Second Chance Romance

by Sophie Monroe

  “Do you think Carrie would ever let that happen?” He shook his head no. “I love you too Noah but you deserve a family and I can’t give that to you. I will always love you and I know what love is thanks to you but I can’t take this away from you. You need to go find Carrie and let her know.” I pulled away from his embrace and went to my room leaving him standing in the kitchen. I allowed myself to grieve and cry for a little bit but when I was done old Jules was back with a vengeance. I didn’t need anyone to take care of me. I wasn’t that girl. I wasn’t one to let anything hold me down. I was the girl that picked myself up and dusted myself off. After a couple days I would be back to pre-Noah Jules.

  I turned my iPod dock up as loud as it will go and blasted ‘Thrash Unreal’ by Against Me because other than the junkie part the song pretty much has me pegged. I realized that I’ve been a fool and I’ve been blind. I can never manage to leave the past behind.

  I took a little more care getting ready for school. I started finals today and really didn’t need Noah’s distracting news but I was placing that out of my mind. I was ready to start living. I made my coffee in a to-go cup and noticed there was a note from Noah on the counter, I picked it up and stuffed it in my bag and headed to school. I knocked on Professor Gommerman’s door to hand in my thesis.

  “Come in.” I opened the door and walked into his office, which was the size of a closet. Tons of books lined the wall and his desk dominated the small space.

  “Miss Kline.” He beamed. “I’m looking forward to reading your thesis.” I handed him the thick blinder containing my thesis. I was proud of it and the irony wasn’t lost on me. We made small talk for a few minutes before I headed to my first final. I finished quickly and was relieved that it seemed pretty easy. I headed to the front of the lecture hall and placed my exam on the desk before heading out to the library to wait for my next final to start. I looked over my notes before pulling out Noah’s letter.

  My Jules,

  I wrote this because I feared what your reaction would be. I hoped more than anything that I wasn’t going to be right. But, I know you as well as you know yourself. I want you to know that this was totally unexpected. I was just as surprised as you are. I’ve spent the last few days trying to get the courage to tell you and hope that you wouldn’t push me away. I never wanted to hurt you. All these years I thought I was protecting you and I realize now how much pain I caused you, as unintentional as it may have been. I don’t want to be with Carrie and the thought of having a baby with her scares me to death. (I know what you’re thinking. I loved her enough at one point to make a baby with her and now I have to deal with the consequences. I wish more than anything that it was you.) The fact was I was blind and trying so hard to move on with my life, to forget you that I didn’t see her for her she truly is. I don’t expect you to fight this with me but I wish you would reconsider we could try and work out some kind of custody agreement, anything. Please reconsider this Jules. I love you. It’s always been you. It will always be you.

  You can’t leave when I’m still holding on.

  Yours,

  Noah

  I tried to wrap my head around everything. I haven’t figured out much yet except I felt so low. I packed my things into my bag and took the ten-minute walk across campus to my last final of the day. I needed to let Noah go. I needed a hiatus from life.

  When I showed up at work later that night there was a vase of pink peonies, my favorite, in a vase with no note. Ellie came bouncing in happily until she saw my face. I told her everything that happened. She was shocked and said she hadn’t heard anything from Jackson and doubted that he knew anything. She asked me what I planned on doing and I told her that I called it off with Noah. She looked like she wanted to say something but knew better and kept her mouth shut. She proceeded to tell me that both Noah and Jackson were out in the club. I headed to Adam’s office and told him I needed some time off. He wasn’t happy but he tried to be understanding.

  I waltzed up to Keith and told him I wanted a change of song. I picked three songs instead of two as a farewell. I chose ‘Stronger’ by Kelly Clarkson, ‘Chalk Outline’ by Three Days Grace and ‘The Bitch Came Back’ by Theory of a Deadman. I stripped down and sashayed out onto the stage mouthing the lyrics.

  ‘I’ve been cursed, I’ve been crossed, I’ve been beaten by the ones that get me off

  I’ve been cut, I’ve been opened up, I’ve been shattered by the ones I thought I loved.

  You left me here like a chalk outline, on the sidewalk waiting for the rain to wash away,

  You keep coming back to the scene of the crime but the dead can’t speak and there’s nothing left to say anyway, all you left behind is a chalk outline.

  I’ve been cold in the crypt but not as cold as the words across your lips,

  You’ll be sorry baby some day when you reach across the bed where my body used to lay.

  I finished out my segment and hurried back to the dressing room. I knew chances of avoiding Noah were slim but I was hopeful. I pulled out my notes for my last final tomorrow and started studying. As if my day couldn’t get any worse there was a knock at the door, I turned to look and saw Preacher standing there with Chase.

  “Miss Kline this man said he’s a friend of yours.”

  “It’s alright Preacher, he’s fine.”

  “Ma’am.” He said walking away leaving Chase standing there.

  “Hey Jules. I got your message and wanted to make sure you were alright.”

  “I’m just dandy.” I rolled my eyes.

  “Well I thought of something and you don’t have to go with it but hear me out.” I nodded for him to continue. “I told you that I was heading down to stay with my family for a bit. Since you’re just about done with finals I thought maybe you would want to come with me, just as friends of course.”

  “I don’t know Chase. I feel like a ping pong ball.” I rubbed my hands over my face, smearing my make-up no doubt. “We broke up, then there was Reid, then Noah. I thought things were finally going right for once, I thought we were going to get a second chance. How wrong was I? I just feel like I can never win and I’m so sick of it.” I was getting emotional again. He stepped in and wrapped his arms around me. I leaned my head onto his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his neck. As much as the idea of getting away sounded wonderful right now I didn’t feel right knowing that I would just be using Chase to escape my problems. I heard someone clear their throat. I looked over to see Noah standing in the doorway, his neck muscles bulging.

  “Jules.” He said tersely.

  “Hey.” I replied removing my arms from Chase and taking a step away.

  “I’m Chase.” He said stepping forward to shake hands with Noah. “You must be Noah.” I felt bad for Chase because he was such a good guy, southern charm and all.

  “Chase as in Professor Chase Mitchell?” Noah sneered.

  “Um, I used to be a professor but I’m not anymore.” Chase turned to look at me. “Think about what I said Jules. I’ll see you later.”

  “You stay the fuck away from her!” Noah roared.

  “STOP!” I yelled as Noah jerked Chase around by his shirt and pushed him up against the wall. Noah let go and Chase looked at me.

  “It’s fine.” I assured him and he walked out of the dressing room.

  “Do you mind telling me what the hell just happened?” I yelled at Noah. He looked slightly embarrassed.

  “I came back here to talk to you and I see you with your arms wrapped around some guy. What the hell was that about Jules? You need a rebound already?” I slapped him. He crashed his lips to mine. Against my better judgment I kissed him back pulling the short hairs on the back of his head. His hands roamed up and down my body. I was going to end things the same way the ended ten years ago.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Savior

  “I love you so much.” Noah whispered into my ear. I didn’t have much to take off so I started stripping him out of his jeans and sweater.
Soon we were both naked in the dressing room. His mouth was moving all over my body and my hands were all over him memorizing for the last time. We made quick passionate love and I was trying my best not to cry or give in to what I wanted. I wanted Noah to have the family he dreamed of, a chance at happiness. I knew I needed to leave in order for that to happen. We reached our climaxes at the same time. I dug my nails into his back, marking my territory and he cried out my name as his spilled himself into me. He gently set me on my feet and brushed the hair out of my face kissing me lightly. Seeing the love he had for me in his eyes nearly did me in but I stood firm. I dressed quickly and gave him one last passionate kiss.

  “Goodbye Noah.” I said walking toward the back door.

  “Goodbye?” He said confused. Then reality hit him.

  “Jules.” He cried trying to get past Dan. Seeing him break into tears broke the last of my heart. I started the car as I sped home. I called Chase and told him that I would come with him on two conditions, first that he hide me for the night so I could take my last exam and that we leave right after. He agreed. He told me his best friend Guy was away and we could stay at his apartment in Hoboken. It was in New Jersey right across the bridge and no one would know to look there. He texted me the address. I rushed inside as soon as I pulled in the driveway, I didn’t even bother to shut the car off. I just started throwing things in my suitcase. I had enough money saved up that I could buy anything I forgot once we got where we were going. I looked out the windows before I made my getaway to make sure that the coast was clear. I tossed my belongings in the trunk and sped into the night. Noah was calling me like a lunatic but I kept hitting ignore. By the sixteenth time I decided to answer and let him know I was fine.

  “Thank God! Jules what the hell was that?” He choked out.

  “What was what?” I asked knowing exactly what he meant.

  “Jules, we just… and then you… I’ve lost you haven’t I?” He sounded so broken I almost caved…almost.

  “You have a family to worry about now and it’s not with me Noah. You need to get things fixed with Carrie. I’m helping you with that.”

  “By running from me like that?”

  “I’m leaving Noah. I love you and I always will, but it just wasn’t meant for us to be together. Fate took care of that for us.”

  “Don’t give up on me just yet.” He pleaded. “Where are you going? I’ll come with you.”

  “I don’t want you to Noah.” The words burned my throat. “I’ve got to go. Bye Noah.”

  “I love you.” He sobbed and I hung up the phone. Not even thirty seconds later my phone rang again. It was Ellie and I knew I was going to have to explain why I wasn’t going to be home for a while.

  “Hey El.”

  “It’s not Ellie.” Shit, it was Jackson and he sounded pissed. Well I was pissed off too!

  “Hi Jackson.”

  “What’s wrong with you Jules. I thought you were a smart girl.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Why are you playing his heart like this? Do you have any idea what kind of hurt he’s dealing with right now? DO YOU!?” He was really angry. Jackson took his role as a best friend very seriously.

  “Do you have any idea how hurt I am right now?” I shouted back. “He was my everything Jackson! Do you think this is what I wanted? No, it’s not and I’m not doing this for me I’m doing this for him! If I’m around Carrie won’t let him be a part of anything to do with the baby and as much as this is hurting him that would kill him and I can’t do that to him. I will not do that to him!”

  “Why can’t you guy’s see what’s right in front of your fucking faces! There’s a reason that you found each other again.”

  “Maybe, maybe not. Either way he needs to do what’s right. He needs you now. Take care, Jackson.” I clicked off the phone and shut it off. An hour later I pulled into a swanky apartment complex in Hoboken and went to the apartment number Chase gave me. I knocked and he opened the door. He was wearing a pair of plaid pajama bottoms and no shirt. Chase topless was a site to behold and I felt guilty for even thinking that right now. He was chiseled with broad shoulders and had a tribal tattoo that sprawled across his entire back.

  “You okay?” He asked concerned.

  “I’ll get there.” I vowed aloud. He held his hand out to take my bag and took my hand to pull me inside. It was a nice place. The walls were painted a light tan with brown leather furniture. He led me back to the bedroom, which was painted navy blue with a cherry wood sleigh bed. The bed was neatly made. The sheets were gray and looked like a high thread count.

  “There’s only one bedroom so I’ll crash on the couch.” He turned to head back down the hallway.

  “Chase.” I called out.

  “Yeah.” He turned with a shocked expression on his face.

  “You can stay in here with me if you want. But nothing will happen.” I emphasized.

  “I don’t know.” He seemed torn.

  “Please.” I begged. It was at the moment I realized how broken I was. I needed the comfort of being held now more than ever. He walked back to the bedroom and lay down on the bed. I grabbed my bag and headed to the adjoining bathroom to shower and change. Once I was in the safety of the shower I let the tears stream. I hated feeling so weak. I dried my hair and brushed my teeth. I dressed in my sick pajamas and climbed into bed next to Chase. I snuggled close to him finding comfort in the familiarity of him. He wrapped his arm around my waist and told me everything would be okay and sometimes life had a way of testing us.

  “Sometimes the fall kills you and sometimes when you fall, you fly.” He whispered into my hair. I fell asleep wishing that things could have had a different ending.

  When I woke up the bed was empty. I put my hand on the pillow that Chase had been sleeping on and found a folded up piece of paper.

  You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.

  ~Winnie the Pooh

  He always used to leave things like this on my pillow when we were together. He was a quote fiend, this particular one resonated with me. Especially because I am all of those things, I need to pull myself together. I can do this. I went into the bathroom and checked my face in the mirror. My eyes were slightly puffy from crying but nothing a little MAC wouldn’t cure. I walked out of the bathroom and went to look for Chase. He was sitting in a recliner reading the paper and sipping a Starbucks.

  “I got you one. It’s on the counter.” He smiled and I went to retrieve my coffee. “Hey Jules.” I turned to look at him. “It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day. We’re going to get through this and you’ll come out stronger than ever.” I smiled and walked to give him a kiss on the forehead before getting my coffee.

  “So my exam is at ten, I shouldn’t need the allotted time. I was hoping we could be on the road by eleven-thirty the latest.”

  “Sure. Sounds good.”

  I fixed my coffee and turned my phone on quickly to see if there was anything from Ellie.

  I was inundated with texts from Noah.

  If I never met you, I wouldn’t like you. If I didn’t like you, I wouldn’t love you. If I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t miss you. But I did, I do, and I will.

  Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it. I need you so much Jules. I’ve been sitting in your driveway all night and you’re not here. I’ve called every police station and hospital in the city. Please let me know you’re okay.

  I started a new text.

  I’m fine. I hit send and shut my phone off again. I took one last look at my notes and had to scramble so that I could get to school on time since it would take longer coming from here. We were going to drive down in my car since Chase had another car down there already. I packed up the few things I brought in and stood in the hallway waiting for Chase to lock up. I handed him my keys and sat in the passenger side leaning my head again the window.

  “Jules.” He said breaking me out of my reverie. “
I know you love Noah but I think you two got back together way too fast. Honestly, I think it was doomed from the start. He seems like a good guy but you need to find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot and who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Who wants to show off how pretty you look even in sweats.” He eyed my black sweats. “Who thinks you’re just as pretty without make-up and reminds you how lucky he is to have you. The one that says ‘that’s her.’” I knew he was referencing himself and once again I was going to have to draw boundaries in sand and blood to keep my heart protected. I had him take a quick detour before we headed to school. Chase pulled into the parking lot at Columbia and I went to check my mailbox for the last time leaving a note for the Dean’s office letting them know I wouldn’t be making the graduation ceremony and that they could mail my diploma to my address in Amityville. I walked into my last class and took the test off the desk and took a seat in the front row so I could leave as soon as I was done.

  Noah

  Carrie had called while we were at the football game upstate and said that she needed to talk but wouldn’t elaborate. I brushed it off but then she kept calling and texting and emailing. She was even harassing Jackson. Finally, I relented to meet her on Wednesday morning to see what was so important. I wanted to tell Jules that I was meeting with her but she seemed so fragile after our trip. I was actually worried about her, but she didn’t want to talk about it and I didn’t want to push. I got up and went for my regular run. I checked my phone and noticed that Carrie texted me again last night and said it was urgent. I called her before I got in the shower and told her I’d meet her in an hour. I showered and dressed quickly. I kissed Jules on the forehead and headed to Pat’s Café to meet Carrie. I walked in and saw her sitting in a booth towards the back. She looked slightly disheveled almost as if she’d been crying. I headed back and took a seat.