Just a Little Bit Crazy

by T A Ford

  “She got the job?”

  “You didn’t know?” Rodney yelled.

  “If you stop yelling, I can explain.”

  “Speak motherfucker.”

  “She’s doing better. She has a new doctor... I didn’t know about the job yet. We haven’t spoken.”

  “Wait... whoa... slow the fuck down. Another doctor? What the fuck does that mean?”

  Cue sighed.

  “Hello? Answer me!”

  “I put her with another doctor. It was too hard to be this close to her. Now I’m just a friend, and I can help her better without the conflict of interest. Plus, I could lose my fucking license if it’s connected how I started her on medication.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about? Lose your license? You’re a gat damn psychiatrist. You’re treating her. And you live in a million-dollar penthouse rent free to do it!”

  “That’s what I’m talking about. It’s unethical. Rodney, you know me man. I’m taking care of it the best way. She is good. She’s doing great.”

  “I shouldn’t have been gone this long. I can come home for Thanksgiving. I need to book a flight.”

  “Wait.” Cue closed his eyes and tried to sound reasonable. “Listen, you needed her to be independent. She is. I check on her every day. She goes to her dance class, and home. She wants a job, and I will make sure she manages any conflict. The program she’s on means she’s got to get stronger this way. And soon she may not need a program at all.”

  “You got her on medication, right?”

  “It’s anti-depressants. And she’s monitored.”

  Rodney sighed. “Whatever. Do they work? Can she fly? Can I bring her here to be with me?”

  “What’s going on with you man? Why are you all over Europe instead of here?”

  “It’s a long story. I got into something over my head here. I’m trying to deal with it.”

  “That sounds like the short version of the story.”

  “I don’t like this idea of her working. I’m telling you man, I don’t give a fuck what meds you have her on or what meditation tricks you teach her, she’s fragile. She’s too trusting. And she’s too innocent to deal with that corporate America bullshit.”

  “I’m on it bro. She gets in over her head, I’ll pull the plug.”

  “Fine. I won’t come. But don’t ignore my fucking calls. You hear me?”

  “Yea, got it.”

  “Talk to you later.”

  Cue put his face in his hands. He waited for his heart to stop racing, then he took out his wallet. He tossed one credit card after the other onto the desk. He’d run them all up. His American Express had a fifty thousand credit limit, and he’d blasted through that plastic money. The only thing left was his debit card. Cue stared at it for a moment. He’d promised himself if he ever got this low he’d stop. He’d head straight to an Anon meeting and get his shit together. But the other half of his brain reasoned that he could play a game of blackjack and get at least the ten-grand back. And then pay his credit card bill.

  “Fuck it man,” he said. He logged back into his cryptocurrency account and transferred funds from his debit card. He then got access to the portal that allowed him to enter the high-risk games. The phone rang in the reception desk. He ignored it. The phone rang in his office and he ignored it. When his cellphone rang, he glanced to it and saw it was Dina. He ignored the call. He focused on the dealer’s hand in his game of blackjack.

  “DARN IT,” DINA SAID. She disconnected the call. “Are you still in the office?”

  She made the next turn. He wasn’t at home. She’d already gone to his place. And she couldn’t go to the hospital to check in with him. It just wouldn’t look right. Dina decided to take a chance to visit his office. She made it past the congested traffic in Buckhead within the hour. But she was more than frustrated dealing with the bad driving of others. The only thing to make her feel better was the sight of his car, and no others outside of his office.

  “He’s here!” she said. She looked at herself in the mirror. She’d chosen to remove her headband today and her thick curly hair was now bouncing all around her face and shoulders, with a long blunt cut bang that covered her brows. It was the way he liked it. She put on a fresh coat of lipstick. She reached in her purse and got out her jasmine perfume. It was specially ordered from Bermuda, and expensive, because it was from a rare flower that grew on the island. Rodney let her keep reordering it and Doc loved the smell of it.

  Dina had finally come full circle. A few months ago she was being carried out of an office building after stabbing her boss. Now she had a boyfriend, and a job. She was as normal as she ever dreamed she could be, with just a little bit of crazy to keep it interesting. Dina picked up her phone and called him. He didn’t answer. That was strange. She didn’t have a key to his office, and Molly’s car was gone. She got out of the car with her purse determined to ring the office doorbell until he came out and gave her a big kiss.

  Cue rarely sweated. But he was down to just $50 after the last hand. He put it all on the line. The dealer dealt the cards. Online were several faceless players he didn’t know, but they were playing a helluva game. The card was dealt to him and the buzzer at the door rang. Cue frowned. His appointment cancelled. His office was the safest place for him to be undisturbed. He took a hit instead of staying and was dealt out.

  “Shit! Shit!” he yelled.

  The person at the door pressed hard on the buzzer.

  “Motherfucker!” he said and nearly swiped everything from his desk. He paced. He’d just lost another thousand. “Gat damnit.”

  The buzzer kept ringing.

  “Who the fuck is it!” he answered and stormed out of his office. He yanked open the door and Dina rushed him. Nearly knocking him back. She hugged his waist.

  “Dina? What’s going on?”

  She kept hugging him.

  “Dina!” he grabbed her by both arms and shook her. “What is it?”

  “Huh?” she asked.

  “Why are you here?”

  “Because—”

  He let her go.

  “Jeesh,” he paced away.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  “I told you not to come here. You know that.”

  “But... I thought it was okay, now that I’m not your patient.”

  “It’s not!” he shouted.

  Dina flinched.

  “Just go. I can’t deal with this shit right now,” he said and went back into his office and slammed the door.

  Dina stood there for a moment confused. None of his behavior made sense to her. She was the one prone to tantrums and storming away from conflict. Doc always kept his composure.

  “Doc?”

  The door was closed. “Should I open it? Should I try to comfort him? Does he even want me anymore?” she said to herself aloud. Confused, she did what she’d practiced. She pushed out the voices in her head that made her believe the horrible would happen. She went to the door.

  “Doc?” she knocked lightly.

  He didn’t respond.

  “Can we talk?”

  He didn’t answer her.

  “What did I do wrong?”

  The door opened. Cue glared down at her. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I just need some space right now. I’m working Dina. Go home. Wait for me. We’ll talk later. I got a lot going on today. Okay?”

  “Okay,” she said.

  “Go,” he ordered her. “Now!”

  She backed away from the door. She couldn’t look away from his eyes. She knew those eyes. They were like the eyes of her mother when she pushed her away and chose madness instead of parenting. Something was wrong with Doc.

  “Can I help?”

  He forced a smile. “I’ll come home to you later. Just let me finish working.”

  He closed the door.

  Dina got her purse and left. “Doc... Doc... Doc... Doc... Doc... Doc...” she mumbled repeatedly. She started toward home in her Acura but couldn’t
. She was too confused and hurt. She forgot the roads to turn on and off of. She kept driving.

  “He’s mad at me.”

  “Why is he mad at me?”

  “Doc? Doc? Doc.”

  “Why is he mad.”

  “I’m an idiot!”

  “You did it!” she shouted in the car. “No. No. I’m fine. I’m not upset. No. It’s an argument. Couples argue. Remember. Couples argue. Nothing I did was wrong.”

  Dina looked up to the road signs and saw she was headed to 400 interstate. The only person she knew that lived off of 400 was Maura. She kept driving while saying her thoughts in her head. To say his name calmed her, to be away from him scared her. She couldn’t reconcile calm and fear as one emotion. They conflicted too much. When she arrived at Maura’s house the light above the door was on.

  “Please be home. Please.”

  Dina went to the door and Maura opened it before she reached the doorbell.

  “Hey? I saw you on the ring-door-bell,” Maura laughed.

  “Can I come in?” Dina asked through anxious gasps.

  “Yes, sure, come in,” Maura said. “Are you okay?”

  “No.” Dina walked into the living room. She panted hard. “Things are bad. Really bad.”

  “Sit down,” Maura said. Dina smelled the aroma of Maura’s dinner. She looked to the kitchen and saw pots on the stove.

  “I’m sorry. Were you about to eat?”

  “Babe, I need a razor. We’re out,” a man said and walked out into the living room with a towel around his waist. Dina’s eyes stretched at the sight of him.

  “Shit! My bad!” The man hurried back to the room holding his towel.

  “Who... who... who is that?” Dina asked.

  “It’s okay. Sit down. Wait a second,” Maura said. She went to check on the man and Dina took a seat. She put her face in her hands. She felt as if her head was going to explode. So many questions played out in her head, and she had so few answers to them. Maura returned and sat down next to her. The moment she did, Dina’s courage fractured. She cried so hard she couldn’t help but reach to Maura for comfort. A good cry always helped her.

  “It’s okay sweetheart. You have to tell me what has you so upset? Is it Rodney?”

  “No,” she sat up and let go of Maura. “No. Rodney isn’t here. He’s in Europe somewhere.”

  “Okay, then let’s start from the beginning,” Maura said, and moved Dina’s hair from her face. “Look at you. You look so pretty Dina. And your hair, you’re wearing it loose now? No more headbands?”

  Dina nodded. “I stopped wearing my headbands, for him.”

  “For who?”

  “My boyfriend. He wants my hair loose. That’s what he says. Wear it loose. So I do.”

  “Well, it’s beautiful this way. Tell me what’s going on?”

  “My boyfriend is mad at me,” she confessed.

  “Boyfriend. You mentioned him before. Aww... sweetie, boyfriend and girlfriends argue all the time.”

  “I know,” she said and wiped her tears. “But he’s different. Doc is really always happy with me.”

  “Doc? I thought his name was Cue?”

  “Huh?”

  “Doc? Is he a doctor?”

  “Promise me you won’t tell anyone. It’s a secret that we have to keep.”

  “I promise.”

  “He’s my doctor. My psychiatrist. Well, not anymore. He was, and then we knew we’d get in trouble so we got another doctor to see me so we can have sex and be together.” Dina sniffed. “I love him so much. If he hates me, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

  “Dina. Stop. I’m sure he doesn’t hate you. But you have to tell me everything. Where did you meet this doctor? How did it begin?”

  “And you’ll help me?” Dina asked.

  “Yes sweetie, I’ll help you,” Maura said and kissed her cheek. She pulled her over to hug her. “Tell me everything.”

  THE BURDEN HAD LIFTED from his shoulders. After putting everything he had on the table, he came up. He was seventy-thousand dollars richer, and able to at least pay down some of his mounting debt. When he arrived home he knew the first thing he needed to do was apologize to Dina. He tried calling her, but her phone seemed to be off. He stopped at Kroger's and got her some flowers. It was the first time he had ever bought her flowers. He felt like a jackass for not thinking of doing something for her sooner.

  When Cue arrived at her place, he found it empty. That shocked him. In fact, it scared him. No one’s routine was more predictable than Dina’s. It was almost midnight and she rarely left the house that late. Where could she be? He took out his phone and called her. She sent the call straight to voicemail. Dread froze his stomach muscles.

  “Shit. Shit,” he cursed. He had no starting place to look for her. “Shit!” He sat down. He waited. After an hour he couldn’t stand it. He decided to go home and change clothes and then he’d leave. He’d start at her brother’s place, and then hit everything from Piedmont Park to Morgan Falls if he had to. When he opened his door, Jack barked immediately, but didn’t come to greet him. To his surprise, as he walked into his living room Jack wasn’t the only one waiting for him.

  “Hi Doc,” she said.

  “Dina?” he went and scooped her up into an embrace. She hugged his neck as he spun her and kissed all over her face. “Damn it, baby don’t scare me like that.”

  “I was waiting for you,” she said.

  “I’m sorry.” He let her down. He held her face. “I’m so sorry Dina. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. It’s all my fault.”

  “No. No. I understand. I know you love me Doc. Couples fight. I’m okay. I really am. See?”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes Doc. I am. I promise. I went to see a friend. She helped me understand.”

  He let go the deepest sigh of relief. Dina took his hand and led him to the sofa. They sat, and he pulled her over into a hug. It was better for him when she was on his lap. He moved all the hair on her brow back from her face and kissed it.

  “Guess what?”

  “What?” he asked almost at the point of tears.

  “I got the job.”

  “You did?”

  “Yes! That’s what I was trying to tell you when I came to your office.”

  “You did!” he shot up holding her. She squealed as if he would drop her. Jack barked and wagged his tail. He tossed her up while holding her, and she laughed. He put her over his shoulder and ran around the room doing a Native American tribal call, patting his hand over his mouth.

  “Stop! You’re going to drop me!” she cried out in laughter. Jack chased him while barking. He hopped around on one foot then the other like a native chief doing a ceremonial dance. Dina laughed until she was hoarse as he beat her bum like a drum. “You weirdo!” she said in laughter. Finally, he brought her down and she swayed dizzily then hit him playfully.

  “You are so silly,” she pushed him. “Oh! I have other news. I told Maura that we would definitely come to her house for Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday. Isn’t that great!”

  “Yes. I can’t wait.”

  She hugged him and kissed him. “I’m so happy that you’re home. I’m ready to start Christmas decorating. It’s going to be so much fun!”

  “Wait a sec, I forgot something. Wait here!” he said and dashed to the door. He went back into her place and got the flowers. He brought them back. She wasn’t in the living room.

  “Dina?”

  “I’m upstairs!” she called down.

  Jack came to the top of the stairs and looked down at him. Cue went up the stairs two at a time carrying the flowers in his hand. When he reached the room, he nearly dropped them. She stood there in nothing but her very thin lace camisole shirt and no panty. Dina hated panties, and wore them only when forced to. Most days she walked around him without a pair. She put her hand to her hip, then her hands went to her mouth.

  “Are those for me?”

  “My apology,” he said
.

  She walked over to him and took the grocery store flowers as if they were the biggest bouquet she’d ever seen. She inhaled their scent with a big grin. She looked up at him and he leaned in and kissed her. “When is your first day of work?”

  “After Thanksgiving.”

  “Good, because you’re not leaving this room until Thanksgiving.”

  She smiled. “Okay, Doc.”

  He picked up his girl to make her laugh once more and carried her to bed. Making love to her was beautiful now for the both of them. It wasn’t just about pleasure, it was now about comfort. And when she slept in his arms he realized how bad he had slipped into his old habits.

  He lost one special woman over his addictions, and he flushed all of it down the toilet when he started drinking again. Drinking was the gateway to his compulsion, which was gambling. People thought doctors were wealthy. And many were. But Cue lived paycheck to paycheck. He had mounting insurance bills and student loans that left him with barely enough to gamble with. And his gambling was taking him over. He’d got hooked into the dark web by a member of the Anon group he belonged too. He was the man’s sponsor and should have been dissuading him from gambling. But he was shitty at the job. Soon he was the man’s student. Learning how to use PayPal to create a cryptocurrency wallet. The hustle of cash in and cash out of bitcoins to join some of the most high-stakes gambling circles was a rush. There were even loan sharks from US and foreign countries that he’d become indebted too and barely escaped.

  He had to get his addiction under control. It was more dangerous than his drinking, he often told himself. He had to dig himself out and be a stronger man. Not just for him, but for Dina. She was the one. The woman he loved and the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

  “Dina?” he said.

  “Hmpf?” she moaned.

  “Wake up,” he said.

  She opened her eyes and looked up at him curiously. She slept in silk bonnets. Hers had slipped down to her brows.

  He kissed her nose. “Hey?”

  “Yes? What’s wrong?”

  “Christmas? I think we should stick to the plan and go. What do you think?”

  “I can’t fly, I’m not ready.”

  “We’ll make it a road trip,” he smiled.