Paper Wife

by Laila Ibrahim

  He walked to the front of the line and started speaking to the two men, speaking English as well as Cantonese. She couldn’t understand them but watched the Chinese man find a paper in his bag and hand it to the ticket taker. The ticket taker looked it over, nodded, and then handed it back.

  The Chinese man bowed to Kai Li, who bowed back.

  The White man shook Kai Li’s hand and said, “------ ----.”

  Kai Li returned to her side. When they got to the front of the line, the White man recognized Kai Li and waved aside their papers, taking only a portion of their tickets. He smiled at Bo and said, “------- ------, Wong Lew She.”

  Mei Ling bowed in thanks and boarded the ship, relieved that she’d made it past another guardian. Kai Li walked in the direction the man had pointed. At the back of the boat were two staircases; he stopped between them to show another attendant their tickets.

  The man said, “--- --- -- --- ----; ----- -- --- -----.”

  Kai Li sighed heavily and looked pained when he translated, “Men are to the left and women and children to the right. We cannot stay together, but I will see you when we are allowed to walk on the deck.”

  His head was bent over in shame as he handed her two slips of paper. He bowed his goodbye and disappeared down the staircase, abandoning her with Bo.

  Her Dragon woke up, furious. Her husband had been aware of their travel accommodations. Basic kindness would demand that he should have warned her about this separation.

  Shocked and confused, she looked around as if she would find another path. The indifferent White official studied her, watching for a reaction. Mei Ling wasn’t going to reveal her distress to this man. She took a deep breath, picked up Bo, and walked into the bowels of the Persia Maru.

  CHAPTER 6

  The Persia Maru

  April 1923

  She stood at the doorway, wary and disgusted; nausea pressed at the back of her throat. She pressed her hand over her nose to block the stench. The hold was far worse than any place she had ever experienced. Dark, hot, and loud, the large room contained row upon row of wooden bunk beds. The stale air in this windowless space reeked. These seemed like quarters for peasants, not a merchant’s family. She remembered the look of shame on Kai Li’s face and understood this wasn’t a mistake; she and Bo would be sleeping here for a month.

  For now, she had no means to change her situation. Somehow she would survive these unpleasant conditions as they sailed across the ocean, but she was left with the unsettling suspicion that Kai Li was a less-successful merchant than the matchmaker had implied.

  Loud laughter filled her ear and then bodies pushed roughly past.

  “Water buffalo,” one woman whispered loudly to her companion. More laughter as they headed into the rows of beds. Her cheeks went hot at the insult.

  “They are not worthy of your calm,” another woman shouted from her bed; then she motioned for Mei Ling to come to her.

  The woman took the papers from Mei Ling’s hands, read them, and then gestured. “Those your beds,” she said, pointing to a top and bottom bunk that were thankfully against the wall. A measure of relief washed over Mei Ling when she spied her trunk on the floor.

  She resisted the urge to collapse onto the filthy mattress and instead opened her luggage. Mei Ling made up a cozy nest on the lower bunk as best as she could with their bedding. Then she allowed herself to sink down onto the mattress and surrender to despair. Bo climbed up next to her. She patted his back, comforting both of them with that human connection. He was her only companion now.

  Tears pushing against her eyes, she dug out her mother’s jade Quan Yin. She unwrapped the precious goddess and rubbed her kind face. Please watch over us and give me strength to make it through these unpleasant circumstances.

  She woke to the sound of children’s laughter. Bo! Mei Ling bolted upright, her heart racing. How could she have let herself fall asleep while they were in this squalid place surrounded by strangers?

  But he was on the bed right next to her, not only safe but giggling with a little Chinese girl. Mei Ling had never seen a grin on his face, let alone heard laughter emanating from his small body. She smiled.

  “She’s awake,” the girl leaned over and whispered into Bo’s ear. She looked to be about five years old, with sparkling eyes. Her brown hair, bobbed at her shoulders, poked around her head like a haystack; it hadn’t been combed smooth in a very long time. The skin on her knees showed through holes of raggedy pants.

  Bo’s head whipped around; he looked at Mei Ling and patted her arm in greeting, then turned back to the little girl for more entertainment. The girl put her head down, then held still. Mei Ling feared she had ruined their game. She started to reassure the child it was all right to play when the girl suddenly raised her head and roared like a dragon. Bo smiled and nodded, encouraging the girl to continue. She bowed her head once again, froze, and then sprang another animal on Bo. He smiled and clapped as she made her way through the zodiac. The girl’s monkey imitation elicited the greatest delight from Mei Ling’s little Monkey. Thank you. Mei Ling silently sent appreciation to Quan Yin for sending this girl to them.

  “That’s his favorite!” the child said authoritatively. How long had they been playing?

  “He is a Monkey!” Mei Ling explained.

  “I’m a Dragon!” the girl said. Unless she was born in February, that made her six years old. “What about you?”

  Dragon too! Mei Ling’s mind yelled. Out loud she said, “Rabbit.”

  “Is that why he has that?” The girl pointed to the carved figure clutched in Bo’s hand.

  Mei Ling drew her lips up in a tight smile. She started to tell the little girl that it was from his first mother, but she remembered the need to hide their history and just gave a quick nod.

  A sudden jolt startled the three of them.

  “We’re moving!” a woman’s voice shouted.

  Bodies streamed toward the door to the stairs. The little girl joined the crowd. Bo started to follow her, then turned back to look at Mei Ling. It was touching, and unsettling, to have a child looking to her for guidance.

  Mui Mui’s still face, after she had taken her last breath, flashed into Mei Ling’s mind. She pushed it aside, unwilling to let herself be swallowed by sorrow.

  Like this girl, when Mei Ling was young she had turned everything into a game for Dai Dai and Mui Mui. She and Jah Jeh had been responsible for them except when they were in school. She’d been so innocent back then, before she understood all that could go wrong in a life.

  Mei Ling stood up and led Bo by the hand. When the crush of people became too much for his little body, she carried him in her arms.

  They emerged to a night sky filled with stars. How long had she slept? There had been no sense of time passing in the darkened chamber. They walked until they found an opening by the railing. Mei Ling held Bo tight, afraid of losing him to the water. She felt a gentle hand on her leg. The little girl had found them again. She pointed to a bird and squawked. Bo leaned out of her arms to get to the girl. Mei Ling hesitated to put him down.

  “I’ll hold his hand,” the girl said. She looked so earnest and hopeful that Mei Ling didn’t want to disappoint her. She placed him on the ground with the admonition to stay close. True to her word, the little girl held fast to his hand.

  Mei Ling looked for the girl’s adult companion but saw no one who appeared to be watching over her. All eyes were on the glittering city they were sailing away from. Mei Ling’s heart constricted. Farewell, China. She really was leaving her homeland, perhaps forever.

  A partial moon, too small to show the Rabbit, hung over the city, invoking Ahma’s parting words. Mei Ling wondered whether her grandmother could possibly be looking at this moon at this very moment. She sent a blessing to the bright orb. Knowing that it was shining down on the village made it more bittersweet.

  Unless she was very ill, Jah Jeh was likely recovered by now. Was she relieved or dismayed to learn that Mei Ling ha
d stolen her life? It would be weeks or even months until Mei Ling would know. She longed to read a letter from her sister with assurances of her well-being and forgiveness, but Mei Ling couldn’t be certain that Jah Jeh would actually express her true feelings. Just as Mei Ling wanted to protect her family, Jah Jeh would want to shield her from unpleasantness.

  “Bah-ba!” Bo’s sweet voice broke into her self-indulgent thoughts. Kai Li had found them. He gave her a small nod and then looked out at the harbor, their son, and the little girl standing between them. Irritation at being abandoned simmered below her surface, but Mei Ling was glad he had sought them out to share this moment. She reminded herself that the fare was likely a large price to pay, even for a merchant. He must have saved for years for their passage, even in the dank quarters below.

  When the harbor was out of sight, Mei Ling asked the little girl, “Where is your family?”

  The girl pointed up to the second-class deck.

  “My uncle is there,” she said, waving toward the cluster of people at the railing overhead.

  Mei Ling quickly scanned the group until she saw a man in a gray suit with a vest waving toward them.

  “See him?” the girl asked.

  Mei Ling did. “Is anyone with you downstairs?”

  The little girl’s face lost its animation. She shook her head, her loose hair swirling around her face. “He came alone to the orphanage.”

  Sympathy welled up in Mei Ling.

  “Fuchan, Ahma, and my GiGi turned into ghosts in the winter. I didn’t go with them, so Uncle is taking me to have a new life in America.”

  Typhoid, poverty, the plague, the flu, fires. There were so many ways that whole families perished and children became orphans.

  “We are also going to America to have a new life,” Mei Ling told her. “What’s your name?”

  “Siew,” the girl replied.

  Like Bo, one simple name for a child with a complicated story.

  When the city was entirely out of sight, they returned below deck with Siew. Kai Li looked sorrowful as they parted at the top of the stairs.

  “I hope to see you soon,” he said.

  Mei Ling smiled, touched at his words and yet still irritated that he hadn’t warned her about the conditions on the boat.

  Siew rejected Mei Ling’s offer to sleep above them on the top bunk. Instead she returned to her own bed a few rows away. Like most orphans, the child was very independent and brave. So many children had to grow up too quickly.

  It wasn’t surprising that the bathroom facilities were cramped and unpleasant; Mei Ling got through with the reminder that This is only temporary. In a few weeks I will be in our new home in San Francisco. Without light by her bed she was unable to write to Jah Jeh, but she composed a letter in her heart and asked the gods to Protect my family. She wondered whether she would have difficulty falling asleep, but the motion of the boat was so soothing that soon she was dreaming with Bo cuddled up next to her.

  A disturbing sound from the floor woke her in the night. She imagined a rat and shuddered to think of one so near. Mei Ling pulled up the covers, depriving the creature transportation to her bed, and looked over the edge. A petite arm protruded from underneath their bunk. Alarmed, Mei Ling cautiously stepped onto the floor and peered beneath the bunk. Siew was asleep under their bed.

  This little girl needed their companionship, though she didn’t know it herself. Mei Ling lifted the child into the warm spot next to Bo. She rummaged through her trunk, waking the woman in the nearest bunk. She bowed a silent apology. She spread out bedding on the top bunk and managed to climb up without waking anyone else. Being so high was an uncomfortable sensation. Mei Ling rested her back against the wall to save herself from a fall as she slept, then was lulled back to sleep by the rhythm of the ship.

  She knew it was morning only because of the sounds of food being distributed. Women were queued up near the doorway to get bowls of rice with a few meager vegetables. Mei Ling joined the line, leaving the children asleep.

  They were sitting up when she returned with their breakfast. The bean sauce and soy sauce that Kai Li had stowed in her bag made the food tolerable. She offered some sauce to the woman who had pointed her to her bed the day before.

  “June Young.” The small woman with a round face and lotus feet introduced herself after she accepted the offer. She spoke Cantonese with a strong accent. Maybe Min was her first language.

  Mei Ling froze. This was the first time she would lie to a Chinese person about her name. “Wong Lew She,” she said out loud, her heart pounding in resistance to her dishonesty.

  “Is Wong your married name or original name?” June Young asked.

  Mei Ling stared at her, not knowing how to answer the question.

  Clarifying, June asked, “Is Wong your husband’s family name?”

  That was a question Mei Ling could answer. She shook her head.

  “What’s his family name?”

  “Chinn,” Mei Ling replied.

  “Then in the US you will be Mrs. Chinn, Mrs. Lew She Chinn. It’s the Western way, one family name. Go with it or you cause problems for yourself that you don’t need.”

  “I will take your advice,” Mei Ling said with a slight bow. “Thank you.” Wong Lew She or Mrs. Lew She Chinn made little difference to her. Either one was something she wasn’t.

  “Like me, you are fortunate to have name that is good in English,” the woman declared. It was hard to tell how old she was. Her cheeks were round from age and a good diet. Maybe ten or fifteen years older than Mei Ling—in her late twenties or early thirties.

  She went on without a break. “I was Joon, and then I became June. You are Lew now. You can be Lou, and the Americans will understand and say your name right. With their alphabet we can be happy to them. The Americans like the familiar.” The woman laughed at herself. “Maybe not just the Americans, eh?”

  Mei Ling smiled as if she entirely understood what the woman was speaking about. It probably had something to do with the fact that English words had multiple meanings and representations, like Chinese characters.

  “This your first travel across the ocean?” June asked.

  “Yes.”

  “I moved there in 1909, a young mother like you. Our home is in Oakland, across the bay from San Francisco. Where will you live?”

  “San Francisco,” Mei Ling replied. “My husband is a merchant.”

  The woman’s eyes narrowed, and she tugged up one side of her mouth. Mei Ling couldn’t read her expression.

  “This was my first visit back to see my Mah-ma. She is getting old. I beg and beg her to come with me, but she insists she must stay to tend to the graves of the ancestors.” June clicked her tongue and shook her head to show her dismay. “The old ways die hard for some.”

  The woman continued, “San Francisco is busy, busy. We lived there for three years. Oakland is calm, calm. Many trees. More sunshine. And only a ferry away from the big city.”

  June was obviously a woman of strong opinions that she didn’t hesitate to share. Mei Ling found it somewhat overwhelming but also refreshing. No one had ever spoken to her so plainly about adult matters. Maybe it was because she was married and being treated like a woman instead of a girl.

  June leaned in conspiratorially and whispered, “Do you have a study book?”

  Reluctant to reveal that private information to this acquaintance, Mei Ling furrowed her eyebrows as if she didn’t know what the woman was talking about.

  “It is okay. No shame in doing what you must to get in,” June proclaimed, wagging her finger at Mei Ling. “I used one in 1909. I have another copy now. Who can remember the details from my husband’s grandfather’s village? The United States government is tricky. They write down what we say, but we Chinese are tricky too. We find their files and copy them down. We can study together.”

  June seemed to have no doubt that they were going to be confidantes or even friends. Mei Ling bristled at this bossy woman, but was gl
ad to have a guide and companion on this journey.

  “After breakfast we walk in the fresh air. Then we study the book. We take rests. Fresh air again. Dinner and then sleep. That is how we pass the time on this journey. We make the best of it, eh? That is how we succeed.”

  Mei Ling offered a weak smile as consent. June was like a windstorm . . . easiest to go in its direction, wise not to stay in it too long, and smart to know when you were about to be blown over by it.

  CHAPTER 7

  The Persia Maru

  April 1923

  Mei Ling was studying the book when the loud sound of the engines suddenly cut out, and the ship’s vibration slowed. June toddled up to the deck on her lotus feet to learn the cause of this change.

  “Nagasaki!” she exclaimed when she returned, as if Japan were not their enemy. “Come see.”

  Mei Ling’s belly lurched at the thought of the treacherous country. Though it was far from Guangdong Province, all loyal Chinese people hated the Japanese for invading the Korean Peninsula and attempting to infringe on other Chinese territory. Nevertheless she followed June upstairs with the two children trailing behind, Bo clutching the fabric of her skirt and Siew holding his other hand. Like June, Siew had become a welcome companion on this journey, making their band a near-constant four.

  Now it was Mei Ling’s turn to be a face watching the shore from high above. The opposite vantage point from the one she’d had so recently. The sun on her skin and the cool breeze was a welcome contrast to the hot, dark hold below. And, despite the contempt in her heart, she could see that Nagasaki was striking, with its combination of Western and Japanese buildings and mountains rising up from the sea.

  Mei Ling looked for Kai Li but didn’t see his familiar face in the crowd. She sighed and took a deep breath. She admonished Siew to keep close and watch over Bo, but that wasn’t actually necessary. The six-year-old girl hadn’t willingly let either of them out of her sight since she joined their small family.