by Toni Aleo
I look over at him as he sits back, unloading his s’more from its maker. “Huh?”
“I want to tell our parents, but I want to talk to Jakob about it first.”
I sit up on my elbow, picking at my s’more. I don’t feel right about that. Not yet. “I don’t know, maybe we should wait. I hate to tell everyone, and bam, something happens.”
I don’t have to look directly at him to see the disdain on his face. “Something like what? You know I won’t hurt you.”
I zone in on my s’more, picking at the marshmallow and playing with it in my fingers, feeling a little self-conscious. “I know that, not intentionally, at least.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
I meet his intense gaze. “Calm down, killer.”
But I’ve pissed him off. “You make it seem like I’m going to be the one to fuck this up. I have no intention of doing so.”
I sit up, leaning on my knees. “I’m aware, and neither am I, but I feel like I’m in a little deeper than you are, and it makes me nervous that you won’t get there.”
His eyes burn into mine. “Can’t give me a chance?”
“I mean, you’re the one all closed off to the thought of it—”
“But I’m trying,” he insists, his intense gaze not faltering. “Do you feel I’m not?”
My mouth is dry. “It’s not that. It’s just that I worry it was so easy to do so with Jasmine—”
“For fucking fuck, can we leave that in the past?”
I press my lips together, my eyes narrowing. “Why are you being a jackass?”
“Because I thought we were doing great, and then you say that. I’m trying, and you’re the one who said you’d be patient.”
“And I am. But I don’t want to rush off, telling everyone that we’re together, and you decide you can’t feel what I feel, and this ends.”
It’s as if I’ve hit him. “That’s not fair.”
“Life isn’t fair,” I throw back at him. “Be honest. When we tell them, they’ll get excited and plan our wedding and name our first child. Are you ready for that?”
I can see the terror all over his face, but to my surprise, he says, “Yeah, it scares me, but I can handle it.”
“That’s what I mean. It scares you. I don’t want to do anything until you can look at me and want those things.”
“Ally, it’s been three weeks.”
And I’ve been in love with you for years.
I press my lips together and sigh heavily. “You’re right.”
He reaches out, taking my wrist in his hand. “I do love you.”
I shake my head because he doesn’t mean it the way I want him to mean it. “In the best friend kind of way, like we’ve always had. That’s not the problem or even why I am saying what I am.” Our eyes meet, and I can see the apprehension swirling in his gray depths. “Ash, I know I mean so much to you. But when I say that I’m past that, up on the next level, I mean I’m open for anything because I want you. Us. I feel like you’re stuck where we’ve been, and I need you to join me.”
He seems surprised. “I didn’t realize I was behind.”
I bite the inside of my bottom lip, lacing my fingers with his. “Which is why I’ve brought it up.”
He reaches out, cupping my face in his hand. He runs his thumb along my lip, and slowly his lips curve. “I’ll get there.”
“Sooner rather than later?” I ask with a small smile, but he doesn’t smile. It’s almost like I’m talking about one of those articles in a psychology journal that make him mind-numbingly bored. “I think as soon as you unlock all these feelings, you’ll find you’re already there.”
He brings me close to him. “The thought of losing you freaks me the fuck out, Ally.”
“You won’t, Ash. No matter what, I’ll always be there for you. I’ll always be your best friend.” I run my thumb along his jaw. “But I want to be more, so much more. Just hand over your heart and let me show you.”
His eyes drift shut as he presses his nose beside mine. Our lips are right there, but neither of us moves. We take in deep breaths, and I love the closeness. I almost think he’s fallen asleep, but his eyes blink back open and he whispers, “I’m really trying, Ally. I am. I’m just terrified, and you’re the one person I would ever admit that to.”
“You don’t have to be,” I promise, my eyes meeting his. “I won’t hurt you. I’d never hurt you.”
His lips capture mine, and with each kiss, we get hungrier and hungrier. It’s just so easy, as if we fit together. Just as all the bulbs on the jumbotron make a picture, we could make a future. I only wish he could see past what we’ve already had and see what we could become.
I pull back, breathless, my gaze meeting his. “Could I hurt you? Yes, we fight about the stupidest shit, Asher. But I would never break you. Have I before?”
He searches my face with his eyes, his gaze falling onto my lips before meeting my eyes again. “No.”
“Then trust that. Trust me.”
“I do trust you, Ally.”
Doesn’t he realize that means he can love me? Never in my life have I wanted so badly for a man to love me like I do with him. I see the love in his eyes; I feel it. I just need him to feel it and acknowledge his feelings. His wants. Before I can say anything, though, he captures my mouth and I melt back into him. As I undress him, I’m not sure how Fallon would feel about Asher and me doing it in front of her fireplace. But just like the marshmallow I got on the brick in front of us, what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Asher
I press Ally into the door, just as I have many times since our relationship started, and I capture her mouth. She’s supposed to be on her way to class and I’m supposed to be cleaning the scoreboard, but tasting her lips is way more important. It’s been almost a month since we started this, and somehow, someway, it still feels so damn right. I feel her in my hands and on my lips when she isn’t there. I crave not only her body, but her laugh. I’ve always thought she was funny, but she has this sexy, playful way about her that I never allowed myself to enjoy before. I love it. Sometimes, I am so hot and ready to hump her leg, but then she has me in stitches, laughing over the silliest shit.
Like now, she’s grinning against my lips. And I don’t even know why, but I’m excited to find out.
“What?” I ask, grinning too as I run my fingers along her collarbone. Her collarbone is by far the sexiest thing on her. I know—really, Asher? A collarbone? But hers, fuck, it’s hot. I love touching it, licking it, kissing it. But I like doing all those things to every single part of her.
Her sweet green eyes meet mine, and she runs her finger along where I swear I have a permanent dent in my face from the pirate patch I wore for so long. “I still miss the patch.”
I give her a dry look. “Are you telling me you aren’t attracted to me unless I’m a pirate?”
She nods, stone-faced. “It might be an issue. I went into this with a pirate, and now I’ve got this jacked-up, super-sexy man meat, and I’m unsure how to handle all that. I mean, Asher, you’re so fucking hot—”
“Okay, smartass.”
She beams up at me, stroking her fingers along my cheek. “I miss it.”
“I don’t. Now I get to see all of you with both eyes.”
Her fingers still glide around my eye. “I have to admit, it is easier having an eye for each of mine.”
“Exactly. I was getting a headache trying to take in all of you with just one eye.”
“But in a way, it may have developed into a super eye.”
“Ooh, that means I’m Cyclops.”
She goes wide-eyed. “Does that make me Jean Grey because, hello, I’d be so hot.”
I give her a sideways look. “Really? I don’t think you look right with red hair.”
“What? I dyed my hair Ariel red in high school, and you told me I looked good!”
“Oh, I lied,” I laugh and she glares. “You lo
oked terrible, but you were so excited, so I rode it out.”
“You bought me a fork!”
I nod. “Because it was funny to watch you comb your hair with it. Come on, Ally, it was funny!” I say since she is glaring even harder. “I feel like if you had the fork right now, you’d make me a pirate again,” I laugh, but she doesn’t think I’m funny. She’s so cute when she’s mad.
“You’d think right!”
“Can you stab this one? This one has had too much drama.”
She ignores my request. “I thought you loved my hair!” she yells, smacking my chest, and I gather her close in my arms.
“I loved it because you did,” I say simply, nipping at her nose. “For me, you’re perfect the way you are. Just you. Not like anyone else—only you.”
She curves her lips. “My stabbing feeling is subsiding.”
I grin as I kiss her top lip. “Good, I really wanted to take you to dinner tonight, but I don’t want to be on edge every time you grab your fork.”
Her grin grows. “While the thought of making you a pirate does arouse me more so than not, I have to admit, I love staring into your perfect gray eyes.”
I kiss the tip of her nose. “It’s still a grayish red.”
She shrugs. “I was thinking that, but I wasn’t sure how to say it without sounding insensitive. So, I’m glad you admit it.”
I snort. “We are the weirdest people ever.”
“We are,” she says, nipping at my bottom lip. “But I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
“Agreed,” I say, and I capture her mouth once more, simultaneously cupping her ass in my palm. When I pull away, she lets out the hottest meep, making me hard everywhere. “So, dinner? And back to my place?”
Her eyes stay closed as she slides her nose along mine. “Yes, and maybe.”
“Maybe?” I ask. “I’m highly offended by that maybe.”
Her face breaks into a grin as she meets my confused gaze.
“Did I snore last time?”
“Asher, you stay snoring,” she reminds me with a shake of her head, and I give her a wide, forgive-me smile, but she ignores it. “It’s not that, I don’t mind it. I have a lot of resumes to send off tonight. It’s my deadline, and I have classes all day, then practice, and now dinner because I like food, and if you’re paying, I’m there—”
“You’re rambling,” I say, and then I notice she’s nervous. Shit, is she still not sure about me? We haven’t brought up our first date at all. It really doesn’t need to be discussed. I get it—feel something for her, or let her go. Not that she came out and said that, but I know she’s worried. I know she said she can be patient, but I also know she wants to know she is getting all that she deserves. I feel I am giving it to her and then some. I know I have my issues, but I do care for her very much. So much, and I hate that she’s being weird. “What’s up?”
She swallows hard. “I just have a lot to do, and I want to blow it all off for you.”
I shake my head. “I know this to be true, but there’s more.”
Her eyes burn into mine for a moment. “Yeah,” she says, looking away. “Maybe we should discuss it at dinner.”
I perk my brow. “Discuss? What is that about?” She looks at her watch, unsettling me. “I’ve never known you to try to get out of a conversation.”
Something flashes in her eyes. Fear, maybe. But she has nothing to fear. It’s me. “I sometimes forget that you know me inside and out.”
“Yeah, that shit you pull with guys who don’t know you won’t fly with me. What’s wrong, Ally T?”
She licks her lips and then kisses right below my bottom lip. Her lips stay there, and I know it’s so she doesn’t have to look in my eyes. “Can we talk tonight?”
I remove my hands from her ass, reluctantly, and grab her jaw. I pull back her head so I can see all of her face. “You have nothing to worry about, Ally. I got you. You know this.”
She swallows hard. “I know.”
“Okay.”
“Okay, but I’ve got to get to class.”
I nod. “Okay.”
She doesn’t move. “You’re annoyed.”
“I am, but you’ve gotta go to class.” I love that I can be honest with her. I always tiptoed around with Jasmine, but with Ally, it’s different. I feel different. That has to mean something. “We can finish this later, but know I’ll be thinking of you all day.”
“Good or bad?”
I pinch her jaw, moving my lips along hers. “In a great way…but also a naughty one,” I say roughly.
I wink with my pirate eye, and she grins. “I missed your winky face.”
“I’ll miss you,” I admit, kissing her softly. She kisses me back, holding me by the back of my neck.
“I’ll miss you,” she says tenderly and then kisses me again. “I gotta go.”
“Okay. Call me when you’re done.”
“I will. You have lunch with your dad, right?”
“Yeah.” I kiss her once more, not letting her out of my arms. “Not sure what he wants to talk to me about, but I’m sure I’ll be uncomfortable.”
She scoffs. “Why?”
“Because! I always feel inadequate around him. I’m not Aiden—”
“No, you’re Asher,” she says simply, holding my jaw. “Pure perfection in your own way.” Man, something shifts in my chest for this girl. “I don’t know what it is about you and Posey and this older sibling thing you’ve both got, but y’all are the most amazing people in my life. He probably just wants to have lunch to spend time with you.”
I kiss her nose. “Thanks, Ally T.”
She beams. “Anytime, Ash B.”
I know she wants to say more. But instead, we kiss again, and then she rushes out since she’s now late. I want to stop her, I don’t want her to leave, but I always have been and always will be supportive of her. Just as she has been for me. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about what she needs to talk to me about. I’m pretty sure I know what it is, especially with the talk of resumes, but I’m not ready to cross that bridge yet.
As much as I didn’t want to come back to Nashville at first, now that I’m here, I’m comfortable. I love my condo, I love being close to my family but far enough away that I’m not in the line of fire between Stella and Emery, and I have two incredible jobs. Add in the fact that I now realize my best friend is more than that, and it’s easy to say, I don’t want to leave.
But if she is planning on leaving, what does that mean for us?
See? This is why I’ve never wanted to invest in a relationship.
With Ally T, though, there is no other choice but to invest.
When my dad suggested we meet at Dave & Buster’s, I was down. I love this place—games and food? It’s a good time. After finishing everything I needed to at Bellevue, I beat my dad here. So, when he finds me, I’m playing Mario Kart.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” I say as he towers over me.
As I look up at him, I realized I’ve missed him. He’s been gone a lot, scouting for the Assassins. It’s weird since he was home nonstop after retiring, but now, it’s like when I was growing up and he was playing for the Assassins. Only I live on my own and pray a lot that my mom doesn’t get murdered by my sisters. So far, so good. But you never know since he isn’t there to referee.
I get up and we embrace. I’ve never been super close with my dad. I love him, very much, and I know he loves me. But growing up, it was always him and Aiden. They always had more in common with their love for hockey and everything else. I think, with me, I was always too smart. I’m not saying my dad isn’t smart, he is, but he struggles to this day with his dyslexia. I think I intimidated him in a way, and for me, I’ve idolized him.
I love who I am, and I’m proud of that, but I’ve always wanted to be what Aiden was to him. I know it won’t happen, though. I’ve had him for all of my twenty years, but Aiden’s only had him for twenty-one of his twenty-eight years. Dad still feel
s guilty for those seven years he missed with Aiden, so he tries to make up for it, and I understand that. Plus, I know my dad loves me. Completely. I’m not jealous, but I do feel a little inadequate when it comes to our relationship, which is totally my issue. I’m sure if my dad knew how I felt, he would feel horrible, which is why I don’t tell him.
“Hungry?”
“Starved.”
He wraps his arm around my shoulders, and we find a table. A waitress comes to us quickly, and after ordering, my dad looks over at me. “Miss you, bud. Haven’t seen you in a while. How’s work?”
“Great, I think I love working for the Bullies more than the Assassins, though.”
Dad grins. “No shit?”
“Yeah. It’s crazy, but I feel I run things at Bellevue, and I have more to do. With the Assassins, it’s only one massive jumbotron, but with Bellevue, it’s two different ones. I know it’s silly, but it’s the truth.”
“Just like your momma, like to run things your way.”
I shrug. “I guess, but I’m stoked.”
“Good. That’s real good, bud.”
“How’s scouting?”
He exhales heavily as our drinks are set down. “Rough. I didn’t realize how overwhelming it would be. I thought I’d go to games and just watch. No, people attack me.” I laugh. “I’m serious. These parents these days, man. I had someone offer me ten grand to scout their kid.”
My jaw drops. “Did you do it?”
He scoffs. “No way. Not only would Elli kill me, but the kid didn’t even know the difference between a backhand and a slap shot.”
My eyes widen. “Are you serious?”
“Yes, man. Rich people think money controls everything nowadays, but not for me. I’m looking for talent.”
“Which is why Elli chose you.”
He nods. “Add in the fact that she made me retire early, and you’d be right.”
I laugh. “You were going to retire anyway. You cracked, snapped, and popped more than a Rice Krispie.”
He chuckles. “Isn’t that the truth. My hip still isn’t the same.”
I grin. “But it all happens for a reason.”