My Dilemma

by Pixie Perkins

  My stomach drops, and any appetite I had before is gone in an instant. This can’t be happening. He did not just say what I think he just said. There’s no way. Lora and I agreed that guys don’t remember stupid stuff like preteen breakup notes.

  Maybe I should play crazy again!

  Yeah, because that worked so well last time…

  “I’ll see ya around, Feisty,” he drawls, now standing up. “Enjoy your lunch.” He throws me a wink before sauntering away from the table, and I just stare after him—completely dumbfounded.

  Okay, so my life is over.

  “Was that Brayden?” I hear Lora ask. “Where’s he going? He’s not sitting with us?”

  “He remembers,” I tell her as she sits down across from me again. “He remembers the stupid note, Lora.” I widen my eyes at her. “That. Was. Not. Supposed. To. Happen.”

  “Are you sure?” She gives me an unconvinced look. “Why do you think he does?”

  I relay our conversation to her, still mentally panicking as my right leg bounces the entire time, and then I finish with a: “See? He remembers!”

  “Correction, he remembers a certain part,” she states in a matter-of-fact way. “Just because he remembers you writing about being friends with him—which I still don’t understand why you did that, by the way—doesn’t mean he remembers every single thing you told him in the note.”

  “Do you really think so, Lor?” I ask, allowing myself to feel a little hopeful.

  “Of course,” she replies with a careless wave of her hand, “I mean…the odds of him remembering all that cringey stuff you wrote are ridiculously low, trust me.”

  So why does it still feel like my life is over then?

  Chapter 9: Classic Breakup Story

  “Mom, are you sure about this?” I ask, watching as she throws her hair into an effortless ponytail. “Maybe it’d just be better if you talked to Hailee.”

  “I’ve already talked to her,” she replies, grabbing her soccer mom tote bag, “and that’s why I think it’ll be good for you to talk to her. She needs to know you’re there for her, Megan.”

  Cringe.

  “And I totally get that, Mom,” I say, following her out of the kitchen, “but you do realize she hates me because of the no-dating-until-high-school-rule, right? I mean, you heard what she said last night.”

  “Your sister does not hate you, she just…has very strong feelings about the dating rule.”

  Sooooooo, basically she hates me.

  “Ky-Ky!” Mom yells, walking to the front door. “Come on, baby, it’s time to leave!”

  Why did I agree to this?

  “Oh, and I haven’t forgotten about our little talk,” she says, looking over her shoulder at me, “so no worries…we can chat about it once I get back.”

  “We really don’t have to, Mom,” I assure her with a forced smile. “Like I said, it’s all in the past.”

  “Except, it’s not anymore,” she replies, wiggling her eyebrows. “I still can’t believe the same Brayden living next door, is the same Brayden you dated in middle school! How crazy is that?”

  I hold back an eye-roll. “So crazy.”

  “I’m ready to go!” Kyle announces, running into the living room. “Hey, Megan, did you wanna come too?”

  “Megan is going to have some sister time with Hailee, Ky-Ky,” Mom answers for me, “but she can come to the next practice. Right, Meg?”

  Are you kidding me? Isn’t it enough that I’m going to be sharing my practically nonexistent boyfriend experience with Hailee?

  “Sure,” I answer dryly, “why not?”

  I really need to get some serious hobbies, maybe then I wouldn’t be stuck doing sibling favors all the time.

  “Later, Megan!” Kyle exclaims as Mom herds him out of the house. “Have fun with Hailee!”

  When is this kid going to realize that “having fun” isn’t part of my everyday life?

  Mom closes the front door behind them, and I let out a deep breath as I turn to face the staircase. I really don’t want to do this. But I’m going to. Maybe I should eat something first.

  You just ate that yogurt ten minutes ago.

  Dang it.

  Okay, fine, you know what? Let’s just get it over with.

  So, I go upstairs. Then, once I’m standing in front of her bedroom door, I curse myself for telling Mom that I’d do this.

  The sooner you go in, the sooner you can get the heck out of there.

  True.

  I knock on the door a few times, knowing she probably has her earbuds in. “Hailee? It’s Megan.”

  “No crap, you’re the only other person in the house.”

  Well, at least we’re off to a great start. “Can I come in?”

  “Whatever.”

  I’ll take that as a yes.

  I open the door at a somewhat normal pace, trying not to seem totally hesitant, and give her an awkward wave. “Hey.”

  “Hey,” she echoes, not looking up from her phone. “What do you want?”

  To leave.

  “Uh, did Mom mention to you about us talking?” I ask, stepping farther into the room. “By chance?”

  “Maybe.”

  How helpful.

  “Gotcha…” I trail off, tugging on the hem of my T-shirt. “Well, you look kind of busy, so we should probably just do this another time.”

  Like, never.

  “Just spit it out, Megan,” she replies in a bored voice, “I’m not getting lectured by Mom just because you’re too chicken to talk to me.”

  “I’m not too chicken,” I say with a scoff, “but speaking of getting lectured by Mom…I’m sure she would love to know that you spent the whole time on your phone while I was talking to you.”

  She narrows her eyes at me, and then sets the phone aside on her bed. “There. So, let’s hear it already.”

  I almost sit down at her desk, but decide that’s something Mom would probably do, so I just stay standing. “All right, well, I know you’re upset about the dating rule.”

  “It’s a stupid rule.” She crosses her arms to emphasis her point. “And it’s totally unfair. Do you know how many girls at my school have boyfriends?”

  “A lot,” I reply with a nod, “because it was the same way when I was in middle school.”

  “Yeah, except you were actually allowed to have a boyfriend.”

  Wow, that is one dirty scowl…

  “You’re probably not going to believe me,” I start, giving her a careless shrug, “but having a boyfriend really wasn’t all that.”

  She raises an unimpressed eyebrow at me. “You’re right, I don’t believe you.”

  “Well, at first, having a boyfriend did seem like a big deal…until he wanted to date other girls while we were still dating. That’s when—”

  “He dumped you, and you got bitter,” she interrupts, glancing at her phone. “Classic breakup story, Meg. What’s your point?”

  “First of all,” I say, putting a finger up, “he didn’t dump me. I broke up with him. Secondly, my point is that having a boyfriend back then just wasn’t worth it. I would’ve been better off staying single.”

  “Right…” she trails off, turning her attention back to me. “Well, I think I’d like to decide that for myself. The single life isn’t for everyone, Megan, and I know for a fact that it isn’t for me.”

  What was the point of even having this conversation? Did Mom seriously think it’d make a difference?

  “Are we done now?” she asks, snatching up her phone. “I have homework to do.”

  Which, of course, involves using said phone.

  “Sure thing,” I tell her with a faux smile, “happy studying.”

  And that’s it. I’ve done my part.

  I am so out of here…

  However, my exit is interrupted when Hailee says, “Wait.”

  Ugh. Close—but not close enough.

  “What?” I huff, turning around to look at her. “I thought you had homework to do?”


  “Gianna and I want to go shopping tomorrow after school,” she replies, ignoring my sarcastic tone, “so don’t make any plans…okay?”

  Double ugh.

  “Why can’t Mom take you?”

  “She has a work thing,” she states in a matter-of-fact way, “and Dad is taking Kyle to some kind of weird bird exhibit. You really should look at the family calendar every once in a while, Meg.”

  Triple ugh.

  “Fine.” I purse my lips at her. “I’ll take you and Gianna shopping tomorrow, but you have to get permission first.”

  She rolls her eyes at that. “Duh.”

  Great talk.

  This time I actually do leave, not bothering to close her door behind me, and I head toward my room.

  “You left my door open!” she calls after me.

  “Duh!” I holler back.

  Ha.

  Feeling pretty darn accomplished, I stroll into my room, where I’m welcomed by the pile of laundry that I’ve been ignoring for the past three days.

  Or has it been five days?

  Three days sounds better…

  Either way, I’m running out of clothes to wear, which means it’s time for me to be responsible.

  I hear my phone vibrating on top of my dresser, so I check to see who’s calling me.

  Lora.

  Okay, I’ll be responsible right after I answer the phone.

  “Hey,” I say after “accepting” the call, “how’d it go with Paul?”

  “Fine, I guess,” she replies with a slight sigh, “he talks a lot though and wouldn’t shut up about his love for parkour. I don’t know if him tutoring me is going to work out, Meg.”

  “Hmm,” I hum, walking over to the pile of laundry, “well…you could always ask you-know-who.”

  “And I probably would if he wasn’t so set on us getting back together. But he is, so I can’t. I’ll just have to find someone else.”

  “Lora…” I put her on speaker and set the phone down on my bed so I can start sorting through all my laundry. “You know I don’t like getting in the middle of your relationship with Holt, but maybe you guys should talk.”

  “We’ve already talked. And contrary to what he says, we both decided that the break-up was a good idea.”

  “Yeah, except he wants you back,” I drawl, separating my clothes into smaller piles on my bed, “and maybe there’s a part of you that wants him back.”

  “I’ve never said that,” she says, not skipping a beat. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. How’d it go with Hailee?”

  She totally still has feelings for the guy, no doubt about it.

  “Well, she’s decided that the single life isn’t for her,” I reply, going along with the subject change, “shocking, right? And she also informed me that I’ll be taking her, and her annoying friend, shopping tomorrow.”

  “I told you agreeing to her deal was a bad idea. Didn’t I tell you that?”

  “I know, I know,” I sigh, continuing to divide my clothes out, “but I needed the stupid recipe. What else was I supposed to do?”

  “Find one online.”

  I curse at her blunt response. “Sometimes I really don’t like you.”

  “The feeling is mutual,” she shoots back with a laugh. “Hey, so did Brayden talk to you at all after lunch?”

  “No, thank God,” I mutter, flinging one of Hailee’s stupid boyband T-shirts onto the floor. Ugh, Mom was probably letting Kyle help with the dang laundry again. “Hopefully, he’ll decide that he has better things to do than bothering me nonstop.”

  “Aren’t you a little curious though?”

  “Curious about what?”

  “About why he keeps seeking you out,” she states in a matter-of-fact tone. “Don’t you want to know what his reasoning is?”

  “Seeking me out?” I snort at her. “Who talks like that, Lor? And his reasoning is because he’s flippin’ annoying, just like he was back in middle school.”

  “Funny how that didn’t stop you from dating him.”

  “I was twelve, for crying out loud!” I huff, folding a pair of pajama shorts. “Whose side are you on, anyway?”

  “Yours, of course,” she says, more-than-likely rolling her eyes, “but don’t you think he’s probably grown out of that…rowdy stage?”

  Did she seriously just use the word, rowdy?

  “Lora, have you already forgotten everything I’ve told you since I took that blueberry bread over to his house? He hasn’t changed at all! He is exactly the same!”

  “Uh, my ‘glow-up of the century’ comment begs to differ.”

  “Fine, his looks have changed!” I agree, not wanting to focus on how attractive he is. “His bad habits are still very intact though, trust me.”

  “If you say so, Meg. Hey, I gotta go…okay? Otherwise, the ‘rents are going to lecture me for putting off my flute exercises.”

  “All right, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Byeeeee!” she exclaims before hanging up.

  I really don’t understand why she’s so convinced that Brayden is different now. What proof does she have? None.

  He’s still the same careless, troublesome guy that broke my preteen heart.

  Chapter 10: Desperate Measures

  My “little talk” with Mom lasted for almost forty-five minutes yesterday, and she spent most of those minutes trying to convince me that I need to look at this Brayden dilemma (my words, not hers, because she obviously thinks he’s just the greatest) with fresh eyes.

  I graciously informed her that my eyes are fine. Brayden might have everyone else fooled, but I’m not buying into his whole “new guy/nice guy” crap. I did, however, agree to continue being polite to him…for her sake.

  Honestly? I’m just going to try really hard to avoid him at any cost. The less we see each other and/or talk to each other, the better. Which is why I’m currently hiding behind a pillar, waiting for Brayden to finish walking down the hallway so I can go to Mr. Sunshine’s classroom without being spotted. Unfortunately, though, I have the perfect view of his backside. It’s not like I’m trying to stare…but if I don’t watch him, how am I supposed to know whether the coast is clear or not?

  He finally turns down the other hallway, and I let out a relieved sigh as I step away from the flyer-covered pillar. I’m sure hiding seems somewhat dramatic, but I really don’t care, desperate times call for desperate measures.

  When I walk into the classroom, I realize that hiding out caused me to miss Beth’s absurd routine, and suddenly I have high hopes for today. First, I successfully avoided Brayden, and now this? Are you kidding me? Today might as well be the best day ever.

  Like usual, class flies by in a heartbeat—adding to my best day ever feel—and I start to gather my stuff as the bell rings.

  “Hey…Megan, right?”

  I look up to see Beth standing in front of my desk. What the heck does she want? And why does she know my name? “Uh, yeah?”

  “Good,” she says with a nod, “so, quick little question, are you and Brayden Knight like…friends?”

  Unbelievable.

  “No,” I answer dryly, standing to my feet, “we’re not. I don’t know why you’d think that we are, but we most definitely aren’t.”

  “It just seems like the two of you are awfully chummy,” she comments, glancing at her bright red painted nails, “that’s all.”

  Chummy? Gag.

  “We’re not,” I repeat myself, stepping around her, “in any way.”

  Has she been stalking us, or what? Unless, of course, Brayden has been talking smack. Which wouldn’t surprise me…

  Ugh! Why can’t the guy just mind his own flippin’ business?

  I storm out into the hallway, curse under my breath, and head toward Mrs. Flint’s classroom. I know the plan was to avoid him, but I can’t just let him pass around FALSE information! So, I’m going to address the matter, and then I’ll go back to avoiding him.

  Luckily enough (which I normally
wouldn’t consider lucky at all), he’s walking up to the classroom door just as I’m about to. Perfect! Now we can get this over with as quickly as possible.

  “Brayden,” I address him in a cool voice, ignoring his familiar and intoxicating scent.

  He cocks an eyebrow at me, the corner of his mouth turning up slightly. “Megan.”

  I don’t find him attractive. I don’t find him attractive. I don’t find him attractive.

  What the crap was I supposed to be telling him? Oh, right.

  “Have you been telling people that we’re friends?” I ask with narrowed eyes. “Because you and I both know that we’re not, and I really don’t appreciate you spreading rumors about me.”

  “Not that I did tell anyone,” he drawls, unfazed by my glaring, “but what’s so wrong about us being friends, Meg? Isn’t that what you wanted?”

  He did not just go there.

  “Stop!” I hiss at him, my nose undoubtedly flaring. “I was twelve when I wrote that. It didn’t mean anything! And besides, you weren’t too worried about us being friends when you acted like I didn’t even exist after I gave you that note…okay? So, don’t start pretending like you want us to be friends now.”

  Wow, that was a mouthful.

  A muscle in his jaw twitches, causing me to mentally slap myself for thinking that’s hot, and his eyebrows crease. “People change, Meg.”

  After everything I just said, and that’s his response?

  “Well, you haven’t,” I reply dryly, grabbing the doorknob, “that’s for sure.”

  I start to open the door when his hand covers mine. “Megan, listen—”

  “No thanks.” I shake his hand off, along with any lingering sparks from the unexpected contact. “I said what I wanted to say…so, we’re done here.”

  Because I am sticking to my plan. My solid, foolproof plan.

  ——————

  “Why can’t you just be friends with him?”

  I stare at Lora in disbelief. “Did you seriously just ask me that?”

  “Come on, Meg,” she says, heaving a loud sigh, “you guys aren’t preteens anymore…I think the two of you are mature enough to be friends. Besides, hiding outside like this from Brayden is just ridiculous!”