I couldn’t believe this was real, that I got to do this every day for the rest of my life, that I hadn’t lost him.
His hand cupped my cheek, and he looked at me as he pulled away, like he could see the butterflies in my eyes. “How’s the little one?” His other hand slid over my stomach, feeling the slight swell most people wouldn’t notice, but he’d been touching me so long and he was a doctor who noticed details other people didn’t.
“Good.” My hand moved over his. “Quiet.”
“Quiet for now,” he said with a chuckle. “I’m sure that will change.” He turned to pour a glass of wine for himself then grabbed me water.
It was nice not to pretend to enjoy a glass of wine then explain why you hadn’t touched it.
We moved to the table and had dinner, Derek not as talkative as usual because he’d been home with Deacon for a few hours and probably already talked his ear off. As the night went on, Derek became more and more tired, and tonight we were having dinner later than usual, so he was less energetic.
“Dad?”
“Yeah?” Deacon said.
“Can we go to the cabin soon?” he asked. “It’s not snowing anymore.”
“Still not warm enough to fish.”
I pulled out my phone and looked at the weather. “After Valentine’s Day, it’s supposed to get into the seventies. Maybe spring is early since the winter was so bad.”
“See?” Derek asked. “We can fish.”
Derek shrugged. “I guess so. Maybe next weekend.”
“Cool,” Derek said. “Can I bring a friend?”
“Nope,” Deacon answered immediately.
“Why not?” Derek asked.
“Because it’s a family place,” Deacon said. “When you’re older, we’ll reconsider.”
Derek was disappointed but didn’t argue.
After dinner, Derek went into his room to play with his models, and we were left alone together.
Deacon finished his dinner but enjoyed his wine as he stared at me. “I got us in with the doctor tomorrow.”
“What time?”
“One.”
I had my own doctor, but I’d found him online. Whoever Deacon selected was probably better.
“He’s the best in his field,” Deacon said. “We’ll be in good hands.”
“Great.” I loved that he immediately took charge of the situation, making doctor’s appointments, taking time off work to come with me, doing more stuff around the condo so I didn’t have to. “When do you think we should tell Derek?”
“Not sure. I don’t know if he’ll understand.”
“He’ll definitely understand,” I said with a chuckle. “He’s smarter than I am.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right.”
“How do you think he’ll handle it?” I asked.
“He’ll be excited. He’s always wanted a sibling.”
“Good. And your family?”
“Well…I’m assuming Tucker knows.” He gave me a look of accusation.
“Yeah…I told him.”
“You told my brother before me. Interesting.”
“I was just scared. I needed someone to talk to.”
He didn’t stay annoyed for more than a few seconds. “I’m glad you feel that comfortable with my family because they adore you.”
“I know…”
“My mom will be thrilled.”
“Yeah?” I asked, a little unsure how she would feel since we weren’t married.
“Definitely. The second the baby is born, she’ll be hounding us to make the next one.”
I laughed. “She will, huh?”
He smiled. “I’ll make sure she knows we’re practicing.”
I smiled, feeling lighter than air, so happy that my pregnancy didn’t sacrifice the relationship that mattered to me the most. I didn’t have to get my own place, hire my own nanny, worry about covering the health costs this delivery would cause. And I was having a child with the love of my life… I was pretty lucky.
He studied me. “I love that you’re happy.”
My eyes shifted back to him. “How can I not be? I feel like the luckiest person in the world.” I got the man of my dreams, had his baby inside me, fixed all the broken pieces inside me. Life was pretty perfect.
“I believe our moods affect the way our bodies work, and this exuberance you show is great for the baby’s development. I’m sorry I made you feel so scared for those first few months.”
I shook my head. “It’s not your fault, Deacon.”
“I made a lot of mistakes in the past, so I understand why you were afraid. But I’ve learned.”
“I know you have.”
He drank his wine then licked his lips. “Maybe we should talk about how we’re going to do this.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, are you going to step back from work…or is Patricia going to be the primary caretaker?”
I felt guilty in retrospect, asking for a raise when I might just go on maternity leave. It was ironic, because now I didn’t even need the money. I didn’t spend my checks on anything besides clothes and lunch, so those zeros were piling up. I’d have enough for a college fund pretty soon…even though I didn’t need that either. “I honestly don’t know what to do.” Now that I was pregnant and connecting with my child, it was hard to imagine running around serving other people when I’d rather be home. But my job was everything to me, and I couldn’t imagine giving it up either. My child would grow up and not need me anymore, and I would need something else to do with my time. Deacon would always have his research. I needed something too.
“I’ll accept whatever you decide. But I do have some suggestions.”
“Okay.”
“You should take the full maternity leave, because that’s time you get to bond with your child. Kline can’t dismiss you for taking it since it’s a legal right in your contract. He might not pay you your full salary, but that doesn’t matter. Once that’s over, ask to move to part time. You’re so essential to this operation that he’ll work with you on it, especially since you’ll go to full time again at some point. That’s what I think you should do.”
I had to take his opinion into consideration since he was the father of my child and the person providing for us. He didn’t outright ask me to quit working, which was probably what he preferred, but he respected me too much to ever make that request. But it was hard to imagine stepping away from my job so dramatically.
He read the unease in my gaze. “You can’t do it all, baby. You’re going to have to make compromises somewhere. You can’t be a full-time mom and an employee who works sixty to seventy hours a week. It balances out with Derek because he’s in school during the day, but with a newborn…it just doesn’t work. And I would feel more comfortable if you were home with our child more than Patricia, not just because you’ll be a better caregiver, but it’s because it’s better for the child.”
“I agree.”
“So, then that’s the plan?” he asked.
I sighed. “I really don’t want to lose my position here. I don’t want to be one of those moms who are so involved with their kids that they have nothing left once they get older. You’ll always have your work. I…I won’t have anything.”
“I understand that. That’s why shifting to part time is a smart move. You’re still here, just not as much as before. You live in the building too, so you can still accomplish a lot, work remotely from your laptop. It can work.”
“Well, I appreciate you not asking me to stay home. It means a lot to me.”
He watched me, his eyes softening. “You would never ask me to give up my work. I’ll never ask you to give up yours.”
Nineteen
Deacon
I sat across from Tucker in the bar, watching him stare at me tentatively, waiting for me to explode like a bomb.
I took another sip of my beer.
“So?”
“So what?”
“What do you mean,
what?” he asked. “You’re having a fucking baby. How do you feel about it?”
“Pretty good.”
“That’s all you’re giving me?” he asked incredulously.
“You knew, and you didn’t tell me?” I fired back.
“Come on. She asked me not to. And in my defense, when she told me I couldn’t tell you, I said I wasn’t comfortable. Then she said she would tell you soon, so I caved. She was a wreck, man. She needed someone.”
“It’s fine, Tucker. I’m teasing.”
“Good.” He brought the beer bottle to his lips and took a drink. “So…you doing okay with it?”
I nodded. “I’m fine. Really.”
“Really?” he asked in surprise.
“I mean, my very first reaction was a bit negative, but once she told me herself—”
“Told you herself? As in, you already knew?”
“Yeah…I figured it out.”
“I guess that makes sense…since you’re a doc.”
“Anyway, when she was in tears over my reaction, I remembered Cleo was nothing like Valerie, that this was a genuine accident, and that I loved her with all my heart and having another kid is a blessing. I had a change of perspective on the spot, and I was actually excited about it. I’m still excited about it.”
“Well, that’s great, man. I was worried.”
“I’m guessing you put those thoughts into her head?”
He shrugged in a guilty way. “I told her there was no way to know how you would react. You react to things differently from other people. You take longer to move on from stuff…”
No wonder she was so terrified. She’d had a bag packed in the closet like she’d expected me to throw her out on the street. She acted like it was the end of our relationship, when it was only a new beginning.
It made me feel like shit.
I should have been comforting her, taking her stress away, making her feel safe and protected…but instead, I was making her miserable. Leaving her for two months was the biggest mistake of my life. Letting her live in that shitshow of an apartment for a month was my biggest regret. Of course, she was fucking traumatized.
But at least that was behind us now.
“You been to the doctor?”
“We went this afternoon.”
“And?”
“He said everything is fine. The baby is healthy and doing well.”
“You know if it’s a boy or girl yet?”
“She’ll be at three months next week, so we can find out then if we want.”
“Do you want to?”
I shrugged. “Doesn’t matter to me.”
“How does it not matter?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow.
“I mean, I don’t care if it’s a boy or girl.”
“You have no preference?”
I shook my head.
“Does she?”
“Not sure. But I doubt it.”
“Are you guys going to keep living at the condo?”
“You ask a lot of questions, man.”
“Well, you’re the worst conversationalist,” he said with a laugh. “You don’t just talk about your life. You have to be asked.”
“I assume we would stay at the condo. Derek’s school is nearby and Cleo is going down to part time once the baby is born, so it’d be easier for her to live in the building. And for me, I don’t really care where we live. The condo has enough space for four people.”
“What about five?”
“I say we just focus on four for now…” Two kids was perfect, but Cleo might want to have two of her own. We hadn’t really talked about it.
“You going to ask her to marry you, then?”
I shrugged.
“What kind of answer is that?”
“It’s kind of personal.”
“Asking my brother when he’s going to make his pregnant girlfriend his wife?” he asked. “It’s not that personal.”
“We’ll see what happens.”
“Because she might be expecting it now that she’s having your kid.”
I shrugged. “She doesn’t strike me as the kind of woman who needs a husband to have a baby.”
“You know what I mean, Deacon. I just think—”
“Tucker, I appreciate your concern, but this is my relationship. I will ask her when I want to ask her, whether that’s this weekend or years from now. When the time is right, I’ll know.” I wanted it to be private, to be special. Tucker had known she was pregnant before I did, and the hints he’d dropped were obvious. People didn’t know how to keep a secret. As far as I was concerned, this was between her and me…nobody else.
Tucker raised his hands in surrender. “Alright…I’ll back off.”
I came home late that night. Replacing Dr. Hawthorne was time-consuming, because there were a lot of applicants whom I’d rejected in the past though were good contenders, but they’d already accepted other positions elsewhere. So now, I either had to start over or wait until a later time to find a new member of the research team.
When I got home, Derek was already in bed.
It’d already warmed up considerably, even though it wasn’t spring yet, so I hadn’t worn my jacket. I left my satchel on the entryway table and went into the kitchen. There was a plate of leftovers in the kitchen, so I reheated it and leaned against the counter as I ate it. When I finished, I left it in the sink and headed to the bedroom.
Cleo was already in bed, wearing my t-shirt as she scrolled through her phone, the light hitting her face. When she realized I was home, she put her phone on the nightstand. “Hey. Did you get something to eat?”
“Yeah. Thanks.” I pulled off my shirt and left it on the ground. I sat on the couch at the end of the bed and undid my shoes before yanking off my belt. My jeans and boxers fell too, until I was naked and ready for bed.
She watched me move to my side and get under the covers.
I slid to her, my hand immediately underneath her shirt to feel her little belly. My head slipped under the sheets, and I kissed her skin, kissed the growing person inside her, the person we’d made together during a passionate night in the very bed we slept in.
Her fingers stroked through my hair, and she watched me, a soft smile on her lips, like she loved the way I loved every inch of her body.
When Valerie was pregnant, I was miserable. It felt like my life had ended. In some ways, it had. But I felt differently with Cleo—not because I already had a son, but because it was with her. Being in love with the woman carrying my child was such a different experience. Her stomach was a turn-on rather than a painful reminder. Thinking about being together forever to raise the child was romantic, not suffocating.
I pulled off her panties and kept kissing her stomach, dipping my tongue into her belly button, my fingers moving between her legs to rub her clit and get her wet. But once my fingers moved into her slit, it was clear she was already wet.
I got the baggy t-shirt off her then moved on top of her, separating her legs with mine, my dick finding her entrance on its own like it didn’t need my hand for direction. I sank inside her, moving through the creamy wetness in her channel, and stopped only when my balls couldn’t follow.
Her hands gripped my biceps, and she breathed through my size, like she still wasn’t used to my thickness. She lifted her head and pressed her forehead against mine, wincing like this was her first time, like she wasn’t already knocked up.
I spread her legs with my arms, opening her wide, and then rocked into her, my dick squeezing every time it moved inside her. I moved until my base was deep and then pulled out again, sliding through the slickness that dripped down her crack and to the sheets.
It didn’t matter how tired I was. When I came home, I wanted to be inside her, wanted to fuck this sexy woman that I’d knocked up. I was deep in love, borderline obsessed, and I had sex on my mind…all the damn time.
When I finished my workout in my private gym, I headed back to the bedroom.
Cleo was awake, sta
nding in the bathroom in her panties and bra, finishing her hair and makeup before she left for work. She used a big brush to blend her makeup before she grabbed a black pen and traced the bottom of her eyes.
It was hard to tell she was pregnant because she was so petite, but when she was nearly naked, I could definitely see it. I set my headphones on the dresser and looked at her, seeing her from the side. She had a small frame, so the little bump was more noticeable. I never thought pregnant women were sexy, not Valerie, but…Cleo was pretty sexy.
She finished her makeup by smearing lipstick onto her mouth before she pressed her lips tightly together, rubbing in the color.
I dropped my sweaty clothes in the hamper then walked into the bathroom.
Her eyes immediately went to my reflection in the mirror, seeing my naked physique as I walked behind her. Her lips remained open because she went totally still, like my presence was enough to distract her from everything else. Then she rubbed her lips together again, coming back to reality. “Morning.”
“Morning.” I didn’t wrap my arms around her like I usually did because I was sweaty. But I did lean down and give her a quick kiss on the mouth. My hand wanted to give her ass a squeeze, but I resisted. I turned on the water and got into the shower.
She grabbed her outfit for the day, a pink dress with sleeves, and then put on the bracelet I’d given her as well as her mother’s diamond earrings.
I got out of the shower, dried off with a towel before wrapping it around my waist, and then stood at the double sink counter. The shadow on my jaw was getting dark, so I needed to shave.
She kept glancing at me in the mirror as she adjusted her earrings.
“Let’s tell my mom tonight.”
“Yeah?” she asked. “Alright.”
“But I wanted to see if you wanted to know what the sex was first. We can get in with the doctor tomorrow afternoon to find out.”
She ran her fingers through her hair until it was perfect. “Do you want to know?”
I picked up my electric toothbrush and started to brush my teeth. I shrugged.
“It doesn’t matter to you?” she asked.
I paused the vibration. “It’s up to you, baby.” I hit the on-button again.
The Man Who Has No Sight (Soulless Book 4) Page 20