She turned to me, so she wouldn’t have to look at me in the reflection. “Do you have a preference?”
I did one quadrant of my mouth before I spat into the sink. “No.”
“You don’t want another son?”
“As long as they are healthy, I don’t care.”
“I feel like most men only want boys.”
“Why?” I asked, truly bewildered by that statement.
“Because they do,” she said. “They’re easier when they’re older, their sex lives are handled differently…stuff like that.”
I finished another quadrant before I spat. “If Derek had been a girl, I wouldn’t have raised him any differently.”
She smiled. “That’s sweet.”
“A woman can do anything a man can do, so I just don’t understand the preference. I guess she might not have my last name if she married, but names aren’t important in a legacy—it’s DNA. And she would have my DNA, so…” I started to brush my teeth again.
Cleo watched me, her eyes soft.
When I finally finished, I spat into the sink, rinsed my brush, and returned it to the charger. “And as for dating and boyfriends…I don’t see why that changes anything either. I told you I’m not religious, so whenever she’s ready to do adult things…that’s her decision. I would want her to be smart about it, of course, but I don’t see why it’s different if she were a boy. I know virginity is important to a woman, but I think it’s just a misogynistic tool to keep women obedient. Like they’re giving away a piece of their soul when they sleep with a man for the first time… It’s ridiculous.”
Her arms crossed over her chest. and she continued to smile at me. “I never knew you were a feminist.”
“I’m not.”
She cocked an eyebrow.
“I’m an equalist.”
She smiled. “That’s even better.”
“Back to your original question, no. I don’t care what we have.” If I had a daughter, she would probably be just as brilliant, just as likely to work for NASA or whatever else she aspired to. But if she weren’t interested in that and wanted to be hairdresser, I wouldn’t care either. Every person on the planet was different and unique, and most of the time, they were simply born a certain way. Trying to get them to focus on things that just weren’t innate to their character was pointless. I didn’t force Derek to be a specific way. His interests and curiosity were natural. “Do you have a preference?”
“Well…” She rubbed her hand across her stomach. “I guess I want a son because he’ll look like you. But Derek already does, so I guess we already checked off that box.”
“If we have a girl, I hope she looks like you. She’d be beautiful.”
She smiled again. “That’s sweet…”
“If she looked like me, she’d look pissed off all the time.”
She chuckled. “Derek doesn’t look pissed off.”
“Give it time.”
“The only time you look pissed off is when you’re actually pissed off, and when we met, you were pissed off a lot.”
I wiped the shaving cream on my face. “Ain’t that the truth…”
We postponed dinner with my mom because we decided to learn the sex of the baby instead.
We went to the doctor’s appointment, they did the test, and then we waited in the room.
She sat beside me on the couch, her legs crossed, her breathing quicker than normal because she was nervous.
I placed my arm around her shoulders and looked down into her face. “Why are you nervous?”
“I’m not. I’m just…excited.”
My hand rubbed her arm.
She moved her fingers to my thigh.
I had so much stuff to do at the lab, but I blew it off for this, because this was much more important. I had the rest of my life to work, but I wouldn’t sacrifice these moments that would be fond memories in old age.
It was easy to see how different she was now that I was excited about the baby. All her fear was gone, and she was the relaxed and happy woman she used to be. I liked knowing I made her feel that way, that I made her feel safe, that I made her happy. She never said it, but I knew she loved being taken care of. I gave her a beautiful home, all the financial support she needed, everything she needed but couldn’t afford. It was nice…to provide that for her.
I never cared about giving it to Valerie. In fact, I felt like I’d been robbed instead.
The doctor knocked before he came inside. He handed me a small yellow envelope. “I’ll leave you to open this in private.” He walked out again.
I held out the envelope to her. “Would you like to do the honors, baby?”
She took it, ripped through the tape, and pulled out the thick piece of paper.
In the doctor’s handwriting was our answer.
Boy.
“Oh my god…” Her hand started to shake as she held the paper. “We’re having a boy…” Her eyes watered before she looked at me.
My hand cupped her face, feeling a slight pain in my chest as I looked at her reaction, seeing how happy she was, feeling how happy she was. I saw a love there that I never saw in Valerie. “Yeah…we are.”
She dropped the paper and hugged me. “I’m so happy.”
I held her against me, my head resting on hers. “I’m happy too. Derek will have a brother. He’ll be really excited about that.”
She pulled away and looked at the paper again. “I bet he’ll be perfect. Aww, I wish he were here now…”
I rubbed the back of her neck. “He’ll be here before you know it. He’ll be screaming and crying, and you’ll be wishing you were still pregnant.”
She chuckled, her eyes still wet. “I deal with whiny clients all the time, so I’m not scared.” She grabbed her purse and slipped the paper inside, so she could keep it. “I’m really happy we’re having a boy, but…I guess I also kinda wanted to have a girl. I didn’t really know how I felt until I saw the word on the page.”
My fingers moved her hair out of her face, gently pinning it behind her neck so I could see the side of her face. Then I slowly turned her toward me. “We’ll try for a girl next time.”
Twenty
Deacon
We sat together at the table, having dinner as usual. Cleo had cravings for other things besides my standard cooking, so tonight, we had spaghetti with meatballs. Pasta and heavily processed meats weren’t a part of my diet, but I made the compromise because I wasn’t on my own anymore.
I had a family now.
“This is awesome.” Derek sliced into his meatball and ate it before spinning his fork around his pasta. He had sauce all over his face.
I pointed my fork at his face. “Derek.”
He grabbed his napkin and wiped his lips before returning it to his lap.
Cleo drank her water then looked at me, like she was anxious for me to tell him.
I was a bit anxious too. “Derek, there’s something Cleo and I want to talk to you about.”
“Yeah?” he asked. “Is it about the field trip next week? Are you coming too?”
“No,” I said. “It’s about something else.”
He spun his fork in his pasta but didn’t take a bite. He just played with his food as he waited for the news.
I had no idea how to tell him this. I hadn’t rehearsed this conversation in my head. Telling Derek he would have a sibling was something I’d never anticipated. I’d always assumed he would be the only child I ever had. “Cleo is pregnant, which means you’re going to have a little brother soon.”
“No way!” Derek dropped his fork, making a loud clatter against the dish. “Seriously? A brother?”
I smiled at his enthusiasm. “Yes. A brother.”
“That’s so cool.” Derek turned to Cleo. “I’m the only person in my class who doesn’t have any brothers or sisters. Now, I do!”
Cleo smiled. “It’s very exciting. Your father and I are so happy about it. We’re glad you are too.”
“But wait,”
Derek said. “You guys aren’t married…”
I knew his school was a bit pretentious, teaching him how to do everything the textbook way, but I didn’t want him believing that nonsense. “You don’t have to be married to have a child. Marriage is an idea civilization created. It’s not true in nature. Animals mate for life, and they aren’t married, right?”
“Yeah,” Derek said. “True.”
“So, if you ever meet someone who has a child without being married, there’s nothing wrong with it.” I didn’t want Derek being one of those obnoxious trust-fund babies who judged other people. If that was the kind of attitude he was being taught in school, I needed to correct it.
“So, you and Cleo are like penguins?” he asked. “Or cardinals?”
“Exactly.” I didn’t look at Cleo’s face, but I was sure she was disappointed we weren’t married. That was important to her, and she’d made it clear to me. But I wasn’t going to ask her to marry me just because she was pregnant. I had already planned on doing it…I just hadn’t decided on how. With Valerie, I never proposed. It was a simple conversation, and then she picked out the ring. So this felt like the first time for me…and I didn’t want it to be some simple conversation.
“When is he gonna get here?” Derek asked. “What’s his name?”
“Six months,” Cleo said. “And we haven’t picked out a name.”
“Name him something cool,” Derek said. “Like Tarantula. I wish my name was Tarantula.”
I couldn’t suppress the laugh that came from my throat. “We’ll think about it…”
“Yeah,” Cleo said with a chuckle. “We have some time to decide.”
We had dinner at my mom’s favorite restaurant. Tucker brought Pria, and the three of us sat on the opposite side of the table. Mom talked about her new yoga class and the friends she’d made. They shopped all day, hitting all the designer stores.
Derek played with his food, clearly bored with the conversation. He tried to make the crusts of his pizza into a log cabin, probably trying to copy the cabin we had in Connecticut.
I didn’t know when I was going to tell my mom about the baby. She wasn’t usually this talkative, but since she was in a good mood, I let her blabber on.
When Derek’s cabin fell apart onto the table, he sighed in disappointment. Then he looked at my mother and cut right through her conversation. “Grandma, did you know I’m getting a brother?”
My mother clutched her chest and turned silent.
I’d never actually told Derek not to say anything, but I didn’t think he’d blurt it out like that. “Derek, don’t interrupt anyone—”
“Oh my god. Oh my god.” She clutched her skull with both hands. “Then, it’s true? Tell me it’s true.” She grabbed Cleo’s hand and gripped it. “You’re giving me another grandson?” She lost her marbles right away, raising her voice so everyone in the restaurant watched us.
Maybe we should have had this dinner in private.
Cleo was clearly touched by my mother’s excitement, as if she’d feared my mother wouldn’t be thrilled about us having a child when we hadn’t been together long and we were unmarried…and Cleo wasn’t rich like I was. “It’s true.”
“Aww.” She clutched her chest again. “I’m having another grandson. This is so wonderful.” She leaned into Cleo and hugged her. “You’ve made me so happy, dear. He’s gonna be so beautiful and so smart.”
I watched them together, knowing Cleo had become part of the family a long time ago. Then I looked at Derek. “Thanks for blurting that out.”
He held up both his hands. “Why were we listening to her talk about her yoga class when we could be talking about my brother?”
I grinned and placed my hand on his shoulder. “True. But you still shouldn’t interrupt people.”
“Well, it was boring.”
Tucker and Pria got up and moved to Cleo’s side of the table, giving her hugs. “Congrats.” Tucker patted her back. “I’m gonna be an uncle again.”
“You’re still an uncle right now,” I corrected.
My mother came around the table to hug me next, indescribable joy in her eyes. “Honey, I’m so happy for you.” She hugged me tightly, squeezing me so hard I was surprised she was capable of it. “When I pray every night, I thank God for sending you Cleo. She’s the perfect woman for you, Deacon.”
I nodded. “You’re right. She is perfect.”
“I’m so happy you’re getting everything you deserve. Another son…what a blessing.”
“I’m really excited about it.”
She cupped my face and kissed my cheek. “Your father would be so proud, Deacon. I wish he could get to know both his grandsons.”
I still got emotional when I thought of my father, my best friend before Derek. “Yeah…I know he would.”
Cleo was caught up in a conversation with Tucker and Pria with Derek next to them, sharing excitement and congratulations. So, my mother lowered her voice and gave me a serious look. “You do right by her, Deacon.”
I knew she was telling me to marry her. “I did right by Valerie, and I was miserable, Mom.”
“Yes, but Cleo has always done right by you—since the moment you met her. Valerie never did. Now, you make that woman my daughter. Because she’s already a part of this family, whether you marry her or not.”
Valentine’s Day was in the middle of the week, so I didn’t plan anything special. It was an odd holiday anyway, and I didn’t really understand it. But I asked my mom to watch Derek for a few hours since she didn’t have plans.
When Cleo came home, she set her bag by the door and immediately took off her heels, like they were getting too much for her as she put on more weight with every week. “Hey, babe.”
I stepped out of the kitchen and met her in the entryway. “How are you guys?”
“Good. Just tired.”
I kissed her as my hand went to her stomach, already developing a relationship with my son when he wasn’t fully formed. But I could feel his soul every time I touched her stomach. “Maybe you should wear flats from now on.”
“I think I will. Can’t rock those pumps anymore.”
“You’re just as sexy without them.” I turned away.
She followed me then searched for Derek. “Where is he?”
“My mom is watching him for a few hours.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s Valentine’s Day.”
“Oh yeah.” She came closer to the table and saw two boxes, both with ribbons. “Wow, I’m really liking this.”
“I’m making your favorite dinner too.”
“Really?” she asked. “What’s my favorite dinner?”
“Burritos.”
She grinned.
“But these aren’t frozen.” I grabbed one of the boxes and handed it to her. “This is for you…but it’s mostly for me.”
She grinned wider, like she knew exactly what it was. She opened the top and pulled out the black bodysuit.
“I know lingerie isn’t that romantic—”
“It is to me.” She set down the box and kissed me. “I like that you buy me sexy things to wear.”
My hands went to her ass and squeezed her cheeks as I rubbed my nose against hers. “Good.”
“I hope you never stop.”
“I won’t.” I didn’t care if her body changed after the baby. I didn’t care if she aged. My attraction to her was deeper than the surface. My love had turned into lust. And that was the best kind of lust. I released her and grabbed the other box. “This one is actually for you.”
She opened it and saw the candy inside. “Ooh, that’s what I’m talking about.” She grabbed one and took a bite. “Damn, that’s good.”
“Dinner is done, so I’ll set the table. I thought we’d eat and then…”
“That sounds perfect. How long do we have?”
“Until eight.”
“Alright. Then let’s hurry up and eat.” She sat down at the table. “So we can get to th
e good part.”
Twenty-One
Cleo
We headed to the cabin for the long weekend.
Derek was excited because the weather was going to be clear with sunny skies, high sixties, the perfect introduction to spring. I was excited to leave the city and get fresh air, to sit in the sun and feel warm for the first time in months. Deacon must have been excited about everything because he didn’t pack his laptop or his paperwork.
We drove past the gate and into the driveway.
“What are we going to do first?” Derek asked. “Fish? Can we fish? Please?”
“Geez, we haven’t even gotten out of the car, little man,” Deacon said with a chuckle. “Let’s have lunch first.”
“But I’m not hungry,” Derek argued. “We just ate breakfast.”
“Like four hours ago.” Deacon opened the door and got out first. “And Cleo needs to eat. She’s gotta keep your brother healthy, right?”
Derek bowed his head. “Yeah…okay.”
I smiled at him, loving the way he already loved his little brother. “Thanks, Derek.”
“I want him to be strong like me and Dad,” Derek said.
“He will be.” I squeezed his shoulder and opened the door.
Deacon was already there, taking my hand and helping me out like I was so big I couldn’t handle myself anymore. It was unnecessary, but it was so sweet that I didn’t complain. I liked it when he took care of me. I’d been taking care of myself for so long that I thought it would be difficult to allow someone else to take the reins, but it was the easiest handoff in the world.
Deacon tipped the driver then carried our bags into the house.
“Okay, let’s eat fast,” Derek said. “We gotta find those fish.”
We were on the lake most of the day, huddled under the shade of the canopy. There was no breeze, so it actually felt like eighty degrees instead of seventy. Their poles were in the water, and Derek looked over the edge of the boat anxiously, like he could see anything in the murky water.
The Man Who Has No Sight (Soulless Book 4) Page 21