by Jemma Forte
‘Hey? Your mom’s right, you know,’ agreed Jessica calmly, but with a friendly smile on her face. ‘Still, how about I see if there’s something in your room that we could play with?’ she suggested, keen to help diffuse the situation.
‘In my room?’ repeated Grace, looking stunned by what she obviously thought was a very left-field suggestion, tantrum seemingly forgotten, though Jessica sensed it was only one wrong move away from returning.
‘Sure,’ said Jessica, popping out of the bathroom and into the little girl’s bedroom. She hoped Diane wouldn’t mind her using her initiative but Jessica suspected that Diane would prefer her just to help without asking tons of polite questions.
Seconds later, Jessica returned to the bathroom with a plastic tea set. It was an instant hit and harmony was restored.
‘Thank you,’ said Diane gratefully a bit later as she watched Grace and Jessica making each other cups of tea.
‘Pleasure,’ said Jessica. ‘Actually, I hope you don’t mind me suggesting this, but seeing as I’m here, why don’t you go feed Ava somewhere a little more comfortable? I could give Grace a wash and play with her a little.’
‘Oh, that’s OK,’ said Diane, looking unsure from where she was perched uncomfortably on the toilet. In order for her to ensure that Ava didn’t fall down, her leg had to be raised, crossed over the other in a pose that would surely lead to years spent at the osteopath. ‘You only came about babysitting. I’m sure you don’t really want to do her bath and stuff.’
‘If you’re not sure then I totally understand,’ replied Jessica, ‘but I’d love to, actually. It would be a real pleasure.’
‘Er, well, OK then,’ said Diane. ‘Maybe I will. If you’re sure you’re all right?’
‘Go away, Mummy. I want Jessica to do my bath,’ demanded Grace, bored of the polite pussyfooting around.
‘Don’t be rude,’ said Diane, looking defeated but shuffling nevertheless towards the comfort of her bedroom, Ava sucking away contentedly.
Ten minutes later, Ava, having had her fill, stopped chomping and released her mother’s boob from her jaws. Diane got herself even more comfortable on the bed; Ava nestled into her shoulder so she could wind her. As she rubbed her youngest daughter’s back she listened to the sound of Grace next door having the best fun bath she’d had in ages. Then she heard Jessica suggesting that maybe they should wash her hair and cringed, hoping she hadn’t sniffed it. A hair wash was rather overdue. Still, she was impressed that Jessica had taken matters into her own hands. Mike was right. She seemed like a lovely girl and her instinct was that she would be a caring and responsible person to leave her precious girls with. She’d probably be better than her at looking after them, she thought sadly.
A bit later and Ava was starting to fall asleep so Diane got up and went to settle her into her cot. At the same time, Jessica was heaving a well-scrubbed Grace out of the bath and wrapping her in a towel.
‘Where are her nightclothes?’ Jessica asked.
‘On the bed in my room,’ said Diane, amazed by how Jessica was managing to blend seamlessly into their routine. How her presence was making everything so much easier. ‘I usually dress her in there so that she can watch CBeebies before we do stories.’
‘Oh, right, OK,’ said Jessica, who wasn’t going to intrude further by entering her boss’s bedroom. It didn’t seem appropriate. However, sensing that her mummy was about to take over again, Grace piped up.
‘But I want Jessica to put me in my ’jamas.’
‘Ssh, darling, Mummy can do it,’ protested Diane firmly but quietly as she shut Ava’s door behind her.
‘No,’ whined Grace and it was immediately obvious that another scene from the tired-out toddler was on the cards. Hoping to nip it in the bud, Jessica interjected.
‘I don’t mind if you don’t.’
Diane exhaled as she weighed up the alternative, a screaming match with Grace.
‘Well, if you really don’t mind, please feel free to come in our bedroom,’ said Diane, hoping that between herself and Grace they weren’t putting Jessica off altogether.
On the contrary, the only thing Jessica was worried about was treading on Diane’s toes. Then again, she figured, a woman who wasn’t bothered about being seen in such a revolting T-shirt, and who lopped her boob out within the first five minutes of meeting her, probably wouldn’t mind her seeing the state of her rather messy bedroom. When Diane bent down to retrieve a pair of knickers off the floor she still extended the courtesy, however, of pretending she hadn’t seen.
A happy Grace let Jessica dry and dress her with none of the usual fuss, and Diane sank into the armchair in the corner of the room, too tired even to move a heap of washing that had been waiting there for days to be put away. Grace let Jessica comb out her wet hair, at which point Diane almost checked to see it was still her daughter in the room. It was amazing how instantly Grace had taken to this complete stranger, though she wasn’t entirely surprised. After all, Jessica was young, pretty, sweet, smiley and fun, and as the two of them chatted away to one another Diane relished the unusual scene of domestic bliss. Usually at this time of the day it was tantrums and squealing all the way, and that was just from her. As it occurred to Diane how little fun she’d been recently, she felt the familiar acute sadness wash over her once more.
Mike was right. She did need some help. If not for her sake then for Grace’s, who simply didn’t deserve to be around someone who was so … depressed. Oh … was that what this was all about, she wondered, in a moment of clarity? Realization made her gasp. If it was, she simply had to find her way back to herself and fast, because she didn’t recognize anything about herself any more and it couldn’t go on.
28
The next day, Jessica was in a very odd mood. At work all anyone seemed able to talk about was Bond. It was hideous.
‘Daniel Craig is brilliant though,’ Luke was saying. ‘The way they reinvented him as this dispassionate killer, but on the flipside, one that falls in love with the girl. The whole revenge thing in The Quantum of Solace was brilliant too. I love a bit of back story.’
‘Bet you do,’ said Kerry, sounding very Carry On.
‘I still don’t understand why none of you think George Lazenby was the best,’ said Isy, looking mystified.
‘Well, I miss the days of the little jokes and catchphrases,’ said Julian, ignoring her completely. ‘Naming a character “Pussy Galore”, “Heavenly Melons” or “Honey Ryder” would never get past the PC police these days, which is kind of sad.’
‘Sad?’ questioned an increasingly indignant Isy. Sometimes she felt like no one was on her wavelength (probably because they weren’t). ‘Why is it sad that women aren’t demeaned any more? You don’t get male characters called Willy Cannon or … Hugh Bulge, do you?’
‘Or Dick Fudgenudger?’ encouraged Kerry.
‘You’re right, Isy,’ agreed Vanessa. ‘Though they did occasionally get humiliated by the fashion department. Do you remember the banana-yellow ski suit Roger Moore wore?’
‘Fuck, yeah,’ agreed Luke. ‘In The Spy Who Loved Me, which had probably the best opening to a Bond film ever. The eerie silence, the Union Jack parachute – amazing.’
‘No way,’ shouted Natasha. ‘I mean, you’re right, it was brilliant, but what about Edward Granger’s opening in The World in Your Hand? That was pure genius. Do you not remember that chase through the Arabian bazaar? Then, at the end, Angelica Dupree rolling out of a Persian rug and landing at his feet, all boobs and teeth?’
‘That was marvellous,’ agreed Hassan emphatically. He didn’t usually contribute much in the way of office banter, but felt moved to do so on this occasion.
Jessica sighed.
‘I rewound that bit over and over again as a boy. That bit, and the black bikini scene obviously.’
‘Obviously,’ concurred Luke lasciviously, earning himself a jealous evil from his girlfriend.
‘Well, I think the sexiest Bond moment of all time
was Daniel Craig coming out of the sea in Casino Royale,’ Kerry declared, determined to steer the subject away from Angelica Dupree’s breasts. ‘And, what’s more, it looks like he’s going to come on the show. His agent’s going to confirm later but it’s looking good,’ she grinned. ‘Though I’d still love to get one more Bond. Connery and Moore have both said no, so you might be in luck, Natasha, because next on my list to approach is Granger.’
‘Wicked. If we get Granger, can we swap jobs, Jess? I reckon I might be his type, you know. Have you seen pictures of his wife? She’s a right dolly bird. Big fake bangers and everything.’
‘He won’t do it,’ Jessica said between gritted teeth and then flushed red as she realized what she’d said.
‘How do you know he won’t?’ demanded Kerry. ‘I told you I wanted to call Jill Cunningham. You haven’t gone and done it, have you?’
‘No,’ said Jessica quickly, feeling a bit like she might be about to throw up … again. Her mind scrambled into action, searching for an explanation. ‘I just – I googled Edward Granger and the show is happening just before his birthday, so he’ll probably be … celebrating that …’
It was a feeble and strange reply. Kerry gave her a weird look. ‘Right, well, it’s still worth a call, on the off-chance his agent might play ball, I reckon. Brosnan’s busy filming so can’t be persuaded and does anyone really want to see Dalton or Lazenby? Apart from Isy, I mean. No, Granger’s the only other Bond worth having, I reckon.’
Kerry smiled at Jessica but her assistant just sat rooted to the spot, looking as though someone had told her that her skirt had been tucked into her knickers for the last month. Then she stood up. ‘I’m going to the canteen,’ she said, leaving the office without so much as a backward glance.
Paul, one of the few people trying to do some actual work while all this was going on, watched her go. From the minute he’d set eyes on her this morning he’d known that whatever was up hadn’t resolved itself, and had been desperate to get her on her own ever since. So despite the fact he was in the middle of writing a speech for Bradley that was needed for an awards ceremony later in the week, he abandoned it and went to find her.
‘Jess!’ he shouted, having spotted her blonde head down the corridor. She’d obviously taken off at quite a speed and appeared not to have heard. Or had she? If anything, she’d picked up the pace even more. He sprinted after her, frantically trying to catch up as Jessica tore ahead. Things must be worse than he’d suspected for her to be acting like this. What the hell was going on? Finally he reached her and when he did he forced her to turn round and face him.
‘What is it?’
‘It’s nothing,’ she said, tears rolling down her face.
‘Please tell me,’ Paul implored, now terrified about what on earth it could be. ‘For God’s sake, Jess, what is it? What’s happened? Is it me? I know you’re not ill so don’t tell me that again.’
‘It’s nothing,’ repeated Jessica lamely.
‘I don’t believe you. We had such a great time on Monday night but two days later and you can hardly look me in the eye, so what’s changed between now and then?’
Jessica stared at her toes, unable to look him in the eye.
‘See me tonight?’ Paul persisted. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong but I hate seeing you so miserable and I just hope …’
Jessica looked up.
‘I just hope it’s nothing I’ve done,’ ventured Paul, looking as vulnerable as he felt.
Jessica blinked hard as she considered for the hundredth time coming clean about her situation, but couldn’t find the words. ‘I can’t see you tonight,’ she said eventually.
‘Right,’ said Paul, who felt like he’d been punched. ‘Why? What are you up to?’
Jessica sighed. She didn’t want to break Mike’s trust by telling Paul she was babysitting. Of course, ordinarily she would have loved nothing better than to be seeing Paul, but given what was going on at work now, hanging out with Grace and Ava felt like a far preferable choice anyway. They certainly wouldn’t be asking any complicated questions. Plus, yesterday, once the babies were in bed, Diane had ended up pouring her heart out to her about a few things and she was keen to make sure she was OK.
‘I’m … I’m … just doing something with Pam,’ said Jessica, feeling exhausted. Having to lie all the time was draining.
‘What are you doing with Pam?’ Paul enquired gently, breaking Jessica’s heart as he did so.
‘I just said that I would see her tonight, that’s all,’ said Jessica, her eyes pleading with him to understand.
‘Fine,’ said Paul, looking hurt.
‘How about tomorrow though?’ she suggested hopefully, not wanting to extinguish what had been started altogether. ‘I know it would be late but maybe we could have a drink after the show or something?’
Paul’s face instantly changed. He grinned with relief. ‘Of course I’m free, but on one condition.’
‘What?’ sniffed Jessica, wondering how bad she must look right now. She wasn’t a pretty crier. She was more from the ‘blotchy red patches on the chest’ school of weeping.
‘That tomorrow you tell me what’s wrong and why you’re so upset. Whatever it is I’ll understand. Trust me,’ he insisted.
Jessica considered this for a second, her face grave. ‘OK,’ she said finally and she meant it. Tomorrow she would tell him everything. Not about babysitting for Mike and Diane. That was different. Diane had confided in her last night and she wasn’t going to betray her trust by telling Paul. However, she would tell Paul who her mom and dad were, which would instantly explain why this whole Bond special was such a pisser to be around. That much she owed him and she’d just have to pray he’d understand.
‘Thursday it is then,’ he said, his face serious. He hated seeing Jessica look so sad and realized in that moment just how much he was starting to like her.
Tentatively he stepped towards her and, once he’d gleaned that a cuddle would be welcome, he gave her a hug. It was just the hug she needed and was also the first time that physical contact between the two of them had been anything but sexual. As Jessica buried her face into his chest she felt so safe she could have quite happily stayed there all day. Of course, seconds later, what had started out as comforting and friendly began to creep into the realms of sexual and arousing as it occurred to her how broad his chest was and how strong his arms felt around her. Meanwhile, he was aware of the feel of her breasts pressed up against him and was starting to imagine for the zillionth time what it would be like to be in bed with her naked.
Just at that moment Jeremy Paxman marched past, his presence providing a necessary reminder that they were in a corridor in the middle of the BBC and that feeling turned on was wholly inappropriate.
Paul pulled away. ‘We’d better get back,’ he said reluctantly, and an emotionally drained and confused Jessica allowed him to lead her back to the production office.
Later, Mike asked Jessica for a word.
‘Hi, there,’ he said, once she was in his room and the door was shut. ‘All set for tonight?’
‘Yes,’ said Jessica, ‘don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten.’
‘No, no, of course not,’ said Mike, looking faintly sheepish. ‘OK, I’m just going to come out and say it. Is there any chance you could leave work a bit early today? It’s just that, as you know, Diane hasn’t been feeling all that great recently and I popped home earlier so she could go to the doctor’s. Turns out she might be suffering from a rather severe case of the baby blues, maybe even post-natal depression.’
‘I’m so sorry.’
‘It’s fine,’ said Mike. ‘Well, actually, it’s not fine, it’s completely terrifying, but at least now we know. In fact, thank you for suggesting that she go. I think chatting to you yesterday really helped and I know how useful she found it having an extra pair of hands at bath time, which is why it would be great if you could pop along today. I’d go myself, but having snuck out once already …’
>
‘Of course I’ll go,’ said Jessica, pleased there was something she could do to help. Poor Diane.
Mike looked really sad for a second. ‘I should have known,’ he said quietly. ‘She hasn’t been happy for such a long time, but I kept putting it down to tiredness. Still, we’ll just have to do what it takes to get her well again.’
Jessica felt rather fond of Mike at that moment. She’d always thought Paul’s disdain towards him was a little uncalled for. She could tell he really loved his wife.
‘I’m pleased to help in any way I can,’ she said. ‘Besides, I’d love to give Grace her bath again.’ She wasn’t lying. She’d enjoyed her brief foray into domestic chaos.
‘Fab,’ said Mike. ‘You’re a star, and please don’t tell anyone else on the team, will you? I want this to remain private.’
‘Of course,’ nodded Jessica fervently.
‘I’ll make something up about why you’re leaving. Why don’t you get to mine for about six?’
‘Sure, or even five?’ she suggested, spotting an opportunity to wangle another hour off from having to hear anything to do with James Bond. ‘That way I could help feed Grace her tea. Diane mentioned that it’s always a bit of a logistical nightmare at that time of day.’
‘Really? God, you’re marvellous. I’ll have to start calling you Jessica Poppins,’ Mike teased.
‘Right,’ she agreed faintly, her heart too heavy to feign enthusiasm for crap jokes.
In the end, Jessica escaped the Bond-obsessed office even earlier, much to Natasha and Kerry’s annoyance. Still, if they hadn’t started playing ‘cliff, marry, shag’ and included her father in their sordid fun, she might have stuck around a bit longer.
‘But why would Mike arrange for you to go to a showcase and not me?’ said Kerry, who Jessica had been appalled to discover would rather shag Piers Morgan over her dad. She didn’t know whether to be pleased or insulted.
‘If this new comedian’s any good, why isn’t Mike sending me? No offence.’
‘None taken,’ said Jessica dolefully. She hated the fact things had to be so secretive but would have said anything by now if it meant being able to make a getaway to Chiswick.