by Jemma Forte
‘Maybe Mike thinks she needs cheering up?’ suggested Luke, giving Jessica a reassuring squeeze on the arm.
‘Or maybe he thinks you’re far too busy sorting out tomorrow and wouldn’t want to leave me in charge,’ improvised Jessica, which Kerry seemed to buy more.
‘I hope I don’t sound like a bitch,’ she said now. ‘I know you’re a bit down at the moment.’
‘Unbelievably sexy bitch,’ said Luke, approaching his girlfriend for a tongue sandwich. Jessica turned away.
‘Get a fucking room, would you?’ complained Natasha. Then, turning to Jessica, she said in a low voice, ‘Hope there isn’t any other reason why Mike and you have been having so many private conversations.’
Jessica didn’t have the strength to deal with her accusatory tone so she pretended that she hadn’t heard, grabbed her bag and made to leave, knowing full well that from across the office Paul was watching her go.
29
That evening, looking after Grace and Ava went unbelievably well. The children were gorgeous and Jessica found their innocence and simplicity a wonderful antidote to everything that was going on at the moment. The basic practicality required in order to tend to their needs appealed to her too. She enjoyed helping make Grace’s tea, making sure it was cool enough to eat, that she didn’t spill her juice and that she ate her vegetables. After much encouragement from Jessica, she even managed an ‘empty plate’, which pleased Diane so much she allowed the little girl to have ice cream for pudding. Jessica watched, fascinated, as she ate it. She’d never seen anyone concentrate so hard on eating anything before and it seemed to Jessica, at that moment, that children had it right. They lived completely in the present, not having the capacity to do anything else, of course, but were so able to enjoy small things as a result. Sitting at the kitchen table with Grace, Jessica experienced a rare stillness. At five thirty, while the rest of the modern world raced around, battling to make a living, coping with the strains and stresses of everyday life, Grace was oblivious to everything but her ice cream. Whereas Ava’s only concern was how much of her little fist she could cram into her mouth.
‘She was up half the night. I think she’s teething,’ Diane explained, looking even more tired than she had done the previous day. Still, she was also ludicrously excited to be going out and when Jessica had arrived early, saying that she wanted to give Grace her tea, she’d burst into grateful tears, which was a little alarming but understandable given that she’d just been diagnosed with depression.
Bedtime was chaotic. Grace was horribly over-excited by the unusual activity in the house and Ava was screaming, but as soon as the baby was in her cot Mike and Diane left, leaving Jessica to deal with their eldest. With her parents out of the way, Grace immediately calmed down and Jessica read her four stories before tucking her up in bed.
Jessica was just creeping downstairs when her cell phone vibrated in her pocket. Predictably, it was a worried Diane checking on how things were going.
‘They’re fast asleep,’ whispered Jessica, as she went to switch on the baby monitor in the living room. ‘I was just about to text you.’
‘And Grace went to bed OK?’
‘Good as gold.’
‘You’re an angel. Thanks so much and remember, if you need me, please ring, and you’ve got the number of the restaurant in case there’s no reception, haven’t you?’
‘Yes,’ reassured Jessica. ‘Now go and have a lovely evening and try not to worry. They’re fine and I promise I’ll call if I need you.’
Finally able to relax, Diane did as she was told and for the first time in a long time started to wind down and to talk to her husband properly and openly about how she had been feeling. By the time they were on dessert she already felt like she had more perspective on things than she had since Ava was born.
‘You see,’ she said, ‘I don’t actually think I am depressed. Not properly anyway. I mean, I don’t want to harm myself or anything …’
‘Jesus, Diane,’ exclaimed Mike.
‘What? Look, I’m sorry if you don’t like hearing about it, but I’ve been on the Internet and, believe me, that does happen to some women. But, the fact is, I’m saying I’m not that ill,’ she continued. ‘I probably just have a major case of the baby blues, stemming from being so knackered all the time. Do you remember how much blood I lost during the birth? Well, today the doctor told me that being anaemic can contribute towards post-natal depression.’
‘It’s the fact that you’ve felt like this but battled on without saying anything that I have a problem with,’ said Mike, determinedly not hearing the last bit of what she’d said. He was terribly squeamish and at the time had been convinced that childbirth was every bit as traumatic for him as it was for Diane. Still, having voiced this out loud once, he knew if he valued his testicles not to do so ever again.
Meanwhile, Diane was wondering how Mike could have been so dense as to have not realized how low she was. Surely the signs had been obvious? The daily tears, the inability to cope, the lethargy, the permanent bad hair days. Tonight was the first time her bronzer had come out in months, medicine in itself.
Still, Mike knew his wife well enough to suspect what might be going through her mind. ‘I’m sorry, Di,’ he said sadly. ‘I’ll do more to help, I promise. Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.’
‘Oh, it’s not your fault,’ admonished Diane, trying not to cry. ‘And I know I’m a nightmare to live with at the moment, but maybe having one proper night’s sleep a week would help? That and the pills. I think I need to think about going back to work when Ava’s a bit bigger too. I know I said I wasn’t going to, but I’m not sure I’m cut out to be a housewife.’
‘Well, whatever you decide you’ve got my support, and tonight you’re going up to the spare room. I can give Ava a bottle in the night,’ he said, a few weeks too late, reaching for his wife’s hand.
‘OK,’ said Diane, feeling choked. ‘Gosh, I can’t believe how much just having a tiny bit of a break has helped already. It’s pathetic really. In fact, I know Jessica works for you, but maybe she could come one day a week or something? Or even a couple of afternoons, till I’ve got myself sorted out.’
‘Why don’t we just call an agency tomorrow? There must be loads of great people out there,’ offered Mike, delighted that Diane was finally ready to accept some help, which in turn could only mean that life was going to get better for him. For them all.
‘I don’t know,’ said Diane hesitantly. She knew it was churlish, but she wanted Jessica. ‘It’s just, I like Jessica so much and they won’t all be like her. Maybe I’ll just carry on as we are? I’m sure Jessica will babysit again, so at least we can have another evening out. This has been nice.’
‘It has,’ agreed Mike, who knew what his wife was really getting at. But how could he entice Jessica away from her job without being sued for professional misconduct? ‘Now, coffee?’
‘Oh, yes, something to keep me awake all night, just what I fancy,’ replied Diane sarcastically. ‘No, I’ll leave that to the babies, thanks. Now, we should get back –’ Just then her phone bleeped, signalling a text. When she saw that it was from Jessica she almost leapt three feet out of her seat. ‘Shit,’ she said, panic making her look instantly deranged. Then, ‘Oh …’ Her expression changed to beatific in an instant. Her hand went to her chest. ‘Oh, she is amazing. Look, Mike.’
Mike took her phone and read:
All well here. Ava woke 4 a
min so changed nappy and
rocked back 2 sleep. V happy 2
give her bottle at 11 if you
like? Didn’t give 2 her now as
didn’t want 2 ruin routine.
Enjoy and don’t worry. Both
sleeping like … babies!
Mike looked at Diane’s face and could tell his wife was smitten. Not with him, but with one super, child-friendly, capable Jessica Bender.
30
As it turned out, Paul and Jessica never did get r
ound to having their drink that week, for the next day Paul’s mum rang to tell him that his sister Lucy had contracted the glandular fever virus. Fortunately she’d finished her GCSEs, but Anita was still incredibly worried as it could spell many weeks of illness for Lucy, which in turn would mean a lot of time spent on her own while Anita had to work. Hardly the carefree summer Lucy had been planning.
One side effect of Paul’s worry about the situation was that finding out about Jessica’s problems got sidelined. Not that Jessica minded one bit. She was only sorry to see Paul looking so troubled and wished there was something she could do to help. Of course, there was no way he could escape home during a show day, so he had no choice but to try and forget about it for the moment and throw himself into work instead. Later, however, once the studio had been wrapped, he came to find Jessica and, as she’d suspected he might, asked if she wouldn’t mind postponing their date.
‘I’m just a bit stressed out,’ he said, running one hand through his hair. ‘So I hope you don’t mind, but I want to be on good form when we see each other. Not fretting like I am now.’
‘Of course,’ Jessica replied, hating to see him look so anxious. ‘I totally understand.’
‘Thanks, Jess, I knew you would. Being from a single parent family and everything, you know what it’s like when you have to shoulder some of the responsibility.’
‘Sure,’ she answered, wishing she did, for then maybe she wouldn’t feel like quite such an inadequate human being at this precise second. ‘And, hey, it’s not like I’m going anywhere,’ she added softly.
Which was a good thing because glandular fever lingers in the system for ages, meaning that over the coming weeks Paul found himself spending a lot of time to-ing and fro-ing from Staines. Partly to keep his listless, bedridden sister company, and partly to alleviate his mum’s workload a little by helping out with the household chores Lucy would usually have done herself. As a result, for the time being anyway, his and Jessica’s fledgling romance was on hold.
Not that their feelings for one another were. On the contrary. In fact, at times it was borderline torturous being in such close proximity to one another at work, while trying to keep a lid on things for the benefit of their colleagues. Though in some ways (and she felt guilty for even admitting it) Jessica felt like she’d been given a reprieve, a bit of breathing space, during which she managed to calm herself down about the whole ‘Bond’ situation and get things in perspective. No one had suddenly found out who she was just because of the special, which made the whole thing start to feel like less of a problem. She was even growing immune to the constant references to her parents, which had eased off a little, though not entirely.
With Paul so distracted by what was going on at home and the two of them being so busy at work, the next few weeks slipped by before Jessica even had time to really register them. Typically, on the rare nights when Paul was free and up for doing something, she’d invariably have arranged to be at Diane’s babysitting. Still, they did at least manage to snatch a few lunches in the canteen together, and a few less intimate after-work drinks with everyone. On the whole, Jessica kept her head down, knowing that Paul was going through a tricky time and not wishing to add to his burden by nagging him about when they were going to go out.
Despite seeing him every day she missed him terribly, which was a strange conundrum, but in the meantime she was genuinely enjoying babysitting for Mike and Diane so said ‘yes’ whenever they asked. Slowly she was discovering she had a real way with children and Diane seemed to love having her around too. Not only because she appreciated the help but because she seemed to feel able to confide in her about all sorts of things. She’d even hinted heavily that she’d love Jessica to spend more time working for her, an idea which appealed, but not one she took particularly seriously given that she was currently employed by Diane’s husband.
Before Jessica knew it, July had been and gone, along with the variable weather. Suddenly it was August, London was in the middle of a heat wave and, unbeknown to Jessica, things were finally about to step up a gear on a few other fronts too.
On the first Thursday in August, Mike was prowling the studio looking for Jessica. Diane’s incessant nagging about Jessica had recently turned into a full-on campaign, which had finally paid off. Mike had been broken down and knew when he was beaten so had decided to address the situation. It didn’t take him long to find the object of his wife’s affections. Jessica was in the studio by the trestle table where the large urn was set up, making tea for Davina McCall, one of today’s guests. Kerry had assigned herself the task of greeting Will Smith and his entourage as they arrived. The whole studio was incredibly excited about his appearance.
‘Thanks so much again for babysitting the other night,’ Mike whispered, making sure no one else could overhear their conversation.
‘Such a pleasure,’ Jessica replied, wondering how to broach the subject she’d been mulling over all day. How to get time off to go to her dad’s party. She was growing increasingly worried about the fact she hadn’t yet sorted this out and suddenly the Bond show was looming scarily close on the horizon, as were Edward’s birthday celebrations.
Last night she’d phoned Edward for the first time in ages. It had been lovely to speak to him, though all he’d talked about was how excited he was about seeing her at the party. Not going wasn’t an option, but suddenly it was a mere month away. If it came to it, she’d have to quit her job. He’d also asked if she’d spoken to her mother recently and had sounded almost disappointed when she’d said she hadn’t, which was a bit strange.
‘Look, I’m going to come straight to the point,’ Mike said, looking around cautiously. ‘How would you feel about helping Diane out with the children some afternoons? Obviously I’d have to wangle it with Kerry somehow and, of course, there’s always the chance you might hate the idea of hanging out with my nutcase children and slightly depressed wife …’
Jessica raised an eyebrow in surprise.
‘Joking,’ said Mike airily, wondering why he always found himself saying the wrong thing. ‘Anyway, say if I’m being out of order, but you’re such a natural and Grace has really taken to you.’
‘Has she?’ asked Jessica, delighted.
‘Oh, yes. So has Diane. In fact, she’s been nagging me for weeks now to ask you, but I was just a bit worried about making you feel as if you were being coerced into something you didn’t want to do. I mean, Christ, you know what Diane’s like – if she had her way, I think she’d have me move out and you move in …’
Jessica deposited her used tea bag in the big black bin, smiling at the way Mike always talked himself into knots. Then she stifled a giggle as she remembered the picture of him in his too-tight swimming trunks. It made her giggle every time she was at the house.
‘I’d really like to …’ she answered truthfully. Any excuse to get away from the office was fine by her. Frankly, she preferred being with the little ones. Last night she’d remembered the chat she’d had with Pam when she’d first arrived all those many weeks ago, about wanting to do something with a point to it. Helping Mike’s family might not be most people’s idea of fun, but it was hers. She was obviously good at it too. She could tell by how desperate Mike was for her to say yes. This was the moment Jessica realized she should perhaps be bargaining harder.
‘I need a week off in September though,’ she blurted out. ‘I know it’s bad timing but I need to go back to the States after the special. If you let me go, I’ll definitely help you out.’ Jessica flushed red. If playing hard ball was the only way she could get home for her dad’s party then needs must. ‘But you’d need to think of something to tell the office.’
One more lie couldn’t hurt. She was already living in a web of pure deceit anyway.
‘Done,’ said Mike immediately.
‘Really?’ said Jessica, delighted that her first-ever attempt at blackmail had gone so smoothly. If she’d known it was going to be so effective she would have resorte
d to it far earlier. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Positive,’ nodded Mike. ‘Since you’re helping me out so much, I can make an exception. Go whenever you like, just promise you’ll come back. As for the other thing –’ he lowered his voice, having spotted Natasha ambling towards them – ‘I might tell Kerry that on Wednesday and Friday afternoons, say, I need you to do some research for another show.’
‘Whatever you think,’ said Jessica, ‘but I’d better go now. Davina’s tea is getting cold.’
The good thing about it being studio day was that nobody had time to sit around debating anything to do with James Bond, which made a nice change. The fact that Hollywood royalty was in the building was a good distraction too. Will Smith had arrived and seemed every bit as nice as his reputation. As Jessica ran an errand for one of his entourage, she couldn’t resist a grin. Her dad often played golf with Will and she could only imagine her colleagues expressions if she were to introduce herself to him as Jessica Granger.
The day sped by and Jessica only got a few tantalizing glimpses of Paul before the day was out, once at supper break and once when she bumped into him dashing on to set to discuss something with Bradley. As soon as the crew and team had been wrapped, however, he instantly appeared at her side.
‘Hey, you.’
‘Hi,’ Jessica replied. Never in her life had she known anyone who had such a huge effect on her physically. The minute she was in his vicinity she became a mess of swirling emotions. ‘How are you? How’s your sister? I feel like I’ve barely seen you this week.’
‘I know,’ said Paul apologetically. ‘The whole situation’s starting to take its toll on Mum a bit so I upped my visits this week. Still, Lucy’s finally feeling a bit stronger, thank God, so hopefully life might start getting back to normal.’