Seducing A S.E.A.L.

by Jamie Sobrato

  She deserved his anger, but not his pity. Anything but that.

  She tried to tell herself he was lashing out in the cruelest way he could, but something about the tone of his voice suggested he hadn’t spoken in anger at all. He’d been sincere, she feared.

  Kylie parked her car in her assigned spot at the office. It was 8:00 a.m. and her stomach twisted tighter and tighter as she turned her thoughts from Drew to her task at hand. She had to face Commander Mulvany and admit her wrongdoing. She wasn’t sure if he’d spoken to the admiral yet, but it didn’t matter one way or the other.

  The honorable thing to do was to confess the whole story herself and face the consequences. She walked slowly toward Mulvany’s office, the morning air still heavy with coastal fog. For a moment, she wished she was still in Hawaii.

  But no.

  She was here, in her own life where she belonged, not there, living out a fantasy. All was as it was supposed to be. And she deserved to feel as awful as she did.

  Inside the building, Commander Mulvany’s secretary wasn’t at work yet. Her desk sat empty, and the door behind it stood open with the light on. Kylie stepped into the doorway and knocked gently to get the commander’s attention.

  “Lieutenant Commander, come in,” he said, distracted.

  She stepped into the room and took a seat across from him.

  “Welcome back from vacation,” he said as he put down the document he’d been reading and gave her his full attention.

  “Thank you, sir.”

  “Did you get plenty of rest?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “That’s great. You’re looking a lot better than the last time I saw you.”

  “I’m feeling better, too. You were right, I needed the break.”

  “You’ve still got more time off, don’t you? Are you ready to return to work?”

  Kylie hesitated. Was she? She didn’t know what to say to that, so she decided to cut to the chase. “Actually, sir, I came here to speak to you about a different matter.”

  “Yes?”

  He must not have known, or else he’d have brought it up by now, wouldn’t he? Maybe he was waiting for her to do the right thing and confess.

  “I accompanied one of my subordinates to Hawaii, sir—Ensign MacLeod.”

  “Right, he was one of the survivors of the shooting, I recall. Quite the hero that day,” Mulvany said solemnly.

  “Yes, well, MacLeod and I developed an inappropriate romantic relationship after the shooting. I’ve ended the relationship, but I am ashamed of my behavior nonetheless.”

  Her commander cocked an eyebrow at her. “Why are you confessing this to me now?”

  “I—I’d like to say it’s purely out of my own sense of honor and duty, but I’m sorry to say Admiral Dunmead saw MacLeod and I together in Hawaii. I wanted to let you know, in case he hasn’t talked to you yet, so that you wouldn’t be taken by surprise.”

  “I talked to the admiral yesterday, but he didn’t mention seeing you.”

  Kylie wasn’t sure whether to feel relieved or bewildered by that. “I suppose he’s got much more important matters to think about than my personal life.”

  “As we all do. I suggest you keep this matter private and move forward, behaving with the utmost professionalism from this point on.”

  “Yes, sir, but…” She paused, confused by his lack of a reaction. “I’m not sure if I can continue to work with Ensign MacLeod in the same way I have in the past.”

  “Are you saying a reassignment is necessary?”

  “No,” she said, surprised at how sure she sounded even though she’d never considered this option. “Actually, I’m not. MacLeod is due for a promotion, and he’s about to take the S.E.A.L. test, so he won’t be working under my command for much longer.”

  “Then what’s the issue?”

  “What I should have said is, I’m not sure I’m cut out to serve anymore at all.”

  His expression lit up with surprise. “What leads you to this conclusion?”

  Good question. She was as surprised as he was to hear herself saying it aloud.

  “My time in Hawaii gave me a chance to reflect. And of course, my relationship with Ensign MacLeod has brought into question my moral fitness as an officer—”

  “You used poor judgment, but given the set of circumstances—the trauma you two have been through—there’s not a jury that would judge you as harshly as you seem to be judging yourself.”

  “But—” Kylie felt the absurd urge to defend her belief that she’d behaved reprehensibly.

  “There’s no question your actions were inappropriate, but unless the admiral cares to make an issue of it—”

  “No, sir. He said he intended to leave the matter to you to handle.”

  “Good. I’m inclined to move forward as if none of this happened. If, however, I hear the slightest word of your consorting with your subordinates again, there will be serious repercussions.”

  “I’m afraid, sir, my heart isn’t in service to the Navy anymore.” She was making it up as she went along, but it was true.

  “Are you saying you want to leave the Navy?”

  Leave the Navy. The phrase washed over her like a breath of fresh air. She exhaled all the tension in her body and nodded.

  “Is this because of the shooting? Because of your relationship with MacLeod?”

  “No, sir. Well…yes and no. It’s because of everything. I think recent events have only forced me to face a realization I’ve been coming to for a while. I’m ready to move on to the next phase of my life, and the Navy isn’t a part of it.”

  He nodded solemnly. “I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t suppose I should try to talk you out of it?”

  “No, please don’t. My mind is made up.”

  “Okay, well, let me know what I can do to help you in the transition to civilian life.”

  “I will, sir. And thank you for being so understanding of my recent actions.”

  She stood to leave, and they said their goodbyes. When she was alone again, she felt tears sting her eyes. Tears of relief, she realized. She’d owned up to her bad behavior, and this time, she’d been forgiven.

  She’d been forgiven. It had seemed too easy, but Commander Mulvany had hardly blinked at her confession.

  Kylie swiped at her damp cheeks and laughed at herself. She was amazed that she hadn’t seen before what she needed to do. She was leaving the Navy, and the decision made the weight of her entire adult life lift from her shoulders.

  The world was wide-open for her to explore anew. And one thing was for sure—she was done being her parents’ daughter, living by their rules and consequences. She was ready to be fully her own woman. Maybe she’d never get their forgiveness, but that was okay.

  It was time to forgive herself.

  19

  Six weeks later…

  KYLIE’S ENTIRE BODY ached from the cold water and the long workout, but she couldn’t stop smiling. She’d just caught one of the best waves of her life, and Sonya had been on the beach videotaping the whole thing.

  Until today, she hadn’t been surfing since Hawaii. She’d nearly sold her surfboard a few years ago, it had collected so much dust, but now she was glad she hadn’t. The time in Hawaii had reminded her how much she loved the sport. And when she had officially retired from the Navy, she was going to surf as much as she wanted.

  She hauled her board to where Sonya sat on a blanket, then dropped onto the sand next to her friend.

  “That was awesome,” Sonya said. “I got the whole thing.”

  “Excellent.”

  Kylie stretched her back and shoulder muscles as they watched the crashing surf.

  “So you’re really going to do it, huh?” Sonya asked.

  “Retire, you mean?”

  “Yeah, it’s just, I can hardly imagine you not being a Navy officer.”

  “You won’t have to imagine, because you’ll be face-to-face with the reality in another week.”

 
; “So, seriously. You spend a couple of weeks on a tropical island and you’re ready to toss your whole career and start over?”

  Sonya knew Kylie too well. She fixed Kylie with a stare as if her patience for allowing Kylie to share the sordid details in her own time had just expired.

  Kylie usually told her friend everything, but this time, she felt afraid to divulge the whole truth. Partly because she wasn’t sure she wanted to admit it to herself, and partly because she wasn’t sure she understood everything that was happening to her.

  “C’mon. What’s really going on?” Sonya prodded.

  “I wish I could explain it clearly…” When she trailed off, Sonya sighed.

  “Does this have something to do with that twentysomething guy you’ve been suspiciously vague about?”

  Kylie felt her cheeks redden. She knew in a flash that she was afraid of how her friends and family would react to the idea of her investing deep feelings in Drew.

  “It does, doesn’t it?”

  Kylie glanced at her friend, then looked back down at the sand and nodded. “Yeah, I haven’t told you everything that happened with him.”

  “Gee, let me guess. You go off to Hawaii with a hot young guy and you…um, let’s see, fall for him, perhaps?”

  “Is it that obvious?”

  “Kylie, don’t be stupid. You haven’t gotten any action since the Dark Ages. Of course it’s that obvious. Besides, you came back glowing like you’d gotten thoroughly laid.”

  “I did?”

  “Yep.” Sonya leaned back on her elbows, sunning her belly. “So spill. I want all the dirty details.”

  There wasn’t any point in hiding the truth now. So Kylie launched into the complete story of how she fell for Drew and how she’d crept out of the hotel room like a coward. Her friend nodded and murmured encouraging sounds as she listened, and by the time Kylie reached the point where she’d decided she couldn’t live her life for the Navy anymore, Sonya was looking at her as if seeing her for the first time.

  “Wow,” she said when Kylie went silent. “You’ve really seen the light.”

  “I guess so. I mean, when I went to my boss to confess what had happened with Drew, I opened my mouth and out came my decision to leave the Navy.”

  “Good for you.”

  “And yeah, there’s nothing like losing your big chance at love to make a girl wake up and smell the retirement papers.”

  “But how do you know he wouldn’t give you another chance?”

  Kylie felt a bit of tension drain from her shoulders. “So you don’t think my relationship with him was horribly inappropriate?”

  “Why would I?”

  “Because he’s eight years younger than me? And he’s my subordinate?”

  Sonya shrugged. “I’ve always thought those military rules you follow are crazy, and age ain’t nothing but a number, babe. If you meet a guy and you dig him and he digs you, why get caught up in worrying that he grew up listening to the Backstreet Boys while you listened to George Michael?”

  Kylie rolled her eyes at her friend’s simplification of the issue. “You know it’s more than just that. It’s about maturity, and life experience and—”

  “And you being afraid to go for it?”

  “No!”

  “Let’s look at the situation. You’re a smart, attractive, thirty-four-year-old woman who hasn’t gotten laid in at least a couple of years. You haven’t even had the prospect of a relationship—not even a date, for God’s sake.”

  “I’ve been busy!”

  “Even the leader of the free world manages to have a personal life, while you—”

  “The leader of the free world doesn’t have to deal with sexism, far as I know. I felt like I needed to focus totally on my career at the time, but now I’ve seen the error of my ways, okay?”

  “I’m only trying to keep it real. You can’t tell me you haven’t been afraid of getting involved with a guy.”

  Kylie felt like arguing further, but really, what was the point? To protect her silly pride? “Okay, fine. I’ve been a total chicken shit. Are you happy now?”

  “Absolutely.” Sonya’s expression was vaguely triumphant, but her eyes twinkled with mischief. “I just wanted to hear you say it.”

  She was joking, but Kylie realized by the sudden lightness in her chest that saying it really did count for something. Better yet, accepting it was true…it mattered. She really had been afraid.

  She thought of the safe feeling that came with making all the safest choices, with walking the narrowest path possible, following a course someone else’s good intentions had laid out for her. It all amounted to an imminently safe—and utterly boring—life.

  “You know,” Sonya said, her tone softer now, “you’re not a teenager anymore. You can bend or break the rules without your whole world coming to an end.”

  Kylie could hardly think of her teenage years without seeing expressions of pain and disapproval on her parents’ faces. It was ridiculous. She was too old to be letting a mistake she’d made at the age of seventeen affect her life so much.

  “I know,” she said. “You’re right.”

  “So what are you going to do about it? Let true love pass you by?”

  Kylie sighed. She hadn’t heard a word from Drew since that last horrible phone conversation, when he’d told her he felt sorry for her. He hadn’t called, and she mostly felt relieved by that.

  Mostly.

  She knew he’d passed the S.E.A.L. test, but he wasn’t due to arrive in San Diego until tomorrow. And of course she was keenly aware of his impending arrival, in spite of her repeated insistence to herself that she had moved on.

  She had received an invitation to his promotion ceremony. He’d been waiting to pin on his new rank for months, thanks to the limits of government money dedicated to promotion raises, and finally the ceremony was scheduled for next week. He’d probably only invited her out of formal obligation since she was his boss for now, but…it would still be appropriate for her to attend the ceremony.

  “No, I’m going to give it a try,” she said quietly, not quite sure what that meant.

  Sonya leaned over and gave her a squeeze around the shoulders. “That’s my girl,” she said.

  And suddenly, Kylie knew what she had to do.

  20

  DREW STOOD STRAIGHT and tall as the new rank of lieutenant, junior grade, was pinned to his collar. His expression carefully blank, he looked out at the crowd of his friends and coworkers. This should have been one of the happiest moments of his adult life—his first promotion as a Naval officer—second only to learning last week that he’d made the S.E.A.L. team. But something was missing.

  He’d scanned the crowd at the start of the ceremony, and the one person he’d hoped against hope to see among the faces had not been there. He should have known she wouldn’t come. And he’d told himself she wouldn’t. But now, he realized by the heavy weight of disappointment in his chest, his promotion meant very little to him without her there to celebrate it.

  Then, a strawberry-blond head in the last row caught his eye, and he saw her. She must have slipped in partway through without his noticing. His chest swelled with relief and other emotions he didn’t want to consider now, and he blinked away a sudden dampness in his eyes.

  Kylie was here, after all.

  It was his turn to talk now, to address those who’d gathered to celebrate this moment with him. He’d had a speech planned out in his head, and he took the written version of it from his pocket as he stood at the lectern, but his entire being was focused on her. There was no way he could stand here and read the dry speech he’d prepared last night.

  Instead he spoke freely into the microphone and the words flowed out of him.

  “Ladies and gentlemen,” he began. “Thank you for joining me to celebrate this momentous day of my career.” As he spoke, his gaze never left Kylie. “As I stand here, I see among you people whom I owe gratitude for all of my growth and achievement as an officer.
I see colleagues and mentors who’ve selflessly passed along their wisdom, and I am deeply indebted. I could not have grown as a person or as an officer without your guidance. You are the very embodiment of heroism. In your quiet, everyday acts of courage, you exemplify what it means to be an officer of honor and integrity.”

  As he wrapped up the speech with a few closing words, he caught the welling of emotion in Kylie’s eyes. She understood he was talking about her. She may not have believed those words about herself, but it meant the world to him that she knew he believed them.

  No matter what happened between them personally, she was a hero in her own right, and she deserved to know it.

  When the ceremony ended, he had no choice but linger and talk to those who wished him well. He only wanted to talk to one person. His gaze sought her out repeatedly as he accepted congratulations and listened to small talk. She was frequently watching him, too.

  It was the first time he’d seen her since returning from Hawaii. She looked more relaxed now. Her tan hadn’t faded, but the tension around her eyes had.

  When he finally made his way over to her, she smiled warmly and hugged him.

  “Congratulations,” she said. “You’ve got a great career ahead of you.”

  He didn’t want to hear more small talk—not from her. “It’s good to see you,” he said, the huskiness in his voice revealing more depth of emotion than he’d intended.

  “Good to see you, too,” she said seriously. “I was hoping we could talk privately after this.”

  “How about right now?”

  “But your guests—”

  Around them, caterers had set up tables of food in the outdoor pavilion. Appetizers and drinks were being served, along with a cake that Drew would be expected to cut soon. He didn’t give a damn, though. Not now.

  “They won’t even notice I’m gone.”

  She looked doubtful, but she said, “Maybe we could walk out to the beach?”

  He nodded, and they headed away from the hotel garden where the ceremony had been held, toward the sounds of seagulls and crashing surf.

  What could she want to talk about? He didn’t dare to hope. She’d already made her feelings clear. She probably wanted to give him some sage career advice, pass on whatever wisdom she’d gained as an officer.