The Man Who Has No Sight (Soulless Book 4)

by Victoria Quinn

  “I can work it out with the nanny. Really, it’s fine.”

  He sighed quietly. “You really don’t mind?”

  “Absolutely not. When I said I couldn’t handle Derek, I meant I couldn’t sacrifice my job for him. But when I’m off the clock, I don’t mind at all. I love spending time with him. I love seeing him every day. I’m happy to make dinner for him, make sure he does his homework, get him in bed on time, take him out on Saturday to the zoo or whatever. Please don’t misunderstand what I meant, Deacon.”

  “Alright.”

  “We’ll figure it out, one day at a time.”

  He stared at the desk for a while, lost in thought.

  “I’m really sorry about Valerie.”

  He nodded slightly. “I am too.”

  “But he’s got both of us and your family. That boy will always know how much he’s loved.”

  “This whole experience makes me realize how much I took for granted,” he whispered. “Neither one of my parents shared my intellect, but they loved me no matter what. I never doubted their love for me. I never…” He shook his head and sighed. “I knew that my parents would do anything and everything for me. They would make any sacrifice…anything at all. They would never leave like that. And I just… It breaks my heart that Derek doesn’t have that.”

  Seeing the way this man wanted to give his son everything made me fall more in love with him. He wore his heart on his sleeve, breathed for his little boy. He’d put aside his differences with Valerie a million times to give him what he deserved. “That’s not your fault, Deacon. And…he always has me.” Deacon hadn’t asked me to marry him and I didn’t know what our future held, but he knew that was what I wanted—and I believed we would have it someday. I didn’t know if I would be the world’s greatest mom, but I would definitely make Derek feel loved. At the end of the day, that was all a child really needed, to have a tribe, to have a place where people loved him.

  He lifted his gaze and looked at me. “Yes…he does have you.”

  I hightailed it out of there and headed back to Manhattan as quickly as I could. I made phone calls, pulled in some favors, and did my best to turn that residence into a scene from a Christmas movie.

  I put up a large Christmas tree, had my decorator spend two hours adding ornaments, and I set up the rest of the living room, placing reindeer on the table, stockings over the fireplace, a bowl of red and white mints that Deacon would probably toss.

  When three o’clock came around, I knew I needed more time.

  I called Deacon.

  “Hey, baby. What’s up?”

  “Have you picked up Derek yet?”

  “I’m at the school now, waiting for the bell to ring. Why?”

  “I need you to stall for, like, an hour.”

  “Stall?” he asked. “Why?”

  “I’m working on a surprise for him at the condo, and I’m not ready.”

  “What surprise?” he asked.

  “It’s kind of a surprise for you too…”

  He was quiet for a while. “Baby, you didn’t have to do that. You do enough for us.”

  “I really think Derek is going to like it. So, maybe take him out for ice cream.”

  He chuckled. “He asks me to take him every damn day. I already made this big speech about no treats during the school week.”

  “Well, think of something.”

  He sighed. “Alright. See you soon.”

  “Bye.” The second I hung up, I got back to work.

  The doorman texted me. He’s here.

  “Okay, we’re out of time.” I pushed the boxes into Matt’s hands. “You gotta go.”

  Anna finished the last bit of tinsel and threw the trash on the cart. “It looks so cute in here!”

  “Can you take the other elevator?” I asked Matt. “Because I’m afraid if they see these boxes, they’ll figure it out.”

  “You got it.” Matt pushed the cart out the front door, and they left.

  I turned on the TV and put on Christmas music.

  Then the place really felt like a winter wonderland.

  Since Deacon’s apartment was decorated with neutral tones, festive colors of red and gold just didn’t work, so the decorations were silver, white, and blue, and the tree had white powder on the needles, to resemble snow like the trees at the cabin. Silver reindeer were on the coffee table, stockings over the fireplace, and other accent pieces were scattered around that made it feel like Christmas. I’d even inserted real pine needles into the tree to make it smell real when it was actually fake.

  The doorknob turned, and Deacon stepped inside, Derek right beside him. He stilled when he saw everything, as if this were the very last thing he expected. His senses were overloaded by the music, the trees, the perfectly placed decorations, and he released a laugh. “Wow…”

  “Oh my god!” Derek ran to the tree. “Look! There’s presents!” He read the tags. “And they’re all for me.”

  Deacon shut the door behind himself and set his satchel on the armchair. He shed his coat next, revealing his suit underneath.

  Derek moved to the coffee table and touched the reindeer figurines. “Dad, look! This must be Dasher and Dancer…”

  I watched Deacon look around, genuinely surprised by everything he saw.

  “Do you like it?” I whispered.

  “I…I don’t know what to say.” Deacon finally came to me, wearing that handsome smile he almost never displayed. “It’s perfect.”

  “Candy!” Derek stuck his hand in the jar and pulled out a handful of mints.

  “Nope.” Deacon swatted his hand away. “You can have one.”

  He stuck out his tongue.

  “I just took you to ice cream,” Deacon said.

  He unwrapped it and put it in his mouth. After a moment, he cringed. “This isn’t candy.”

  I turned to Deacon. “I thought since they were mints, Derek wouldn’t want to eat them all.”

  Derek spat it out and put it back in the wrapper. “No thanks.”

  Deacon smiled. “Good call.”

  Derek moved back to the tree and started to shake the boxes to hear what was inside.

  Deacon moved his arm around my waist and looked at me, his smile fading and his eyes turning soft. “How did you pull this off?”

  “It’s what I do…”

  “I guess you really can do anything.”

  “That’s what it says on my resume.”

  He pulled me close. “So, is there some red Christmas lingerie in my closet?”

  I shrugged. “You’ll have to see…”

  “Maybe with a Santa hat…”

  I shrugged again.

  “Fine, tease me.” He hugged me into his body and kissed me. “Thank you. It’s a nice surprise…especially after today.”

  I’d always known I was a good person because I felt so happy when I made other people happy. It was what I lived for. And making Deacon happy…made me the happiest. “I thought we should get into the festive spirit…and make this a magical time.”

  “Yeah. I agree.” He rubbed my back as he watched his son in front of the tree, looking at the ornaments, the twinkling lights. He breathed a deep sigh as he watched him, like the best gift under that tree was his son.

  “Dad?”

  “Hmm?” Deacon asked.

  “Doesn’t this look like the trees at the cabin?” Derek asked. “You know, covered in snow?”

  Deacon nodded. “It does. It looks just like it.” He turned to me, like he knew I’d done that on purpose.

  At this angle, I could see the ornaments and lights reflect in his dark eyes. He was often a sour pill that was impossible to swallow, but when he was happy, there was a subtle change to his expression, even when he didn’t smile. I could see it now, see that he was happy. “What a coincidence…”

  “I’ve narrowed it down to two women that I think will be great. I’ve interviewed them for hours and hours…called their previous families, and they all said wonderful things
. So, it really just depends on who you like more.” I sat beside him at the dining table while Derek was in his room, working on his models.

  Deacon turned away from his laptop. “Honestly, I don’t want to interview anyone. Use your best judgment.”

  I figured he’d say that. “Deacon, you said you didn’t want a stranger watching your kid. If you let me handle everything, they’ll always be a stranger. You need to meet them, talk to them, shake their hands…”

  He sighed and shut his laptop. “I just hate talking to people.”

  “I’ve explained to them what kind of demeanor you have. They said they’re used to it.”

  “But you’re right. I should meet them.”

  “Alright. So, can we do it tomorrow at lunch?”

  “I’m working.”

  “I’ll escort them there, and you can do it in the office.”

  He groaned. “I guess…”

  I grabbed his arm and rubbed it. “It’s worth the investment in time if this woman is going to be a part of Derek’s life for years. Ideally, she should be part of the family.”

  “No. You, Derek, and I are a family. She’s the nanny—period.”

  I knew he meant it in a sweet way rather than a standoffish one, so I took it as a compliment.

  He seemed to think the conversation had concluded, so he opened his laptop again.

  “So…have you talked to Derek?” Valerie was leaving in a few days.

  He looked out the window.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to pester you—”

  “You never pester me,” he said quietly. “I just…don’t know what to do.”

  “I know…”

  “I think I’m just going to tell him the truth. Honestly, I can’t think of another explanation anyway.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’ll do it tomorrow.” He turned his gaze back to me.

  “Okay.” I thought about trying to talk to her myself, but I knew that was totally pointless. Seeing my face would just infuriate her, especially since she’d tried to slap me. If she weren’t a client and I didn’t have a contract guiding my behavior, I’d bitch-slap her. But Deacon had stepped in and stopped the problem altogether. “There’s something else I wanted to know.”

  He watched me.

  “This presentation…is it a big deal?”

  He nodded. “It’s the best international conference that discusses new research and advancements in science and medicine. People invited to present are usually selected for Nobel Prizes years into the future, once their evidence becomes concrete. It’s a great way to put your work into the public eye.”

  “Wow…I wish I could go with you.”

  “Why can’t you?”

  “Well…my job. Derek.”

  “The nanny could watch him, right?”

  “Yeah, but we wouldn’t know her that well, and a week is a long time…”

  “My mother would watch him if I asked.”

  “I know, but I’m not sure if I could get the time off.”

  “Do you not get a lot of vacation time?”

  I shook my head. “We’re so understaffed as it is that it’s pretty difficult. I move things around for doctor appointments and stuff like that, but taking time off…it’s not really a thing.”

  He looked disappointed but didn’t issue a single complaint. “I’m going to be working a lot, so I wouldn’t have much time to take you sight-seeing or anything like that anyway. The conference takes place every day, and then there are events at night. You’d probably be bored.”

  I was never bored with Deacon. I would try to understand what was important to him just to know him better. “Who are you going with?”

  “Right now, it’s me, Dr. Jeffries, Dr. Solomon, and Dr. Hawthorne. So, four of us.”

  I had a feeling that bitch would be there. “Well, that’s great that you’re doing that. I think it’s best if Derek stays with me anyway. It’ll make things seem normal. With his mother gone, you gone, it’s a lot of change for someone so young.”

  He nodded but continued to watch me, like he could see the unease I worked so hard to hide. “What?”

  “What?” I repeated back.

  “There’s something bothering you.”

  I could never tell him. It would make it seem like I didn’t trust him, which wasn’t true. I was just jealous, just annoyed with that blonde bombshell and her stupid, big fat brain. “No.”

  “You’re lying to me.” He made the accusation without a hint of doubt.

  Goddammit. “I guess…I’m not too happy about Dr. Hawthorne accompanying you.” I didn’t expect anything to ever happen between them because Deacon was so committed, but I didn’t like the idea of her spending time with him, lusting after him, wishing I were out of the picture. I knew that was exactly what she thought, because that’s what I’d be thinking if the situations were reversed. Until he was married, I’d be waiting, hoping, praying for an opportunity.

  He watched me for a few seconds, and instead of getting angry, he just sat there, like he didn’t know how to respond to that.

  “It’s not that I don’t trust you. I guess I just get jealous thinking about her wanting you, spending that much time with you…”

  “It bothered me when you saw your ex-husband.”

  Deacon being bothered by that conversation never crossed my mind. He just didn’t seem like the kind of person that would care. “Really?”

  He nodded. “I guess I was jealous? I don’t know.”

  “I went there to tell him that you made me realize what love really is.”

  “I know. I told myself that and got over it. But…I understand where you’re coming from with Dr. Hawthorne. I guess that’s what I’m trying to say.”

  I was terrified he would scream at me since this was such a sore subject for us. He could have fucked her when we were apart, and he didn’t, so there was no reason to be jealous now, when we were living together. But I knew how big her tits were and how nice her ass was…like I could ever forget.

  “But she’s a valued colleague who deserves to be there, and our relationship is nothing but professional. So…I don’t know what you expect me to do about that. She made a pass at me, and I said no.”

  “I know, Deacon…”

  “You’re the only woman I want to be with. There’s nothing else I can say. I’ve already proven my fidelity.”

  “You have. It’s my problem, not yours. I just hate imagining her checking you out, waiting for this relationship to fall apart so she can try again. You’re the perfect man, and she knows it as well as I do. How can she not want you? Not want you more after spending a week with you?”

  He was quiet for a long time, like he didn’t know how to respond to that. “When Jake got you dismissed, it made me realize he still wants to be with you, that he’s petty because he can’t have you. That bothers me. It bothers me that you’re clearly mine and another man still wants you.”

  It was another surprise, because I didn’t think he could make those conclusions on his own. He’d gotten better at reading people, developing intuition, reading between the lines.

  “Maybe you’re right,” he said. “Maybe she is hoping our relationship doesn’t last. But it will last. It will last forever.” He watched me, his eyes focused intensely on mine. “You and I…we belong together. The two of us are the most natural thing in the world. I know you think we’re completely different people, that we have nothing in common, but that doesn’t matter. What we feel between us…that’s what matters.”

  I inhaled deeply, feeling those words all the way down to my soul. We expressed our feelings differently, but those emotions were exactly the same. I talked about marriage because I wanted forever, but he didn’t recognize traditional bonds that way, especially not after being in a bad marriage. But he wanted exactly what I wanted, wanted it now, wanted it forever. “You’re right.”

  We had the meetings over lunch, and I did most of the talking and Deacon just sat there. Sometimes
he would say a few things, but for the most part, he was observant. Though that situation really made it clear who to hire.

  Because Patricia knew exactly how to handle Deacon, how to talk to him, how to deal with someone who was ice-cold. She was in her early forties, her own children at an age when they didn’t need her anymore, and her husband was home full time so he was able to watch the kids if they were home.

  She was a perfect fit.

  After work, we sat together at the dining table, Deacon on his laptop while I had my things spread out around me. When my alarm went off on my phone, I quickly silenced it and unzipped my small makeup bag. “So, how do you feel about Patricia?”

  He didn’t look away from his computer. “She’s fine.”

  “She seemed to be the most qualified and least surprised by your demeanor.”

  “Yeah.” For someone so involved in his son’s life, he didn’t really seem to care about the woman taking care of Derek. Maybe he just felt so shitty about hiring a nanny at all that he was unable to force himself to participate. It only made his guilt increase.

  “Alright. I’ll hire her tomorrow. I’ll be present when she’s around Derek just to make sure it’s a good fit.” I combed through my bag until I found the small packet. It was the start of the month, so I pushed the dark pill through the plastic and let it fall to the table. I grabbed my wineglass to wash it down.

  But then I stilled, staring at the pill, knowing a week of placebos had passed…with no blood.

  Seconds passed, and I didn’t move.

  Deacon must have noticed my seriousness, because he asked, “Everything alright?”

  I returned the packet to my makeup bag and dropped the pill inside too before I zipped it up. “Yeah. Just realized I left my desk unlocked.”

  “I’m sure it’s fine.” He continued to scroll through his computer.

  “Yeah…probably.”

  Nine

  Deacon

  It was the first day Patricia was picking up Derek from school.

  I was a mess.

  Some woman was picking up my kid from school…instead of me.