Word and Breath (Wordless Chronicles)

by Susannah Noel

  “I know. People can grow dependent on a Breather’s gifts, but only if the Breather lets them.” Tava leaned her head back against the sofa cushion as if it were too heavy to hold up. “I know you didn’t mean it, although I appreciate the apology. That’s why you’re such a good leader.”

  Connor was surprised by her last sentence and shifted uncomfortably. “What do you mean?”

  “You care more for other people than you do your own needs and pride.”

  Experiencing a hot flash of awkwardness, Connor stared at the floor and mumbled something incoherent.

  Tava chuckled warmly. “Plus, you’re adorably shy about anything personal. Why some woman hasn’t snatched you up long before now is beyond me.”

  To his relief, a phone rang in the office—diverting that uncomfortable issue—and Connor jumped up to grab his phone from his desk.

  But it wasn’t his phone that was ringing. Realizing this, he sat back down on the couch while Tava dug her phone out of her handbag.

  It took less than five seconds for Connor to straighten up, leaning forward toward Tava as his heart lurched painfully.

  “Where are you?” Tava had asked, responding to the greeting of the person on the other end of the line. “Are you all right? We’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

  It had to be Riana. His fatigue, grief, and stress settled into a dark corner at the back of his mind, and the rest of his consciousness centered on Riana. On getting her back and figuring out what to do from there.

  Noticing the urgent question on his face, Tava nodded to him as she listened to Riana’s response.

  “I’m sorry I missed your call last night. I wish you’d left a message. I would have called back right away. And, of course, we want to help you,” Tava said, after Riana had evidently stopped speaking. “That’s all we’ve ever wanted to do. We’ve been combing the streets for you. Were you hurt? People are looking for you—are you somewhere safe?”

  Connor realized Tava must have been genuinely scared for Riana. There was real anxiety in her voice, and she wasn’t even giving Riana a chance to answer her questions.

  When she stopped speaking again, Connor leaned even closer—straining to hear Riana’s response. He couldn’t hear any more than a vague murmur, and he had to stop himself from snatching the phone away and talking to Riana himself.

  “That’s one of the things we had to tell you,” Tava said after a few seconds. “We found out the Union sent a Soul-Breather out to—”

  Connor had to rub his damp palms against his trousers to keep himself from acting on his impatience as Riana must have interrupted Tava.

  “Riana!” Tava gasped, in a voice that propelled Connor to his feet. “Riana, he could be dangerous. You have to—”

  Connor started to pace, making himself walk in controlled steps from the couch to the desk and back again. Riana must be with that Soul-Breather—the one who’d gone after her, the one she was interested in, the one she should have known never to trust.

  “Oh. Are you sure?” Tava’s voice had calmed down when she spoke, and it allowed Connor to take a full breath. “Yes, he’s right about that. I’d be able to tell if he’s telling the truth or not.” After another question for Riana, she answered, “No. There’d be no way for him to lie. But, Riana, it’s still a dangerous situation. We would have to make sure it—”

  She broke off again, as Riana once more must have interrupted her.

  Connor walked another circuit of the office, concentrating on the way his leather shoes sounded against the wood floors, forcing himself to be patient.

  “Hold on,” Tava said after another minute, “I need to check with—I need to get permission to set up the meeting.”

  Connor practically sprinted back to the couch, desperately needing more information.

  Holding her hand over the speaker of her phone, Tava whispered to Connor, “She wants me to meet with the Breather. He’s told her that he wants to help her and that he’s not going to betray her to the Union. She wants me to verify that he’s telling the truth.”

  “No,” Connor replied in a harsh whisper. “Of course, he’s not telling the truth. It’s probably a trap. Tell her to get herself down here where we can keep her safe and to not be a fool!”

  Tava gave him a cool look that was almost disapproving. “Do you really think that would be an effective strategy?”

  Of course, it wouldn’t be effective. It would be the stupidest thing they could possibly say to Riana at the moment. But Connor wanted to shake her. And he wanted to strangle somebody else.

  “These are her terms, Con—” She cut off his name at the sound he made before she finished saying it. “These are her terms. It’s the only way she’s willing to meet with us.”

  Connor didn’t like that sound of that at all. It sounded like the Breather had already gotten his grips into Riana, far more than he’d feared.

  Thinking quickly and forcing back the jealous possessiveness he couldn’t seem to shake, he said, “We’ll have to have assurances though. Tell her you’ll come to her, and you’ll be bringing back up, just in case.”

  Tava repeated the words and she visibly relaxed as Riana must have agreed. They set up the meeting for four hours from now—giving them enough time to make plans and round up some people to help—and Tava finally disconnected the call.

  “I don’t like this,” Connor muttered.

  “I never expected you would.”

  The dry bite to her words was startling, and Connor gave her a questioning look.

  She just shrugged. “Are you coming to the meeting?”

  “No.”

  Rolling her eyes, Tava said, “You might as well reveal yourself to her. I don’t know what you’re trying to accomplish by—”

  “I’m trying to keep a Soul-Breather we have no reason to trust from knowing who I am.” His words were mostly true, but they weren’t the only truth behind his insistence on keeping himself from Riana.

  Tava didn’t bother to argue. “We should think optimistically. If this Breather volunteered to be tested this way, there’s a good chance he’s telling the truth. Which means for the first time we might actually have an advantage.”

  Connor made himself reflect on that and admit it might be a good thing instead of dwelling on the fact that Riana cared enough about this Breather to form all of her plans around him.

  ***

  Mikel wasn’t sure how he’d gotten into this situation.

  He was sitting next to Riana at the dining table of his borrowed apartment, with three armed men in different corners of the room—all of whom would shoot him without question if he made the slightest threatening move. And he was about to open himself up willingly to another Breather, to reveal his most intimate thoughts and feelings to her without hope of hiding or prevarication.

  He had no idea how or why it had happened.

  When Riana had confronted him, he’d had no intentions of doing anything of the kind. But he’d experienced an inexplicable panic at the way he’d hurt her, at her obvious fear and betrayal, and he’d offered the only thing he could think of to make it better.

  To make her trust him again.

  When he’d lied to Largan the day before, he hadn’t realized it was a turn that would shape the rest of his life.

  He hadn’t really thought about it at all.

  But he wasn’t going to lie here. He wouldn’t be able to lie, even if he wanted to—not with another Breather in open connection with him.

  Which meant he was going to have to make some decisions in the very near future. Ones he’d never considered making before.

  Riana hadn’t said much since she’d called the other Breather, but at least she hadn’t left. She must trust him a little, if she hadn’t thought she was in danger from him.

  Or maybe she just didn’t care.

  It was hard to read her, since he wasn’t allowed to touch her. Her gray eyes were huge and haunted, and sometimes they stared at him with an exhausted kind
of pain.

  That was the only expression he could read in them now, as she waited for the Breather to touch him.

  The other Soul-Breather was a woman—a beautiful redhead who’d clearly recognized him by sight, if her startled jerk as she walked into the apartment was any sign.

  She probably knew of his reputation. Another disadvantage Mikel had against him.

  “Are you ready?” she asked, her expression sober and business-like. At least she wasn’t shrinking from him or openly hostile.

  “Any time you are.” Mikel purposefully rested his hand on the middle of the table.

  Tava turned to Riana and explained, “The connection can open when I touch his skin—you know how that works, right? It’s a little different when it’s Breather to Breather. We can only open the connection if both of us are willing, and there’s no way to fake it or use it for deception.”

  Riana didn’t say anything. She just sat silently and waited, her eyes moving from Tava to Mikel.

  Then Tava reached over and put her hand on Mikel’s.

  The connection was always more intense with another Breather, but Tava clearly wasn’t an amateur, and the opening was clean and sure.

  She was sad. Very sad. It was the first thing Mikel could sense from her. She’d lost someone she loved.

  Talon. The noble fool he’d seen die the day before. She’d loved him. Had never had him. And had lost him just the same.

  Mikel couldn’t read specifics from her unless she shared them with him. But she’d offered him this—as a catalyst to strengthen the connection, as a way to establish trust. As a gift.

  Her grief and love were so pure and sharp they sliced through the inner defenses Mikel always used when he touched someone.

  And he hurt for her. For just a moment, it hurt so much he could barely handle it, and he almost jerked his hand away to protect himself.

  But he felt Riana move beside him and glanced over to see her staring at him anxiously.

  If he pulled away now, he’d lose any chance of ever being close to her again, of ever feeling the kind of attachment he hadn’t realized he was capable of feeling.

  So he breathed into the pain until it mostly dissipated. It was a borrowed pain and didn’t last long. Then he looked back at Tava and realized she was waiting for him.

  He had to offer her something now, in return for what she’d offered him.

  It took him just a moment to decide. He couldn’t give her his feelings for Riana—they were too new, too uncertain, and they would be ripped from him in just a moment anyway.

  So he offered her something else. A memory.

  His memory of Canning Square yesterday and how bravely the man she loved had died.

  Mikel had seen the whole thing, but he didn’t offer the parts of his memory that would sicken her—the blood and the panic and the gore. He showed her instead the courage Talon had shown, the way he’d protected Riana even as he was dying. A picture of sacrificial heroism Mikel hadn’t believed really existed before yesterday.

  He offered this truth to Tava with his memory, his respect, and his newly formed admiration for Talon.

  Mikel showed her a simple truth. The man she loved had been worth loving.

  When he’d finished, tears were streaming down Tava’s smooth cheeks, although her eyes were still open and her breathing was mostly even.

  Riana shifted again beside him. “Are you all right? Tava?”

  Sniffing, Tava nodded. “I’m fine.” She met Mikel’s eyes and he could read her thank-you not in their connection but in her expression.

  So Mikel offered her something else—so she would know for sure he was in this all the way, that he wasn’t holding anything back.

  He offered her his only memory of his mother.

  Tava accepted it with such grace and skill that he didn’t feel as vulnerable as he’d feared.

  To his relief, she didn’t dwell on it. She just nodded at him in acceptance of the memory and then said to Riana, “We can start. He’s in this for real.”

  Riana opened her mouth, as if she wanted to speak, but still looked a little scared and uncertain.

  Mikel wanted absurdly to comfort her, but this was hardly the time to act on such an irrational urge.

  Tava started the questioning instead. “Is this your apartment?”

  “No. It’s owned by the Union. I’ve been using it this week for my assignment.” It wasn’t even hard—telling the truth like this. It had been a long time since Mikel had even tried to be open with other people, so he was vaguely surprised.

  “And what is your assignment?” Tava’s question again.

  “I was hired by the Union’s Office of Public Safety in Newtown to get close to Riana and retrieve information from her.”

  “What information?” Riana leaned closer to him as she spoke her first words. She was wearing her braids again, and she flipped one impatiently over her shoulder.

  “I wasn’t given specifics. I was supposed to find out anything you know connected to the Front, your skills as a Reader, and your grandfather.”

  Riana sat back abruptly as she considered his answer.

  Tava spoke again. “Have you given any information to the Union about Riana?”

  “No. Nothing except early reports that I was getting closer to her.” He paused, remembering the one other thing he’d told Largan. “And I also reported that I didn’t think she was involved in anything covert—that there wasn’t any conscious deception in her.”

  He felt slightly uncomfortable by the admission, like he’d revealed his feelings even in such an innocuous statement.

  He felt more uncomfortable when he noticed Riana looking at him appraisingly.

  “Who in the Union is your immediate supervisor?” Tava asked.

  Mikel thought it was an odd question, but he answered it anyway, glad of the distraction. “There’s a General Overseer of the Soul-Breathers, but we for the most part handle our own business. Different officials call us up individually with their needs, and we get paid separately for each assignment. My employer in this assignment was initially Smyde in the Office of Readers. But then Largan, the Director of Public Safety in Newtown, took over. I’ve worked for him several times before.”

  “Did you have anything to do with the shooting yesterday?” Riana asked the question. Tava already knew the answer.

  “No,” Mikel said, his voice low and even. “I was there, so I saw it. But I had no knowledge of it before it happened. I have no idea who is responsible for it. And I never would have had anything to do with such a thing.”

  Riana shifted her eyes to Tava, who nodded like she was affirming his words.

  Her face relaxing just a little, Riana asked, “Did you have anything to do with what happened to my sister? Do you know where she is?”

  “I don’t.” Mikel met Riana’s eyes, holding her gaze as he told her the truth. “I wish I did. I wish I could help you find her. But I had no idea she was going to be kidnapped, and I have no idea who did it. I don’t know where she is.” He paused. Then took the emotional risk to say, “I’d like to help you find her, if you’ll let me.”

  Riana’s lips softened. He was sure he hadn’t mistaken it.

  But this wasn’t over yet. Tava had more questions for him. “Are you planning to report back to Captain Largan on your assignment?”

  Mikel took a breath, realizing he was about to have to make those decisions he’d been thinking about before. “If I don’t report back at all, I’ll become an enemy of the state—which wouldn’t do anyone any good. But I can report back in ways that help Riana. I’m not going to turn her in, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  It was. He could see it on her face. “And you’re not planning to turn her in or betray her later on?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  This part wasn’t so easy. In fact, nearly everything inside him resisted answering the question. But he had to. If he ever wanted to help Riana, he had to answer this
honestly.

  So he forced himself to say, “Because I like her. Because I don’t want her to be hurt.” He could feel Riana’s eyes on him, but he didn’t dare to look over at her.

  “So this is about her and not about a shift in allegiances?”

  It was a sharp question and a clever one. It surprised Mikel so much he simply answered without thinking. “Of course. I’ve never pretended to have a sudden loyalty to the Front. But I’ve never been particularly loyal to the Union either. My allegiance has generally been to myself. But, yes, if I help, I’d be doing it for Riana.”