Learn to Fly

by Heidi Hutchinson

  Lenny's heart pounded at his words. His intensity, his truth...it was exquisite.

  She didn't get a chance to respond because Mike rejoined them at that moment. He staggered from the back of the bus, his messy brown hair even more mussed. He rubbed his sleepy eyes and looked back and forth between Luke and Lenny.

  “That's not where I left you.” He winked at Lenny and she felt her face flush as she remembered where she had awoken only a short time ago.

  Mike chuckled at her discomfort and got a bottle of water out of the fridge.

  “Hey, throw me one of those,” Luke called to him and Mike tossed a bottle his direction.

  “You joining us for movie's and popcorn tonight?” Mike directed at Lenny.

  “I, uh,” Lenny stammered. She had no idea what she was going to be doing that night. She hadn't discussed it with Carl. But more than that, she was still reeling from the complex emotions that Luke had stirred in her.

  “When we park we're going over to the Red Bus, you're coming with us.” Mike held up his hand to stop her weak protest. “We're the ones who asked you to come on this crazy adventure, it would rude to ditch you.”

  Lenny sighed in mock disgust but she gave him a smile. “If you say so.”

  She locked eyes with Luke momentarily. It was enough to cause her heart to stall. He was beautiful. And not only on the outside.

  ***

  They arrived in Virginia Beach around eight that night, the buses parked and everyone disembarked. It had been a long two weeks. Crew and personnel scattered almost immediately.

  They weren’t staying in hotels for a lot of the tour because they were trying to cut costs. The band had to prove themselves as a big draw again. They had decided to buy their own tour buses which helped keep the crew comfortable during their crazy, sometimes back-to-back performances. The schedule they were on was hairy, but they were more than prepared for it. The investment of the transportation and skipping hotel accommodations for the majority of the trip, had been an easy and efficient way of getting the label's backing for such a date-heavy tour.

  The band would all go separate ways tomorrow for the day. But for the night before, they all gathered in the Red Bus to go over music Sway was working on and watch movies. Having Lenny tag along was a natural addition to their close knit family.

  Mike could see her apprehension and decided to give her free rein of the remote control. He understood the complex idea of an outsider trying to fit into a dynamic that was already tight and bonded. It couldn't be easy.

  Lenny smiled gratefully as Sway placed the popcorn bowl in her lap. That was something concrete Mike had picked up on, Lenny liked to eat.

  Blake was already popping more for everyone else. Lenny started to flip through channels; she paused on ESPN sports network for a moment. She casually glanced around, not noticing Mike lounging in the back, watching though half lidded eyes. She turned her attention back to the sports update.

  He watched as her body noticeably shifted closer to the screen. Her eyes lit up while the channel showed images of snowboarders practicing in anticipation of the Winter X games coming up in a couple months. Mike caught Luke’s eye and raised his chin in Lenny’s direction.

  “Find anything good yet?” Blake asked abruptly and she quickly changed the channel.

  “Not yet.” Lenny replied, scrolling through the list again. She eventually settled on an old classic movie. An American in Paris with Gene Kelly. Mike was a sucker for old movies and it distracted him from asking Lenny about the snowboarding.

  “You don't really like this, do you?” Blake made a face at Lenny.

  “Well, it's no Brigadoon...” Lenny smiled.

  “Brigadoon!” Mike heard himself shout. He knew he had just gotten more excited than his usual. Everyone turned to stare at him. “You like Brigadoon too?” He asked Lenny, getting up and moving onto the couch so he could be closer to her.

  “Holy crap, yes.” Lenny giggled.

  “You've got to be kidding me!” Blake grumbled. “There's two of them?”

  “I always wanted to be Cyd Charisse when I grew up,” Lenny confessed.

  Mike didn't know the last time he had been this happy. He was the only one who ever got into the old movies, especially the musicals. He saw Blake roll his eyes but ignored him.

  “I made my mom sign me up for ballroom dancing because I wanted to be the next Gene Kelly.”

  “How did you end up becoming a drummer?” She asked, her smile wide.

  “Turns out I have a great sense of rhythm but two left feet.” Mike grinned and took some of the popcorn she offered.

  Mike and Lenny talked through the whole movie. They raved over the actors and the characters and the plot line. They exchanged quotes from their favorite classic movies, trying to best each other in a guessing game. Mike knew they were driving the others crazy but he didn't care. His chess game with Lenny had shifted into ping pong and she was volleying with equal give and take.

  “When did you get into the classics?” Lenny asked.

  “I'm not sure, they were always a part of my life. But I got reattached while I was in rehab. ” Mike stated matter of fact. He sensed the mood of the room shift. He hated that. Anytime his past drug use came up, everyone started using kid gloves.

  “I’m sorry,” Lenny’s eyes were apologetic.

  “It’s not your fault,” Mike stayed casual. “I have a problem; it’s something I have to be able to acknowledge. It’s what keeps me on track.”

  The room was quiet, Lenny looked into her lap.

  “Hey, don’t feel bad.” He said smiling at her, trying to break the tension. “I’m the one who screwed up. I’m thankful I didn’t die and I’m thankful I have these idiots to help hold me accountable.” He playfully shoved her shoulder. “When did you get into classic movies?” He turned the question on her.

  Lenny swallowed and tried to push past the awkwardness she clearly felt. “I saw My Fair Lady when I was eight. I decided right then and there that no one would ever be as beautiful as Audrey Hepburn.”

  The air in the bus seemed to relax a little more and Mike asked her questions about her her childhood. Now all the guys were paying close attention, this was the most Lenny had ever shared about herself. She talked about growing up in Wyoming and having three older brothers.

  “Dang, three older brothers, that explains your competitive side.” Mike acknowledged.

  “Yeah,” Lenny's face was open as she talked about her siblings. “They definitely taught me a lot. I was sort of an accident. Scott, David and Nathan were all really close together. Scott was twelve when I was born. David was eleven and Nathan was ten.”

  “So you were the baby, essentially.”

  “I guess you could say that, though they would never let me feel like it. I wanted to keep up with them so bad and they were more than happy to let me tag along. I think I was afforded a lot more opportunity than others would have been in a similar situation.” Lenny got a faraway look in her eyes and Mike could tell she was feeling a little home sick.

  “Do you get to talk to them very often?” Mike asked gently.

  “Not as much as they would like,” Lenny admitted. “Scott calls every day but mostly to lecture me on my priorities.”

  “Do they know what you’re doing now?”

  “Yeah, but they just like to worry.” Lenny tried to wave it off but she obviously really missed her brothers.

  “What about your folks?” Mike wanted to find out all he could before her walls went back up.

  “My folks are awesome, honestly. They’re really great people. They’re just having a hard time with me growing up.”

  Mike noticed Lenny space off a little in their conversation but instead of drawing her back in, he changed the channel. The movie had ended a few minutes ago and he wanted to try an experiment. He turned the station back to ESPN and the sports broadcasters were still talking about the Winter X games preparation. Lenny zeroed right in on the screen. Mike kept on
e eye on Lenny and one on the TV.

  Her face was pinched and tight, like she was trying to not feel whatever it was she was feeling right now. It morphed into obvious distress as they started to show a profile of a female snowboarder, Cody Carmichael. She was talking excitedly about the upcoming games and the interviewer asked her about her Olympic gold medal from two years ago. Lenny stood abruptly, yanking the remote away from Mike and switching off the TV. Everyone looked up at her sudden movement and she stared directly into Mike’s eyes. He'd gone too far.

  Checkmate.

  “I have to go.” She darted out of the bus.

  “What the hell?” Sway asked, confused.

  Mike exchanged glances with Luke who had been watching from across the room. He put down his notebook and grabbed his hoodie.

  “I’ll check on her.” He waved them off and bounded out of the bus.

  ***

  She was lacing up her running shoes when Luke walked onto the bus.

  “Kinda late for a run, isn’t it?” He asked, trying to appear casual but his concern was showing through.

  “Nope,” Lenny answered stoically. Her demeanor was drastically different than it had been most of the day. She was cold towards Luke, closed off.

  Luke was glad he was wearing his sweatpants and tennis shoes; he followed her out the door and matched her pace.

  “You don’t have to come,” she snapped.

  “I know,” Luke answered, not even breathing hard.

  Lenny picked up her pace, pushing Luke to keep up. She kept increasing speed until she was at a flat out run, turning corners and crossing streets with unbelievable fluidity. They rounded a corner and came to a large city pond with a bike path that ran alongside of it. Luke matched her step for step, breath for breath. She was running on pure emotion now.

  As they crested a small incline she ran out of breath and collapsed flat out in the grass staring up at the star filled sky. Luke looked down at her for a beat and then he took a seat next to her. He let her rest for a few minutes before speaking.

  “You can really run.”

  She snickered a little and sat up, still panting. “I told you that you didn’t have to come,” she reminded. She pushed her sweaty hair off her face and readjusted her hasty ponytail.

  Luke looked up into the sky and then turned his eyes on her. His kept his voice soft as he asked, “What happened?”

  He saw a thousand emotions debating across her face but she wouldn't give voice to any of them.

  “You know, I had to chase Mike once.” Luke began; he brought his knees up and rested his forearms across them. “Of course, he hopped a plane and went to L.A. You were much easier to catch.” He leaned his shoulder into hers for a moment and looked into her face again. “What happened, Len?”

  “It’s nothing.” Lenny was building those walls again and Luke could feel her shutting him out. He sighed and put his arm around her shoulders pulling her tight to his side. Trying to keep her from shutting him out completely.

  “Okay. I won’t push.”

  At first Lenny stiffened at his sudden embrace but then relaxed and turned her face into his chest.

  “I shouldn’t have taken off. They’re gonna want to know what’s wrong with me.” Lenny’s voice was muffled by Luke’s sweatshirt.

  “They’ll get over it.” Luke rubbed her back reassuringly.

  Luke had never just held a woman before and he had been able to seize that opportunity twice today. It felt really good to feel her softness against his side. She smelled amazing, the heat from the run mixing with her subtle perfume. He used both arms to pull her a little closer. When she didn't resist he felt a strange satisfaction in that.

  “Why did Mike run?” Lenny asked into the silence.

  “That's not fair.” Luke tenderly corrected. “I can't divulge my best friend's secrets without anything in return.”

  Lenny's hand fisted against his sweatshirt and he pressed his lips to the top of her head.

  “Luke?” Lenny's voice came out small and slow.

  “Yeah?”

  “How long did I sleep this afternoon?”

  Luke thought back to this afternoon when Lenny had snuggled into his side and eventually rested her head in his lap. She had fallen asleep almost the instant he had touched her.

  “Four hours.” Luke answered honestly and he felt her tense beneath him. “Why do you ask?”

  “Why didn't you wake me up?” She asked, ignoring his question.

  “Because...” Luke didn't know how to answer that. Not without sounding like a psycho. Oh well. “...I wanted you to feel safe.” He tightened his grip around her, trying to drive that point home.

  Lenny wrapped her arms around his middle and Luke closed his eyes in relief.

  They sat together quietly for a long time before Lenny stood. She had put the pieces back together of her crumbling wall and she was her regular, centered self again.

  Luke realized that no matter how comfortable someone may seem being alone, they all needed someone every now and again.

  “You wanna go back?” She asked.

  Luke nodded and they began a slow jog back to the buses. His head was spinning at having spent so much focused time with Lenny. He had a peek into her world. Even though she had shut him out again, Luke knew that he had been the one to lend her the strength to repair whatever had broken her tonight.

  As they rounded the corner and the buses came into view, Lenny slowed her pace to walk to cool down.

  “Thanks for letting me hang out with you guys tonight.” She said quietly into the humid night air.

  “You can always hang with us, Len. You’re a part of us now.” His sincerity made Lenny smile. He would do anything to see that smile more often.

  “And thanks for,” she gestured to the way they had come, “all that.”

  “Anytime.” He wanted to pull her into his arms. He didn't want the night to be over. He didn't want her to be alone anymore.

  He walked her to the foot of the steps of the crew bus and he had an idea. She might not go for it but then again…

  “Hey, we have the extra space for a third person on the Blue Bus if you would like to move over there with me and Mike...permanently.”

  Lenny raised her eyes at his suggestion, “Don’t you think that would be a little inappropriate?”

  “Why?” Luke didn’t understand.

  Lenny let out a small laugh, “Because I’m a girl and you are, well, notorious rock stars.”

  Luke grimaced when he finally understood what she was implying. “But it’s not like that with you; you’re like a sister to us.”

  Lenny took a deep breath, “I’ll ask Carl what he thinks.”

  Luke nodded his head, “Fair enough.” He started to back away, “Good night, Lenny.”

  “Good night, Luke.”

  Luke turned around and scowled to himself. You’re like a sister to us? Why would I say something so stupid? He most definitely did not view her as a sister.

  He shook his head and climbed the stairs to the Red Bus to say good night to the fellas before turning in himself. They had questions of course, but he deflected them the best he could, protecting Lenny’s vulnerability.

  It felt good to protect her. Normal. Maybe he was too hellbent on rescuing people he cared about. Maybe it was because there was nothing he could do to save his parents and so he he was trying to make up for that by rescuing everyone else, whether they wanted it or not. That was a depressing thought.

  Or maybe he was falling in love with her.

  ***

  Lenny’s mind refused to let her fall asleep. Again. Long after the crew had come back to the bus and had filled the bunks, she was still lying in the darkness. Waiting for exhaustion to win out over her thoughts. The lines were blurring between her job and her desire to be their friend. Especially Luke.

  She couldn’t explain the irresistible pull she felt towards him. She got along with the other guys really well, but Luke…he was special. E
very time they had eye contact it felt like she was getting electrocuted. In a good way.

  She sighed and rolled over to face the wall. Why did he have to be so damn perfect? Tonight he hadn’t even made a move; he had simply held her, without expectations. That was new, especially considering his reputation. Then that conversation earlier that exposed so much of his complicated loveliness... and now he was asking her to move to his bus. No way would Carl be okay with that. It had to stop; she couldn't let it go any further.

  It was protection for him just as much as it was for her.

  An unexplainable tear made it’s way out of the corner of her eye and traveled down to the pillow.

  Chapter 4

  Creatures (For A While)

  “I am the king of this castle!” Blake shouted from the top of the bar. He lifted his beer pitcher high in the air and the crowd cheered as he started to pour it down his throat, spilling frothy overflow onto the front of his shirt.

  “CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!” The spectators shouted at his feet, pumping their fists in the air.

  “How the hell did this happen?!” Carl snarled as he and Lenny tried to push through the mass of people to get to the inebriated guitarist.

  “I don’t know, Carl! They lied to me!” Lenny yelled back angrily.

  The day had started very differently from where it was ending up. Lenny had told the guys she was going to the beach with some of the merch booth girls. But she didn’t.

  Carl had wanted her to follow the guys and make sure they didn’t cause trouble and negative headlines. Lenny thought he was being just a touch too controlling but he was her boss, she didn’t want to tell him that two weeks into her employment.

  Besides, she really didn’t think the guys would get into any trouble. They’d been on the road for a little while now and they had shown no interest in the former things that had tainted the atmosphere of their previous tour. Lenny had to wonder if Carl was just being overly pessimistic or if there was some truth to his anxiety.