Just a Little Bit Crazy

by T A Ford

  “It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not. We don’t miss the holidays together.”

  “It’s okay Rodney, I’m not alone. Well, I won’t be alone.”

  “Oh yea? W’sup?”

  Dina closed her eyes. Should she just tell him. First, that she was in love and had a boyfriend. Then second, that the boyfriend was her therapist. Either way, the news would send him on a tirade. And without meeting Cue and seeing how great he is, he could jump to all the wrong conclusions.

  “Dina? W’sup?”

  “I saw Maura,” she blurted. “I accepted an invite to her house for dinner.”

  Rodney fell silent. She waited for him to speak. He didn’t, so she continued, “She asked about you. Said you blocked her number.”

  “That’s bullshit. She blocked mine.”

  “Really?”

  “How she doing?”

  “Good. She’s so pretty Rodney. She looks real good.”

  “Yea, well, I’m sure she’s fucking someone else now.”

  “Rodney! That’s so disrespectful.”

  “I’m sorry. Hey, I want to see you. So, you pencil me in for Christmas. Just us two. Okay?”

  “Well... I might not be able to.”

  “What?”

  “I’ll explain soon.”

  “Explain what?” he demanded.

  “Nothing. I miss you,” she said.

  “I’ll call you again this week.”

  “Love you.”

  “Bye sweetheart.”

  “Bye.”

  CUE PICKED UP HIS BEER and finished it off with two deep swallows. He had another six pack waiting for him in the fridge. The Falcons scored a touchdown against the Patriots and he groaned. No matter his zip code, Tom Brady was his guy. The phone next to him rang. He glanced over to it. Rodney’s name and number appeared. He stared at the phone for a minute, then his gaze cut back to the television. The phone stopped ringing. It chimed after Rodney left a voicemail. He didn’t bother to listen to it. He’d not taken his friend’s calls since the lake. He knew the next time he spoke to him he’d have to tell him that he was in love with his sister. And if he knew Rodney as well as he thought he did, that was not going to be a conversation either of them would want to have.

  Cue relaxed in his new home. Dina was everywhere. She’d decorated his walls with paintings and ordered furniture. She even had plants brought over that she came over and watered. He couldn’t imagine not having her in his life. Jack enjoyed the open space. His dog was constantly on the move from one room to the next. All of this was possible thanks to Rodney. He owed his friend a debt that was definitely going to go unpaid by his betrayal.

  His phone rang again. This time it was his mother.

  “Hi Ma,” he said and put her on speaker phone.

  “Hi son, why haven’t you called with your travel plans? Tyler has been asking. He’s bringing Sheryl and the kids this year.”

  “Yea, about that. I should have called. I don’t think I can make it.”

  “What?!”

  “Mom—”

  “We always spend the holidays together. You promised me when you moved to Atlanta that would not change,” she said.

  “And it won’t. I’ll be there for Christmas. I promise. I just got a lot to deal with this year. That’s all.”

  “Well, call your brother and break the news. He doesn’t come in from Canada much anymore. He’s going to be upset that you aren’t here.”

  “Are Charlie and Eddie coming?”

  “I hope so. I can never tell with you boys anymore.”

  “What about Xander?” he asked.

  His mother didn’t speak of her youngest. And he knew why. Xander had broken their hearts more than once. His arrest in Australia was the most recent mess the family had dug him out of. The last he heard from his brother Eddie was the news that Xander had disappeared into Mexico and was connected with some bad people.

  “I don’t know where Xander is. And I think that’s for the best. It’s in the Lord’s hands now.”

  “Love you Mom. Don’t worry. I’ll see you soon.”

  “Love you too, bye,” she said in sadness and hung up.

  Cue picked up his beer and drank the can clean to avoid the guilt of his disappointing his mother.

  DINA CLOSED THE OVEN door just as she heard her front door open. Cue arrived with his six pack of beer and the mysterious laptop he never let her use. Jack walked in behind him wagging his tail.

  “Hi!” she said.

  “Hello beautiful,” Cue said as he put his beer in the fridge. To his surprise there was already a six pack in there waiting for him. He closed the fridge and found the post-it note to remind her that the fridge must always have ‘Doc beer’. It was the only post-it note on the fridge. He shook his head at her generosity and picked up his laptop. He walked out of the kitchen without saying a word. She followed.

  “Hi? Everything okay?”

  “It’s going to rain,” he mumbled and sat on the sofa. He had to avoid her caring eyes. The secret between them was becoming a heavier burden. Dina looked to the windows. Rain clouds moved in.

  “I know how much you hate storms. I came over early,” he lied.

  “I thought you came over for dinner?” she smiled.

  He looked up at her and then to the television that he had turned on. His mood was so sour she didn’t bother to ask him another question. She plated his food and brought it over to him. He ate on her sofa instead of at the table. This was something she didn’t tolerate. It was as if he was itching for a fight. Dina refused to take the bait. She sat at the table by herself eating and pretended not to care.

  “I’m such a jackass,” he mumbled. He got up with his plate and joined her at the table.

  “Are you okay Doc? Did I do something?”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever said it,” he began.

  “Said what?”

  “How I feel,” he said.

  She blinked those large round eyes at him. Her headband pulled her hair from his face and he saw her natural beauty in the dim lighting of her place. He glanced around at her place. Gone were the post-it notes and stacks of books. Now she used a e-reader and kept an organizer with stacks of planners. “I’m in love with you Dina Erickson. I love you. And I’m afraid it’s not going to be enough.”

  “It’s going to be enough Doc, because it already is.” She got up from her chair and went to him. He scooted his chair back so she could sit on his lap. She smiled. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. “I love you too Doc. With all my heart.”

  3

  Chapter Thirteen

  The Gambling Man

  The soft pelting of rain on the windows was a soothing sound to most. But for Dina it was different. Rain and storms were scary. Most times she felt empty and alone when she had to face a storm by herself. That evening when the storm came in, it didn’t bring any lightning or thunder. And she was grateful. Because when it rained now she made love to her boyfriend. After dinner their lovemaking was passionate. With him seated on the sofa and her riding his lap, they did more holding and kissing than she could remember all the times before. And this time the word “love” didn’t fall from just her lips. This time the word had meaning. This time she felt it. No matter if he never said it or said it over and over, she felt it.

  Dina woke. She turned over to find Cue wasn’t lying next to her. It was morning. It must have rained all through the night, because the clouds were still heavy. The bad weather meant a day inside—she had hoped they could go to Chattahoochee and walk some of the trails. She pulled back the covers and found her robe to cover her nudity. She picked up her head scarf and tied her hair back. Jack woke. He lifted his head and looked at her. Whether Cue was with her or not, he stayed in the room when she slept watching over her.

  “Where’s Daddy?” she asked.

  Jack got up and walked out of the room. Dina followed the dog to the top of the stairs. She peered down. Cue sat on the
sofa, focused on the screen of his laptop. Instead of morning coffee, he had a beer. Dina leaned on the balcony and stared at him. She found everything about him to be perfect. The man who held the door for her when she entered a room. How he listened without interrupting when she spoke. He tended to all her needs without asking and never really requested anything of her. Except this: time away to sit on his laptop and drink his beers without interruption.

  “What does he do on that thing?” she asked Jack. “Is he always working?”

  He was a psychiatrist. His work was confidential. She understood. Still, she got a sinking feeling of dread when she saw him with the black laptop. The look in his eyes. The brooding on his face. Plus, he’d get upset if she disturbed him. She could tell. He’d slam out of a room or leave her home and go to his. And he always had to do so when he thought she was sleeping.

  “Morning,” she said from the top of the stairs, hoping not to upset him. Cue closed the laptop with a grunt of frustration. Dina came down the stairs with Jack leading the way.

  “I woke up and you were gone?”

  He drank his beer. He looked to the window instead of her when he spoke. “Morning babe,” he said. She went straight to him. He looked up at her and then a sly smile lifted the corner of his mouth. He pulled her down on his lap. She was embraced and welcomed in his arms.

  “Is it a bad day?” he asked.

  “I wish the rain would go away,” she confessed.

  “It will. It’s already slowed down. See.”

  She did. Then she closed her eyes and listened to his heartbeat instead of the sound of the drizzle on her windows. They stayed that way for quite some time and soon she forgot about the rain altogether.

  “Feel better?” he asked.

  “Sorta,” she said.

  “I think you’re right,” he said.

  “About?”

  “About us going public. I’ve been thinking hard on how we should do it.”

  “I never asked you the question.”

  “What is the question?” he replied.

  “What happens if a psychiatrist dates his patient?”

  Dina scooted away from his lap to sit on the sofa with her legs across his thighs. Cue looked a bit surprised. She knew there were risks, but she found it odd that he never explained them to her. He just said they shouldn’t do it.

  “Do you really want to know?” he asked.

  “Is it that bad?”

  “It’s harmful to a patient. It is always considered unethical. And—” he hesitated. “It’s illegal.”

  “What do you mean illegal? Why?”

  “I’m your doctor, you’re dealing with emotional issues. I’ve put you on medication. There are rules in place to protect you from being taken advantage of.”

  “But, I wanted the medication and the psychotherapy. I pursued it, and you. We fell in love. It was never planned.”

  “Dina...”

  “I would tell any judge and jury that. This is natural.”

  “It’s wrong Dina. And I knew it was from the very beginning.”

  “Then why would you take such a risk?” she asked.

  “Because I’m a gambling man,” he half chuckled. The joke didn’t make sense to her. He was gambling with his career as a doctor, with jail. Who would do such a thing?

  “Okay, how do we fix it? Stop all of it from ruining your life?”

  “First, I have to take myself out of the equation. I have to give you to another doctor,” he said.

  “No. No,” she turned away. She put her face in her hands. Her knees began to shake. “I can’t see anyone else. I can’t do that. It’s too personal. I can’t start over.”

  “We’ll find a good one. A really good one. We have to, and soon.”

  She crossed her arms over herself and dropped back on the sofa pillows. “I wish I wasn’t so crazy.”

  “Hey?” he said.

  She looked away.

  “Come closer.”

  “No.”

  “Dina. Come here.” She scooted close to him and he put his arm around her. “I’m the crazy one. I knew the risk and I gambled with our lives by taking it. Do you know why?”

  “How could I?” she asked.

  “Because you’re the sanest woman I’ve ever met.”

  She laughed. He kissed her cheek. “Beautiful, smart, sexy, you can sing like an angel and dance like a giraffe.”

  She roared with laughter. He tickled her and kept her from escaping. Dina turned and hugged him. She wrapped her arms around his neck. “You dance like a three-legged buffalo, stumbling and knocking everyone over!” she said.

  “Is that right?” he smiled.

  “Yes!” she said. “All crash and bang with no rhythm.”

  “Oh, I got rhythm! I’ll show you rhythm!”

  To be loved by her was an experience. Every day she taught him something new about himself and others with the way she viewed the world. His entire life was in jeopardy because of his weakness and the terrible decisions he made when it came to his feelings for her. But he couldn’t have regrets.

  “Why are you staring at me like that?” she giggled. “It makes me feel funny when you just stare at me.”

  “I can’t figure out how I got so lucky.”

  “I chose you silly. I made you lucky!” He laughed with her at first, and then his grin fell. He stared at her with a look of seriousness that stilled her.

  “I wish we had met under different circumstances.”

  “Meaning I wasn’t crazy?”

  He put his hand to her face and made her look at him when he spoke. “I wish I had met you when I was a stronger man. A better man. There are things I want to tell you sweetheart. Mistakes I’ve made.”

  “And?” she asked.

  “I’m afraid.”

  “Afraid of what?” she asked.

  “I’m afraid that you won’t look at me the way you do now.”

  “You’re my man Doc. I don’t care that you aren’t perfect. I just care that you’re mine.” She pulled his face to hers and kissed him. She went back on the sofa and he moved over on top of her. Undressing her required simply parting her robe. He pulled down his shorts, and without aid eased inside of her with a solitary thrust of his hips. He took his time and drew things out. They were two bodies moving as one. The room was a million degrees, burning away any doubt, guilt, or shame he carried for his mistakes. He slowed to a stop. He rested on top of her with his penis lodged deep and his face buried to the side of her neck. Time slowed until it seemed suspended. He was able to feel every emotion a man would feel when truly loved. Not since he lost Bridget had he found such potency. Her hand stroked his back and she patiently waited for him to love her again. He did, moving with increasing momentum, thrusting in and out of her as his hips worked her lower body into rolling waves of pleasure. Her hurried breathing panted loud against his ear. The shear rawness of his sexual urges rocketed through his spline and caused him to buck and love her harder and faster. His grip on the arm of the sofa almost ripped it off. He hovered above her, banging his pelvis against hers.

  “Stay with me,” he grunted.

  She opened her eyes and looked into his.

  “I love you Dina,” he said.

  “I love you Doc,” she replied through gasps. Swiveling his hips, he catapulted their sexual heat to lovemaking. Judging by the emotion ringing her cries of pleasure, he knew she knew his manic moves were unstoppable. She broke away from his gaze and turned her head away from his kiss as she shuddered through a different kind of climax. One that made them both tumble toward complete surrender. Cue dropped his brow on the side of her head. He groaned and continued. He fucked her as if his life depended on it. She was the love of his life. He stayed on her long after it was over. For as long as he could, he stayed in her. And she let him. When he pulled away, she pulled at him to keep him close.

  “Doc?”

  “Yes?” he panted.

  “I was wrong,” she said, and he heard a q
uiver of fear in her voice. He lifted his head, concerned. She looked up at him, and he could see tears glistening in her eyes. “We don’t have to tell anyone. No one has to know. This will be just us. Okay?”

  “No sweetheart,” he said, and brushed away the tears that slipped down her cheeks. “We will fix this. Together.”

  “No. No. No.” She shook her head. “I have a bad feeling about this Doc. People are not understanding. My brother is not understanding. I don’t want you to go to jail. They’ll take your medical license! They’ll take you away from me.”

  “Dina.” He held her face. “We’re fine. I know how to fix this. Trust me. Okay?”

  She sniffed.

  “You believe me?”

  “Okay,”she agreed.

  He kissed her face.

  “I’ll fix it. I promise.”

  “HI, I’M SO GLAD TO finally meet you,” Dr. Jeffery Robinson said. He was a portly black man with a head covered in silver hair. He had small eyes for such a round face. Dina glanced away. At least his receptionist didn’t have red hair.

  “Dina. Is it okay that I call you Dina?”

  “I guess,” she said.

  “Well, most of my friends call me Jeff or Jeffery.”

  “I’ll call you Dr. Robinson, to keep it professional,” she said. Before the appointment Cue had told her everything to expect. Robinson was a psychologist who focused on behavioral management therapies. She was only there to protect their love from being exposed.

  “You were under the care of Dr. Walsh. Do you want to discuss why you decided to go with another therapy plan?”

  “I... ah, I want someone who could better identify with me and my struggles.”

  “Pardon?” Dr. Robinson asked.

  “Someone black,” she blurted. It was the only thing she could think of. What Cue had told her to say had left her memory thanks to her anxiety.

  Dr. Robinson just stared at her with the fakest smile she’d ever seen. Thankfully, her meds kept her from telling him so. “Are you uncomfortable with white people?”