Learn to Fly

by Heidi Hutchinson

  Luke nodded once and got into a standing position. He gathered his pillows and blanket and silently deposited them in his room. He disappeared for a few minutes, leaving Lenny in the hallway. Just when she was afraid he wasn’t coming back, he reemerged, his face washed and breath fresh. His eyes brightened when he looked at her, or did she imagine that?

  They didn’t speak as they got on the elevator and walked to the small café that was part of the hotel. The hostess seated them and they sat silently, staring at their menus. Lenny couldn’t help but feel incredibly awkward. Maybe this was a bad idea. She looked sideways out the windows and silently cursed the continuing blizzard. She wanted nothing more than to run out into the swirling snow and disappear from the uncomfortable conversation they had yet to begin.

  The waitress came and got their order and then left them to sit in their silence again. Luke shifted in his seat and finally leaned against the table, putting his elbows on the top and resting his chin in his hands.

  “I'm sorry about the thing with the girl in the bar. It was stupid and I have no excuse.” His normally smiling eyes were tired and forlorn.

  “Luke-” Lenny started, closing her eyes. Not anticipating the pain that would accompany the strangeness of his apology.

  “I don't have a right to ask for anymore chances or even for forgiveness.” He slid his hand across the table and tentatively touched the top of her finger tips.

  Lenny sighed heavily. He didn't understand, how could he?

  “I'm also sorry about releasing your song. You were right. It was special, I should have kept it special.” Luke’s mouth turned up on one side slightly. “That’s what I get for listening to Sway.”

  “You took relationship advice from Sway?” Lenny asked, aghast.

  “He has a girlfriend now,” Luke defended.

  “No way.” Lenny smiled suddenly and Luke grinned in response. “I miss those guys,” she added quietly.

  “Then come back,” Luke pleaded frankly.

  “Luke, you know that wouldn’t be a good idea.” Lenny swallowed the lump that rose in her throat. He wasn’t going to make this easy on her, was he?

  “Why?” Luke asked, covering her hand with his. “We’re great together. Why is this such a bad idea?”

  Lenny’s skin awakened when his hand grabbed hers and she got mad at herself inwardly for having such a reaction. If she was going to explain this to him than she need to keep her wits about her.

  “Did you not notice the epic fight we had last night?” Lenny looked at him earnestly. “Being on tour put us in a kind of bubble. It protected us from reality. When I first left, I thought that maybe I was making a mistake because I missed you so bad but...” she looked out the window and shook her head. “Seeing you in those pictures hurt more than I thought possible. Our relationship doesn’t translate into our regular lives.” She pulled her hand away from his and took a sip of water. “If you think about it, I think you’ll see it too.”

  Luke looked down at the table. His shoulders slowly sagged into a defeated posture and Lenny thought that maybe she had reached him after all. Maybe he could see what she could see.

  Their food came and they ate silently. Luke wouldn’t look at her and Lenny felt like she was leaving him all over again. Why had he come to Alaska? What purpose did this serve? He was obviously moving on back in Boston. The pictures flashed into Lenny’s mind again and she visibly shuttered, getting Luke’s attention.

  “Something wrong with your food?” He asked, concerned.

  “No,” Lenny took a drink of water, “Just an unpleasant memory.”

  Luke nodded and went back to his meal.

  “Hey, guys.” Nick approached their table cautiously.

  “Nick,” Lenny greeted and nodded at Luke, “This is Luke Casey, Luke this is Nick Federa. He runs the place up in Thompson Pass.”

  “Yeah, we met briefly last night.” Nick offered his hand and Luke shook it. “The storm should clear out by today,” Nick was addressing Lenny again, “We should be able to go back to the cabins by tomorrow.”

  Nick must have noticed the tension at the table but he decided to add an invitation to Luke, “You’re more than welcome to join us, if you want.”

  “Luke probably won’t be staying.” Lenny interjected before Luke could answer.

  Nick shrugged and then moved to his own table where Smitty and Trucker were seated.

  “Are you asking me to leave?” Luke asked, his voice rough.

  Lenny looked up, seeing the rejection on his face and her heart sank. “I just thought, it might be weird for you to stay since…you know.”

  “No, I don’t know.” Luke’s eyebrows pulled in tight.

  Lenny mirrored his frown. He was more stubborn that she had anticipated. How could he not see the eminent devastation that was their relationship?

  “I just meant, you might want to get back home, that’s all.”

  Luke lowered his glower to his plate of food and shoveled in the last few bites of omelet. He swirled the coffee in his cup, took a drink, and looked up at Lenny again. His face was resolved.

  “I’m staying,” he said simply. Lenny’s mouth fell open but before she could protest, Luke stood up and pulled his wallet out of his back pocket. He tossed a couple of twenties onto the table, more than enough for both of their breakfasts.

  He pushed his face into her personal space, demanding eye contact. “This,” he pointed between himself and Lenny, his voice a dark whisper, “isn’t over.” He held her eyes for a heartbeat longer than Lenny was comfortable with before he turned to leave.

  Lenny watched his back in silent frustration. Her face was warm from the intensity of Luke’s final stare. Why was he making this harder than it had to be? What could be solved by his staying here? What was he possibly thinking?

  ***

  Luke had a plan. It wasn’t the best plan that he’d ever made but he finally had one. Lenny thought their relationship couldn’t last in the real world. She thought he didn't care for as much as he did. His plan was to prove her wrong. And the best way to do that would be to join her in her world.

  Luke had been snowboarding recreationally since he was a kid. He wasn’t the best but he was better than most. Duke had set him up with a bunch of gear before leaving Jackson Hole. He had all the equipment he would need to join the other seasoned riders for the remaining week. He just hoped it wouldn’t take long for Lenny to figure out what he already had. They were meant to be together.

  He showered and dressed quickly, knowing he was going to have to permeate Lenny’s life in a way he never had before. He had to learn about her friends and colleagues. He had to dedicate himself to being her friend again. And when she was ready, she would let her guard down and Luke would swoop in and steal her heart.

  He was pulling his shirt over his head when he heard her come back from breakfast. He grabbed his coat and went to her door and knocked. He noticed her dumbfounded face when she opened the door. She stood there awkwardly for a few minutes until he spoke.

  “Can I come in?” He asked, trying to sound as platonic as possible.

  “I was just leaving, actually.” Lenny replied, eying him suspiciously. “I have to get some of these clothes washed before tomorrow.”

  “I’ll help you.” Luke stepped into her room, ignoring her annoyed look and grabbed the couple of laundry bags she had filled. He turned to find her staring at him.

  “Let’s go,” he prompted.

  Lenny hesitated before reluctantly opening the door to the hallway. She grabbed her coat and slipped it on. Luke did likewise and they traveled in complete silence from the hallway to the elevator and down the street to the laundry mat.

  ***

  Lenny self-consciously sorted her clothes while Luke got change. She hadn’t brought anything too embarrassing with her. Just the basics; jeans, t-shirts, underwear, socks, a couple sweaters and some flannels.

  Luke came back and handed her a stack of quarters and she hurriedly star
ted two loads at once. The sooner this was over with the better.

  As the washers began their cycles, Lenny took a seat and Luke joined her. She was decidedly uneasy. Luke’s presence still had an overwhelming effect on her. She felt calm, relaxed, giddy even but that was coupled with the fear, dread and paranoia that everything was about to go terribly wrong.

  ***

  Luke could sense her tension and he got up and bought a couple of waters from the machine. He handed one to her and took his seat again.

  “So, you get any good runs in since you been here?” He tried to sound as casual as possible but his heart was racing. Being in such close proximity to Lenny was like being trapped in an open space with a tornado bearing down him.

  “Yeah, it’s been nonstop until this blasted storm.” Lenny gestured to the snow that was starting to taper off but still heavy.

  “Tell me about your favorite day.” Luke saw her eyes light up and he was happy that she was feeling a bit more lenient to opening up to him.

  Luke paid attention to every detail. He asked for specifics and tried to memorize all the people that Lenny was close to. If he was going to gain her trust again, he was going to need to give it everything he had.

  He loved listening to her voice and how, when she was really excited about something, her smile was permanently crooked, making her talk out of the side of her mouth. Sometimes he’d get distracted by the perfect shape of her lips and he’d remember what it had been like to taste them. He’d have to pull himself back into reality. If he was ever going to get an opportunity like that again, he was going to have to earn it.

  ***

  Luke helped Lenny switch her loads to the dryer. She continued to tell him all about her week in Alaska. She recounted everything in vivid detail, using her photographic memory to the best of its ability. Sharing with Luke the adventure she’d been on made it feel like he had been there with her. And for a moment, fleeting though it was, Lenny forgot about the tabloid gossip and pictures. She was simply sharing her life, turn by turn, with the one person she had wanted to be there all along.

  ***

  Luke hung on her words. Thankful for the time he could spend with her. At first, he had been jealous of the others who had gotten to share in the actual events of the week but her memory was so perfect and clear, he knew she wasn’t leaving anything out. He had noticed this about her memory before and he had a hunch. Taking advantage of the relaxed and warm atmosphere of the laundry mat, Luke decided to ask her about it.

  “Do you have a photographic memory?” He didn’t miss the subtle intake of breathe at his words. “I’ve just noticed that you never miss a detail.” Luke was trying to sound complimentary.

  “That obvious, huh?” Lenny’s eyes turned down like she was embarrassed.

  “Only to those who are paying attention.” Luke touched her fingertips and she looked up at him.

  “Yeah, I do,” Lenny confessed with a sigh. “It’s my best kept secret. Duke is the only one who knows…and now you.”

  “Why do you keep it a secret?” Luke asked gently.

  “I’m afraid they won’t let me compete or people would be too afraid to get to know me.” Lenny let her gaze drift to the outside world and her eyes unfocused. “I guess, that’s why I love the back country so much. It’s unpredictable and it always surprises me.”

  “You like to be surprised?” Luke’s question held a subtle double meaning and Lenny didn’t miss it. But instead of turning away from him she held his gaze.

  “Some surprises are no fun at all,” she answered simply. He knew she was referring to the pictures with the other woman. Luke cringed internally. Knowing her perfect memory now, he could see why that would be so hard to move past. It’s not that she was choosing to remember it, she literally could not forget. He hated himself even more.

  “I don't know if I can do this, Luke.” Lenny blurted out. She ran a hand through her long hair nervously.

  “Do what?” He frowned, his heart flooding with panic.

  “It's too weird. You showing up here after not calling me, making out with random girls and then our meltdown in front of my friends last night.” She looked weary and sad. “And you want to act like nothing has changed, act like we're friends and you can put the pieces back in places where you think they fit. But they just don't.”

  Her brows pulled together as she tried to explain to him what he refused to accept as fact. “I can't pretend like I'm okay. I'm not. I know I left, because I thought it was the right thing to do. But you let me go. You made it kind of obvious that you were fine with me being gone.”

  “I was the opposite of fine, Lenny. I was a mess.” Luke calmly confessed. “I realize that it might take some time to get back to where we were...but I'm not going anywhere. I think we can fix this...together.”

  Before Lenny could answer, the dryers buzzed simultaneously causing her to jump up and begin putting her dry clothes on the folding table. Luke stood up slowly and joined her. Again in silence, they sorted and folded her clean laundry. Lenny was careful to make sure she folded all of her own bras and panties, not letting Luke even touch them.

  He found it amusing that she was so protective of her undergarments. He didn’t get to see Lenny behave like a typical girl very often and he liked it.

  He finished folding a shirt and reached for another. He pulled a large blue t-shirt from the pile and frowned. It looked familiar, and it was obviously a man’s shirt. It clicked in an instant. It was his shirt. The one he had given her back when they were on tour. He glanced over at Lenny who hadn’t yet noticed what he was holding and he couldn’t help but smile. She had brought it with her. And it had ended up in the laundry which meant she had been wearing it.

  And that meant she still had feelings for him.

  He felt a sly smile tug at the corners of his mouth. She was totally in love with him. And he knew it. He was definitely not giving up now.

  ***

  Lenny saw Luke looking at her out of the corner of her eye and she glanced quickly in his direction. Seeing the shirt he was folding, her eyes went wide. She turned back to her task, maybe he didn’t recognize it.

  “So, you're still wearing my shirt?” Luke sounded amused.

  Lenny grit her teeth and grabbed the shirt from him. She threw all her clothes back in the bags, not bothering to fold the rest.

  “C’mon, Lenny,” Luke’s voice softened, “I was just teasing.”

  “I know.” Lenny answered flatly. “Maybe I don’t feel like being teased right now. Especially about that.” She put on her coat and charged out the door.

  She heard him follow a few seconds later. When he caught up with her, he took the heavy bags from her hands and continued forward.

  She glared at the back of his head but she followed him anyway. In the elevator, Luke’s eyes twinkled with mischief. Lenny kept her face straight, she refused to smile at him.

  “Do you sleep in it?” He asked suggestively.

  Lenny rolled her eyes, silently staring at the door of the lift. Luke laughed at her avoidance of the question. Outside of her door she fumbled with her key, clearly having been made uncomfortable by Luke’s line of questions.

  Luke leaned against the door frame, watching her.

  “You’re gorgeous, you know that?” He said, oozing as much sensuality as his longtime experience as a rock star would allow.

  Lenny dropped her key on the floor and when she bent down to retrieve it, Luke put his hand on hers. She looked up into his penetrating gaze, their faces inches apart. He leaned in fractionally and Lenny bolted upright. She slid her key in the lock and quickly opened the door. Luke stood up and Lenny grabbed the bags from his hands, throwing them into her room.

  “Thank you for your help with my laundry,” Lenny said politely and then closed the door. She heard Luke chuckle softly from the other side and it irritated her. He knew what kind of power he held over her and it wasn’t fair for him to use it against her like that.

 
Luke knocked softly on the door. “I’ll just wait out here until you’re hungry again.” He joked playfully from the other side.

  Lenny paced in frustration. He had her there. She ate around the clock and there was no food in her room. Besides, she couldn’t keep avoiding him. Especially if he was planning on coming with them tomorrow.

  The worst part was that she didn’t want to avoid him. She had thoroughly enjoyed the entire day with him. He had been sweet and attentive and adorable. But, again, this was a bubble. As soon as real life got involved, it would go straight to hell.

  “I was thinking pizza for lunch.” Luke continued through the door. “I saw a little place up the road that I wanted to try.”

  Lenny couldn’t help but smile. He was persistent, she would give him that. She had missed him so much. She found herself opening the door, against her better judgment.

  Luke was leaning against the frame and he gave her his most charming smile.

  “Hungry?” He asked coyly.

  She tried to hide her smile but she couldn’t. She sighed and entered the hallway again, he fell in step beside her on the way back downstairs.

  “I’m assuming that you’re paying?” Lenny asked in the elevator.

  “No way. The rule is, if I pay it’s officially a date,” he winked at her, “Unless this is date?”

  Lenny’s heart skipped at his wink but she maintained composure.

  “Nope, just friends. I’ll pay for myself.” She looked straight ahead, refusing to get sucked into his playful gaze.

  ***

  When they were seated in the booth at the small pizzeria, Lenny tried to relax again. Luke’s presence was always unnerving but even more so now that he was completely hell bent on flirting with her. She couldn't deny that it felt good to have him there. Her body no longer felt like it was missing a vital organ. She glanced around and saw some of the people from her group at a different table.