Twisted

by Jake Mactire

  “We’re gonna have to ski back up to the road to call the sheriff.” Mike tried his phone and had the same experience. Wordlessly, we turned and began to ski back. On the way back, what he lacked in skill, Jason made up in sheer determination. He was silent and still looked kinda green. I’d be lying to say I wasn’t freaked out, and Mike was quiet and had an upset look in his eyes. It seemed to take much longer to get back to the truck than it did on our way in. The forest, which had seemed so beautiful on our way in, seemed menacing and filled with shadows on the way out. Once we were back to the truck, I was able to get a signal and got ahold of Sheriff Johnston, Sandy’s father. He said he’d be right on his way with a couple of deputies and some snow machines.

  It took almost an hour for the sheriff and the deputies to get to the end of the road where we were parked. Sheriff Johnston and one deputy showed up with four snow machines in tow.

  “You know how to drive one of these things don’t you, Jeff?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “What about you, Mike?”

  “I do too, sir.”

  “Good, you boys take the two extra machines, and we’ll follow you. Can one of you take Jason?” Jason immediately ran over by me. Prior to heading back to where the body was, the sheriff took some measurements and pictures of the old snow machine tracks. I reckon he felt that was how the body got in there. Finally we were able to get on the snow machines and head to the body. I was getting cold standing around. Although we were dressed for the outdoors, you tend to dress a lot lighter for cross-country skiing than you do for sitting on a snow machine. While skiing, you’re keeping yourself warm, while riding about thirty-five miles an hour just sitting, you’re cooling yourself down. It took only a few minutes to get there. Mike, Jason, and I huddled off by the snow machines while the sheriff and the deputy photographed the body and the scene and went around looking for anything that might have been left behind. We stood there for about an hour, getting progressively colder. Finally Sheriff Johnston came up to us.

  “I’m gonna have to drop by in a bit and take your statements. If I let you go back home now, you have to promise me not to talk about this among yourselves. I want to hear your individual memories, not influenced by each other. Also, please don’t mention it to anyone else right now, okay?”

  “Yes sir. I just want to get home and get warm.”

  “You three look pretty near froze. Take the snow machines. Just put ’em back on the trailer when you get up to the road.” We all chorused thanks to the sheriff and wasted no time on getting on the snow machines and back to the road. We got ’em on the trailer and lashed in pretty quickly. We jumped in my truck, which I’d had Jason turn on and warm up. It was nice and toasty when Mike and I got in. We got home pretty quick. Mike and I were gonna take a dip in the hot tub, and Jason said he wanted to stand under hot water in the shower in the bunkhouse for an hour. Mike and I rushed upstairs to get undressed and rinsed off in the shower. We headed downstairs to the hot tub. When we had to walk through the living room, we got all sorts of catcalls from Sandy, Maria, and Renee, due to the brief Speedos Mike had bought us.

  “It was Mike’s idea, not mine.”

  “Mike, amigo, Jeff really has rubbed off on you. You know you hide more walking around in your underwear.” José was teasing Mike.

  “José, you’re just jealous you don’t have the body that Jeffy and I do.”

  “Even if I did, amigo, I would not feel comfortable parading it around.”

  “So are you two going to do your Brokeback Mountain thing, dressed like that, for us?” Leave it to Renee. If Mike and I show any affection, Sandy always says she feels as if she’s walked onto the set of Brokeback Mountain.

  “No, Renee, but I’ll tell you where Mike bought these so you can get a pair for Josh.” Josh gave me a horrified look.

  “No way in hell am I gonna run around in a swimsuit that skimpy.” We ducked out into the back and got into the hot tub. It felt great. Both of us were half frozen. Mike scooted over closer to me. I put my arm around his shoulders, and he snuggled into me.

  “What’s up, buddy?”

  “I just feel weird, stumblin’ on that poor guy. Did you see the condition he was in?”

  “Yeah, it was hard not to. You’ve had a rough go of it for the last few days, haven’t ya?” Sheriff Johnston had asked us not to talk about it, so I steered Mike away from the subject.

  “That’s kind of an understatement. I dunno why I let him get me so riled.” Mike was speaking about his father, now.

  “I feel for ya, buddy. I can’t pretend to understand everythin’ you’re goin’ through, but I know it must be hell.” He let out a deep sigh.

  “It just kind of came over me, when we were skiin’ this mornin’, before we found the body, that if I keep lettin’ him get on my nerves and make me feel so bad about myself, I’m givin’ him too much power. Right here is what’s important, you, the ranch, our friends, the dudes. Me gettin’ all upset at you and our friends is just reactin’ in the same manner as he reacted to me. If he’s changed, great, then time will tell. If over time I see that, then maybe I can let him into my life again.”

  “You still plannin’ on callin’ him about Jason?”

  “Yeah, if he can help, great. Jason has had it a lot harder than I did. I never sold myself. Apparently my old man’s had some experience, dealin’ with troubled kids like Jason.”

  The hot water was sending up clouds of steam. It was getting cloudy and looked as if we were gonna have a storm this evening. The first dudes were coming tomorrow, a single guy and a gay couple. They were both staying a week. I heard the back door open and shut. Mike and I moved over to the edge of the hot tub, but made no move to get out. I felt like I was still cold inside.

  “Here they are, Dad.” I saw Sandy behind the sheriff. Curiosity was written all over her face, but she didn’t ask anything.

  “Thanks, hon.”

  “Hey, boys. So who wants to be interviewed first?”

  “How about I go get dressed, and you stay here and keep gettin’ warm while you talk to the sheriff, Jeffy?” With that Mike jumped outta the hot tub and wrapped his towel around himself. He headed inside pretty quick. It was only about twenty-five degrees.

  “So tell me what happened, son.”

  “Well, sir, Mike, Jason, and I decided to ski past the close of the road. There had been quite a few skiers, folks on snowshoes, and snow machines that had gone up the road. There was a side trail by the river, and it looked like only one snow machine had gone down there, and a while ago. The trail was mostly covered by new snow. We skied a coupla miles in, and Jason wanted to go ahead. Today was his first time skiin’, and I think he wanted to prove he could do it. Well, he got several hundred yards ahead of us, and he started yellin’ for us. We took after him like a couple of cats with their tails on fire. When we got to the bottom of that big hill, Jason was off to the side, sick to his stomach. There were a bunch of ravens in the trees, that had flown up when he went down there. I thought it mighta been a dead deer. When we got closer, I saw it wasn’t a deer. I told Jason to move back the way he came, steppin’ out on his tracks. If there was anythin’ there to help you figure out what happened, he didn’t need to step on it.”

  “Much obliged, Jeff.”

  I nodded back at the sheriff. “I thought it was a guy, but I wasn’t too certain. He’d been pretty badly mutilated. I didn’t think it was a woman since the hips and legs didn’t look right. Whoever it was, looked like they’d been gutted, and their neck was pretty slashed up. You saw all the ravens, and I reckon other animals had gotten to the body.”

  “They had. You were right about it being a guy. Part of the condition of the body was due to animals, but he’d been emasculated, and his head had been taken off and then placed where it would be if still attached. Only reason that it didn’t get carried away by animals is that it was frozen to the spot. We’ll have to wait for the report from the coroner to see what he can tell us.
I’d appreciate your not sayin’ anything about what I told you about the condition of the body. I’m pretty sure you’re gonna hear all sorts of rumors in the next week or so, and I wanted you to know what happened rather than fuel more speculation. If you could just tell folks you really couldn’t see much, other than it was a human body, that would be great.”

  “No problem, sheriff.”

  “Fine, I’m going to talk with Mike now. The deputy is in the bunkhouse talking with Jason. You can tell everyone you found a body, but nothing more, okay?

  “Yes, sir.”

  He got up and headed into the house. I was warmed up by now and jumped out of the hot tub, put the cover on, grabbed my towel, dried off, and wrapped it around me in record time. When I got in the house, every pair of eyes in the living room turned to look at me. Mike and the sheriff were in the office. Sandy finally asked the question everyone was thinking.

  “Jeff, what happened?”

  “Lemme get dressed and I’ll tell you, okay?” She nodded, and I ran up the stairs and to our room. Mike had laid out clothes for me on the bed, so I got dressed pretty quickly and headed back downstairs. I sat down on the couch in the living room. Smitty handed me a beer. I took a long swig. It tasted great: cold, wet, and revitalizing.

  “When we were out skiin’ this morning, we decided to go along the river, past where the road is closed for the winter. We saw a bunch of ravens, and I reckoned there was a dead deer there. It wasn’t a deer. It was a person.”

  “What! Was it anyone we know?” Sandy was usually the first to speak up.

  “I couldn’t tell. It had snowed since they died, and we couldn’t see a lot of detail. We didn’t want to mess anythin’ up if there was an investigation, so we just headed back and called your dad.”

  “What is it with you and bodies, Jeff?” There went Josh, speaking first and thinking later. “I mean, three guys died last fall around here, and now you find another body.” I gave him a long, cold look. He suddenly found his feet real interesting and wouldn’t meet my eye.

  “You think maybe I had something to do with any deaths, last fall or now, do you?”

  “No, not at all, Jeff. I just didn’t think. It’s a horrible thing, findin’ a body. We’re all kind of shocked.”

  “You okay, Jeff? Like Josh said, that can’t have been a pleasant thing. You need a shot of whiskey?” Smitty had a concerned look on his face.

  “When Mike gets done talking with the sheriff, I reckon neither of us would say no to that.”

  It took about the same time for the sheriff to take Mike’s statement as it took for mine. They came out of the office just about the time Jason and the deputy came in from the bunkhouse. Jason still looked really green. I asked the sheriff if they’d like to stay and have dinner, but they had work to do, given the find we’d made this morning. No sooner than they had left, Smitty came in with a bottle and two glasses for me and Mike.

  “Where’s mine? I saw the body too.” I reckon Jason was gettin’ back to normal. Smitty gave him about a third of a shot.

  “Now, not one word outside of this room about the whiskey, or I’m gonna make sure you eat nothin’ but your brother’s tofu casserole for the next six months.” Jason really turned green at this and nodded at me. I picked up my glass, touched Jason’s and Mike’s glasses, and downed the glass in one gulp. The whiskey was like a cold, liquid fire going down. The sharp anise taste hit my throat, and I could feel heat in my belly. Jason had shot his little glass and was trying hard not to gag. Smitty set up a second round.

  “Much obliged, Smitty. I think I’m gonna pace myself a bit. I wanna be able to eat all that delicious food Sandy, Maria, and José have been cookin’ for us all day.”

  “Are you all right, guys? That cannot have been a nice thing to find.” Maria was looking at each of us with concern on her face. I could see the rest of our friends mirroring that concern. I smiled back at her.

  “I reckon we’ll be okay in a bit. I know you guys are curious, but the sheriff asked us not to talk about it too much, and I really want to try to put it out of my mind. So, what game are we gonna watch?”

  “USC is playing Michigan State in the Rose Bowl, boss. That sounds like it will be a good game.” José picked up my cue and started talking football.

  Renee jumped in too. “You men will have to teach me about football. It really doesn’t make sense to me.”

  “Anyone of us would be glad to teach ya, Renee.” When he spoke, Mike looked at Josh, who nodded.

  “I’m gonna fix the big tray of nachos Maria and I put together.” Sandy got up and headed to the kitchen. Mike jumped up and followed.

  “I gotta make a call, but as soon as I’m done, I’ll give you a hand, Sandy.”

  “Thanks, Mike!” They disappeared into the kitchen. Smitty turned to Jason.

  “You a big football fan, Jason?”

  “Not really.”

  “We all enjoy it quite a bit. You aren’t gonna get bored, are you?”

  “No, I just like hanging with all of you.” The last bit of the Rose Parade was on TV. We settled down watching that for a bit. Mike and Sandy came in with a huge tray of nachos. The cheese was all bubbly hot, and Sandy had put on beans, taco meat, chopped tomatoes, onions, lettuce, jalapenos, and avocados. She decorated it with sour cream and had a stack of paper plates, forks, and a couple of jars of salsa. Mike followed with a bunch of beers and a bottle of non-alcoholic O’Doul’s, which he gave to Jason. Jason looked like he was trying to wag his tail. We all dug into the nachos. José finally raised his beer and proposed a toast.

  “To friends.” We all echoed that and drank. Jason looked at Smitty.

  “This beer tastes funny.”

  “How do you know what beer tastes like, Jason?”

  He backpedaled pretty quickly. No doubt he was thinking of Smitty’s tofu casserole. “Um… I just thought it would taste different, not so watery.”

  “Amigo, that is American beer. American beer is okay with American dishes like nachos.” José smiled at Jason as he spoke.

  Mike gave him a funny look. “Nachos ain’t Mexican?”

  “No, Mike, they are not. Just like burritos and quesadillas made with flour tortillas. We eat them all the time now, but they are American.”

  “I never knew that, Maria.”

  “Whatever they are, they’re good. Thanks, Sandy.” Sandy blushed at Smitty’s comment.

  Mike had sunk into the couch next to me and was leaning against me. He spoke softly. “I called my da… him. I told him about Jason, and he’s gonna come out and talk to him tomorrow. I thought he was gonna shit cinder blocks three at a time sideways, he was so happy to hear from me.”

  “Did you talk with him much, or just about Jason?”

  “Just about Jason.” Mike gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. I heard someone whistling the theme to Brokeback Mountain, but when I looked around, everyone had innocent looks on their faces. It was getting time for the kickoff. We’d made short work of the nachos. At halftime we planned on having the menudo that José had made with Maria’s and Sandy’s help. The game was a good one. Both teams were playing excellent defense and were struggling to score. When Michigan State finally made a touchdown, we all cheered. Just then the phone rang.

  “Lucky Jeff Ranch, Jeff speakin’.”

  “Mr. Connelly? This is Heather Jamison from Channel Four Nightly News. I’d like to talk with you about the body you found this morning.”

  “No comment.”

  “Mr. Connelly, I can guarantee my station will give you the best coverage.”

  “I appreciate it, ma’am, but the sheriff asked me not to talk about it. Let me get an okay from him, and then we can chat. Does that sound fair?”

  She snapped at me over the phone. “You and I both know he’s not going to okay that. That’s why I’m calling you. The public has a right to know. What difference does it make to you what he thinks?” She really was abrasive, and I was starting to get annoyed.


  “Well, I reckon if the sheriff ain’t gonna okay it, we really don’t have anythin’ to talk about, now do we?” As I set down the phone, I thought I heard her say somethin’ like, dumb hick. Everyone was looking at me quizzically.

  “Reporter, wantin’ a statement about what we found today.”

  “News travels fast, doesn’t it?” Smitty looked at me.

  “After the rustlin’ last year, our phone was ringin’ off the hook.” Sandy had a worried look on her face. We went back to watching the game. During one of the many commercial breaks, a news anchor broke in to report a possible victim of the West Coast Cutter was found today by some skiers in a small town just east of the Cascades. It didn’t take a whole hell of a lot of imagination to figure out what town and which skiers. The phone rang several times more during the first half, and each time it was a reporter wanting to talk with us. I finally turned the ringer off and let it go to voice mail. To give the ladies a break, Smitty, José, and Josh dished up the menudo, heated up the tortillas, and set out chopped onion, oregano, and chili sauce to accompany it. We were eating when the halftime show came on. It was, of course, interrupted by a newsbreak showing the very end of the road and some paramedics carrying a body bag to an ambulance. Sheriff Johnston kept saying no comment. He finally did say that a body had been found, but there was no official cause of death and the situation was being investigated.

  I was more than happy when the game started up again. It had been a close game and well played throughout the first half. The second half was plagued by penalties against USC, and a few spectacular fumbles. Finally in the fourth quarter, there was an interception by Michigan State and a fifty-yard run for a touchdown, winning State the game. After the game, we cleaned up together and got the house in order. Jason went and checked the two rooms that were gonna be occupied tomorrow, and pronounced them in shipshape. Sandy had done that earlier, and I was happy to hear he was spot on.