Skin: He wanted full contact

by Johanna Hawke

  “So, you’re the one who gave it to him?”

  “I’m sorry. I hope that’s ok! I guess I wasn’t really thinking when I gave it to him, and I really don’t—”

  “It’s ok,” I said, interrupting Kayla. I smiled to make sure she knew I meant it. “Really. Don’t worry about it!”

  Kayla leaned in closer as if I’d directly said to her that I was about to reveal some sort of deep, dark secret. “So what’s the deal with you two?”

  I hesitated. “I honestly don’t know. We went on a date last week, and it was great. We’re actually going out again later.”

  “That’s amazing!” Kayla squealed. “I knew you two would find your way back to each other. He’s a completely different person, but I’m sure you’ve already figured that out. The new Jesse is perfect for you!”

  “We’ll see.”

  We laughed and made small talk as we finished our dessert, which was really more like an unplanned afternoon snack, and I gradually realized how lucky I was to have an old friend back in my life as a new friend. It seemed like I’d be sticking around Linfield for a while, and having someone to chat with would only make that more enjoyable. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed my high school friends until I caught a glimpse of what I’d been missing.

  “Kayla,” I said, as we got up to leave. “I know it’s a long shot, but do you think the other girls might give me another chance? Maybe we could all get together sometime?”

  Kayla’s grin was so wide I thought it was going to break in half. “I’m sure they’d love that. I would, too.” As we walked our separate ways toward our cars, we yelled to one another that we’d catch up soon and that we’d be in touch to make plans to get together again. For the first time since high school, I felt like I really meant it.

  That smile of Jesse’s captivated me every time I looked at it. It was the same boyish grin he’d flashed my way hundreds of times in high school, and it was drawing me in all over again. As I looked over at him from the passenger seat, I wondered what 18-year-old Roni would have to say about giving Jesse another chance. Was that even what I was doing? I hadn’t the slightest idea where we were going, beyond that it required clothes that I didn’t mind getting dirty. If I knew Jesse, that could mean anything from painting to four-wheeling. Gosh, I hoped it wasn’t the latter.

  We pulled into the parking lot of the Linfield Acres Park, and I was certain that my sigh of relief was loud enough for Jesse to hear. “How crazy do you think I planned on making things?” he asked, laughing.

  “It’s been a while,” I said. “And you were pretty crazy back in high school.”

  Jesse drove his car into the park as far as it was allowed and parked in a spot beside the jogging trail and some park benches. “Follow me,” he said. I walked behind Jesse as he led me over to a blue and white picnic blanket that had a picnic basket waiting on top of it. At first, I was sure it couldn’t be for us, since romantic, preplanned dates had never really been Jesse’s thing. Then, Jesse caught me off guard and took a seat on the blanket. He must’ve seen the look of surprise on my face, because he said, “Do you know how hard it is to find a picnic basket these days?”

  “Is this really for us?”

  “You always loved picnics when we were in high school. I hope this is alright.” Jesse began taking containers out of the basket as I joined him on the blanket.

  “Of course!” I giggled. “But you always hated them.”

  Jesse smirked. “I guess people really can change.” Jesse had brought all of my picnic favorites—egg salad, hummus and pita, watermelon chunks. We chatted like we’d never missed a day apart as we munched on our food. Back in New York, I found myself to be incredibly self-conscious eating in front of guys on dates. Here, with Jesse, I didn’t give it a second thought. What impressed me even more was that Jesse had made his mother’s egg salad recipe. I could tell because she always added a hint of chili powder, her secret ingredient, which gave it a nice kick. My mom had always told me that a man who cooks for you is a man who is willing to put in the effort. Something about this picnic reminded me of her, and of that saying.

  “So, why exactly did I need to wear clothes I didn’t mind getting dirty?” I asked, looking up in the last of the sunlight to meet Jesse’s gaze.

  “Ok, so I may have exaggerated a little bit,” Jesse said. The smile on his face said that he was up to something. “It was more like you needed to wear clothes that you didn’t mind getting wet.” He lifted up the lid to the basket and held it up for me to peek inside. It took me a few seconds to realize that there had to be twenty or thirty premade, ready-to-go water balloons.

  “Seriously?”

  “Why not?” Jesse asked. “Thought we could use a little fun.”

  I felt a rush of spontaneity make its way through my body, just like I was back in high school. Without giving Jesse a chance to strategize or get a head start, I grabbed whatever water balloons I could fit in my hands and threw one directly at his head. Splat.

  Jesse shook the water from his hair, looking like a hair model all the while. “Oh, you’ve really done it now, Vance.” I giggled as I playfully ran from Jesse, his first two balloons missing me by mere inches. His third balloon hit me right in the chest, and I threw one at his back as he ran away.

  Damn, his muscles looked sexy through his wet shirt. His shoulders looked strong and his back was even more toned than I remembered. We tossed balloons back in forth, ignoring any onlookers who must have thought we were completely crazy. We were crazy, but I didn’t mind being crazy with Jesse. It felt natural. I hid behind the bench with my last two balloons like a child playing hide and seek. When Jesse got close, I threw both balloons, with one grazing his leg and another splashing right in his face.

  “If art doesn’t work out, maybe consider archery for a career,” Jesse said between laughs. “You have a mean arm.”

  We laughed at one another, and it wasn’t until my abdominal muscles began to hurt that I stopped. This was everything I had ever wanted. Back after Jesse had broken up with me, I’d have given anything for a night like this, full of lighthearted fun and genuine connection. Now, I almost felt like I was betraying my old self. No matter how much fun Jesse and I had, each time the dust settled, I remembered how things had ended. Beneath the long hair and tattoos was the same man who had broken my heart. Was I really going to let him back in so easily? Could a picnic date and some water-filled balloons really erase all the hurt?

  I took a seat on one of the benches and drew in a deep breath. Maybe I was just exhausted from running around. I needed to think rationally, to consider my next move before I made it. Since I’d gotten back to Linfield, Jesse had been nothing but wonderful to me. Still, that didn’t change much. I couldn’t help myself. I felt like my feelings were going to tumble out with words I didn’t choose unless I spoke up. I owed Jesse the truth. Well, I supposed I didn’t actually owe him anything after what he’d done to me, but I thought he deserved to know how I felt about things. I wanted us to be on the same page after all that had happened between us.

  “Look, this has been a lot of fun, but can we talk for a minute?” I said, aware for the first time that my clothes were completely soaked.

  Jesse laughed, but I wasn’t quite sure what was funny. “Am I in trouble?” When he saw the look on my face, he quickly wiped the smile from his and joined me on the park bench beside our picnic blanket. “What’s going on?”

  “You broke my heart,” I blurted. I let the words hang there, unsure if I should continue or let Jesse take over.

  “I know,” Jesse said. “I’ve told you over and over again how sorry I am.”

  A mess of sobs spilled out of me, and I cleared my throat enough so that I could speak. “You hurt me so much over the past five years. You left me alone at prom, and you knew how much it meant to me. You told me you never loved me. Do you know how that felt?”

  Jesse shook his head. “I’m sure it must’ve sucked.”

  “You�
�re damn right, it sucked. While all of our friends were living it up, enjoying our last few days of high school, I was cooped up in my room, crying, completely devastated.” Jesse’s eyes darted to his feet, which only fueled my anger. “I loved you. You meant everything to me, and you completely ripped the rug out from under me.”

  “Roni, where is this coming from?” Jesse asked. He spoke softly, as if he was almost intimidated by my outburst.

  “It’s coming from years of hurt,” I said. “Sometimes it hurts to even look at you, as much as I love seeing you again. It just reminds me of how much you disappointed me. I took nothing but bad memories from high school. I abandoned friendships because I was too heartbroken to care. Where is this coming from? I’ve been holding all these feelings in for so long. I thought you deserved to know.”

  “Roni…” Even Jesse was at a loss for words, a rarity for him. We sat in still silence as the sun set behind us. It had to have been at least ten minutes of me watching the colors of the sky change from reds and oranges to dark blue as I felt Jesse’s eyes watching me.

  Finally, I felt like I had to let go of the last secret I’d been keeping on my mind. “I think you were telling the truth, Jesse,” I started. “I don’t think you loved me then, and I sure as hell don’t think you love me now. All you want is to get in my pants. And you already accomplished that. So what the hell are you still doing here?”

  Chapter 12

  Jesse

  It was time. If I didn’t let Roni in, I was going to lose her forever. Sure, I was scared about what she’d say, but I was more scared of the alternative. I lost her once, and I didn’t want to make the same mistake again. “Would you ever think about getting my name tattooed on your body?” I asked. Realizing that may have been too forward, I added, “Or anyone’s name?”

  Roni’s flawless hair blew in the nighttime wind, and she let out a chuckle that took me by surprise. “Yeah, right,” she said. “Stop changing the subject. Where do you come up with these things? Maybe you really are the same bullshit artist you were in high school.” She turned her attention toward the falling night.

  If only she knew how connected my question was to my feelings about her. I had to see it from her perspective, I supposed. We’d been back in contact for just a few weeks after four years of being apart, and that wasn’t even taking into account the hard way in which we’d ended things. I would have been questioning everything just as she has if I were in her shoes.But I wasn’t in her shoes. I was sitting here, trying to open up my heart, unsure of how to do it. All I knew was that I didn’t want her to walk away. I didn’t want her to keep bottling up these emotions, this horrible pain that I caused her.

  “There’s something I need to tell you,” I said. I did the only thing I could think to do, the only surefire way to prove that I cared about Roni always. I lifted up my raglan t-shirt to reveal the tattoo I’d been concealing, the object that could either bring us closer together or drive us apart. I was tired of hiding it.

  “Holy shit,” Roni whispered.

  That reaction about covered it. I looked down to my abdomen, where Roni’s name was written in large script, surrounded by a floral design I’d spent months drafting. Though I’d been hiding it from her, I wasn’t ashamed. It was more that I was afraid of her reaction. “I know this is probably a lot for you to take in,” I said.

  “Wh-when did you get that?”

  “I spent four or five months working on the background while I was in prison,” I said. “I got the tattoo about a week after I got out.”

  All I could do was sit helplessly as tears began to pour from Roni’s eyes. “But you told me you never loved me. You told me I never meant anything to you.”

  “I’m sorry.” My voice was barely above a whisper, and I searched frantically in the corners of my mind for any words that could get Roni to understand. “I lied. I never wanted to hurt you, Roni. I just didn’t want to hold you back, so I made up that stuff about our relationship never meaning anything. I knew you were destined for so much more than I could give you.”

  Roni’s bottom lip quivered, and I took her in my arms and planted a kiss on her forehead. “That wasn’t true,” she said. “All I wanted was you.”

  “I never stopped loving you, Roni. Not even for a day.”

  “You broke my heart.” Roni didn’t seem mad, which, at least to me, was a good sign. Her voice was half the volume it had been while she was yelling at me. It was more like she was trying to understand. “I didn’t think I was good enough for you. I spent so many years hoping you’d write me back, or maybe even love me back.”

  “I was the one who wasn’t good enough for you,” I said. “And I always loved you back. I just knew that responding to your letters would make things harder for both of us. I’m so sorry, Roni. I want this to be our fresh start. I’ve worked hard to become a better person. For you, baby.”

  Roni let out a soft whimper, which turned into a weird mix between crying and giggling. “I can’t believe this is happening. This is all I ever wanted to hear you say.”

  I pulled Roni closer to me and planted a delicate kiss on her lips. There was no need for any more talking. I never stopped loving her. It seemed as though she’d never stopped loving me. This was it. This was what we’d been waiting for. Roni kissed me back so deeply and forcefully that it caught me by surprise.

  We fell over in a clumsy tangle on the picnic blanket, and I thanked my lucky stars that I opted for a picnic blanket over a table. This was far sexier, not to mention incredibly romantic. Roni made her way on top of me and pressed her body against mine. She’d never taken the lead before. It was a side of her that turned me on immensely.

  Roni slid her hands up and down my chest, tracing her name where it was permanently imprinted on my skin. I slid off her wet t-shirt as she unhooked her bra with one hand and copped a feel with the other. “That tattoo is actually pretty sexy,” Roni whispered in my ear. She slid my pants down and looked over her shoulder. I presumed she was checking to see if anyone was nearby in the park, but something told me that even passersby wouldn’t have stopped her. We were in the middle of a moment, and the darkness was surely shielding everyone’s eyes but our own.

  My stiffened flesh felt warm against Roni’s body. She shoved her hardened nipples in my face as she performed a little show, teasing and taunting me with her most precious possessions. As if I wasn’t aroused enough, she then shook her well-endowed backside in my direction as she slid her thong off and placed it on the grass. I took her ass in my hands and gave it a hard smack. I’d been waiting a long time to do that.

  “Let’s see what you’ve got, Vance,” I said with a smirk. Best mistake I ever made. Roni was always one for some friendly competition. As if I had just challenged her to some sort of duel, Roni took my cock and shoved it inside her. She rode me hard, with a determination I’d missed so greatly. Her voluptuous breasts bounced up and down, up and down. Pleasure filled every inch of my body as I found new areas of Roni to explore. She was an angel. Our lips made their way back together each time Roni took a momentary break, revving up to take our connection to new depths.

  The moans coming from Roni’s mouth were like sweet symphonies in my ear. She was so sexy, so stunning and arousing with her naked skin kissed by the moonlight. Each time she took me deeper, I found it harder to compose myself. Never had I had a girl take such control, and never had I felt so turned on in my life. My cock was pulsating, throbbing, as my breathing became labored. I ached with pleasure. I felt myself explode inside of Roni as she began her grand finale. Wildly, effortlessly, she shook and rocked and rubbed against me in all the right ways.

  Roni’s flesh shuddered against mine as we collapsed onto the blanket in pure ecstasy. When I finally regained my breath, I said, “You’re a woman of many talents, Roni Vance.”

  Roni threw her head back and laughed. “You’re not so bad yourself,” she said. “A real team player.”

  “Ready for the next inning?” I asked,
fully knowing—or at least hoping—that she knew I was kidding. As eager as I was to relive what had just happened, I didn’t want Roni to feel any sense of pressure from me.

  “Maybe in a bit.” Roni winked, taking me by surprise. She slowly made her way onto my shoulder, and I wrapped her in my arms.

  “Is this everything you ever dreamed it would be?”

  Roni tilted her head up to meet my gaze. “And more.” We laid there on the picnic blanket with nothing but each other, staring up at the stars, which were finally seeming to align.

  Chapter 13

  Roni

  I couldn’t believe senior trip was finally here. It was the week we’d been talking about since we’d entered the doors of our high school nearly four years earlier. The plane ride full of loud teenagers had been a bit much for my taste, but we were finally in sunny Florida, and that made it all worth it. I unpacked my clothes into the drawers of the room I was sharing with Georgia, who was already over in Maddie and Kayla’s room making plans for the day. That was typical Georgia, the social butterfly and planner extraordinaire. If it was up to her, we would’ve had itineraries for our friend group, broken down to the half hour for the entire trip. Lucky for us, we had overruled her plan to make a plan.

  We were given our passes for the Disney parks, a curfew, and the freedom to do anything within reason. I was excited to spend the week with my number one guy and my best friends. There was a knock on the door, and I looked in the mirror to fix my plane hair before opening it. “Georgia,” I called toward the door. “I thought you’d make it at least a day before forgetting your room key.”

  I opened the door and found Jesse, standing there in a different outfit from what he’d been wearing on the plane. Without a word, he tiptoed past me into the room and began kissing me. I pressed my lips passionately against his. “Jesse,” I said.