Manhattan Muse: A Contemporary Romance

by Wilde, Vivian

  He never once pressed the issue with prying questions and didn’t let the awkward silences drag on for too long. He was the perfect gentlemen, and it made me relax by the time dessert was served.

  “So, what were you doing at the gym?” I said. This was the last question I had on deck before I dove into the daunting ones about his co-star.

  “I am training for a sequel,” Nate said. “It requires me to be buff and manly, so I am back to eating boiled chicken and brown rice.”

  I gasped a little too hard, and it was then that we both realized the wine was kicking in.

  “That’s no way for a man to eat,” I said, trying to recover.

  “It gives me something to look forward to, knowing I will splurge with you,” Nate said, smiling. I flashed him one back before tipping my glass to my lips once again. I knew he was referring to my drinking as well as his plate that housed neither chicken nor rice.

  “I saw you at the Grammys,” I said. “You looked good in your suit. So did your co-star.”

  “Oh, Minka, yeah she did look stunning,” Nate said while polishing off his plate. “I, however, have a little known secret. I actually wear the same suit to every award ceremony. Gucci.”

  “You wouldn’t say,” I said, my eyes dancing with jealousy at the sound of her name. He recalled it so fast. I tried to tell my brain that it was overanalyzing everything as it usually does. He worked with her for months on end. Of course he remembered her name.

  Nate excused himself from the table and, in his absence, I did the only thing I could think to do to calm my breaking heart. I asked the waiter to pour me another glass. It escaped the glass as fast as it met it.

  By the time Nate returned, I was finishing off the last few bites of my dessert.

  “It’s really chilly,” I said in discomfort. By the look cast across Nate’s face, he knew I was lying, but he played along. “Can we go?”

  “Of course,” Nate said, grasping my hand in his before paying the bill.

  He led me down the lobby to the cab, held me in silence the entire way home, and walked me to my door. It was only then that I broke the silence.

  “I think you should come inside,” I said, grabbing his face and thrusting it into my own. I met his lips and dispelled immense passion on impact. I could sense Nate turning alternative solutions over in his mind as my hand caressed the side of his face over and over again with even strokes. “Please? I need you.”

  “I think it’s best if we wait until we are both sober,” Nate said, trying to stop the cut of each word from breaking my heart.

  “No,” I whined. I couldn’t help the way I was acting. Despite being one of the strongest, independent women, I had been reduced to a co-dependent mess. All I needed right now was a warm body next to me. “All I need right now is to express myself, and say all of the things that I haven’t gotten to say for six months. And, if I’m right, you wanted to as well. Unless talking about Minka and your weight training was your way of expressing your feelings?”

  Nate sighed. “I’m scared.”

  “I am too,” I whispered. A tear rolled down my cheek and I instantly hated myself because I knew it was taking the makeup I had painted across my imperfections down with it.

  “No, you don’t know what I did while you were gone,” Nate said. My heart sank as I assumed what he was referring to.

  “Yes, I do,” I said. Those three words were the most painful in all of my lifetime. “Come inside, please.”

  I led him up the stairs to my apartment and stumbled onto the couch with two glasses of water. It didn’t take long for my gaze to make Nate’s body engulf mine. He positioned me on his lap and ran his nails gently down my back as I planted light kisses along his neck.

  “I’ve missed you so much,” Nate said. His voice was shaking the most it ever had. “But don’t hate me when I ask you to stop.” I drew away from his earlobe. “I want to keep my word with you and take things slow.”

  “Why?” I said. “I’m here now. I’m right here. What’s wrong with me?”

  “Nothing,” Nate said, sighing as if he knew this was where the conversation was going to go. “I just don’t want you to wake up tomorrow and regret anything.”

  “I’m not going to,” I said. “Honestly, this is probably the only way we will be able to.”

  “That’s not a good excuse,” Nate said. “I love your body. I want you to love it, too.”

  “Well then, love it!” I yelled. I scared myself more than I scared Nate, who looked at me somberly.

  “I can’t,” Nate said. “I’m sorry.”

  “You can’t?” I yelled. “Why?”

  “Because-”

  “Because you fucked someone else?” I yelled. I got up after he didn’t defend himself. “That’s fine, Nate, believe me, I understand how it happens because of Adam.”

  “Do not compare me to Adam,” Nate said, becoming heated. “Do you know how much of an insult that is?”

  “I know how lonely it gets, OK? I wasn’t there. Plus, we weren’t really together.”

  “We were together. How can you even say that?”

  “Because I don’t want to need you.” I turned around and saw that Nate had gotten up. “I don’t need anyone.”

  “That’s not true,” Nate said, walking towards me.

  “You didn’t need me,” I said, still cutting jabs at him. I watched as each open wound formed on his heart.

  “I did need you,” Nate said, starting to weep. “I still do. And whatever you heard is not true. You can’t imagine how painful it is to hear that you believed what you were told without asking me first.”

  Nate started towards the door.

  “I saw the texts,” I said, following him. “I saw what she wrote.”

  That stopped him in his tracks. When he turned around, his face literally killed me inside. Despite being drunk, I felt like an awful person.

  “Did you ever stop to think that maybe that wasn’t her number?” Nate said. “Or that maybe there was more to the story than what Adam told you?”

  I was left speechless. I had never seen Nate so angered.

  “Wait, let’s start over,” I said, panicking. “This isn’t how I wanted the night to end.”

  “No, you wanted to glaze over everything with your body,” Nate said. “I don’t want that type of relationship. I’m too old for that deja vu. Maybe this is where we part ways.”

  His hand reached for the door and I crumbled.

  “No,” I said, sobbing harder. “No, wait, no. You can’t leave. Stop! Stop it, please.”

  “I will talk to you tomorrow,” Nate said, gently unclasping my hand from his wrist.

  “No, let’s talk now,” I said. “We have to talk now, or you will never come back.”

  He didn’t listen though. Nate walked through the door and shut it gently. I felt each of his footsteps echo down the stairwell dauntingly before the front door shut.

  I couldn’t help but fall to the floor.

  Chapter 19

  I lay on the floor in an emotional heap, not knowing what had just unfolded in front of my eyes. I remembered being fine outside, caressing his face – his soft, freshly shaven face – and wanting him to be mine tonight. And the next thing I remembered was his figure making its way out of my front door infuriated.

  I couldn’t remember a time where I had made someone so angry. Likewise, I couldn’t remember a time in which I was so emotionally invested, so needy of someone else’s affection. It was as if I had become a girl in the movies the moment I had woken up from my treatments.

  I wasn’t independent, self-proclaimed, confident Molly Sharpiro anymore, with a dance career and a knack for cooking good enough to land a gig in Hell’s Kitchen. I was the needy antagonist, who thought having cancer gave her a chip on her shoulder and a reason to treat everyone around her as mere pawns instead of human being’s with feelings.

  Grabbing my coat once more, I fled down the steps and out the door. I had tried to sleep, I
really had, but I couldn’t squelch my tears. My sobs shook my body right down to its core, jolting me awake from any possible slumber. I had to make this right. The guilt forming in my chest was too overbearing.

  Taking my credit card out of my wallet, I gently slipped it in between the lock and the door. Quietly, I shimmied it back and forth until it clicked. However, I soon found out that it wasn’t from my doing.

  The door swung opened and I met a puffy-eyed, exhausted Nate on the other side of the door.

  “You know, a knock would have sufficed,” he said, standing in nothing but briefs.

  “I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I said, already becoming defensive out of embarrassment. I knew what I was doing was wrong and totally inappropriate, but I couldn’t help myself.

  Nate’s body gravitated towards mine as I broke down. His strong arms snatched me up and held me close as I wrapped my legs around his waist.

  “I don’t chase boys,” I said, letting the tingling of his fingernail trails sink into my skin. “I make them chase me. But you are different. I feel so guilty. All I wanted to do was hold you and say I was sorry.”

  Nate shut the door and let his back slide down the wall. Sitting together on the hardwood floor, I felt his abs flex underneath my heat as his lips found mine in the darkness. They calmed my being as they trapped mine between their soft exterior.

  “It’s OK,” Nate whispered in my ear before nibbling its edge. “You don’t have to be.”

  “You always say that,” I said breathlessly. I felt my loins churn and I began to beg for his to meet mine. Pressing my breasts to his chest, I surrendered in his embrace.

  “Because it’s true,” Nate said. He rose with little effort and carried both of our weight to the bed.

  “Everyone deserves to hear an apology,” I said, kissing his naked chest. “You are no exception.”

  And with that, I felt him crumble beneath my fingertips. I let them linger in all the right places as I sat on top of his member, ever so gently rocking my warmth into his own.

  “Molly,” Nate said, sighing in satisfaction. “I am head over heels in love with you.”

  “Sh,” I said, running my fingers across his soft lips. “You can tell me all the words you need to with your body.”

  His torso rose to meet mine before burying his face into the nook of my neck.

  “I want to do both,” Nate said. He flipped me over with one arm and laid me on my back softly. He met my splayed body with his own and continued to whisper in my ear. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you more. The truth is I’m a coward. I told you everything I wanted to tell you while you were asleep in that bed, so that I didn’t have to fear your reaction. But I realize now that it was a horrible mistake – that you needed to hear those words more than ever.”

  The way his breath hit my skin was so arousing. I was becoming lost in his embrace. Between each new word, a kiss met a new inch of my skin. Just like the last time, I found his lips exploring places no others had dared to venture.

  “This is so new to me. Despite what you have envisioned, I have been out of the game for years. I have been hurt so many times that I didn’t want to let anyone in. But then I saw you, and I knew that there was more to you than what met the eye.”

  His mouth finished its loop around my body and drew close to mine. I felt his hand glide up my stomach and cup my right breast. Running a finger around its contour, it grazed the sides before escaping to sweep over my bare erect nipple over my shirt. It was then that I realized that I hadn’t even cared to throw on my undergarments before calling to him and, by the looks of it, it excited him even more.

  “I know you feel self-conscious and vulnerable right now,” Nate said, giving my breast a light squeeze before kissing it through my shirt’s fabric. “But just know that with me, there is no need. I haven’t seen anything that compares to how gorgeous you are, and that’s because nothing can compare to the strength I see when I look at you. No woman I have met has been so brave, so strong, so determined to take back what is rightfully hers.”

  Those words trickled across my skin like liquid sin. Nate knew all of the right things to say, and I didn’t know whether it’s because he wanted me to feel better or he believed them himself. They worked all the same. I didn’t have to lie to myself or ignore certain details like I did when I was with Adam.

  I met Nate’s lips with another passionate kiss. It turned into another, and another, and soon I had lost myself as his tongue found mine.

  “You know all of the right things to say,” I whispered as I took his hand in mine. “I think you get me.”

  “That,” Nate said, kissing me once again. “Or I am just one lucky bastard.”

  I laughed before blacking out in ecstasy.

  I woke up beside Nate fully clothed the next morning. Running my hand across his five o’clock shadow, I smiled to myself as I recalled how we had played all night with each other innocently. He never once crossed a boundary or tried to push a limit. He was merely content with being next to me, and I next to him.

  As he awakened underneath my sweeping hand, I nuzzled my head into the definitions of his chest.

  “I have to get going,” I said. He stretched underneath me before complying with my wishes. We both knew I had no place to go, but I didn’t want him to be the first to suggest that I leave.

  Nate’s hand met the small of my back.

  “I guess now would be a good time to tell you all of the things I didn’t say because it might have ruined the night,” Nate said with a chuckle. “First, I’m leaving for LA tonight after we finishing shooting.” I met that disappointment with a whine before it was hushed by one of his kisses. “I miss my dog, and my friends. Second, Minka and I have a rough past. She was one of the girls that broke my heart. She messed me up pretty bad, but I don’t want that to come in between us. I went to an after party with her, and ended up letting her crash in my spare bedroom, but nothing happened.”

  “It’s the past,” I said, becoming coy. “And frankly, it should stay there regardless. Like you said, we should take things slowly.”

  “Agreed,” Nate said, kissing my forehead. “I really enjoyed last night. I’m glad you showed up at my doorstep for a change. I now know that we are on the same level because I was about to show up at yours uninvited for the second time.”

  I gave him one last kiss before turning towards the elevator.

  “I’m flying you out west the first chance I get,” Nate called down the hallway.

  “Keep me posted,” I said. “Because I’ve never been.”

  Chapter 20

  Two weeks had passed since that night with Nate. I hadn’t talked much to him, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t trying to talk to me. Every day, I would receive a text revealing another one of his sweet thoughts.

  I plan on taking care of you, so please don’t worry in my absence.

  He was worried about me, so much so that he was counting the days until it was safe to put me on a plane. After being away from each other for so long, I was beginning to side towards secretly risking it.

  The only thing I worry about is you finding someone else to love who is still, in every way, a woman.

  It didn’t take long before itinerary found its way into my email inbox. I was to fly to LA in a little over two days.

  That is impossible after everything I have told you.

  “Nothing is impossible,” I said to myself as I turned off my music. “Except buying a new wardrobe. That is near impossible.”

  I sat in silence while pondering the stores I could afford to get bargains at until my phone lit up once again. However, this message wasn’t from someone I wanted to talk to.

  Sax Fifth, you and me. Please? I want to apologize.

  I looked at my phone in disgust, first because of the name illuminated on the screen and second because of the location. I hated Sax Fifth, almost more than I hated the thought of having to endure it with Adam. He always did this when he sc
rewed up. It was as if money had some magical powers to heal the worst of situations. However, this opportunity couldn’t have come knocking at a better time. He was, for once, convenient for me.

  Meet you in an hour.

  Sax Fifth could make a rich person feel poor. So, you can only imagine how the poor feel when they enter its double doors. It was beautiful, with lighting that gave every inch of its iconic confinements a magnificent glow, but it made me feel more uncomfortable than worthy.

  I waited in the warmth of my apartment until I saw Adam’s driver show up. Popping a bottle of champagne, we rode in silence slowly sipping our bubbly across the avenues. To my surprise, Adam was for once speechless. I would have enjoyed it more if it wasn’t unbearably awkward.

  When we walked in, Adam placed his hand on the small of my back, making me cringe. I felt the anger rise within me as I thought of all of the places that hand had been on the other woman. I looked at him in disgust and watched his shoulders slouch in defeat.

  “Anything you want,” Adam recited the way he had a million times. “On me.”

  However, unlike the million times before that had gone like this, I wasn’t conservative with what I wanted. I grabbed everything I would possibly need for my trip to Cali. I piled things in his arms until I couldn’t see his face – Chanel handbag complete with a full makeup bag and cosmetic essentials; Chanel sunglasses; Gucci heels; Choo heels; three evening dresses; sexy lounge wear; elegant dinner attire; one stunning swimsuit; wonder bras; delectable panties. By the time lingerie was being swiped, Adam became uncomfortable.

  “What do you need these for?” Adam said vulnerably.

  “You never asked me what I needed,” I shot back, eyeing him with intent. “You asked me what I wanted.”

  He complied shortly after and we walked out the front door with every salesmen waving at us in appreciation. We rode across town in silence before curbing in front of my front door.