Private Message

by Danielle Torella

  "So what do you do at Tones to get to cover shows?" I ask him with a bit too much excitement in my voice. God, I must look like a preteen teeny bopper, fan-girling! Breathe, Tess, just breathe.

  He walks back over to the sofa and takes a seat. "I get to interview the rock bands. I have a column every month and each one is dedicated to one of the bands and shows. I get to review the setup, the crowd, and conduct an interview."

  Take me now! "Holy crap, that's insanely awesome! Wait! No…no way are you THE Ben Mitchell!" Yup, I look pathetic...

  "The one and only, babe," he says with a wink.

  Oh my, I think I just soaked my black panties. How can he turn me on with just a few words, and an eye movement?

  He licks his lips. I wanna do that… "Look, I think I am avoiding why I came here tonight, why after seeing you in the class, and flipping out on you earlier…I am sorry again for that by the way." And he's still avoiding it…

  "Ben, why are you here? And would you stop apologizing?"

  He lets out a throaty moan. Oh my… "I want you. I want you so bad, it actually hurts. I am physically aching for you." His eyes are slits and he's leaning in closer to me.

  I am too in shock to say anything. No man has ever come out and said that he wanted me before. They just typically get grabby. No, I don't want to think about that right now. I can't.

  We make our way back to my red sofa. He puts his hand on my knee and starts to talk again, but all I can hear is the sound of my pulse in my ears. "Ben, I have never been so attracted to a man like I am to you. You don't know how confusing that is for me. My body is telling me to rip my clothes off and tear you out of yours, but my mind is telling me to take it slow." And honestly, I want my body to win this battle.

  He nods his head. "I understand that, more than you know. I am used to fucking a girl and leaving right after. I haven't been on a real date since high school, for fuck's sake."

  "But why are you telling me this? You just told me you wanted me and now you're telling me up front that you plan on 'fucking' me and leaving? How does that work out for you exactly?" I can feel my face getting hot with anger.

  He shakes his head and throws his long fingers through his hair. "You don't get it. I want to take you out. I want to show you my place. I want to make love to you, NOT fuck you. You are more than just a fuck or any one-night stand."

  Oh.

  He brings his right hand up to my cheek and then his left. "Do you understand that?" I nod. "Good, because I am going to kiss you now, then I am going to stop, because I want to make damn sure you want me to do it again. There's no rush with us." I don't say a word.

  He leans in slowly, watching for my reaction, I think. Maybe seeking my permission? He pulls away ever so slightly to look me in the eyes. I look back and then I close them. The next thing I know I feel his warm velvety lips on mine, moist from licking them out of frustration. Soft tender kisses. He begins to push a little more firmly, and I return with intensity. He must have liked it, because his hands are wrapped around the back of my head, in my hair. His lips part and I feel the tip of his tongue flick my top lip, enticing it to part with its bottom partner. I don't hesitate; I oblige by opening my mouth to him. He tastes like honey, sweet and smooth, just like his light accent. His tongue is exploring mine and my mouth sends a wave of heat down between my thighs. I grasp the back of his neck and pull slightly at his hair, and a low growl escapes his throat.

  He pushes me down on my back, separating my legs with his knees. I can feel every hard inch of his toned body against mine. I feel how excited he is when he pushes a little harder at the apex of my thighs, making me even more excited. I want to feel him, I want to know how warm he is and how soft his skin is. I have never touched a man skin to skin in my life. I had no deep thriving desire to until I met Ben. Yes I was attracted to other guys in high school, but they didn't look at me twice let alone want to make out with me. No one wants the weird artsy nerdy girl. Except for this one guy…

  Leaning over me, he whispers a plea, "Please tell me to stop. You're going to have to, if you don't want this to go any further. I know I said I would only kiss you tonight, but if you don't say stop I'm not going to."

  I am not ready tonight, even though my body has a different agenda. I can't. This time I growl and he pushes his body harder between my thighs, and I grudgingly whisper, "Stop." Noooooooo!

  Closing his eyes, he slows our kissing. With one last soft peck, he drops his head.

  "Thank you," he says, even though I half expected him to get upset. That's what every other guy did when I said to stop. "So, when you say virgin, how much 'virgin' are we talking about?" He winks.

  I bashfully turn my head, and answer the embarrassing question, "Virgin, virgin." His eyes widen and his mouth drops open slightly. I can feel him beginning to get hard again. Oh this isn't going to be easy. To lighten the mood slightly I bite out, "And obviously you're not." I wiggle my hips beneath him.

  "No, I am not, but if you keep on moving like that under me, you won't be for very much longer." But his tone isn't playful; it's stern and sexy as hell. Shit, if he were to try and get into my pants, I don't know if I'd have the willpower to say no. I just shake my head.

  "Well, you are still on top of me," I finally reply, and he swiftly moves from the couch, holds out his hand, and helps me to my feet. Thank God, because my knees are so weak I would have probably fallen right on my face. He pulls me into a hug. Wow, this is nice and why does he have to smell so good? It's an oddly comforting smell and my heart twinges when I get this close to him.

  "Hey"—he brings my attention up to his eyes, which stand over a foot taller than me—"what are you doing tomorrow night?"

  I have to stop and think. I know there's something coming up. "I have plans tomorrow night," I answer.

  He nods and lets out a little sigh. He actually looks a little sad. "OK. Well, how about I get your real number, so I don't have to keep trying to nail you through Chatz's chat room?" He pulls out his cell.

  I read off my number as he punches it in, and then ten seconds later he calls mine. "There, now you have mine, call or text me any time. I am usually up late working on a project for work," he explains. "I will call you tomorrow afternoon, if that's OK?"

  He's asking if he can call me, after he already got my number. "Uh, yeah, that's completely fine." I know I have a ridiculous smile on my face right now. Play it cool, Tess.

  He leans down and plants another earth crumbling kiss on my mouth. I open my mouth first this time and a low moan escapes him. He pulls back and says, "Keep it up, I dare you."

  "Maybe I will," I tease.

  "Don't."

  I back up a little and I walk him over to the door. "Uh, thanks for stopping by," is all I spit out, like a moron.

  He chuckles a little. "Yeah, sorry again about that, next time I'll have your full permission." And with that one little line, it feels like there's a little something extra behind it.

  He grabs his leather jacket and he's out the door. Holy fuck.

  I had no idea that SHE was going to be in Gwen's art class. I honestly didn't think I was going to see her again. How did I not notice her before in the class? Or even later at Chatz that night? But tonight, as she looks up at me from her spot at the table, ready to draw me in all my glory, I think I am going to come right here and now. Now this is something new. I have never in my whole life ever been so turned on just at the mere sight of a woman. OK, turned on, yes, but ready to bust a nut in front of a whole classroom is an entirely different thing here.

  And now to have Gwen to ask me to stick around so she could finish my face … I didn't know what I was going to say to do or say. Then the nerve of the woman, she leaves us. Alone. Don't get me wrong, I've wanted to be alone with this girl ever since I saw her at Chatz. I wanted her right then and there. But something inside of me says to leave her alone. She's not like any other woman I have wham-bam-thank you-ma'am'd. No, she is something more.

  I can't h
elp but notice that she is again having a difficult time looking at my face or in the eyes while she draws. I know I'm not bad-looking so that can't be it. I try to sit tight and not make her feel any more uncomfortable. Then she asks me if she can listen to some music. Huh, a girl who likes music just as much as I do, perhaps? I could get into this. I wonder what her taste is so I ask for a listen. I'm shocked when I heard Britney start to play and I want to play a little so I start to sing with it, just to see the look on her face. And boy, is she stunned. That's right, baby, you have no idea what I know.

  When I ask to choose a song and I pick one of my favorites, that I haven't heard in a long time. Not too many girls I have been with have even heard of the band Good Charlotte. One point for Punky. But she takes the lyrics a little too literally and jumps down my throat, about how I must like girls who are like that. Oh, baby you can't expect to know me based on one song choice. I snap at her a little. Damn, why did I do that? How did this tight little body just get under my skin so fast?

  She says she done and I want to believe her, but I have to wonder if it's because I have made her so uncomfortable. That's the last thing I want to do. She starts to pack up her belongings and she darts for the door right away. I can't let her get away without letting her know that I am interested. The next thing I know I am pinning her against the doorway.

  By the way her breathing has gone heavy, I think she wants me too. But as soon as I give her an out she takes it. Any other woman would have been handing me their panties. But not her. She is beyond different, and I am intrigued. I need more. I need more of her.

  So as I am pulling out of the campus on my bike I see that red-haired girl she was talking to at Chatz on Friday night, and a thought slaps me in the face, that maybe, just maybe she know where she lives. So, like the creeper I apparently am, I harass the girl until she gives up and has me follow her to Tess's place. Harass is a strong word, considering after the first ask she gives in…I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. On one hand, I didn't have to beg, but on the other, what if it was some other guy? Would she have given in so fast to escort him to her friend's house? God, I fucking hope not.

  Once I finally got to her place, I take a deep breath before I knock on her apartment door, and I see Little Miss Trouble next to me giving me an odd little look and roll her eyes. Uh yeah, I am fucking nervous, you don't know me, and you only saw what you want to see every week at Chatz. So I knock and I hear her yelling from the other side of the door about a "him" in her class. She flings open the door. I swear I think all the color just rushed to and from her face in two seconds! Crap, I scared her! That's the last thing I wanted to do...way to go dude. And now she's off running into the bathroom. What the hell is she doing? I can't help but laugh, this is too good, and I am happy I did show up unannounced.

  I have no trouble getting into the bathroom; she didn't even lock the door. Seriously, these two girls need to learn a thing or two about privacy and safety…not that I am complaining tonight. Considering it was their bad decisions that got me where I am right now.

  I eventually get her out of the small bathroom. I hear her begging for her redheaded friend to stay. I have to step up and attempt to be polite, offer to come by or get together another time…and thankfully the girl catches my drift and hightails out the door.

  Before we even start to talk, she looks like she's about to pass out. I am able to reach her before she hits her hard floor. I swiftly scoop her up in my arms and walk her over to her couch and lay her down. Wow, she looks really pale. When she comes to I tell her to eat something. And man, I am a fool for offering her a banana…watching her slowly put the fruit in her mouth makes me think dirty, very dirty things...

  I take notice of all the artwork and I can understand her screen name at Chatz: Punky_Painter. She certainly has a lot of talent. I am trying to study a few of them as we dance in her small apartment. She has a lot of depth and personality in them. A little insight on how amazing I am sure she is. I hope I get to see more of that in her.

  At home I think back to the remainder of the night. The evening progressed a little faster than I imagined it would. I can't believe she let me kiss her. Her body is small and tight. Her skin was soft and smelled amazing. The moment I ran my hand down he side and up her legs, she had chills. She even blushed at the most innocent touches and soft kisses. I can't remember the last time a woman blushed while I touched her. That's probably because they have been desensitized.

  When she admitted that she really was a virgin, I just couldn't believe it. A young woman like her…I would imagine she could have any guy that she wanted. But I knew she wanted me. It took every thread in my body to not bend her over that red couch of hers. But I don't want a one-nighter with this girl. No, I want much, much, more, and that scares the crap out of me.

  I decided to take the late morning/early afternoon shift at the coffee shop. I have tickets to see one of my favorite bands tonight, and I want enough time to grab a bite to eat and get ready before James, my older brother by two years, picks me up. James and I have always been close. He always looked out for me, which wasn't always easy, with me sneaking out to go to rock shows in high school and for my drastic "different" style choices I had made back then. I figured a guy wouldn't want to get with me if I looked more alternative, if I didn't look like the rest of the girls in my school, they'd leave me alone. So, since I was in the ninth grade, James took it upon himself to go to every show with me. Except for one.

  I can't seem to shake my nerves from last night with Ben. First, he's a cocky bastard who turns stalker, sweet talker, then sexy mother effer. My mind and body are still playing catch up. Well I better start getting ready for work.

  The morning is hectic with people getting an early start to their day, seeing that it's sunny for once in Seattle. People are out and about shopping and just hanging out. I see a lot more couples it seems like since my last shift…Dave, my partner in barista crime, can sense that something's up but he doesn't say anything. In fact, he's pretty quiet today. Odd. At times he almost seems truly pissed off at me. I have to wonder why. It never seemed to bother him that much when I turned him down to go clubbing or just to hang out. Maybe he's going through a breakup with one of his many boyfriends. I hope one day one of these guys will come in to see Dave, so I can see what his taste really is. I mean, all the other baristas boyfriends or girlfriends come to visit them at work. Huh.

  As things start to slow by two o'clock, three hours till my shift ends, my phone rings. It's him! Get your crap together, girl! "Hello?" I answer.

  "Hey, it's Ben..." He pauses.

  "Yeah, I kinda got that when your name came up on my screen," I say coyly.

  He lets out a slight sigh. "Yeah, I didn't think about that…so how's your day going?" he asks, sounding distraught.

  Smiling like a fool, I say, "Pretty good, busy. I am at work right now, but I get off in a few hours."

  He chuckles.

  "What did I say?" I ask.

  "Oh nothing, don't worry about it," he laughs.

  Completely dumbfounded, I retrace my words…oh my God!

  "Seriously?" I say a little louder than intended. "That you catch and find funny?"

  "Hey, you said it, not me!" he defends himself.

  Rolling my eyes, I say, "OK, OK, what do you want, other than to embarrass me in front of my co-workers and customers?"

  "Oh baby, I could make you fall apart where you stand if I wanted to," he says matter-of-factly. And here come the heat waves.

  I challenge him, "Oh, really? Is that so?" Yup, putting my big girl panties on. I walk to the back storage room.

  He lets out a low growl. "Oh, you don't want me to do that while you're at work."

  "I'm in the back room. Alone," I confess.

  "Alone?" he asks.

  "Uh huh," I nod my head.

  "The things I want and will do to you..." He trails off. My knees go weak; I slip down to the floor with my back against a small row of metal lo
ckers and bring them to my chest.

  "When can I see you again?" he asks.

  "Like I said, I have plans tonight, but tomorrow I am free. I have the day off of work."

  His voice sounds a little more upbeat. "Call me when you get in tonight?"

  "I am not sure when that will be," I tell him.

  "Oh," and he's back to sad in a nanosecond. I cannot keep up, but he also doesn't need to know every inch of my life. I just met him, for cryin' out loud.

  "Why don't you call me tomorrow afternoon?" I suggest.

  "Sounds like a plan," he says, sounding a bit more chipper.

  We say our goodbyes hesitantly on my end and I am back at the front counter getting death glares from Dave. What? I must have overshot my break…oops.

  Three o'clock comes around and it's time to go home. Dave stops me in my tracks. "What was that all about earlier? Your head was in the clouds all morning, then you get this mysterious phone call, and now you're all googly-eyed."

  "I'm sorry." I gather my belongings from the back room.

  "You don't have to apologize, just wondering what's up with you the past few days, baby girl," he says, looking slightly worried.

  I just glare at him, not really knowing what to say I'm totally lusting over this nude model in my class in which he stalked my best friend and forced her to take him to my apartment, where we had an intense make-out session… Yeah, I am thinking that might not come out sounding right.

  "I'm good, really, don't worry about me," I say plainly.

  "Mmm…hmm..." he says, clearly not believing me. "I'm going to ask again, like I always do, and maybe one day you'll say yes. Do you want to go out clubbing with me tonight? We can get all glammed up and hit the town, scout for hot boys." There is a beam of hope in his eyes.

  I shake my head. "Not my kind of scene. I'd rather be home with my book boyfriend."

  "I'll never get what you book sluts get out of a fictional man…" He shakes his head.