembered last night. He was still here. He obviously hadn’t left. Yes, I know, I didn’t really want him to leave, but I didn’t know what we had to say to each other now.
“Can we talk?” He asked me. At least he asked, that was some improvement. Maybe he could see how hopeless this situation was too. Maybe that’s what he wanted to talk about. All of a sudden, I felt panic instead of anger. I wish my emotions would just pick a damn side!
“Sure.” I waited for him to speak. I’d cut him off last night, so figured I could at least give him the opportunity to speak his peace this morning.
“I know I should have left last night. I couldn’t though Rory, I couldn’t leave here, knowing that you were about to break up with me. I could see it in your eyes, hear it in the tone of your voice. I had to stay, even if it was just on the couch, I had to sleep near you, especially if it was the last time I ever got to.”
“Luke, I –“
“No, Rory, let me get this out, please.” His tone wasn’t one I’d ever heard from him before. It caught my attention, I just nodded in response and he continued.
“I fucked up last night. When McKinney called, they couldn’t get a hold of you. They only had your house number, but they called, they came by the house and you weren’t here. Office Dupree called me, remembering our connection. I didn’t know where you were, I called your cell a couple of times, called Reed. No one could find you. The fire was still going on at the house, we didn’t know where you were. Your car was at your house, but you were gone. I thought maybe you were inside, I know that doesn’t make sense, your car was at home, but I was so worried, I wasn’t making a lot of sense in my own head.”
I sat up, and leaned my back against the headboard, but didn’t say anything, I wanted him to continue.
“So, there’s a fire, you’re missing as far as I know, I was totally freaked. When you pulled up with Reed, I saw what you were wearing and I lost it. I didn’t know where you’d been, Reed had just texted me to say he’d found you and would bring you to Nolan’s house. So, you get out of his Tahoe, dressed; fuck, dressed like you were, I was jealous. I didn’t know where you’d been, but I did know you hadn’t been anywhere with me looking like that. I’m sorry for shouting, I’m especially sorry for grabbing your arm. I know there isn’t any excuse, I just wanted you to know why I acted that way before you send me packing.”
Luke had cut the eye contact with me about half way through his speech. Now his head was hung, his posture slouched. He didn’t even resemble the strong-confident man he usually was.
In an attempt to avoid saying anything in anger that I would later regret; I waited a few long minutes, looking out the window that overlooked my backyard and looking at Luke. I knew that I loved him, I suspected that I had in some way for a long time. What I didn’t know, was whether or not we could be in a healthy relationship together.
“Luke, I understand that you were worried about me last night. I appreciate that you dropped whatever you were doing at work to come and be with me at Nolan’s. Your panic and fear are acceptable, even endearing. You, lashing out at me, then putting your hands on me in anger are not.”
“Rory, God, please, I wasn’t trying to hurt you, I just didn’t want you to walk away from me. I –“
“No, I gave you your time, now it’s mine.”
Luke’s nod of agreement spurred me on.
“You didn’t hurt me. I know, in my heart, that you wouldn’t have hurt me, not really. What I don’t understand is why you think it is your business to know where I am or what I am doing when I have not chosen to share that information with you. You and I have had sex, you’ve been with me, supported me during extremely difficult times. We’ve spent nights in each other’s beds. What we have not done, however, is to discuss our relationship in any real way.”
I did my best to glare at him, showing just how angry I was, but his raised eyebrow and furious look were much fiercer than mine. “I have assumed that we are exclusive; I do not know that, however. I assume we’re seeing each other, or dating, or whatever you’d like to call it. For your information, I was out with my girlfriends. I haven’t been out with them in ages and made a last minute decision to ask them all to go out with me last night. I do not have a curfew. You and I did not have plans for last night. We do not have is any type of commitment that would require me to inform you of my plans. Some days you tell me what you have planned for your day, before work. Some days, you don’t. There have been times that I have texted you and you didn’t get back to me until hours later. I do not lose my mind, thinking horrible things about you. You didn’t really think I was in that house. You got really angry when I showed up in that dress. I saw it Luke. I saw your face. At first you were relieved to see me, then, when you took in what I was wearing, your look turned to rage. What did you think I’d been out doing Luke? Were you really just worried or were you worried that I was out with someone else?”
My mind had just cleared and I remembered that little tidbit. Yes, Luke had been worried, as Reed had been, but he was enraged only after he looked me over. Reed was irritated, sore, frustrated, even, concerned, sure! Luke’s messages had been the same. Concerned, worried, frustrated, even a little angry, but he hadn’t had rage in his voice or portrayed in his texts until he saw me. Amazing how hindsight could clarify a situation. This was the precise reason I’d wanted time to think. I knew that there was something I was missing
Luke stood and walked to the window. He put his hands on the sill and leaned forward. He stood that way, looking out the window, but not really seeing anything, then he turned around to look at me and leaned back against the wall.
“Rory, you called Reed.”
“What?”
“You called Reed back, you didn’t call me. Reed went to pick you up. You told Reed where you were.”
“You were at work, you had both called, both had texted me, but he had called last. I knew that something was wrong, I knew that you were at work, but if you’d called me, I hoped that you were okay. I called him back first, yes. I didn’t choose him over you, I called him because you were at work and he wasn’t.”
“You didn’t call me though, I heard from Reed that he’d found you. Then, you show up to the scene dressed for a date in Reed’s Tahoe. You’d been drinking. You looked hot; amazing. Showing up in another man’s ride. You’re right. I was worried before you got there. I was frustrated that I couldn’t get a hold of you, that you weren’t answering my calls. I was irritated that I couldn’t get a hold of you when I needed you. When you showed up, I was jealous.”
“Jealous of what? Jesus Luke! What were you jealous of? Reed? You know I wasn’t with him, he didn’t know where I was either. What? You think I was out with someone else?”
“Shit, Rory, no I know you weren’t, it isn’t that, it’s just, you called him, not me. I feel like shit, God, please, I know that I was out of line. I shouldn’t have ever yelled at you like that. But you have to know, I wouldn’t have ever hurt you.”
“I feel like we’re beating a dead horse. I know that you wouldn’t have hurt me. I know that you’re sorry. That isn’t the point.”
“Then what the fuck is the point?” Luke was obviously getting angry again.
“The point is, that instead of asking me where I’d been; instead of giving me the support you said you were there to give to me; you em
barrassed me and made a very difficult night more difficult.”
“Do you, at least, understand where I was coming from? Do you understand how worried I was?”
“Yes, Luke, I understand that. I regret that I didn’t hear my phone. It was in my handbag and the club was loud. Do you understand where I’m coming from?”
“Yeah, I do. We’re together. How do you not know that? Of course we’re committed. Have I not shown you that? Exclusive? Don’t even get me started, I don’t even want to look at another woman, God Aurora, how do you not know?”
“How would I know? We’ve never talked about it. You’ve never told me what our relationship was to you. I can’t read your mind, Luke. I never assume, if you were serious about me, you should have told me. But regardless, tell me, aside from calling Reed first, what exactly did I do last night to make you so angry?”
“You haven’t spelled it out for me either, but now, I want to address the seriousness of our relationship first. I am serious about you. I am committed to you. If you weren’t sure before, be damn sure now, we are together. You are my woman, I am your man.”
Luke paused a moment to take a breath and compose himself. Thankfully, he’d looked away so he didn’t notice the tears rolling down my face. This entire conversation was so confusing. I could see how he could be hurt by me calling Reed and not him. It was a stretch, but I could understand that.
I did see our relationship and saw all the ways he showed me that he was serious, but I’d been with guys before who acted like they were serious, then they were done, it was like nothing was ever going on between us. I never assumed anything. He was right, though, I hadn’t been open about my feelings either.
“I just need to know where you are. If you aren’t in one of your normal hangouts, I want to know. I don’t want to lord over you or control you, I just want to know that you’re safe. I want to be able to get to you if you need me.” He took a long breath and stared at me before continuing.
“I acted rashly last night. If I’d taken a breath, not let my emotions take over; if I’d taken a step back and thought for two seconds, I would have behaved differently. You’re right. I acted like an ass. I’m sorry, so fucking sorry. I – fuck, I feel like I’m holding onto you with my fingernails, that you’re constantly slipping away from me. Fuck, Rory, I love you. I fucking love you; and half the time, I don’t even know if you care if I’m around. You’re so cool with my job, don’t complain about not spending more time together.”
“Luke, will you look at me?” My voice was quiet and I could hear the tremor in it when I spoke. His head lifted, and I could tell when he noticed my tears. “Babe, I love you too. That’s why I am so hurt, that’s why this is so hard. I’ve been in love with you for a while.”
Luke moved so fast across the room. He sat on the bed next to my hip, torso turned to face me and placed a hand on each side of my face.
“You love me?” Luke’s hands were trembling against my face. I could see the question in his eyes even through my blurry vision.
“Yes, Luke, I love you. But, that doesn’t –”
I didn’t get the chance to continue, Luke crashed his mouth down on mine. He held my face and kissed me, I could feel him worshiping my mouth, there was so much reverence and love expressed. When I didn’t reach for him or wrap my arms around him, he pulled back and looked deep into my eyes.
“Rory, we’ll be okay, please baby. Don’t push me away.”
I shook my head in his hands, tears freely flowing down my face. “No, Luke. No! We can’t keep doing this. We can’t hurt each other like this. I love you, but we can’t keep hurting each other.”
“We’ll figure this out, I promise Rory, we’ll work it out. We’ll learn to work together. We’ll learn how to do this. Baby, I promise.”
“We were only together for six days, then, because we didn’t know how to talk to each other, we were apart for two weeks. Now, instead of talking, you lashed out. Instead of telling you how I felt, I shut you out. I don’t know how to let you in. The minute I feel slighted; the minute I feel like you’re pulling away, I pull away faster.”
“Yes, baby, and I get angry and hurt instead of talking to you. I push you and get bossy. Neither of us is perfect. Neither of us has been in a serious long-term relationship. We’ll figure it out, we’ll work it out. Can you, fuck, Rory, I hate to ask, but we need more time together. We need to see each other more than an hour in the mornings and one day a week, when we’re lucky. Do you think you can arrange your schedule to go in later? It doesn’t even have to be every day, but we need to spend enough time together that we can get used to being us. If you can’t that’s okay, I understand, I can try to work something out.”
I looked at him, a little stunned. It was like Luke could read my mind. I’d been thinking about doing that for a couple of weeks. I hadn’t made the changes yet, I was waiting to see where things would go with us. I was glad that he was asking. I thought that maybe he was right, that we would do better if we had more time together. I didn’t want to think about it, but in the past week, we’d probably only spent about ten hours together, total. Most of that was either in the shower or eating breakfast.
“Yeah, babe. I can do that. Amber can cover me in the morning. I’ll still need to be there on Saturday by ten. Depending on your schedule, and what you had in mind, I have a lot of flexibility.”
“It would be great if we had at least one full day off a week. I can’t always take Sunday off, obviously. You know, sometimes shit will go down and I’ll have to go into work, but if I can give you my schedule ahead of time, can you take one of the days off?”
“I’ll do my best. Same goes with me though, there will be weeks that I need to work more, or if something happens, I’ll have to go in.”
“Yeah, I know, but don’t expect me not to come to the store with you. Maybe I can lay around all day on that pink chair thing and watch you work. You can feed me grapes and when the store is slow, you can take a break and let me fuck you on it.”
“Hmm; sounds interesting. I could keep you around in the back, tied up and ready for me whenever I had time. That sounds even better!”
Thankfully, we’d pulled through this time, I hoped there wouldn't be another time like this. Between the two of us though, with our lack of experience with relationships, I was sure there would be.
“Come here baby.” Luke pulled me into him, his lips on mine. We kissed, moving to strokes, moans, licks, and then even bites.
“I need you babe, please make love to me.” My whispered words were all he needed to spur him into action. We spent the next three hours in bed together. We made love more times than I thought were physically possible.
At one point, we were in the lotus position, eyes connected as he moved me up and down on his lap. Staring into my eyes, he kissed me. Just before I fell over into climax, he whispered “I love you.” Into my ear. It was the sweetest moment of my entire life. I wished I’d had a video of that moment, so I could watch it over and over again.
We’d thoroughly enjoyed each other, sometimes romantic, sometimes dirty and sometimes downright kinky. I had no idea how Luke could go to work, but he had. I stayed in bed and slept most of the rest of the day.
Chapter 15
Several weeks passed since Luke and I had our major blow up. Since then, I’d adjusted my schedule so that we could spend every morning together. I was also able to add a mid-week day off. We almost always had at least one full day off each week. Things had settled between us since we had more time. Getting used to sharing my life was challenging. There were times I still forgot to tell him what was going on, or he’d forget to tell me about an overtime shift until it was upon us.
We’d learned that the fire had started in the kitchen. There were no accelerants suggesting arson, but the back door had been pried open. Obviously someone had broken into the house and was doing something in the kitchen. We’d never get that mystery solved since any evidence was burned.
&nb
sp; I’d hired a new employee at Indulgence. She was a great addition to the store. Dawn Adams, was almost as tall as me, but much more voluptuous. Her waist was tiny, but her breasts were enormous, she had long blonde hair, shapely legs and hips and was a total knock out.
I watched Reed’s face the first time he met her. He’d come into the store and I could swear his eyes almost popped out of his head when he saw her. She was the perfect pin up girl! The funny thing was, she wasn’t at all conceited. I hadn’t heard her talk about any guys or any crazy antics. She was completely down to earth.
She’d finished her bachelor’s degree and wanted to become a buyer for one of the high-end department stores, but found that the jobs available weren’t what she wanted. Since I paid a base salary plus commission, she found she was making more with me anyway. She was a great fit with Amber and me, so I hoped that she would stay.
After work one night, I drove to Dallas to meet Luke for dinner. We’d received our food and were talking about mundane stuff. It was nice, our relationship was becoming normal and after the drama, it was a welcome change.
“Luke, I want to have a barbeque. Let’s have everyone over, you know?” I blurted out-of-the-blue.
“Sure baby, where do you want to do it? You have a great back yard, but I have a better grill.” Luke’s grin was wide, he loved to tease me about my little Weber.
“I don’t care, if you want to do the grilling, we can do it at your house.”
“How long do we have to keep up this ruse?” Luke’s question had me confused. What ruse was he talking about? Were we faking something?
“What do you mean?” I asked hesitantly.
“This two house thing, it’s ridiculous, don’t you think?” He seemed so casual, was he seriously talking about us moving in together?
“Are you asking me something, Luke?” I decided to needle him a bit, see what he really had in mind.
Luke reached across the table, grabbed my hand and squeezed. “Rory, honey, love of my life, darling sweetheart, honey lumpkins, pookie bear.” His smile was wide and I stated to laugh as I tried to pull my hand back.