ONE SMALL VICTORY

by Maryann Miller

  “I’m worried about our lady.” Gonzales putting words to the concerns made them unavoidable. “Maybe we should’ve paid attention to the bad karma from the get-go.”

  Every time the Chief referred to karma, Steve was seized with a wild impulse to laugh, but he knew better than to even entertain the thought. Gonzales was dead serious. His wife, a practicing Hindu, was big into the spiritual discipline of Yoga and through fifteen years of marriage a lot of it had rubbed off. And as Steve had reminded Linda some time back, except for the terminology, it wasn’t so different from the standard ‘gut instinct’ most cops operated on.

  “It hasn’t been all bad,” Steve countered. “And we always worry when things go too smoothly.”

  “I’d take smooth over three guys disappearing like that.” Gonzales leaned back in his chair. “Maybe we should pull the plug.”

  For a moment, Steve felt a surge of relief at the thought. It would be nice not to have to worry about Jenny anymore. At least not the worry associated with guns and drugs and unpredictable dealers. Then he could turn his attention to that personal thing that seemed to be trying to develop between them. He was still kicking himself for overstepping the bounds the other night.

  “What are you thinking?” Gonzales asked.

  Steve felt the warmth of a flush start on his neck, and he hoped his boss didn’t notice. He mentally scrambled for something innocuous to say before the silence betrayed him. “Doing the pro and con list.”

  Gonzales studied him a moment, then asked. “Which side is winning?”

  With sudden clarity, Steve realized there’d be no personal thing with Jenny if he didn’t fight for her right to finish this. Not to mention the possible risks should she suddenly drop out of the business. This was a small town. They’d find her.

  “We passed the point of no return a long time ago,” Steve said. “There’s no safety net either way.”

  “We could offer witness protection.”

  Steve didn’t resist the laugh this time. “You got an hour? I could tell you all the reasons she won’t go for that.”

  Gonzales didn’t respond, so Steve continued. “We could at least get her thoughts on it all. And input from Burroughs before we make a move.”

  “Okay. Set it up.” Gonzales stood and stretched, and Steve heard the crunch of a couple of bones popping.

  Recognizing all the signs of dismissal, Steve rose and adjusted the crease of his jeans. After stepping into the hall and closing the office door, he allowed the flicker of anxiety that had hovered at the edge of his consciousness for the last half hour to gain strength. He’d worried all along that Jenny was in way too deep and questioned his motives for championing her cause. And now there was no doubt that the line between professional and personal had blurred when he wasn’t even looking.

  But there was no undoing that, either.

  He shook his head and strode down toward his office. Maybe he should consider a whole new identity in a whole new place.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  After lunch, Jenny settled at the little desk in the back room with her coffee and the accounts payable book. She thought Mitchell was busy in the front and was shocked when he walked in and grabbed the ledger out of her hands. She frowned. “What are you doing?”

  “Have you shopped for Christmas?”

  “What?”

  “It’s a simple question. I don’t think it needs interpretation.”

  Jenny tried to grab the book back, but he held it away from her. “Let me finish the paperwork,” he said. “I’ll even make the deliveries. And you can go to the mall.”

  “Last time I checked, I was still the boss here.”

  He smiled. “Yeah. But I’m one of your best friends, so I can get away with a lot of shit.”

  She laughed. “But what if I don’t want to go shopping?”

  Mitchell touched her on the shoulder, a serious expression replacing his smile. “You need to go shopping. You have two other children and Christmas is just three weeks away.”

  Turning so he couldn’t see the pain in her eyes, Jenny tried to think of a good reason she couldn’t leave, but whatever she thought of, he’d shoot down. He was good at that.

  She sighed. Damn. He’s right, but I really don’t want to do this.

  “Just go. Do what you can. It’ll get easier after this first time.”

  “Promise?”

  His expression told her that he’d love to do anything that would make life easier for her.

  She stood and touched his cheek. “If you ever decide to switch sides, let me know.”

  He laughed and pushed her away.

  ~*~

  The strings of colored lights at the Stonebriar Mall reminded Jenny of the lights at Billy Bob’s and that last evening with Steve, and she was seized with a wild idea. She’d buy a present for him. She spent some time in a tobacco shop, before realizing nothing there would be appropriate. Then she moved on to a store called His Place.

  She fingered some golf towels, considered a boxed set of playing cards, finally realizing she had no idea what he might like.

  “Shopping for your hubby?” a voice asked at her side.

  She turned to see a short man with graying hair. He was a bit rotund and his suit matched his hair. He offered a broad smile.

  “What are his hobbies?” the man asked.

  “Uh...” Short of being rude, Jenny wasn’t sure how to extricate herself from his interest. She glanced at her watch. “Oh, my gosh. It’s late. I need to go.”

  She rushed out of the store, glancing back once to see the man watching with a puzzled expression. She moved down the walkway, then sat on a bench, feeling like she was trapped on some unknown planet.

  What on earth had she been thinking? Or not thinking might be more like it. How could she even have considered buying a present for Steve?

  She took a deep breath and tried to focus on the reality of people bustling through the mall. They were loaded with packages, smiles, and good cheer. Would she ever get to that place again?

  Fragments of Holiday music drifted from the overhead sound system, and she remembered a Christmas past when the boys were toddlers. Michael had asked her to play Frosty The Snowman so many times she’d almost worn out the tape.

  It had been a good year. Even Ralph had been a decent husband and father.

  Jenny looked around at the lights twinkling in store windows, hoping that something would connect her to the good feelings of those early years, but she felt empty. Even the tree that stood in decorated glory at the end of the walkway left her flat.

  She wasn’t sure how long she sat there lost in some weird emotional place, but she finally shook herself free and stood up. Just go buy one thing.

  The nearest store was a Gap for Kids, so she walked in and browsed, not even sure if anything was registering in her numb mind. She was about to say screw it when she spotted a suede vest with fringe. Alicia would love it. Okay, good. Pay for it and you’re out of here. Maybe Mitchell is right and it’ll be easier next time.

  At home, Jenny walked in the back door, relieved when she found the kitchen empty. She hurried to her room and looked for a place to hide the package with the vest. It had long been a tradition for the kids to hunt for Christmas presents, although she doubted that she had to worry about Scott. He seemed to have less Holiday spirit than she did. But Alicia was doing her damndest to put on a happy face. She might snoop just to have a connection to the tradition.

  Rooting on the top shelf of her closet, Jenny’s fingers touched the security box with the guns and she shuddered. She should give them back, but truth be told, she was avoiding Carol. There was still that unresolved issue with George. Jenny wasn’t sure she could be in the same room with her friend and not give something away. They’d been too good at reading each other for too long for subterfuge to work.

  She stashed Alicia’s present, then closed the closet door. She was halfway across the room when the phone rang. She turned and grabbed th
e receiver, sinking to the edge of her bed. “Hello.”

  “It’s Steve. Can you come to the station tomorrow night?”

  “What’s up?”

  “Can’t talk about it right now. Can you make it?”

  “Sure. What time?”

  “About eight.”

  After making arrangements for Steve to meet her at the back entrance of the station tomorrow, Jenny hung up and went to the kitchen to figure out something good for dinner. She dug through the freezer and found a container of spaghetti sauce hiding behind frozen packages of indeterminate ages.

  She put the sauce in the microwave to defrost and started water to boil for pasta. Then she pulled out the makings for salad. Since she was staying home tonight, they could have a nice dinner and talk about what to do for Christmas.

  That plan barely stayed in place through the main course, then Scott said he’d already made plans with Caitlin for that evening. “You told me yesterday that you were staying home tonight. So I figured it was my turn to go out.”

  Jenny sighed. “I was hoping we could make plans for Christmas.”

  “You can plan without me. Just like you did at Thanksgiving.”

  This was said with an air of defiance, and Jenny clamped her mouth tight to keep from reacting. Alicia was looking at both of them with that “deer in the headlights” expression that was becoming all too familiar.

  “Fine,” Jenny said, forcing a smile. “Alicia and I will figure something out.”

  “Whatever.” Scott pushed his chair out and stood up.

  Any smidgen of Christmas Spirit Jenny might have had walked out the door with Scott, but for Alicia’s sake, she made an effort.

  ~*~

  Caitlin glanced at her watch in the soft yellow glow of the porch light. “It’s late. I should get in before Dad comes out to get me.”

  “Would he really?” Scott asked.

  “No, Silly. It was a joke.”

  Scott glanced off into the darkness beyond the ring of light and she touched his arm. “What’s wrong?”

  He sighed instead of answering. What could he say? It was always the same old shit, and she was probably tired of hearing it. That’s why he hadn’t said much about how he’d been feeling since Michael’s birthday as they’d walked up to the park and back. But, God! Sometimes he just wanted to scream.

  “Is it that deal with your mom? Maybe I could work something out. Help you get away to see what she’s up to.”

  “That’s okay. I’m not sure I even care any more.”

  “Of course you care.”

  “Don’t tell me how I feel. You don’t know how I feel.”

  The minute the words were out, Scott wished he could take them back. Caitlin shifted away from him, that same look of intense hurt on her face he’d seen that day at the mall. He reached out to touch her. “I’m sorry.”

  She brushed his hand away. “Sorry doesn’t cut it. I am so tired of your anger.”

  Scott shoved his hands in his jacket pockets to keep from hitting something. He’d never consider hitting her, but that tree looked mighty tempting.

  “Maybe it would be best if I just left for a while.”

  “What do you mean?”

  He took a quick glance at her, then looked away. “Been thinking again about going to my Dad’s.”

  “But what about me? Us? You’re just going to run away from that, too?”

  “I’m not running away from anything.”

  “No? Seems to me you’ve been running since Michael died.”

  This time he faced her square. “That’s not fair.”

  “None of it’s fair. But you’ve been slowly closing down for months. I don’t even know what to say anymore.”

  “Seems to me you’ve had plenty to say.”

  “I can’t believe you can be so...” She faltered a moment, as if searching for words. “You never used to be cruel.”

  “Then maybe it’d be a relief if I was gone.”

  Scott turned, but not before he saw another shadow of pain cross her face. It was almost strong enough to pull him back.

  Almost.

  Damn you, Michael. Why did you have to go and die?

  That thought made him falter and for one brief moment he considered turning around and seeking the comfort of Caitlin’s arms. But the loud thud of the door slamming told him it was too late.

  God, maybe I am turning into some kind of bastard.

  He walked away from her house, and as he neared the corner where the streetlight was out, a cloud scuttled across the moon, casting him into an eerie darkness. He shuddered. Serve me right if some maniac took me out.

  But even as the thought took shape, Scott knew he didn’t mean it. He didn’t want to die. He just wanted to stop hurting so bad. And stop being so angry. Caitlin was right. He had hardly displayed any emotion of late except this anger that bordered on rage.

  The counselor kept telling him it would pass in time. What he’d like to know is when. Three fucking months seemed plenty long enough.

  Maybe his idea of going out to California wasn’t such a bad one after all. Get away from this place that had reminders around every corner. And since he’d probably just screwed everything royally with Caitlin, there wasn’t much holding him here now.

  But I’ll wait until after Christmas. Mom would kill me if I went before.

  Ha. She’s going to kill you anyway.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Jenny debated about parking at her shop and walking to the police station. It wasn’t too far. But what if Mitchell drove by and thought she was there. If he stopped and then discovered the place empty, what would he do? She’d left so many of his questions unanswered. She didn’t want to risk another.

  The urge to laugh was strong and she recognized the impulse for what it was; a release of nerves that had hovered like vultures since Steve had called. Why on earth had he risked so much by having her come to the station? If even one whiff of an association between her and the cops made it to the streets - then possibly to Frank – the whole deal would be blown. All those weeks of subterfuge for naught.

  She finally opted to park in the lot to the rear of the old Catholic Church that resembled a Quonset hut. Despite its unconventional appearance, everyone in town knew it was a church and it might be the last place anyone would notice her car; especially if she pulled into the farthest corner of the lot where a huge, untrimmed oak stretched a long finger of branch over the concrete.

  After checking the review mirror to make sure her hair was tucked into the baseball cap, she pulled the collar of her jacket up, donned sunglasses and stepped out of the car. Keeping to the backstreets, she hurried the few blocks to the police station.

  To get to the back of the building she turned down the dark alley, pausing a moment to let her eyes adjust to the shadows. Senses on overdrive, she took a few tentative steps forward, then heard a loud clang and the rustle of scurrying feet. She froze. Even though she knew the sound was too small to be human, she wasn’t thrilled at the prospect of meeting a rat big enough to make that much noise.

  Another rattle, then she caught a flash of white – hopefully a cat – as it dashed by and disappeared around the corner.

  She let out a breath in relief and walked toward the end of the alley where she could see a faint sliver of light. As she neared, she could just barely make out a figure standing by the door. She called out tentatively, “Steve?”

  “Yeah. Come on.” He opened the door wider and hustled her in. “Anyone see you?”

  “Not unless you count the cat in the alley.”

  Steve smiled. “We have ways of taking care of that.”

  “You can let him go.” She took off her sunglasses and slipped them into a jacket pocket. “I don’t think he recognized me.”

  Her joke elicited another smile, and she realized that she’d taken to doing that a lot lately; wise-cracking to prompt the expression that softened the hardness in his eyes and created a hint of a dimple on one ch
eek. She knew she probably shouldn’t. It was only setting herself up for disappointment. But the temptation was too strong to resist.

  Walking into the conference room, Jenny picked up the unmistakable air of tension in the room. Burroughs, sitting at the head of the table, gave her a brief nod and Gonzales motioned for her to sit in a chair across from him. Steve sat beside her. Nobody spoke for an agonizing moment, and Jenny studied the frown that creased the Chief’s face. “What’s wrong?”