by T A Ford
“I’m not crazy,” Dina said.
Rodney threw his hands up. “Everybody calm down.”
“I’m not a tramp, Dina. For your information, see this ring? Did your brother tell you? I’m going to be his wife. And the first thing we’re going to do for you is get you the help you really need.”
“Whoa... what the fuck did you say to her?” Rodney snatched Sheila around.
Dina shook her head no. She began to feel her head throb at the temples. The entire room began to shrink as the news settled in. Rodney was going to marry the wicked witch. They’d put her in a facility like they did her mother. She’d die.
“You said she was crazy. You say it all the time!” Sheila shouted.
“You do?” Dina asked as the wound in her heart opened wider. “You call me crazy, Rodney?”
“Get the fuck out of my house!” Rodney said.
“Fine,” Sheila threw the ring in his face. “And don’t call me tonight begging for my sympathies. Call Maura!”
“Get the fuck out!” he shouted. Rodney grabbed Sheila’s bags and threw them out the door. As she marched to the door cursing him out and shouting that he was just as fucked up in the head as his sister, Dina began to cry. She heard the door slam. Rodney returned.
“I’m sorry Rodney. I just... just... just started the medicine. Doc said it takes six weeks before the outbursts stop. I’m sorry.”
“Fuck! Dina! I’m under enough stress. I don’t need this drama! Can’t you control yourself for once!”
Dina wept and started hitting herself in the head. Rodney came to her and grabbed her wrists. When that didn’t stop her crying and wailing, he pulled her into his arms and held her tight to his chest. “You cool. We cool. Okay?”
Rodney calmed her by sitting with her on a sofa. He let her cry until she was all cried out. They sat in silence for an extended moment. Then Rodney spoke up. “Can you go home tonight, or do you want to stay here?”
“I can go home,” she said in the softest voice.
“Call me in the morning?” he asked.
“You tell her I’m crazy?” Dina asked.
“What?”
“Crazy? I just showed you that this isn’t like what Mama had. It’s just anxiety and verbal hallucin—”
“Damn it, Dina, I’ve heard enough. Can I get a break for a change? I told you I got a lot going on,” Rodney snapped. He walked out of the room. Dina closed her eyes. All her hopes were dashed. And she knew that this thing she had, no matter what they called it, would never be cured. She wiped her tears and left without complaint.
CUE ARRIVED HOME LATE. Another long session with his bipolar patient Drake had ended with him having the young man taken from his office in an ambulance. He’d probably get two hours sleep before he had to get showered and head back to the hospital.
Jack barked loudly as he fumbled with the door. He opened it with the phone ringing. His home phone rarely rang. And then it dawned on him with all the drama he’d left his cell phone at the office. “Shit. Fuck!”
Cue closed the door and Jack was all over him. The phone stopped ringing. “Calm down Jack,” he said and locked the door. To his surprise the phone rang again. He nearly tripped over his dog in surprise. “How many times have they called?” he asked aloud. It could be his mother. His dad was a diabetic and had episodes at times. His heart pounded with worry as he rushed over to pick up the phone.
“Hello?”
“Doc,” Dina wept.
“Dina? How’d you get my numb—”
“Doc, I’m in trouble.”
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s not working. I’ve counted to fifty. And I practiced breathing but it’s not working,” she wept.
“Where are you?”
“Home, I took the medicine. I don’t think I took too much.”
“How much did you take?”
“Three pills. That’s all. It’s not working. I can’t call Rodney, he’s mad at me. I can’t breathe, Doc. My throat is closed.”
“Okay. I’m on my way. Wait. How do I get in?”
“I will wait for you,” she hung up.
“Shit. Dina!” He didn’t have time to call her back. And when he was in his car he didn’t have his cell phone to call Rodney. Worried, he sped through yellow traffic lights and swerved around slow-moving cars. A drive that would normally take fifteen minutes he completed in ten.
He saw her. She paced on the sidewalk outside of the condominium gates. She was in a robe and slippers. Her head was down and her arms crossed in front of her. Even with the darkness and distance, he knew she was crying while in full distress. Two people were near their cars trying to talk to her. But she kept pacing. Cue pulled his car up along the curbside and got out with it running.
“Dina?”
She whirled around. The relief in her eyes broke his heart. She went to him immediately.
“Come on, breathe Dina.”
“I can’t... I’ve been choking,” she wept.
“Dina? Look at me. Breathe.”
She nodded. He helped her to the car.
“Yo, man is she alright?” one man yelled. “We called the police.”
Sirens sounded. Cue put her inside his vehicle just as a squad car arrived. He removed his license and identification card that he used when dealing with law enforcement.
“What’s going on?”
“Officer, I’m Dr. Walsh. She’s a patient. She had an episode. Here,” he handed the officer his credentials.
The man looked at the id’s and then him. “Stay here,” he said. He walked over and tried to talk to Dina, but she wouldn’t let the window down or look at him. She kept crying and hitting herself in the head.
“She’s okay. She lives in this building.”
“She was outside crying and screaming ‘Rodney’,” A woman walked up and said. “You are Rodney? Right? She kept calling your name. When we approached her she became hysterical. We just kept our distance and called the police.”
“I’m her psychiatrist. I can take care of her.”
The officer came back. “It’s twenty degrees tonight. Take her inside and keep her in there.”
“I’ll take care of her,” he told the officer. Cue sighed with relief. He went to his car and got in. He drove to the gates. Dina couldn’t respond to him when he asked for the code. The lady from the sidewalk opened the gate for him. He nodded his thanks and drove in and parked.
“Doc... Doc... Doc...” she kept repeating.
“It’s okay. You’re fine.” He got out of the car and went to her help her. He checked her robe pocket and found her gate key and house key. He took her all the way through the lobby to the elevators and then to her front door with his arm protectively around her waist. Once they were inside, she burst into heavy weeping again. This wasn’t the Dina he recognized. Weeks of therapy had been good. She was dealing with stress. Practicing her calming techniques and meditating. What happened? Was it the meds? She had taken three, but the dosage was so low it shouldn’t have caused this effect.
“He chose her over me,” she confessed. “He hates me. He wants me gone.”
“Rodney?”
“Yes. He’s going to marry her. And they are going to lock me up like they did my mother. He’s going to leave me there and run away!” she broke into tears.
“Dina, it’s not time to trust those irrational feelings of fear. You have to trust the love your brother has for you. He loves you.”
“No he said—”
“Look at the place he created for you. Your own place. Would he spend the kind of money and time if he wanted to lock you away and throw away the key?”
She glanced around her palace and then to the doctor.
“He loves you. Remember? He always has.”
She nodded. “I guess.”
“Come on, girl. He’s your brother,” Cue teased.
He tried to get her to climb the stairwell but it was useless. He carried her himself. He took her to th
e bedroom he guessed was hers. The moment he put her down she went into his arms. She was hugging his waist and kissing his chest.
“Stop Dina,” he said as he removed her robe. She stepped back and pulled off her t-shirt and was before him in an instant in nothing but her panty sans her bra. Cue froze. She walked over to him and tried to pull him down to kiss her on the bed. It took strength he didn’t know he had to resist. “Not going to happen Dina.”
She nodded in tears. He picked up her shirt and put it back on her. He went to the bed and pulled back the covers. She eased under them. He pulled the covers all the way up to cover her. He sat on the edge of the bed and caught his breath. He knew this was just part of it. Her desperation to feel safe. It was a normal reaction to anxiety and the depression she suffered in the moment. But damn, if one kiss and a look at her body did not leave his head spinning.
“Doc?” she asked.
“Yea,” he said breathlessly. His groin ached. He feared his erection could be seen even with him seated.
“Can you stay the night with me?”
“No Dina... I—”
“Please. Please Doc?”
“We should call your brother. He can help you.”
“No!”
“Okay. Do you want to tell me what brought this on?”
She shook her head no.
“Close your eyes.”
Dina did what he asked.
“What was the last book you read?”
“Taking away Eden. It’s a book about the Rwandan Genocide.”
Cue shook his head. “What is the last book you read that was funny?”
“Top Chef Master Suey,” she said and smiled.
His heart lifted. Despite his professionalism he reached over and touched the side of her face. “Tell me about it?”
“Master Suey is a contestant from the television show, Top Chef. He lost and has vowed to prove that he has the skills the judges lack. So, he visits every hometown of every chef on the show and challenges the most popular restaurant chefs to do battles. He went to Peoria, Illinois and found everything boring there so he decided to catch a pigeon and make it taste like barbecue duck... when he told the people who ate it what it was, they were pissed! They beat him up and everything. It was actually on the news. But his recounting of it is hilarious!”
She went on with the story smiling. He removed his hand and sat there listening. He laughed with her as she described some of the chef’s biggest failures and how he refused to give up. And eventually he knew why she loved the book. He also knew why her brother was so devoted to her. He’d never met a woman as special and pure as Dina. She then told him of another book, all the while keeping her eyes closed. Cue took off his jacket and shoes. He cut off the light in the room. He pulled over a chair and turned it to face her. He adjusted the chair pillow to make himself comfortable. He’d stay the rest of the night.
Chapter Nine
Falling for Dina
Cue felt her lips first. A pair of pillow soft thickness brushed his mouth as a tease then persisted with a press that opened him up for more. As her tongue slid in, his lids parted, and in his dream state he knew her. Bridget had returned. Four years later and she finally returned to kiss him with more passion than they had shared in the last months of their relationship. He had believed this day would come. He was wrong.
“Dina, wait, no?” He turned his face to reject her passion.
“Shhh...” she whispered and kissed his cheek. “I want it.”
He grabbed her arms to stop her, but he was too late. Dina’s tongue flickered in and out of his mouth. Her hand eased past the waistband of his jeans. She had his erection within her possession before he could even consider how dangerous it was for him to enjoy her. His hands slipped from their possessive grip as she stroked his erection to life. And despite his desire to stop the tugging motion, he kissed her deeply while his left hand squeezed her backside. Before he knew it his zipper was down and his dick was out. She slipped away from their kiss to give him another. Her lovely mouth swallowed his erection. Cue’s hips jerked under the tight wet delight of the suction and licking.
“No Dina, nooo!” he groaned.
Cue’s heart raced. He looked around the room too dazed to realize he was there in the chair and alone. Dina slept peacefully in her bed. Her covers had come down and he could see her lovely bare breasts peek under the thin shirt she wore in the moonlight. He shook his head and stood to pull down on his semi-erect penis, and walked gapped-leg into the bathroom because of the ache in his balls. He needed a drink. He needed one bad. He had half of a mind to jerk himself off in the toilet. But that was too obscene for someone he was supposed to protect. What the hell was wrong with him? Had he lost his damn mind? She was a patient. Her brother was his closest friend. Maybe his only friend. All of the ones he left behind in Boston weren’t sorry to see him go. He knew better. Cue put water on his face and forced himself to relax. He practiced breathing. He thought of his dog Jack killing a squirrel at the park the other day. The way Jack ran over with the carcass in his mouth. Soon his lust eased. But the thirst he had for a drink took over.
“I need to get the fuck out of here,” he mumbled.
The door opened. Cue stood upright in surprise. Dina walked in without her panty wearing nothing but the shirt he forced her to put on when she got in bed. It stopped at her waist. He frowned. He was certain she went to bed in panties. Dina rubbed her eyes and went to the toilet as if half asleep. In fact, she did all of this with her eyes closed. He watched her from the mirror as she sat on the toilet. She peed while swaying in her sleep state. She wiped herself, and flushed, her eyes closed all the while.
“Excuse me Doc,” she yawned as she approached the sink.
Shocked that she knew he was there the entire time, Cue stepped aside and Dina washed her hands. She dried them then sleepwalked her way back to bed. Cue let go a small laugh at his predicament. He walked into the bedroom. Dina had turned over to her side and was snoring lightly again. She didn’t bother with the covers. Now he had a clear view of her bare backside. Her panty was on the floor next to the bed. Cue picked up his shoes and his jacket and left her sleeping.
He went back downstairs. The tension in his gut loosened. He was exhausted both mentally and physically. He vowed he couldn’t let anything like what he dreamed occur between them again. As he put on his shoes he looked around. Dina had taken the time to put up thousands of post-it notes. They covered the windows and the walls. But he didn’t see disorder in her home, not the kind he had discovered in her previous residence. This was her new normal. Drawn to the library she had he went to the room hidden behind the wall and expected to find books everywhere. To his surprise, she had thousands, but all of them were neatly lined up in alphabetical order on the shelves. He glanced to the wall. She had tacked on a push pinboard. There were papers and notes stuck to it. He walked over but stopped when he saw her name. The notes and documents were all about him. She’d done more than the average research. She had copies of his credentials and what looked like his credit report. She had accessed his public record and got all of his previous addresses and phone numbers. She even had a list of his family members’ names with their addresses circled. His parents and brothers were at the top of the list.
“You’ve been checking up on me?” he chuckled. Earlier he didn’t stop to think how she discovered his home phone number. Now he knew. She also had his bankruptcy documents.
“You know my secret,” he mumbled. “And now I understand. We take you for granted Dina. You’re a lot smarter than us. Aren’t you?”
He felt encouraged by seeing how thorough she was. She didn’t just trust people blindly. He put everything back and then turned off the light in the library. He closed the door. He considered calling Rodney to understand the incident, but it was four in the morning. And he needed to get home to shower and be at the hospital to deal with his patient within an hour. Despite his wanting to stay, he left a sticky note on her cel
l phone with a message of a promise to call her later.
DINA WOKE LATE. SHE expected to find her doctor downstairs, but he wasn’t. That disappointed her. “Doc is a hero,” she said to herself. She located her phone and saw his note. It made her smile that he communicated with her in such a way. She called his cell. It went straight to voicemail. She then dialed his secretary.
“Dr. Walsh’s office.”
“Hi Molly, this is Dina.”
“Oh, hi Dina. How are you?”
“Fine, thanks,” Dina rolled her eyes. She pretended with Molly. She still hated her hair. Any woman with that kind of red hair couldn’t and shouldn’t be trusted. “I want to speak to my doctor please.”
“Sorry hun, he’s at the hospital today. All day. I can send a message to him.”
“Which hospital please?” Dina asked.
“You know I can’t tell you that, Dina.” Molly said.
“It’s okay. I’ll find him.” Dina hung up. She had her ways of locating him easily at Emory. But first she needed to deal with Rodney. She called him next. He sent her call to voicemail. That hurt, but she chose not to focus on her fears, like Cue had told her. She left a message. “I’m sorry Rodney. Please forgive me, and call me. I love you so much.”
She hung up the phone and went in the kitchen. She made sure to take her meds. Six weeks was a long time to wait for a miracle. But she had hope. And she had a doctor who wouldn’t let her down. She believed that with everything in her heart.
Dina sat alone on the park bench. It was cold, and there were not as many ducks as usual. But she had her loaf of bread, and hope that winter hadn’t driven all of them away. She threw the broken pieces at the few that waddled over. She’d tried to reach Cue, but wasn’t answering. He did respond to her text. She asked him to meet her in the park at three. Emory Hospital wasn’t far from it. She had hope. But it was getting closer to four and the sun was slipping away. She felt the cold go through her with every breeze.
Maybe he didn’t want to see her? It was possible. She had behaved so badly when he found her. There was no hope that her meltdown didn’t change his view of her. It worried her all day. He was more than a doctor to her. She liked him in ways she didn’t expect possible with a man so different from her. What was she to do with her feelings? Dina fed more ducks and pondered the question of sexuality and her desires focusing on her therapist. Where did they come from? Should she acknowledge them? Would her brother accept her dating a white man? Would society? What color would their children be? How long before they would marry? She devoted a great deal of thought to all of these questions and more. In the end she decided to take small steps. The first would be to gain her respectability with the doctor by finding a meaningful way to apologize. She could send him flowers, or a singing telegram. There was a company she read about that sent singing telegrams all through Atlanta. He’d get a kick out of it, she was sure.