Torrents (DROPLETS Trilogy Book 3)

by Rauscher, Meaghan

  It was the way I held him too. He was the man I had fallen in love with, though he had changed. He was here before me, his arms, his chest, his eyes, his memories, and his soul. The part of my heart, which had been torn to shreds when he left, began to soar.

  It seemed forever before he let me go; he grasped my hands between us and placed his forehead against mine. The tears were gone, but for his shaking breaths, I knew he was still struggling to understand what all had happened.

  I closed my eyes and felt completely at peace, squeezing his hands with my own, his hair tickled my forehead. And when he spoke, his breath brushed against my lips, their meaning filling my mind with ecstasy.

  “I remember,” he said with perfect clarity, and I clung to his hands. Tears filled my eyes. The last time I had heard his voice was in the dungeon of Hyvar. His words came back to me now and the familiar tearing of my heart disappeared.

  My wonderment, of finally holding him once more, surged into uncontrollable joy. This was what I had thought I lost forever; what I had given up and moved on from. I was at home, at peace. And when he touched his lips to mine, I felt his familiar smile behind the kiss.

  The tears of joy began again.

  19. Acceptance

  Everything seemed new again. The sky was brighter, the sharp streaks of vibrant orange glowing as the sun settled beneath the trees.

  I felt as though I was flying, drifting upon the breeze, soaring with each crash of the far off waves along the shore. My joy rang forth, seeing him, feeling his hand in mine, in an entirely new way, only to have my emotions rush back and soar forward once more.

  My smile couldn’t be contained, even as the wind stirred, blowing my hair across my shoulders, I couldn’t believe what was happening.

  We had walked back to the cabin with our fingers interlaced; our hands swinging back and forth with the rhythm of our walk. Every now and again, I peeked up at him and had to look away before the heat flooded my cheeks. I couldn’t explain what was happening in my chest. My heart felt as though it was growing. Every time he touched me, it was like the first time. A shock ran up my arm when his finger brushed against the back of my hand, a sudden trembling in my stomach when his shoulder bumped into mine. I was smiling, inside and out. My whole body floating on a cloud, and when I thought of how he said he remembered, I felt the grin spread across my face.

  When we reached the stairs to the cabin, he never let go of my hand but led the way to the top. The way he slid his palm along the wooden railing made me realize how fresh he was to experiencing all of this again. It was all new to him, returning to who he used to be.

  I let my fingers slide out from his grasp as he walked into the cabin. His eyes roved over the chairs and table he had long ago labored over. When he passed his hand across the smooth wood, a hint of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. He was coming home.

  When his molten gaze turned to mine, he opened his arms and I stepped into them, slowly rejoicing in having him hold me once more. His fingers traced over my shoulders, caressing my back and leaving a trail of fire behind. A heavy sigh escaped his lips, and though I had my arms wrapped around his back, I looked up at him.

  “Happy to be home?” I asked.

  He nodded and continued to look around the room. “It’s all so confusing. I was just here.” He swallowed heavily. “It’s difficult—I don’t know—I’m trying to understand it all.”

  “Me too.” I gave him a little squeeze, looking upward. The side of his mouth lifted.

  “That helps,” he flexed his arms, and I returned my head to his chest. “How did you know?” he asked after a moment.

  “I didn’t.” I said, following his line of thought. I knew he would wonder how I had managed to trust him, even when he clearly didn’t remember who he was. Sometimes I didn’t even know why I had allowed myself to believe in him.

  “Lissie,” he whispered into my hair, causing my stomach to drop. I lifted my eyes to his, the warmth in them almost overwhelming. “You could’ve died,” was all he said.

  I raised my head from his chest, the fear in his slightly widened gaze spoke more than his words. The memories were plain upon his face; he remembered what he had done the night he followed me into the cave.

  “It was close,” I said squeezing him again, hoping he would understand.

  “Closer than you think,” he said and shuddered. His thumb brushed against my throat, in the exact place he had held my dagger, I trembled. He took a step back, releasing me from his embrace. Turning to the mantle, he placed his hands along the well-worn wood. I smiled to myself, remembering when he had stood in a similar manner not long ago. Sitting down in the center of the bench, I waited for him to speak.

  “I’m not the same anymore,” he confessed. The muscles in his back flexed beneath the thin fabric of his shirt and I could almost make out the scars, which crisscrossed over his spine in so many different places. “I remember, everything. What I did when I was human, and everything I’ve done since then. I’ve killed so many.” His head hung low.

  “By Morven’s command,” I added, and he whipped his head around, his eyes sparking for a moment.

  “By my own,” he said, shaking his head. “I knew what I was doing. When you said you wouldn’t come with me, I wanted to forget you. I let my anger consume me, forced it to. I could have fought it, but I didn’t want to.”

  I inhaled a silent breath, working to control my voice. “Come here and tell me.” I patted the wood beside me. He hesitated for a moment before moving across the distance between us.

  “Where should I start?” He ran a hand through his hair, the other resting on his knee; I scooted closer to him and interlaced our fingers.

  “Where you think it’s best,” I prodded.

  He huffed, not an irritated sigh, but more of an exasperation for how far back he would have to reach into his memories.

  “Then I guess that leaves me no choice,” he shook his head slightly. “I told myself I would never think of it again, but I want you to know how much you mean to me.”

  My eyebrows puckered together, uncertain of where he was going to begin. I had been expecting him to confess all of Morven’s misdeeds and commands.

  “When Verna brought you into the clearing during Nixie’s wedding, I thought I lost a part of myself.” His voice was deep velvet brushing against my skin. Each word eliciting a delicate softness inlaid with a memory of lost desire. “I knew I was strong enough to take on a merman, one or two at a time, but I had always known I couldn’t defeat Morven. Even if I tried to tell myself otherwise.” He gave a half-laugh that was anything but cheerful. “I had trained for years here on the island, but I knew I’d never be fast enough to beat him.

  “You stepped into the clearing so strong and beautiful, I couldn’t look away. Only when Morven called you by that awful name, was I able to understand what would happen. I lost all thought. I had to do whatever I could to protect you. And, well, you know what happened next,” he shrugged, and I squeezed his hand, recalling how he had fought and sacrificed himself. The trip to Hyvar had been a terrifying time, I had been certain he was going to freeze to death. His lips had been so purple and his face as white as I had ever seen it.

  “When he separated us, I thought I would go crazy from the fear of what he was doing to you. I spent the night alone, terrified. I tried to break through the metal bars, anything to leave the cell and find you.” He shook his head, his words beginning to run together and I struggled to keep up. I remembered all too well the hours I had spent pacing through the chamber, all the while wondering what Morven had done with him.

  “They beat me the next morning, and nearly every day after, sometimes every other day.” His back twitched, a seemingly unconscious movement connected with the memory. “If it wasn’t my back, then it was my stomach, my legs, my arms. Bolrock was very thorough. He was in charge of every single beating, except one. Morven whipped me once. I only knew because he didn’t say anything. Bolrock liked to tal
k.”

  Suddenly, he shifted his focus and turned to look directly at me. I knew he could see the tears which had welled up in the corners of my eyes. I had known all of this had happened to him. Morven had told me, Bolrock had told me, I had felt the dried blood on his arm, but hearing him confirm the truth of what he had endured, was almost too much to bear.

  “Your voice was the most wonderful sound in the world.” He spoke softly and I blushed even as one tear escaped my eye. “I was so afraid for you that night. Afraid I wasn’t going to last. I knew Morven was going to do the same to you as he had done to me. As much as I wanted to rely on my strength, I knew the end was coming soon.” He spoke softly, and I squeezed his hand again, before he looked away. “At the end of each beating, they asked me a series of questions. Simple things, like the color of the sky or what they had given me to eat, and sometimes I would get those questions wrong. But there was always one I got right.” He inhaled, it was a gentle sound like the retreating sigh of water over the ocean shore. “They would ask me your name, and I never failed.”

  My breath caught in my throat, knowing this was what Bolrock had meant. They had tried to break him, over and over again. Morven had worked to force him to forget himself and become the warrior. It never worked, until he thought I was gone forever. A grimace parted his mouth and I knew his thoughts had turned in a similar direction. I didn’t want to hear this part of the story.

  “Lissie,” he breathed, his voice had gone cold, a sudden chill ringing in its depths. “I endured it all, every punch, taunt, and whip; every freezing night and mindless session of abuse. All of it, until I thought it was over. Two days before you were put in the cell beside mine, he brought a human girl to my cell. She was young, not much younger than you, and he told me she would die if I didn’t give myself over to him. She was crying, her sobs echoing through the dungeon, but to give in would mean losing you. I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t kill you too. All I did was refuse to answer and that was it. He dragged her away and took her into a room.” As he spoke, the dark room Morven had led me to came back into my mind. “She had screamed and then it was silent. When he walked past me with her body over his shoulder, I vomited all over the floor. I don’t know what else I could have done, it all happened too quickly.

  “So when he took you away, I knew it was all over.” He turned back to me and I realized I wasn’t the only one with tears pooling in the bottom of their eyes. “You screamed, and I thought you were dead.”

  “Shhh—” I crooned, reaching up to place my fingers in his hair, even as the tears trailed along my cheeks. I wiped them away quickly. “I’m still here.”

  He swallowed heavily and his control took hold. As quickly as the water had formed in his eyes, it was gone. A fleeting moment of the past.

  “He didn’t even have to beat me after. He left me there, thinking you were dead. I don’t know how long it was, but I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, and then they asked me the questions again. I knew who you were, but I refused to say your name out loud. Before I could even shake my head, Morven cut open my hip and I blacked out.

  “When I woke, everything was dark. I didn’t know who I was, or if I was alive. I didn’t remember anything of my past and when Morven told me to stand, all I could think about was what he wanted me to do. It was like a cloud in my mind, not unlike when you’ve used your voice on me.” A shiver ran down my spine and I almost drew back in horror. “I lived in a fog, one moment blending into the next. I didn’t have a real thought of my own until the first time I saw your face, well, all except one.”

  He grew silent and I waited for him to elaborate. After a few minutes, I realized he wasn’t going to speak again.

  “What thought?” I asked, softly.

  “The image,” he said and nodded his head in my direction. “Well, now I know it’s a memory.”

  “What memory?” I asked, thoroughly confused.

  “You,” he said simply. “The first time I saw you on the cliff. The image of you, silhouetted against the orange sky when you first turned to me. You were smiling, I know now that smile soon turned to terror, but when the image played in my mind, all I saw was the smile.”

  “I’m confused,” I said, clearing my throat. “I thought you didn’t remember anything from before he changed you.”

  “I didn’t, except for what I thought was a dream of a blonde girl. You can’t imagine how surprised I was when you came into my room with Elik. You were a stranger to me, I saw you the moment you walked in through the door, but you didn’t notice me standing there. That’s how I knew you weren’t a mermaid, you would’ve seen me.

  “When you stepped into the moonlight, I recognized you. For a while after you left, I thought I was going crazy.” He laughed, a real laugh this time. I chuckled too, knowing he had already lost his mind by that point in time. “I couldn’t get you out of my head,” he shrugged, “not long after, I disobeyed Morven for the first time and left Hyvar.”

  I nodded, unsure of what to say.

  “And now,” he shifted his shoulders again, “I’m here, and by some miracle, so are you.”

  I smiled through the tears, which refused to fall, and ducked my head.

  “Thank you,” he said, stirring the air near my ear.

  “For what?”

  “For leaving me behind.”

  The words took my breath away and when I raised my eyes to his, I felt the painful tear in my heart begin to pull. This was playing dangerously close to what had nearly torn me apart. My decision to leave him behind had haunted me ever since I leapt from that window and fled into the night. I had known he thought I was dead, and still I had left him to think it was over.

  “They would have broken me anyway,” he leaned in and kissed my forehead. “You saved us by leaving that night.”

  The beginnings of a smile passed over my lips, even as my mind tried to comprehend what he was really telling me. Was it really true?

  “And thank you for one more thing,” he said, trailing kisses down my cheek and onto my neck.

  “What’s that?” I asked, breathlessly.

  “For never giving up on me,” he raised his eyes to mine; the brown depths drawing me in. “It was foolish, but I wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t.”

  I smiled spinning on a whirlwind, my emotions swirling in my chest. I attempted to speak, the word coming out in a gasp. “Anytime.”

  He chuckled, but just as suddenly, his gaze was filled with a sadness I could understand. We had lost so much time; time we would never get back, but there was so much ahead, I was too afraid to regret the past.

  “I’m not the same,” he said again, his head ducking slightly so little strands of his hair fell toward his eyes.

  “Neither am I,” I said and shrugged my shoulders. “I guess we’ll have to get used to it, because I’m just too tired of being away from you.”

  Without another word, I pulled his head toward mine and I was rewarded with a kiss more passionate than anything I had ever experienced. As his lips moved against mine, I felt his worries slip away and he placed himself in the moment. We were finding one another again, joining the past with the present, and there was nothing that would take us apart. His lips traced all over my mouth, my cheeks, my neck, and I sighed.

  “Zale,” the name passed through my lips in a sigh without thought. I froze, realizing my mistake, only to be rewarded with a wicked grin. He returned to my mouth to deepen the kiss. It was only when his mouth tightened and a smile formed beneath my own, I remembered how he used to kiss me like this. An exhale of pure delight left me and when I pulled back to bite my lip, he chuckled.

  Without saying a word, he pulled me to his chest and leaned back against the bench, his arms surrounding me in a security of warmth. I had my arms curled up before me. He was tracing circles on my wrist when his fingers stopped to brush against the hilt of my dagger.

  “I can’t believe you kept this,” he said, and I noted the way his fingers traced over the entwined
mertails.

  “Of course,” I said. “At the time it had only been for protection, but then it was kind of like having a piece of you with me. It was like you were still trying to protect me.” I felt his acceptance, even though he said nothing.

  “I always will,” he gave me a squeeze.

  “I know,” I said back and nestled my head against his chest.

  It grew quiet between us, as I was listening to the leaves rustle outside. The images and memories of our past swirled in my mind. Flashes of the dungeon and seeing him again for the first time dancing across the back of my eyelids. It all seemed to be a dream, but one I had lived, and somehow survived. His arm rubbed against my shoulder and I found my mind slowly drifting away.

  “We have to go back,” he said, breaking into my thoughts, and though I was almost asleep, I knew what he meant. The very idea was enough to make me cringe.

  “I don’t want to,” I confessed. It would be so much easier to leave all of it behind and remain on the island. To never have to worry about Morven again, or any of the Lathmorians, was a tempting idea. And still I knew it could never be possible. He was right, we would have to return.

  “I don’t either,” he said and pressed his lips against my hair.

  “Can we wait five minutes?” I asked even as a yawn passed through my lips.

  “Of course.”

  They were the fastest and most peaceful minutes of my life. As they came to an end, he unfolded me from his arms and stood to meet what lay ahead. With an extended hand, he helped me to my feet and just as I turned to leave for the door, he grasped my shoulders.

  “I want you to come with us.”

  My mouth fell open, “But you said—and Tunder won’t let me.”

  He shook his head. “That doesn’t matter now. You’re coming with us.”

  Without another word, he grabbed my hand and led us through the door toward the ocean waves. We ran into the surging foam, hand-in-hand, until the water reached our waists and we leapt into the air, transforming before crashing into the curling depths.