“Cheers Denny,” she said as she accepted the pizza from the delivery guy.
“Hey Kris. Nice shiner.”
Kristan threw him a wry smile along with a twenty. She could not wait to get back to her guest. Something was obviously wrong, and she kicked herself for suggesting an outing on the lake and asking questions that were none of her business.
She was glad to see that her tears were gone when she got back to Liz and that she was smiling again. Most of all she was glad the woman had not simply decided to run away.
“I hope you’re hungry,” she deadpanned as she rejoined her. “This is an extra-large.”
“I’m starving,” Liz replied, grabbing a slice before Kristan could even sit back down.
Kristan gazed at her with an amused look on her face.
“That’s very sexy,” she remarked.
Liz nearly choked on her food.
“What is?” she coughed.
Kristan flashed her a brilliant smile.
“The way you eat that pizza.”
She passed her some juice as Liz swallowed hard and blushed.
“Shut up,” she muttered.
Kristan laughed, happy that she had them back on to safer territory. She picked up a slice of pizza for herself and leaned back against her seat. She was hungry but she ate slowly, her attention entirely taken up by the woman who sat next to her.
Kristan did not scare easily when it came to emotions. She was curious about Liz, and deep conversations never put her off. If and when the woman wanted to open up to her she would be happy to listen, and offer whatever support she could.
“I needed that,” she said after a few silent bites of her food.
Liz narrowed her eyes at her.
“How come? Did you skip lunch?”
“Yes…”
“You shouldn’t skip lunch. Especially when you’re flying, Kristan.”
“I know, doc. But then again, I had coconut pancakes and spicy lentil stew for breakfast.”
Liz raised a perplexed eyebrow.
“Is that a traditional kiwi thing?" she enquired.
Kristan chuckled.
"It is when your business partner is such an innovator in the kitchen," she said. “When Mike wants me to test one of his creations I normally end up eating the whole thing.”
Liz gazed across the lake in front of them, smiling, feeling herself relax inside once more. Kristan was amazing company.
Soon she had Liz laughing at some of her kayaking adventures, and she kept the conversation light and flowing, keeping safely away from any dangerous subjects. She talked about life at the Park, the here and now. She did not ask Liz any more questions, and she did not talk about the past.
When all the pizza was gone and it was getting dark Liz looked across at her companion, her expression pensive. She smiled.
Kristan leaned forward a little, and Liz did the same.
"What?" she smiled, thinking it was so difficult not to get drawn in by this woman. “You look like you want to ask me something.”
“I was just wondering what was on your mind,” Kristan admitted.
Liz bit her lower lip a little, trying to figure out what it was about Kristan that made her feel so happy and comfortable.
“I feel like I have known you for a long time,” she remarked after a short while. “That’s weird, don't you think?”
“Not necessarily. Time is all relative.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Some people say it is just an illusion, albeit a persistent one.”
Liz smiled a little.
“Quoting Einstein?”
Kristan grinned and her blue eyes sparkled.
“They print this stuff on the side of cereal packets.”
“You’re just being too modest.”
Liz reflected on the four weeks she had spent on the road. She felt so detached from her previous life now it was hard to believe it had only been that long. She rested her hand on the table, and as she did Kristan spotted the little whiter patch of skin on her ring finger. She did not know how she could not have noticed it before, but her smile disappeared and she stared at it for a second. When she looked up she saw that Liz was watching her intensely and that her expression matched her own. The smile was gone and her eyes was hard. Kristan could have kicked herself for being so stupid.
"Sorry," she murmured. "None of my business."
Liz leaned back against her chair and she crossed her arms.
“I was with somebody,” she said. “But not anymore.”
Kristan shook her head when she heard the small tremor in her voice.
"It's okay, Liz,” she said quietly. “You don't have to tell me."
Liz breathed deeply and looked into her eyes once more. She saw nothing in them but genuine sympathy, interest and a hint of concern. An opportunity for friendship. Maybe, hopefully, a lot more than that.
She took a deep breath and dragged her chair a little closer to Kristan’s.
“I was married,” she said. “For eight years.”
“Right.”
“To a guy.”
“Well. It happens,” Kristan simply said, and she was careful to keep her expression neutral but her heart sank a little and she could not quite keep the emotion out of her eyes.
“Yes. I guess it does," Liz said gently.
Kristan forced herself to ask.
"I take it you’re not married anymore?"
"Officially I am still married to him. But only because I haven’t been able to divorce him. Yet.”
Kristan nodded. She remained silent.
“What?” Liz asked her when she noticed her hesitation.
“I just assumed that you were gay,” Kristan said honestly.
She simply had to say it. She was incredibly attracted to Liz, and if the woman was out of bounds she wanted to know, sooner rather than later. There was absolutely nothing in the way that Liz had acted with her so far that had made her think the feeling was not mutual, but if she had read her wrong and it was not, then she would back off immediately.
“I am! Even though I have ignored it for so long, to try to fit in and please people,” Liz immediately said in response. “People I don’t even care about! But I’ve always been attracted to women. When I bumped into you the other day… Gosh, Kristan, I was reminded of that in a big way.”
So she can be direct too, Kristan reflected, and again she felt that little jolt, and it was a little bit easier to ask the next question.
“What happened, Liz?”
Liz breathed deeply.
“When I met Robert I was single and curious. I wanted to know what it would be like to be with a guy. We became best friends. And he wanted me. It was also at a time in my life when I was feeling vulnerable and lonely, and it was good to be wanted. He was fourteen years older than me.”
“So what made you decide to leave him eventually?” Kristan asked gently.
“I realised it was not true love for me and that it never would be. It came to a point when I had to be true to myself at last, and go back to what would be right for me. But he did love me. Or so he said. He would not accept the separation and he became abusive. Violent.”
Liz saw Kristan’s eyes harden and her expression change.
She reached for her hand, needing reassurance.
"It's okay. It's over now, and..."
“Did he hurt you?” Kristan interrupted.
Liz looked out toward the lake. She nodded a little, and she was biting on her lip again.
“Why?”
“I don’t know why. But he was drinking.”
Kristan exhaled sharply.
“But it’s okay now,” Liz said quickly.
She turned toward Kristan again and brushed impatiently at the tears shining in her eyes.
“It’s okay now," she repeated.
Kristan was silent. She gazed deep into the woman’s eyes, and she did not like what she saw in them. Sadness, as expected, but fear as well.
Definitely not okay.
She leaned closer to her.
“Are you on the run from him or something?” she asked.
“Why would you think that?”
“You looked scared when Mike banged on my door the other day. And even now, every once in a while you look around as if you're checking that no one is coming.”
Liz gave a faint smile.
“I did not realise I was. You are very observant.”
She tightened her hold on Kristan's hand and held it in both of hers. Kristan felt her trembling. She shifted even closer, her eyes not letting go.
She knew there was more.
"Tell me," she whispered.
Her gentleness was too much for Liz, and she gave in to the tears she had been holding back for so long. She leaned forward and sort of folded in on herself.
"Liz. Hey, come on..."
Kristan put both arms around her shoulders and held her safely against her.
"Let it go," she murmured.
“He said if I ever left him that he would find me," Liz sobbed, her voice raw and full of emotion. "He said… He promised he would hurt me."
She allowed herself to rest against Kristan as more tears rolled down her cheeks.
Kristan started to feel angry.
"Nobody is going to hurt you, Liz," she said firmly. "Not as long as you're here. Not as long as you are with me," she dared to add.
Liz clung to her and for a while she did not speak.
Then she took a deep breath.
"He's an ex-Marine, you know," she whispered.
"And?” Kristan snapped. “So what?”
"And... What he said... He really scared me."
Kristan paused for a second.
"What are you saying, Liz?" she asked eventually.
"Just that I know him well enough to want to be careful."
Kristan‘s eyes burned in the gathering darkness.
“Son of a bitch,” she muttered.
Liz glanced at her and made a massive effort to regain control. She knew if she was not careful she would really go too far with this. Kristan was too easy to talk to, and Liz was way too in need of support. Especially this woman's support, she realised. Kristan looked so beautiful and she seemed so pure of mind and spirit. It was hard not to want to seek shelter in her strength.
But Liz would not let herself do it. She had learned her lessons, and so she pulled back a little.
"Sorry," she murmured.
"Don't be sorry," Kristan said immediately. "It's okay."
Liz gave a light shrug.
"I am not running away, you know. I'm fine. I'm just being careful."
It was important to her that Kristan know she was not running.
She did not stop to analyse why.
"I had always wanted to come to New Zealand," she explained, rationalising. "So when I got the chance I took it. I'm spending the summer here, and I have a job waiting for me in Wellington starting in July. It's all planned. I am not running away."
Whether or not Kristan believed that statement was not the point right now. And what it did to her hearing that Liz had plans in Wellington in the North Island was not something she wanted to acknowledge just yet either.
So she let it go.
Instead she brushed her fingers softly across Liz's cheek, pushing her tears away. Her touch was gentle, her gaze warm and understanding.
"Thank you for telling me," she murmured. “I can see it was very hard for you.”
Liz simply clasped her hand in hers, finding warmth and safety in the simple contact.
“You're shivering," Kristan remarked after a few seconds. "Would you like to go inside now?”
A strong breeze had started to blow in from the lake, and Liz realised that she was freezing. She nodded. All of a sudden she felt completely exhausted.
"What about the table?” she asked.
“Don’t worry about that.”
Kristan stuffed the empty bottles and pizza box in a plastic bag, and she stood up. She took Liz’s hand.
“The rest can wait until later.”
They walked quickly back toward the cottage, and there was no doubt in Kristan's mind that Liz was coming in with her. The woman looked shaken, a little bit spaced out even. Kristan doubted she would be able to sleep now anyway, and maybe a nice cup of tea would help to make her feel better. She walked straight to the front door, unlocked it, stepped aside to let Liz go in first and walked in after her.
She made sure that the door was locked properly before she turned around.
“Kristan.”
Liz was standing right behind her, her eyes huge in the semi-darkness, and when Kristan turned to her she just stepped into her arms. Kristan wondered only briefly about the easiness of it all before she wrapped her arms around her waist.
“Everybody I know think I’m in France,” Liz murmured against the side of her neck. “He won’t come here.”
Kristan’s skin smelt of cocoa butter and sun. She felt solid and warm, and her embrace was strong. Liz felt safe, for the first time in months. She closed her eyes when Kristan pulled her a little tighter against her and she sighed.
“Sorry,” she mumbled.
“What for?” Kristan said gently.
“I should be taking care of you, not the other way around.”
“How'd you figure that?"
"You're hurt."
"No, I'm not. And I don’t need looking after.”
Liz pulled back until she could look her in the eye.
“There is no need to play big and butch with me you know. I’m a doctor.”
Kristan looked serious when she replied.
“I’m not playing. I’m just used to doing things for myself.”
Both women jumped when there was a loud knock on the door.
“Yo, Kristan,” Mike’s voice called.
Kristan grinned as Liz collapsed against her, shaking with laughter.
“Big and butch, yeah right,” she giggled.
Kristan let her go reluctantly, and she was smiling.
"Here goes my reputation."
Chapter 5
It took a while, but eventually Kristan did manage to corner her partner and talk to him about his brother. She was dismayed but not too surprised to hear that when Mike had caught up with him in town they had had an argument. James had been drunk again, and it had been impossible to get through to him.
Kristan was definitely upset when she found out that they had come to blows.
"You didn’t hurt him, did you?" she asked.
Mike was the bigger guy, fitter, more powerful. Fortunately he was also the sober one.
"What do you think?" he said darkly.
"I think you didn't."
"That's right. Just avoided a few drunken punches, that's all."
"Okay. Good. So where is he now?"
It was just after four in the afternoon, and for the first time in about eight weeks now it had suddenly become quiet at the Park. Summer was truly over, and things at last were beginning to slow down. It had been a wonderful season and everybody was looking forward to some well-earned rest. Everybody normally enjoyed a bit of time off, apart from Kristan, who thrived on being busy.
She was always up at five, to fit in a training run before the day's work started. On top of her normal duties which included flying the helicopters, running the Park and taking people kayaking out on the lake, she also liked to speak to every member of her staff at least once a day. She liked to check in with them, make sure everything was okay, make sure everybody was happy and getting on with their job.
People enjoyed chatting to her and always had a million little things they wanted her to do. She was run off her feet most of the time, and whilst normally she was happy with the frantic pace of her life, over the past few days she had grown quite a bit annoyed that she had not been able to catch up with Liz.
Not that the woman had asked her to, and Kristan had a feeling she would not. They had bumped
into each other a few times, said hello, lingered, stared at each other and smiled a lot, but that was it.
And Kristan was frustrated.
Liz had shared an awful lot with her that first night, and Kristan did not want her to think that she was not interested or that she was taking her trust for granted.
"Where is James now?" she repeated, as Mike stared at a pile of paperwork and pretended he could not hear her. "Mike?"
He sighed, and stood up to shake his legs and look out the window.
"I don't know," he said, and he sounded discouraged and a little sad.
Kristan noticed the set of his jaw and the frown on his face.
It was not often that her partner appeared worried about anything.
"I've tried his number, but he's not answering."
"Do you know if he's still in town?"
He turned to her, frustration evident in his eyes.
"If he is, he's hiding well. It's not that big a town."
Kristan nodded. She always knew what he was thinking.
"Are you worried something's happened to him?" she asked.
Mike ran both hands through his short dark hair. He sighed and gave a little shrug.
"I have no idea, Kris," he admitted. "Maybe…"
“Well then we need to find out, right?”
He seemed to mull over this for a second or two, but then he shook his head and his eyes cleared.
"Take that back, matey. Won't be the first time he's done a runner on me. Hey, don't worry. I’m sure he’ll turn up soon. So, how is it going with you and the doc?"
Kristan was lost in thoughts as she walked back to her cottage that night, feeling tired and dispirited. Mike always wanted to change the subject when it came to James, yet she knew how much he loved his brother and she understood what this constant fighting between them was doing to her partner. She had suggested dinner in town but Mike had declined, saying he was behind on some paperwork and really could do with getting it completed.
Reluctantly Kristan had left him to it, knowing he needed time on his own to think.
She hated not being able to help.
It was a huge boost for her when she found a note from Liz stuck to her door, inviting her to dinner. Finally. It had been almost a week since that evening on the beach, and Kristan had worried about her and genuinely missed her. At last, she thought, a chance to catch up.
Unbroken Page 5