No, no, no! Please don’t mention us being friends right now. This is the worst time to talk about us being friends. I don’t want to talk at all. I just want him to lean in and press those beautiful lips of his against mine.
I force myself to keep a neutral expression. “Yeah, I remember.”
“Well,” he says, lifting his hand from the railing—only to set it down again, “I did that for you. I know you wanted us to be friends in middle school after we broke up, and I couldn’t do it back then, so that’s why I wanted to do it now.” He sighs, giving me an apologetic look. “But I can’t. I still can’t see you as just a friend, Meg. I’ve tried so hard to…but I can’t do it.”
At that, I almost choke. “Really?”
“Yeah,” he replies with a nod, “and I’m sorry but—”
“Don’t be sorry!” I cut him off, feeling like I’m about to burst. “You don’t have to be sorry. The truth is—” I can’t believe I’m really doing this. “—the truth is that I didn’t actually want us to be friends after the breakup! I guess I just wrote that because it felt like the right thing to say.” I shake my head, realizing how stupid that sounds. “But I can’t see you as just a friend either, Brayden.”
I grip the railing, my legs feeling wobbly from the way he’s staring at me.
“I thought you were going to tell me there was someone else,” he says, his gaze softening. “That guy you were talking to at Kyle’s soccer game?”
“No, his younger brother is friends with Kyle…that’s how we know each other. That’s it.”
He glances at my mouth again, slowly moving in closer. “Good, that’s good.”
Oh my gosh. He’s going to kiss me. This is it.
Finally.
“Wait,” I find myself stopping him, his lips a few mere inches away from mine, “what about Beth?”
I hate asking…but if he’s going to kiss me, I need to know.
His sexy laugh makes an appearance once again. “Never.”
And then, right there on the roller rink for anyone to see, Brayden kisses me—causing tingles, sparks, and everything else in between to erupt all at once. It. Is. AMAZING.
His hand slides over my hand that’s still resting on the railing, and he uses his other hand to cup the side of my face as I close my eyes and kiss him back.
I’ve only kissed a few guys since starting high school—during some pointless dates that didn’t go anywhere—but this time, it feels real.
Brayden deepens the kiss and moves his hand to the back of my neck, taking this already incredible experience to a totally different level of real. And if Lora asked me now if Brayden was a bad kisser, I’d flat-out laugh at her. I wouldn’t be able to lie again even if I wanted to, because he is the furthest thing from a bad kisser.
I’m on flippin’ cloud nine right now. I never want it to end.
But it does.
Brayden’s lips break away from mine—slowly though, like he doesn’t want it to end either—and then he gives my hand a light squeeze.
“I’ve been wanting to do that for days now,” he whispers, a lopsided grin on his face, “it was definitely worth the wait though.”
Well, it’s good to know my kissing skills aren’t too rusty.
His other hand leaves the back of my neck to slide down my arm instead, and I bite my lip to keep myself from smiling like an idiot. “I’m glad you didn’t wait any longer.”
He presses a brief kiss to my forehead, just like he used to do in middle school. “So am I.”
Chapter 22: Second Thoughts
Are we a couple?
The question kept repeating itself in my head for the rest of our time at the rink, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask him. I mean, just because we both basically confessed that we liked each other—and then shared a really great kiss—doesn’t mean we’re automatically a couple.
Even if we held hands when we went back to skating. He probably just didn’t want to fall again.
I feel like we should be a couple though. It’s not too soon, right? Technically, we’d just be getting back together—almost six years later.
Yeah, that’s a little weird.
Now we’re in his car again, and he’s driving me home. So far, the ride has been quiet, which is fine…I guess, but it’s giving me too much of an opportunity to think. I need to chill out.
Ha, impossible.
Eventually, Brayden turns down our street and I pretend to do something interesting on my phone so I’m not just staring at him. Because, yeah, I’ve been having a hard time keeping my eyes off him since he kissed me and changed EVERYTHING.
“Well,” he finally speaks, stopping in front of my house, “here we are.”
Okay, then. We’re really not going to talk about us? And what that whole conversation and kiss meant?
Chill, Megan.
But I don’t want to chill. I’m annoyed.
“Thanks,” I mutter, popping my seatbelt off.
I almost tell him to “have a great night,” or something like that, but then I decide to just grab my backpack and open my door without saying anything else.
“Hey, Meg,” he says as I start to get out of the car. “Wait a sec.”
Are we going to talk about it then? Because I will gladly wait MORE than just a sec if we’re going to talk about “us.”
I turn so I can see his face. “Yeah?”
That wasn’t too anxious, was it? No, no…it was totally casual. Very natural.
He taps his thumb against the steering wheel, which I obviously find hot, and then he licks his lips—which I also find hot. “Don’t forget to ask your mom about those peanut butter cookies, okay?”
In that moment, I find myself wanting to cuss him out…a lot. Somehow, I don’t.
Instead, I manage an extremely fake and tight-lipped smile. “Of course.”
I think he says something about “seeing me at school,” but I’m too busy getting out of his car and slamming the door to hear whatever he told me.
PEANUT BUTTER COOKIES?!
He’s really worried about some stupid cookies right now?
Knowing he’s probably watching me, I make sure not to stomp up the driveway, but I most definitely cuss him out.
Once I’m inside the house, I glare at his car as he pulls it into their driveway, and then I toss our front door shut.
So much for cheering me up. I went from being frustrated to being straight-up mad.
“Megan!” I hear Mom call from the kitchen. “Don’t slam the door like that, please.”
I drop my backpack on the floor. “Sorry!”
“Finally!” Hailee exclaims, coming out of the living room. “I thought you’d never get home!”
At first, I’m confused by why she’s so happy to see me—then I realize it’s because she knows I was with him.
“Tell me EVERYTHING!” she demands, pocketing her phone. “Where did you guys go? What did you guys do? It was a date, right? MEGAN!”
“I don’t wanna talk about it,” I deadpan, dragging my feet to the stairs, “leave me alone.”
“Oh, crap,” she huffs, “does that mean it wasn’t a date? Is that why you’re in such a bad mood?”
“Hailee! Stop hounding your sister, please!”
“But, Mom!” Hailee whines, directing her voice toward the kitchen. “I’m invested in this relationship! I deserve to know what’s happening!”
“Nothing is happening!” I snap, starting to go upstairs. “And Brayden says ‘hi’ too, Mom! And he wants you to make stupid peanut butter cookies for the stupid housewarming party that I will NOT be attending!”
Did I already mention that I’m mad? Because I’m mad.
Hailee gasps, following me upstairs to my room. “Did you guys fight? About what? Megan, you can’t keep me in suspense like this!”
“Megan?”
Oh great, Mom is coming up here too.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” she asks, now standing beside Hailee with her eyebro
ws creased. “Why don’t you want to go to the housewarming party?”
“Because he’s annoying!” I reply, throwing open my bedroom door so I can storm into the room. “And frustrating! And confusing!
And gorgeous. And sweet. And an A+ kisser…
“I don’t understand, Megan,” Mom says as I fling myself onto my bed, “what did he do? Because I can have a talk with Dawn and—”
“No flippin’ way!” Hailee cuts Mom off, moving past her to come into the room. “You guys finally kissed! DIDN’T YOU?!”
How the—
“Hailee,” Mom says in a scolding tone, also coming into my room, “I know how strongly you feel about your sister and Brayden, but now is not the time for that.”
“Would you just tell her that I’m right?” Hailee asks, giving me an exasperated look. “Tell her that you and Brayden kissed, because I know you guys did. That’s why you’re so flustered and everything. You guys kissed, you liked it, but then Brayden did something to mess it up.” She proceeds to fan herself. “Oh my gosh, this is just like episode twenty of season one—I can’t even right now!”
Darn that Cloverdale show…
“Episode twenty of—” Mom looks even more lost than before. “Megan, what is your sister talking about? Is she right? Did you and Brayden kiss?”
I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. And there’s no getting out of it either because Mom isn’t going to let it go until she gets some kind of understandable explanation.
Ugh.
“Yeah,” I grumble, crossing my arms, “she’s right. Brayden and I…kissed.”
Hailee shrieks, placing a hand to her heart. “I’m dying! It’s too much, oh my gosh!”
Mom begins to massage her temples. “Hailee, please.”
Hailee’s too busy pulling her phone out though.
“So, Megan,” Mom says with a sigh, “you guys kissed, but now you’re mad at him?”
I nod. “Exactly.”
She props a hand on her hip. “Well, why? What did he do?”
“I thought we’d talk about what the kiss meant,” I start to rant, letting out a bitter laugh, “but no—he just wanted to make sure I remembered to tell you about the peanut butter cookies! Can you believe that?! I’m there wondering if we’re a couple or not, and all he was thinking about were those flippin’ peanut butter cookies!”
“Ah,” she replies, though I doubt she gets it, “so I’m guessing this means you didn’t bring up the whole ‘couple thing’ either?”
“Of course not!” I look at her like she’s crazy. “Asking him would’ve been embarrassing!”
“Well,” she drawls with a slight shrug, “maybe that’s why he didn’t bring it up then. Maybe he thought it’d be embarrassing too.”
I snort at that. “Doubtful. Brayden doesn’t get embarrassed.”
For whatever reason, he’s just decided to be nonchalant about the kiss—and I need to be the same way. But how can I possibly act like that kiss wasn’t a big deal? It was a HUGE deal. And I thought he felt the same way.
HE SAID IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
“Gianna and I are exchanging theories now,” Hailee pipes up, her eyes glued to her phone, “I’ll let you know what we come up with.”
She leaves the room, and Mom shakes her head before looking at me again. “Honey, this just sounds like a misunderstanding…and misunderstandings can only be fixed by talking. If you really want to know how he feels about all of this, you might have to be the one who brings it up first.”
Ew, yeah, I don’t like that idea at all.
But I keep my opinion to myself, and nod instead. “Thanks, Mom.”
I wasn’t really looking for advice…but sure, why not?
“Mm-hmm,” she hums, as if she just solved my whole dilemma, “I’m going to go finish working on dinner. All right?”
I nod again, and thankfully she leaves without saying anything else. She even closes the door for me. Nice.
Five seconds later, I’m at my window peering through my purple curtains to see if he’s outside by chance.
He’s not.
It doesn’t really matter though, because it’s not like I’d go out there and talk to him anyway. I’m not bringing up the “couple thing” first. If he doesn’t care—then I don’t care.
“Dang it, Megan!” I huff, turning away from the window. “It was just a kiss!”
One kiss doesn’t make you and him a couple!
Oh great, I guess that’ll be the new phrase I have to tell myself now.
One kiss doesn’t make you and him a couple.
Ugh. I can't even talk to Lora about this because I'm not supposed to “whine” anymore, and she’ll just say that I need to talk to Brayden again.
Not telling her about the kiss seems kind of wrong though.
She is my best friend, after all.
And technically she only said I couldn’t whine if I went through with my “focus- on-Liam-to-distract-myself-from-Brayden” plan, which I didn’t do. Well—I started to, but that obviously failed.
I yank my phone out of my pocket and call her.
After the phone rings a million times, she finally answers.
“Make it quick, girl, I’m supposed to be finishing my homework.”
“Oh,” I say with a wince, “yeah…this isn’t that kind of phone call.”
She proceeds to sigh. “Judging by the tone of your voice, I’m guessing this is a Brayden phone call?”
“That would be correct.”
“Megan! The deal was that you couldn’t whine about him anymore, remember?”
“But I’m not doing my Liam idea anymore!” I don’t hesitate to assure her. “You were right, it was a stupid idea. But, Lora, we have a bigger issue now.”
She mutters something I can’t hear. “Okay, what is it? Go ahead and tell me.”
“We kissed!” I blurt out. “Brayden and I kissed today!”
“WHAT?!” she exclaims, her raised voice causing me to momentarily hold the phone away from my ear. “When? When the heck did that happen?”
So, I tell her the details. Well…the important ones, anyway.
And then I end with a pitiful groan. “See? This is why I needed to talk to you! Everything’s ruined now!”
“Just because Brayden didn’t beg you to be his girlfriend again?” she asks with an unimpressed tsk. “Megan, he didn’t even move that fast when we were in middle school. Usually there’s more than just one sort of date before becoming an official couple…I think you’re overreacting.”
My mouth drops at that. “You think I’m overreacting?”
“A little bit, yeah. And I mean, I get it, you’re excited that he likes you. Plus, there’s the fact that you guys kissed—but to jump right back into being a couple doesn’t sound like the best idea.”
Oh my gosh, I think she might actually have a good point. Nooooooo.
“Well, I’m going to let that sink in with you,” she drawls, sounding a tad bit smug, “and I’m going to finish my homework. If you absolutely need my opinion about anything else—shoot me a text, wouldja?”
“Gotcha. See you tomorrow.”
And then she tells me “bye” before hanging up.
Even if she does have a good point, I still feel like Brayden and I should’ve discussed what our relationship status is at this point.
We went from classmates, to dating, to official couple, to exes, to nothing, to neighbors (but technically still exes), to…friends-ish, and then to whatever-the-heck-we-are-now. Friends-ish that like each other and decided to kiss? How ridiculous does that sound?
Wanting to know where we stand isn’t overreacting…it makes perfect sense.
Why can’t Brayden see that too?
Chapter 23: The Right Choice
Last night, Hailee and Gianna concluded that—just like in episode twenty-one of Cloverdale—Brayden is having second thoughts.
About me. About us. About the kiss.
&
nbsp; And while Hailee thinks that I should confront Brayden as soon as possible, Gianna is convinced that Brayden will talk to me about his feelings when he’s ready to…and in the meantime, I should give him space.
I don’t really like either of those options, but I’ve decided to give him space like Gianna suggested. It feels weird taking relationship advice from a twelve-year-old, but I don’t know what else to do. So, I’m giving him space, and I’m NOT going to talk about the kiss OR about us being a couple. However, that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped thinking about the kiss or us being a couple.
Far. From. It.
“I can’t believe you’re listening to Gianna instead of me,” Hailee huffs from her spot in the passenger seat, “sometimes you just have to shoot your shot, Megan! You can’t always wait around.”
“I know what I’m doing,” I inform her as Mom pulls the car in front of the main school building, “and besides…good things come to those that wait.”
She proceeds to roll her eyes at me. “Whatever.”
“Okay, Meg,” Mom says, unlocking the car doors, “you have everything, right?”
“Yep,” I drawl, popping my seatbelt off and opening my door, “see you guys later.”
“Bye, Megan!” Kyle exclaims as I get out of the car. “Tell Brayden I say hi!”
Yeah, I probably won’t. Giving Brayden space essentially means I should avoid him as much as possible.
I offer a tight smile to Kyle, which neither confirms or denies that I’ll be telling Brayden “hi” for him, and then I close my car door.
“All right,” I mutter, turning to face the building, “let’s get this day over with.”
Once I’m inside, however, I take my time in walking to Mr. Sunshine’s classroom. I have no patience for Beth’s stupid routine this morning. As a matter-of-fact, I take the long way to the room. Which, unfortunately, gives me plenty of time to reminisce about when Brayden asked me to be his girlfriend back in middle school. We were in the library, working on some school project, and then he started to drum his pencil against the table. It was super annoying, so I scolded him, and that’s when he gave me one of his lopsided grins.
I remember my cheeks warming up, and my stomach doing somersaults all at once. Then, without any warning, he tapped the eraser-side of his pencil against the tip of my nose and said: “I want you to be my girlfriend, Megan. Will you?”
My Dilemma Page 17