Why Shoot a Butler

by Джорджетт Хейер

  There was a man in a blue jersey locking up. He looked round in mild surprise as Amberley sprang out of the car.

  When it penetrated to his intelligence that the gentleman wanted to set out to sea at once in a motorboat he glanced instinctively round for protection. It seemed him that a lunatic had broken loose from some asylum.

  "I'm not mad," Amberley said. "I'm acting for the police. Is there any boat here ready to start?"

  One had to humour lunatics; the sailor had often heard that. "Oh yes, sir, there's a motorboat all ready," he said, edging away.

  His arm was grasped urgently. "Listen to me!" Amberley said. "A man has set out in a boat from the creek. I must catch that boat. There's ten pounds for you if get me there in time."

  The sailor hesitated, trying to loosen the grip on his arm. Ten pounds were ten pounds, but the gentleman was clearly insane.

  "Do I look as though I were mad?" Amberley said fiercely. "Where's that fast boat you had moored here this morning?"

  The sailor scanned him closely. "Lord love me, I believe you're the Lunnon gentleman what come down here today arsting questions!" he exclaimed.

  "I am. For God's sake, man, hurry! Any boat that's ready to start, the faster the better."

  "Are you a plain-clothes man, sir?" inquired the sailor, awed.

  "Yes," said Amberley without hesitation.

  "Well, there's Mr. Benson's racing motorboat, and she's half full, I know. He had her out today, but I don't know as how…"

  "Ten pounds!" Amberley snapped.

  "Right you are, sir, and you takes the blame!" said sailor, and let him into the yard.

  The racing motorboat was moored some fifty yards out. The sailor, having taken the plunge, seemed to realise that the need for haste was desperate and led Amberley at a trot to the steps. In less than a minute both men were in the dinghy that was tied up there and the sailor had cast off and shipped the oars.

  The motorboat was covered with a tarpaulin, which was quickly stripped off. The sailor climbed into the well and started the engine. "She's warm, sir," he said. "Lucky, ain't you?"

  Amberley was at the wheel. "I hope so," he said curtly.

  The boat forged ahead, threading her way between the craft moored in the harbour. The sailor, perceiving that his odd passenger knew how to steer, took heart and needed no urging, once clear of the harbour, to speed the boat up. White foam began to churn up under the bows, the engine took on a deeper note.

  The sea looked silver in the moonlight, deserted. Amberley held a course to the south-west, steering for a point out at sea where he judged he would overhaul the slower boat. The minutes crept by; to Amberley they seemed like hours. The noise of the engine thundered in his ears; he made a sign to the other man to shut it down.

  The sailor obeyed. The sudden silence was like a blanket for a moment. The boat glided on, began to roll. Then through the silence Amberley's ears caught the sound for which they were listening. In the distance another boat was ploughing out to sea. He put the wheel over and called to the sailor to start her up again. The boat cleaved forward in a slightly altered course.

  Amberley held her on this course for another five minutes and again signed to the sailor to shut down the engine. This time the noise of the other boat sounded closer at hand.

  "'There she is! Go on!" Amberley said.

  As he restarted the engine the sailor wondered who could be in the boat they were pursuing, and wished he had asked the gentleman. It was quite impossible to be heard above the noise of the engine, so he had to content himself with all manner of speculations, none of them, he felt, really probable. He kept an eye cocked in Amberley's direction, ready for another signal. It came very soon.

  This time no sound broke the silence. The sailor, puzzled, said: "Thought we must have been right on her, the course we was steering! What's happened?"

  Amberley pulled his torch from his pocket and sent its powerful beam out across the sea, sweeping a circle. It lit up the water for about two hundred yards but showed nothing but the silver ripples.

  "Quickly! Start her!" Amberley jerked out. "Half speed!"

  The boat began to cruise about, the torch-beam describing an arc of light ahead. The sailor heard Amberley say in a strangled voice: "Too late - God, I'm too late!"

  Going round in a circle. I believe he's a looney after all, thought the sailor. Then he saw Amberley wrench the wheel hard over, staring out to where a dark object just showed above the water.

  "Get on!" Amberley rapped out. "She's sinking fast!"

  "Good Lord!" ejaculated the sailor, unprepared for this. "Sinking?"

  "Get on, damn you!"

  The boat gathered speed. They could see the other clearly now; she was down by the stern, half submerged.

  The racing boat bore down upon her. "Easy!" Amberley ordered, and began to put the wheel over to come alongside. "Stop!"

  The noise of the engine died, the racer glided on gently for a few feet and rocked beside the foundered boat.

  The well was half full of water; Amberley had thrown his torch down to have both hands free, but the moonlight showed him all he wanted to see. Up against the side of the boat a white face was lifted just clear of the water, a scarf tied round the lower half of it.

  "My Gawd in 'eaven!" gasped the sailor. "It's a woman!"

  Amberley leaned over and grasped Shirley. She was strangely heavy; bound and weighted, he guessed. He said: "It's all right, my poor child, it's all right, Shirley," and shot over his shoulder: "A knife, quickly!"

  The sailor, hanging on to the boat-hook with one hand, fished a clasp-knife out of his pocket and held it out. Amberley opened it and bent over the side, feeling under the water in the well of the other boat. His hand touched something hard about Shirley's waist; he could feel the links of an iron chain and the cord that tied them, and slashed through. In another moment he had her in his arms and had laid her down in the well of his own boat. She was deathly pale, but her eyes were wide open, fixed almost incredulously on his face. Her wrists and ankles were lashed together tightly; long shudders were running through her.

  Amberley undid the scarf and took the gag out of her mouth; then he pulled the flask out of his hip pocket and put it to her blue lips, holding her against his shoulder. "Drink it, Shirley! Yes, I'll undo you, but drink this first. Good girl! - Take her in to shore as quick as you can, you - what's-your-name?"

  "Aye, aye, sir. Leave it to me," said the sailor. "If you'll just steer her dear of this bit o' wreckage… Thank you, Captain!" He took the wheel over from Amberley and set the boat's nose back to port.

  Amberley knelt beside Shirley and cut the ropes that bound her. Her wrists were deeply scored by them, but a faint, indomitable smile quivered on her lips. "You - always - turn up," she said, through chattering teeth.

  "Th — thanks!"

  Chapter Nineteen

  The experience she had gone through and the shock of her immersion had their inevitable result on Shirley. The brandy dispelled the blue shade from her mouth, but she lay in a state of semi-consciousness while the boat made its way back to port.

  There was very little that Amberley could do for her. He stripped his overcoat off and wrapped it round her, but under it her own clothes were sodden, and her flesh felt very cold. He began to rub her limbs; her eyes were closed, the dark lashes lying wet on her cheek.

  The sailor offered sympathetic advice and shouted once in Amberley's ear: "Who done it?" He got no answer and bent to bellow confidentially: "I thought you was off your rocker."

  There was an inn on the quayside, and when the boat got back to the harbour Amberley carried Shirley there, led by the sailor. The landlady, a startling blonde of enormous proportions, came out of the bar and in spite of her appearance proved to be a capable person who took the situation in it a glance. The sailor, glad of a chance to unbosom himself, launched into a graphic description of the rescue while Amberley laid Shirley down on a horsehair sofa in the parlour.

  The land
lady said: "Good sakes alive!" and sharply comanded Amberley to bring the young lady upstairs.

  She then screamed to someoe apparently a mile away to take a scuttle up to the best bedroom, and waddled out, telling Amberley to follow her.

  He carried Shirley upstairs and laid her, as directed, on a big mahogany bed in a bedroom smelling of must. The landlady then informed him that she didn't want him any longer, and he retired, feeling that Shirley was in good hands.

  Downstairs he found the sailor regaling the occupants of the bar with his story, which was not losing anything in the telling. He did not wish to accept the two five-pound notes that Amberley drew out of his case, but allowed himself to be overruled after a short argument. Amberley left him treating everyone to drinks in the most liberal fashion. It seemed probable that before long he and his cronies would be cast forth into the street; he hoped the sailor would not end the night in the lock-up.

  The Bentley was standing where he had left it, outside the yard. He got into it and turned to drive back to the creek. It was now some time after eight o'clock and growing chilly. Amberley felt his overcoat, found it decidedly damp, and threw it onto the back seat.

  He drove fast but decorously to the longshoreman's cottage, and had barely pulled on his brakes when the door opened and the sergeant bounced out.

  "Is that you, Mr. Amberley?" he demanded. "Lor' sir, I've been getting nervous. It's almost an hour since you made off. Did you catch the boat? Where've sir?"

  "In a pub," said Amberley, himself again.

  The sergeant shrugged with his emotions. "In a - in a - oh, you have, have you, sir? And very nice too, I daresay."

  "Very," agreed Amberley. "Did you get him?"

  "No," said the sergeant bitterly. "I didn't. And why? Because this perishing fool here hadn't thought to put any petrol in his motorboat." He realised suddenly that the bleak look had gone from Mr. Amberley's face. "Good Lord, sir, you're never going to tell me you've got her?"

  "Oh yes, I've got her," Amberley replied. "She's at the pub I told you about."

  "Alive, sir?" said the sergeant incredulously.

  "Just. I'm waiting to hear her story."

  The sergeant was moved to wring his hand. "Well, I don't know when I've been more glad of anything, Mr. Amberley. You're a wonder, sir, that's what you are — a blinking wonder!"

  Amberley laughed. "Spare my blushes, Gubbins. What happened to you?"

  An expression of disgust succeeded the sergeant's cheerful grin. "Yes, you may well ask, sir. A motorboat waiting! Oh, it was waiting all right — bone dry! When you went off sudden-like, I got hold of this here Peabody and told him to look lively. So off we sets, the two of us, up the creek to where he said he'd got this boat moored. Well that was all right; he had. What's more, he'd got a little rowboat all handy to get out to it. I don't like them rickety little boats, they weren't made for men of my size, but I knows my duty and in I got. Well, Peabody rowed out to the motorboat, and a nice work he made of it, besides passing an uncalled-for remark about fat men which I'm not accustomed to and won't put up with. However, that's neither here nor there. We got out to the motorboat and come up alongside. And I'm bothered if that fat-headed chump didn't let me get into it before he remembered he hadn't filled up with petrol. Yes, you can laugh, sir. I've no doubt there's nothing you like better than clambering out of one boat into another, with the thing bobbing up and down and kind of slipping away from under your feet all on account of a born fool that can't keep it steady for half a minute."

  "I'm afraid Peabody has been having a little game with you, Sergeant."

  "If I thought that," said the sergeant, fulminating, "well, I don't hardly know what I'd do, though I'd be tempted, sir. Very tempted, I'd be. Well, he went and remembered about the petrol, like I said, and out I had to get again. I don't know which was the worst, getting out of that little cockle-shell or getting back into it. However, I done it, and I told this Peabody to look slippy and row for that landing-stage. Which was the best I could do, sir, seeing as the motorboat was no use and I'd got to get across the creek somehow. I won't repeat what that Peabody said, because it don't bear repeating, but…"

  "I said," interrupted a voice with relish, "I said I 'adn't been 'fired to row an 'ippd across the creek, and no more I 'ad."

  The sergeant swung round and perceived Mr. Peabody in the doorway. "That'll do!" he said. "We don't want you hanging about here. And let me tell you, if I have any of your impudence it'll be the worse for you. Impeded the law, that's what you done."

  Mr. Peabody withdrew, quelled by this dark implication. The sergeant turned back to Amberley. "Don't you pay any attention to him, sir."

  "What I want to know," said Amberley, "is whether you saw anyone rowing back to that landing-stage."

  "I'm coming to that," answered the sergeant. "I did and I didn't, in a manner of speaking. I got this Peabody to row for the other side of the creek, but the trouble was, we was so far up the blinking thing that it took him I don't know how long to get to the landing-stage. We'd just got in sight of it when I see a shadow climbing out of a rowboat like the one I was in and tying it up to one of the posts. Now, sir, perhaps you're going to blame me, because I'd got my torch in my pocket and it's a powerful one. But what I thought was: This cove hasn't seen our boat and consequent don't know he's being followed. If I was to switch the torch on to him so as to try and get a look at his face, he will know and he'll be off like a streak of lightning before I can get to land. No, I says to myself, the best thing for me to do is to keep quiet and get this chap Peabody to row for all he's worth. Which I done, sir. But we'd no sooner reached the landing-stage when I heard a car start up somewhere behind the bungalow, and a minute later I seen the headlights going off up the road that Peabody says leads to Lowchester."

  "I see, Amberley said. "A pity. But on the whole, Sergeant, I think you were right."

  "I'm sure that's a weight off my mind, sir," said the sergeant, relieved. "And if the young lady's alive, she'll be able to identify our man fast enough. Not but what we know who he is, eh, Mr. Amberley?"

  "Do we, Sergeant?"

  "Come, come, sir!" said the sergeant indulgently. "Don't you forget what I said to you when Albert Collins was shot!"

  "No, I haven't forgotten. Anything else?"

  "Yes, sir. One footprint, one tyreprint. And the sooner I get to the police station here the better, because we want them taken. A large footprint it is, larger than what I'd have expected."

  "Sergeant, you're invaluable," said Amberley. "You shall be taken to the police station at once. Hop in."

  Much gratified, the sergeant climbed into the car. "Well, I done all I could, and I only hope it's going to mean an arrest."

  "You'll make your arrest all right," promised Amberley. "I'm not sure you don't deserve promotion for this case. I wish I'd seen you getting into the motorboat."

  "Yes, I've no doubt you do, sir. But p'r'aps instead of keeping on about me and the motorboat you'll tell me who I been chasing all this time?"

  "But I thought you knew that," said Mr. Amberley, raising his brows.

  "I got my doubts," confessed the sergeant. "When I said to you what I did say about that Baker - what I meant was…'

  "Don't spoil it, Sergeant. You said he was my man." The sergeant said cautiously: "Suppose I did?"

  "You were quite right," said Mr. Amberley. "He is my man."

  The sergeant swallowed hard, but recovered immediately and said brazenly: "That's what I was saying if you hadn't gone and interrupted me. Spotted him at once, I did."

  Mr. Amberley grinned. "Yes? Just as you spotted the real criminal?"

  "Look here, sir!" said the sergeant. "If it ain't Baker there's only one other man it can be, so far as I can see, and that's Mr. Fountain."

  "At last!" said Amberley. "Of course it was Fountain."

  "Yes, that's all very well," said the sergeant, "but why should he want to go and murder the young lady?"

  "Because she's his cou
sin," replied Amberley.

  "Oh!" said the sergeant. "Because she's his cousin. Of course that explains everything, don't it, sir?"

  "It ought to," said Amberley, "if you can put two and two together."

  The sergeant was still trying to work out this simple sum when the car drew up at the police station. Mr. Amberley set him down there and drove on to the inn on the quay.

  The golden-haired landlady greeted him with comfortable tidings: the poor young lady was nicely warmed up and drinking a cup of hot soup. He might go upstairs to see her if he liked.

  Shirley, looking very slight in the landlady's dressing gown and a great many shawls, was sitting on the floor in front of a huge fire sipping a cup of hot soup and drying her short, curly hair. She knew that decided knock and said, "Come in," rather shyly.

  Mr. Amberley entered and shut the door behind him.

  He came towards the fire and stood looking down at Shirley with the hint of a smile in his eyes. "Well, Miss Shirley Brown," he said, "I do find you in awkward situations, don't I?"

  She gave a small laugh but shuddered a little. "Please."

  She glanced fleetingly up at him. "I must look an awfull sight. Won't you sit down? I - I haven't thanked you yet."

  He sat down in the plush-covered armchair she had vacated. "Oh yes, you have! Your manners are improving a lot. You thanked me at once."

  "Did I?" She smiled at that. "I don't remember. I when I heard the other boat - I had a feeling it was you. Did - did your policeman tell you what had happened?"

  "Tucker? Oh no, he hadn't any idea. I apologise for having provided you with such a useless guardian. My own intuition brought me. By the way, Bill jumped through the kitchen window. I left him with Tucker."

  "It was nice of you to think of him," said Shirley, feeling shyer than ever.

  "I am nice," said Amberley coolly.

  She laughed and coloured. "Yes. I - I know."