by Layla Silver
He explained the extensive testing involved in making sure that both father and surrogate were healthy before eggs and sperm were harvested, combined, and implanted. “Your physical check-ups during the pregnancy would take place there, too,” he told me.
When we’d gotten a full tour and had a chance to ask our questions about the physical campus, he took us to meet the pairing agent. Edna Robbins was an older woman, but she had keen eyes and a friendly face that quickly set me at ease. Nathan and I sat down beside one another across from her.
“There is a lot involved in pairings,” Edna told us seriously after we’d gotten the pleasantries out of the way. “Particularly for shifters, who have extra factors to take into account. There’s genetics, of course—making sure we avoid any high-risk combinations. But it’s essential to take donor and surrogate personalities and approaches to the situation into account, as well. I understand from your file that you two already know each other?”
“Yes,” I answered. “Nathan is the Alpha of my pack.” I intentionally did not add, he was almost my mate.
“I see.” She looked between us, then focused on me. “Forgive me for asking this, Ms. Hargate, but you are not under pressure from your pack to participate in this, are you? Because if you are, we can offer you protection.”
Nathan bristled. I could see the Alpha in him preparing to snarl out a vicious answer.
“No,” I said quickly, shooting him a quelling glance before meeting Edna’s eyes. “Nathan has been absolutely clear that he will understand if I’m not interested. This is my choice. I want to.”
Beside me, Nathan relaxed, and Edna beamed. “Excellent. So long as that is the case, we’ve had only positive experiences in situations where the father and the surrogate know each other and enter the process with full consent. I expect everything will go just fine. Now,” she stood up, “let’s get you both in for your physical exams since nothing else can happen until those come back clear.”
Elton reappeared and led Nathan in one direction while Edna guided me in a different one. A whirlwind of tests followed. There was a full standard physical, a full gynecological exam, blood testing, and the most comprehensive family medical history interview I’d ever experienced. After that, I was escorted to the psych office, where I had coffee with a wonderfully kind woman. Although I suspected the interview was carefully scripted, it didn’t feel that way at all, and I was grateful.
Finally, I was returned to Edna. Nathan was already there when I stepped into the office, in the middle of discussing the financial aspect of the process with the pairing agent.
“I don’t want Celeste to get billed for any of this,” he asserted, flipping through a sheaf of papers. “Where do I mark that on here?”
“Let me see.” Edna appropriated his papers and shuffled through them, then gave them back with a particularly complex-looking form on top. “This one. Third section, box on the right.” She smiled at me. “There you are—the surrogate bit of things always takes longer. Here.” She handed me a stack of papers as thick as Nathan’s. “These are the forms you’ll need. I strongly recommend that you take them home and take your time going through them. She pulled out a pink highlighter and circled a number three pages in. “This is the number for the legal department.” With a yellow highlighter, she circled the number below it. “This is for our counseling department. If you have any questions or concerns—any at all while reading this—call them, and they’ll walk you through it.”
I assured her I understood.
“Then you’re all done for now,” she announced. “Take the papers home, go through them, and we’ll contact you about next steps as soon as we’ve gone over all the test results.”
“Thank you.” I made sure all the forms were neatly tucked in their folder, then got up to leave.
“Wait,” Nathan said, gathering up his own papers and rising. “Let me walk you out.”
I almost protested—boundaries—but it occurred to me that he might have concerns and want to talk about them privately, so I acceded. We said our goodbyes to Edna and stopped at the front desk to return our name badges to Victoria. Nathan held the doors open for me as we exited but still didn’t say anything until we had nearly reached my car.
“Celeste.” He paused, frowning.
“Spit it out,” I ordered, unlocking the car and tossing my purse and papers inside before turning back to him.
He blew out a breath. “I’m your Alpha.” He started to lift his hands, then dropped them again, fisting them at his sides. “I don’t want to cross the boundaries you set, but this …” His jaw worked as he tried to come up with the words he wanted. “Your well-being comes first,” he said, finally, his intense gaze resting on my face. “As your Alpha, it’s my duty to protect you and support you however you need it. The baby is going to be mine, too, and there’s nothing I won’t do for it—him. Her.”
I smiled slightly at his fumbling, my heart softening. He really was going to be an incredible father and a superb Alpha.
“I just need to know that you’ll tell me,” he said firmly, “if you need something, or if the baby does.”
“You’re a good Alpha, Nathan.” He looked startled at my words, and I risked reaching out to touch his arm gently. “The boundaries aren’t about cutting you out. I will call if I need something.” I hesitated. “You can call, too. About this. If you need to. We’re going to be partners in raising this baby, so it would be good if we could … talk to each other. Reasonably.”
“Right,” he said, relieved. “I—thank you, Celeste.” He stepped back, seeming to gather himself. “Drive safe.”
I nodded, slipped into my car, and shut the door.
***
Tossing the stack of papers onto the nightstand, I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, my thoughts churning. The paperwork was perfectly clear—the deal was exactly what the Elders had said it would be. I would provide eggs, Nathan would provide sperm, and the clinic would combine them to make our baby. Then they would implant it into me and, when it was born, my official and legal responsibilities would end. All parental rights and custody would go to Nathan. I’d be free to go back to my single, childless life, but I’d have visitation rights. I could still see my child—go to sports games, take them for a day here and there, whatever I was comfortable with. He or she would know me and understand that they were loved. They’d grow up safe and happy.
Safe and happy in a pack that isn’t at risk, my mind emphasized. Every child in the pack would be safer and happier after this. Hell, every member of the pack would be safer, no matter what their age. This might be the only thing that could save us from falling prey to Kurt or half a dozen others just like him. It might be the only way to get the pack sorted out at all for generations.
It would be a sacrifice—there was no sugar-coating that. Pregnancy was strenuous, and it would be a defining feature of my life for the next nine months if I agreed to this. Sharing a child with Nathan would mean irrevocably making him part of my life, too, and raising a child even from a distance was no small feat.
The pack is everything, I heard my mother admonish again. Yes, this was a big deal, but in the larger scheme of things, it was a small price to pay to help so many people I cared about so much. I was the only one who could do this, and I had a responsibility to my pack.
It wasn’t just a sacrifice, either. I would get my own beautiful pup out of the deal. One of the longed-for babies Nathan and I had dreamed about years ago before everything fell apart. For all that I’d insisted to Katie that I didn’t need a family of my own, there was something irresistible about reclaiming that tiny piece of the life I’d so badly longed for.
It wasn’t even a decision, really.
Climbing out of bed, I grabbed for a pen and scribbled my name on the signature line. Biting my lip, I stared at the phone. Partners, I reminded myself. Picking it up, I punched in Nathan’s number.
“Sloan,” he answered, sounding distr
acted. Was he wrapped up in the paperwork, too?
“Nathan? It’s me. I’m sorry to call so late.”
“Celeste.” He sounded startled but immediately recovered. “No, it’s okay. Any time, you know that. What is it?”
I swallowed and clutched the phone a little tighter, giddy energy blossoming in my chest. “I just wanted you to know … I signed the papers. I’m in.”
Chapter 7 – Nathan
I skimmed over the email one more time before hitting “send.” It was headed to a client who was decidedly particular about things like grammar and punctuation, so accuracy counted. Leaning back in my chair, I rubbed my eyes and contemplated a fresh round of coffee.
It had been an early morning. I’d started with pack business, accompanying Anna and Joe to a parent-teacher conference for their son Noah. He’d been struggling in school for weeks now, and so far, all pleas to give him the support he needed had fallen on deaf ears. Frustrated by their lack of headway, they’d come to me for help.
Posing as Noah’s godfather, I’d set up a meeting for all of us with not only his teacher but the principle, the school counselor, and an educational assessment specialist. That had gotten everyone’s attention in a hurry. It wasn’t a pleasant meeting, but by the time we’d walked out, Anna was nearly in tears with relief. We’d negotiated an entire suite of support services for Noah, and I’d insisted they all be put in writing.
I’d had the fascinating thought on the way home that in a few years, I might find myself in Anna and Joe’s shoes. If everything went to plan, it wouldn’t be that long before I had a child in school myself. Things I’d always watched from a distance would become my everyday reality—back to school shopping, homework checking, permission slips, parent-teacher conferences. It was an alien world, but one that I found myself strangely looking forward to entering.
Of course, there were … other steps that had to come first. Namely, my appointment this afternoon. I’d shied away from thinking about it too much ever since I’d set it up. It was one thing to acknowledge intellectually that I’d need to provide a sperm sample to get the baby. Trying to imagine myself with my pants around my knees at the agency, getting off into a sterile jar was something else altogether.
I cringed away from the thought and pushed up out of my chair. I definitely needed more coffee, and then I needed to get my head back in my to-do list. Weirding myself out wouldn’t make this afternoon any easier.
It’s just business, I told myself, heading for the kitchen. Guys did it every day. Unconvinced by my own self-talk, I grimaced as I reached for the coffee pot. For a fleeting moment, I was unreasonably envious of Celeste. Objectively, she had the worse end of the deal. She’d undergo a totally clinical procedure to have her eggs collected. At least, I’d get off providing my contribution.
The thought did nothing to make me feel better.
Sighing, I hit the button on the coffee maker and turned back toward my office. I really needed to concentrate on something. Anything. Anything at all except for the appointment this afternoon. Back in my office, I made every effort to bury myself in work, determined to distract myself by any means necessary.
It didn’t work.
***
Only years of practice projecting calm and control regardless of how I actually felt kept me from shifting uncomfortably in my seat. There was something uniquely bizarre about sitting across the desk from a woman technically old enough to be your mother having a polite and professional conversation about jerking off. It was like being back in middle school health class, but a thousand times worse.
“Do you have any questions?” Dr. Carlton asked, peering at me over the rims of her fashionable glasses.
If I asked questions, this would take longer, and I had been ready for it to be over ten seconds after it had started. “No.”
She gave me an amused look but rose and led me through a side door and down a hall. She checked the chart outside the room, then unlocked the door with a ring of keys from her pocket.
“As I’m sure you read in the information packet,” she said, briskly, “you’ll find everything you need to produce a sample inside the room. Please don’t hesitate to take advantage of it—we’re not watching or recording what you use, so your preferences will remain entirely private. Direct the sample straight into the jar provided and put the lid on it promptly—we don’t want any contamination. There’s a bathroom attached for any cleanup you need after the fact. You can just leave the jar in the room when you’re finished—a tech will be around to collect and tag it.” She looked me up and down. “There’s no rush, Mr. Sloan. Take your time and give us a good sample. If you need anything, there’s a phone in the room that can connect you to the reception desk.”
“Thank you.”
She smiled, nodded, and left.
Taking a deep breath, I walked into the room and shut the door.
Half an hour in, frustration had joined awkwardness in epic proportions. Objectively, whoever had set up the room had done a good job. There were stacks of skin flicks and explicit magazines, and even a few toys sitting discretely on a shelf. The furniture was comfortable and everything was clean and high-end. It just … wasn’t working for me.
I simply couldn’t get my head past the fact that I was sitting alone in a room with doctor’s orders to jerk off into a jar. When I walked out, I’d have to pass the very sweet receptionist who would no doubt know exactly what I’d been doing. As someone who preferred to keep my private life private, it was frankly mortifying. I wasn’t a prude by any means, but sex had always been personal. Celeste and I—
I stopped that thought cold. She wanted to keep things between us professional. Imagining her beautiful body naked beneath mine while I jerked off was the epitome of not professional. Still, even just the idea of her made my body perk up. Shit. I didn’t want to betray my word to her, but if I didn’t make something work, we were going to have bigger problems.
I’ll only think about before, I bargained with myself. Those memories were rightfully mine, and I’d been treasuring and reliving them for years. Doing it again now wouldn’t be any new offense to Celeste. Determined, now, I positioned myself against the wall, near a small side table, with a bottle of lube and the sample jar open on the flat surface beside me.
Getting as comfortable as I could, I lubed my hand and tentatively touched myself. Sliding my fingers over my cock to spread the lube, I searched my memory for something enveloping enough to make me forget where I was and the strangeness of what I was doing.
My head immediately jumped to a late summer night a few months before I’d left. Celeste and I had snuck out and driven to one of our favorite spots deep in the woods. My body responded to the vivid memory, my cock hardening under my slick fingers. I firmed my strokes, letting my eyes fall shut as I sank deeper into the memory.
It had been a couple of days since we’d been able to see each other, and I was beyond eager to touch her. I’d barely gotten the car shut off before we tumbled into the backseat. I’d pulled her into my lap, eagerly tugging her t-shirt off and mouthing kisses across her throat, down her shoulders, and over her chest. The moonlight turned her skin silver, and she’d arched her back, offering herself up for my touch. I let out a low moan remembering the soft sounds she made when I stroked my hands up and down her sides and the way her thighs had clenched against mine.
She’d gasped my name as I undid the front clasp on her bra and pushed the fabric aside. She’d whimpered when I sucked one of her soft pink nipples into my mouth, then fisted her hands in my hair and held my face against her when I started teasing her with my tongue. She’d squirmed, too. Fresh heat flooded through me, and I thought about how good she’d felt wriggling against me, every move grinding her core against my throbbing erection.
I’d drawn it out, switching to tease her other breast just as thoroughly until she’d whined and pawed at the fastener on my jeans. I stroked myself faster, thinking of the clumsy mess we’d made shucking our c
lothes and getting a condom on my throbbing cock. She climbed back on top of me and wrapped her arms around my neck as I positioned myself at her entrance. She’d been so ready.
I moaned aloud as I remembered the way she’d sunk down my shaft, taking my whole length inside her. I got in two thrusts before she started shaking. Pleasure shot up my spine, and I could feel myself starting to tremble. I grabbed for the sample jar and then dipped back into the memory.
I remembered grinning as I put my thumb to her mouth. She’d blushed crimson but held my eyes flirtatiously as she licked and sucked the tip. Then I’d wedged my hand between us, finding her clit, and she’d squeezed her eyes shut, biting her lip against a wail. God, I’d loved learning to touch her like that. She’d been terrified to teach me, horrified what I might think if I knew she touched herself. But once I’d convinced her to show me, I couldn’t get enough of the helpless little noises she made when I stroked her just right.
“Lean back,” I told her in the memory.
She had, the heels of her hands digging into my knees, putting her whole beautiful body on display for me. I’d jostled my hips for a better angle, barely able to breathe over how good she felt clenching down on my swollen cock. I’d jerked my hips, driving myself up into her messily as I circled my thumb right where she needed it. There was nothing in the world except her tight, wet heat, the grip of her hands on my knees, her slick nub under my thumb, her hard nipples still glistening from my mouth in the moonlight.
She cried out when she came, a gloriously wanton sound that made me feel high. Her body had clamped down on mine in her climax, her inner muscles driving every last shred of control out of me, pushing me over the edge.
I groaned long and low as the tension reached a breaking point and snapped, pleasure swamping me. I spurted helplessly into the jar, everything swept away except for the vision of Celeste’s perfect body locked around mine.