by Daisy Allen
“It’s exquisite.”
He turned to look at me, searching my eyes for the truth. “Really?”
I breathed a sigh of contentment and smiled at him, in a way that I hoped he felt my sincerity, “yes, Finn. It’s absolutely perfect.”
I walked to the large bay window that led out to a small balcony and pulled the white lace curtain aside, staring out at the view of bushes of bright yellow flowers as far as my eye could see.
“Wow.”
He came up behind me, pressing his body against me as he matched my gaze out the window. My body responded by stiffening, and I felt a warmth spread through me, through the parts that made me feel alive, feminine, something I hadn’t felt in a long time.
“I think so. Wow.”
“What are those?” I pointed out to the field, trying to distract myself from the way his body was brushing up against me.
“Those yellow flowers? They’re called Furze.”
I felt his fingers brush over my eyelids, warm and soft.
“Close your eyes, Kara,” he leaned in and whispered next to my ear.
I let my eyelids follow his fingers, feeling my eyelashes fluttering softly against my upper cheek.
“And take a long deep breath...now.” He instructed.
I drew the air into my lungs, feeling each fresh molecule wash over the soft hairs of my nostrils and fill up my chest.
“And out.”
The air flowed out of me, slow and warm. My whole body felt filled with sunshine.
Finn moved his hand from my eyes and I felt the late afternoon’s sunrays warm on my face again.
“What did you smell?” He asked.
I shook my head I hadn’t really noticed anything.
“Yes, you do know. Stop and relive it, the air flowing in and out, it had a smell, what was it?”
I closed my eyes again and tried to recapture the experience.
“Coconut.”
“Yes, coconut.”
I turned to look at him, our bodies pressing against each others as we stood there by the window, as if in another time and place.
Finn moved his hand up under my chin, lifting my face up to his. This wasn’t the Finn I remembered. I caught my reflection in his blue eyes. And I wasn’t who I remembered either. When had I turned into this dull, lifeless creature?
“Finn.” I sighed. And he smiled as if simply from the sound of my voice speaking his name.
“Now, every time I smell coconut or...furze, I’ll think of you, Kara.” He whispered and slowly leant down, his mouth poised to meet mine. I held my breath and let nothing but the thought that we were about to kiss fill my mind.
“Oh! I’m sorry!” The voice pulled us apart like two elastic cords attached to our waists.
I turned back to face out the window as Finn turned towards the voice.
“Oh, Rodney, I didn’t hear you knock, I’m sorry. Um, please just leave our bags by the door, I’ll take care of the rest, thank you.”
“Yes, of course, sir. I’m sorry to have interrupted you. Sorry again Miss.”
I waved my hand acknowledging his apology, still too shocked at what almost happened to be concerned with my rudeness.
The door closed with a dull thud, and Finn turned back to me. We stood in silence for a moment.
“Um. Er...would you like a bath? You haven’t seen the bathroom yet, you’re going to love it,” he stammered.
Was he just as shocked as I was at what had almost happened?
“Oh, ok sure. I was just going to take a shower but...”
“No, trust me, you’re going to want to have a bath, why don’t you go get a change of clothes and I’ll draw it for you.”
He disappeared into the bathroom and I knelt at my suitcase, shaking my head, wondering what was wrong with me.
“Come on Kara, don’t let it all go to your head, it’s FINN. You can’t kiss FINN.” I mumbled as I collected my clothes.
“Um, just go in for your bath whenever you’re ready, ok? I’m going to go downstairs and have a chat to Patrick.” Finn said coming back, and I waited for him to close the door behind him before I went into the bathroom.
“Oh my god.” I couldn’t help but gasp when I entered the room.
In keeping with the suite itself, the bathroom was enormous. The stone walls were littered with small fairy lights giving off a soft warm hue and the large oval cast iron bathtub stood on a platform in the middle of the room, surrounded my LED lights embedded in the floor.
Luxury toiletries were lined up on a stand by the tub, along with a collection of books and remote for the sound system. The feature piece was the water tap, long and elegant like a swan’s neck and gilded gold, giving off a stunning glint in the darkened room. Finn had scattered bath salts into the cascading water, scenting the water and room with lavender.
I sank slowly into the tub feeling the scalding hot water seep into my muscles, easing the stress of the flight and being around Finn from my body. I laid my head back on the soft head-rest cushion and moved my fingertips in circles under the water, splashing them one way and then the other, enjoying the feel of the water flow around them silky smooth and warm.
Feeling my body relax more with each passing moment soaking in the sweet scented water, I let my mind drift to the moment by the window.
Even now immersed in water, I could remember the feel of Finn’s body against mine, seemingly innocent at first, as he stood behind me at the window. But then I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d purposefully touched my face and whispered in my ear to turn the moment into a more intimate event.
I couldn’t tell from our time together today, what he wanted. He joked and flirted, well, until I told him to stop, but he hadn’t made any overt moves...until now.
Alone now, in my bath, I had to admit to myself, how my entire body was cleaving to that moment, aching to kiss him. Aching to feel him touch me. Those sparks between us couldn’t have been a coincidence, there was something between us. Something that 15 years hadn’t erased. 15 years of hating him, changing the person I was because of the heart break he caused. 15 years of wondering, what might have, could have happened had things, had we, been different.
I heard him return to the suite and part of me wanted to call out to him. Call out to him, ‘come join me’.
But something stopped me. The same thing that had been stopping me from relationships with men for the past 15 years; fear. I couldn’t bear to think what being rejected by Finn again would do to me.
Business. I reminded myself. This is all business. And I almost believed that I would hold myself to it.
Chapter Twelve
The water finally turned ice cold after over an hour and I reluctantly pulled myself out of the decadent bathtub. “One day, when I’m rich, I’m going to get one just like it,” I promised myself as I dried myself with the thick lush creamy white towel Finn had thoughtfully hung by the tub for me. I reached for my clothes before I saw the bathrobe hanging on the back of the door. I didn’t think we were going to go out that night so I slipped on my underwear then put on the silk robe, enjoying the sensual feel of the fabric hug tight around my body.
I opened the door and stepped back into the bed room.
“Finn?” I thought I’d heard him moving around while I was in the bathroom but he wasn’t there.
“In here, Kara.”
I followed his voice and found him sitting on the floor on a blanket in the living room, a delicious and amazing picnic spread in front to him.
I let out a laugh, impressed. “Wow! Did you do all this?”
“Yes. Of course. With my bare hands!” He nodded, proudly. “Well, I carried it up here and spread it out with my bare hands. The rest was done by Doris’ bare hands, Patrick’s wife, she runs the restaurant and catering for the hotel. Sit down,” he gestured to the floor around the picnic blanket.
I sank to my knees on the blanket opposite him, eyes scanning the collection of plates and bowls in front of us. Ther
e were olives and cold cuts, rustic bread and fruits and salads. My stomach rumbled loud, reminding me it’d been empty all day.
Finn laughed and handed me a plate, “dig in!”
I smiled with gratitude, “do you have a fork?”
“No! Just use your fingers, it’ll taste better that way. Don’t tell me you’re one of those shy eaters?”
I grabbed a handful of grapes and shoved them into my mouth and loaded up my plate with bread and the potato salad, trying to draw in breath around my full mouth.
“Er, yeah, ok, my mistake, nevermind,” Finn chuckled as he watched me lose all sense of shyness.
I ignored him as I devoured the delicious food. “Oh my god, Doris is a genius, can we bring her home with us?”
“No, because then Patrick would follow and it took me forever to find someone I trusted to run this place,” Finn handed me a glass of wine.
“How did you end up with this hotel, anyway? I never knew you had any interest in hotels or business? You even scoffed at me when I told you I was going to NY Stern for a business degree.”
“No, I didn’t, I congratulated you. I just didn’t think it was right for me.”
“You remember that?”
“I remember more than you know.” He sighed.
“Maybe it’d be better if we didn’t remember so much.” I mumbled to myself.
“Anyway, I bought this about 8 years after Dad died. He used to bring us here all the time when we were kids.”
“He what?!”
“You didn’t know?”
I just shook my head in shock. I knew something must’ve happened for Mrs. O’Reilly to remarry, but I never imagined that it was because Mr. O’Reilly had passed away. I couldn’t believe it.
“Um, yeah, about 6 months after, um, after our prom, we were just having a swimming training session and he went under. His heart just exploded. By the time we got him out he’d stopped breathing and never came to. He was 42 year old.”
“Oh my god! Finn.”
“It was so surreal, um, there he was one minute, diving into the pool, making some lame Dad joke. We’re all doing our own thing with our laps so we don’t even notice anything’s wrong until the life guard jumps in, and, um, you know he, um...he blows on his whistle...”
I got up from my spot and moved over next to him, and squeezed his shoulder, completely blown away by the tragic news.
“... so, I stand up and I see them pulling him out. Mom’s already there and Heather’s still lost in her own world swimming away. I’m all the way down the other end of the pool and...” he just shakes his head, years later still haunted by the memory, “I remember just standing there, I couldn’t decide whether it would be faster to run or to swim. And then I hear my Mom scream and I just jump out and run over, just hoping I don’t slip.”
“Oh, god, your poor mother...”
“And when I get there, they’re giving him CPR but it’s too late. The um, the...ah...” He struggles with the word and I slide my hand down to hold his.
“It’s ok. I know.”
“Yeah, well, they say that his heart just exploded, tore itself to shreds. He’d had a problem for years and it was literally a ticking time bomb but no one knew.
We never knew. He never knew. He was so healthy and fit. And then he was just gone.”
I felt a tear slide its salty trail down my cheek, remembering Finn and Heather’s Dad; how fun he was, how nice, how he never made me feel like the scruffy kid from the poor side of town. He always tried to help our family out whenever he could without making it seem like a hand out. Even my proud parents who were anti-snob in nature had to admit, Mr. O’Reilly was a great guy. And now he was gone, and left behind a devastated wife and two kids. Oh god, poor Heather.
“Anyway, after he died, I just disappeared, I took off, I couldn’t handle it, I came here first and just hid out for about a year. I spoke to about five people the whole year. I was a mess. I couldn’t even be there for Mom.”
“Finn, I...I’m so so sorry. I didn’t know. I...well, I just didn’t know.” I didn’t know how else to apologize, apologize for his father’s death, apologize for not knowing, for not being there for them. Despite everything, if I’d known, I’d have been there day and night, in a heartbeat. Our drama seemed so juvenile and insignificant compared to this.
“It’s ok. I...I know you wanted to just disappear. I get that more than anyone, trust me. I don’t blame you for wanting to be as far away from me as possible. By the time Dad died, I’d gotten the message and wasn’t trying any more.”
“Trying?”
“Trying to call you and write. After the summer, I figured it was just better to let you move on with your life.”
“I didn’t...I didn’t want to hear from you.”
“I know, I don’t blame you. I didn’t blame you. I was, I was so drunk that night, Kara, when I woke up the next day and realized what I’d done, I wanted to jump off a cliff.”
“It’s ok. It’s done. I don’t need an explanation...I’m not even looking for an apology.” I sat back on my heels and stared at my hands.
“Why? Because either way you’re not going to forgive me?”
“Finn.”
“No matter what I say? I can’t ever make it up to you? Is that right?”
I pushed myself to my feet, “I don’t want to talk about this now, Finn.”
He slid his hand along my bare thigh and I shivered at his touch.
“Why not now?”
“Because! We were never supposed to meet again, and I’m not prepared for this conversation!” I stormed towards the bedroom.
I felt him follow me, his footsteps catching up to me. He grabbed me by the shoulders from behind and pushed his face against my hair.
“Forgive me, Kara. Please. I’m so sorry about that night. It wasn’t supposed to end that way.”
I braced myself against the arched doorway, unable to push him away, “but it DID end that way. And you told me just how you felt about me.”
“NO! I didn’t! It was all a lie!” He growled into my hair, his breath hot against my neck, his hands strong sliding down my arms.
“No! It wasn’t, you made it VERY clear that it wasn’t me you wanted that night, I was just a prudey inconvenience getting in the way of your fun.”
He spun me around and pushed his body hard against me, my back hard against the wall. “No. It was a lie. It was you I wanted, I just...I didn’t know how to handle it, how to tell you that I wanted you, that… I want you.”
And with that, he pulled me hard against him and pressed his mouth against mine.
Time stood still as he kissed me, his mouth hard at first, then softened against mine and coaxing my lips open, his tongue sliding on top of my tongue in an instant, I could taste the sweet bitter fragrance of the red wine still coating the inside of his mouth. His breath came in hot, hard bursts, his hands slid over my back and gripped my ass.
“Finn...” I sighed, my whole body suddenly alive from his touch.
“Shhhh, Kara...just kiss me.” And I did, my hands came up to frame his face as our tongue danced against each others. He tasted divine, I couldn’t get enough. His hands were rough and firm as they traveled around my body, caressing and grabbing, romantic and urgent both at once.
Suddenly he pulled away, and we stared at each other, panting, and our breath the furthest thing from our minds.
He reached for the silk belt tied at my waist. Pulling it away from my body the slippery bow slid apart and the robe fell open. Sliding the silk fabric over my shoulders, he watched it fall in a glistening cream pool at my feet. I stood there, in my lace bra and panties in front of him, and I‘d never felt more naked in my life. I shyly tried to cover myself with my hands.
“God, Kara. You are so beautiful.” He pushed my hands away as he looked me over before sliding his hand behind my neck and pulling me in for another kiss.
I hooked my hands around his neck and pulled him hard against me, tr
ying to feel as much of his body against me as possible. If I could’ve climbed inside him I would’ve in that moment.
My lips bruised themselves against his mouth, teeth grazing his lips, tongue thrusting against his.
Then suddenly, he swept me up in his arms and carried me to the bed, laying me down on the pillows gently, before stepping back and walking away from the bed.
I heard myself choke back a cry and reach out to him.
“Don’t leave.”
He turned back to the bed and leant over me, kissing me hard.
“I’m not going anywhere, just opening the curtain. I want to see you.”
I watched him pull the curtains apart, letting the soft afternoon sun illuminate the room.
He pulled his polo t-shirt over his head and slid out of his jeans, and I let out a muted gasp at his body. I’d never been with a man who was so physically perfect before. His chest was chiseled with muscle, his legs toned and dark, his swimmer’s shoulders broad and strong. I couldn’t wait to see what hid under his grey briefs.
He came back and stood by the side of the bed, running his fingers along the length of my body; drawing a line of goose bumps wherever his skin touched mine. Taking my hands in his, he pulled me to my knees. Brushing the hair from my face, he reached around me and unclasped my bra, and pulled it down my arms. I bit back the urge to cover my breasts from his gaze, I felt so exposed. He sighed and ran a single finger along my neck, over my collar bone and down to the curve of my breast, circling around and around getting closer and closer to the middle. Then, just as my body stiffened with anticipation of his finger running over the hardening peak, he lowered his mouth and wrapped his lips around my hard pink nipple.
“Oh god, Finn,” my back arched and pushed my chest hard against him. He moved with me, and sucked harder on my nipple as I felt it harden into a throbbing pebble, aching in his hot mouth. He pulled off and blew on it gently, the cooling of the air making me shiver. He leant over and flicked his tongue over the other nipple, sending an electrical spark down my spine. I ran my hands through his hair and down over the back of his neck as he played with my nipple with his wet tongue.
“You are a fucking Goddess, Kara.” He growled as he pushed me down onto the bed and knelt between my legs.