Full Bodied Murder

by Christine E. Blum

  “Jack and Jill? Really?”

  “That’s the Thornton humor.”

  “I think it’s cute. You haven’t mentioned your dad. . . .”

  He nodded and scratched at the side of his beard. Not a good sign.

  “John, that was my dad’s name, was a forest ranger specializing in search and rescue. Basically, he found lost people, gave them medical treatment if they needed it, and managed their evacuation from the area.”

  “Rescuing runs in the family.” I was treading carefully, Jack was speaking of his dad in the past tense and his demeanor was almost fetal.

  He nodded slowly and continued.

  “On June 3, he headed out early in the morning. It was the first sunny day after a week of heavy rains. He knew that the campers and hikers would be anxious to get out there. I was told that he came into my room and kissed me before he left. I don’t remember that, but when I woke up there was a wrapped package at the foot of my bed. I tore it open. I finally had my own Leatherman knife. It was my tenth birthday.”

  I shifted over to his towel and he wrapped his arms around me.

  “To me it was a regular day. No, it was a special day. Mom had a birthday picnic for me at the creek; my friends and their moms came. While they were grilling burgers and dogs and drinking whiskey sours, we were putting my new knife to work cutting up worms and tadpoles to use for handline fishing. Even Jill was in on it.”

  He paused for a bit and looked back and forth over the ocean as if he was searching for the next part of the story in the waves.

  “My best friend Mitch had just pulled in a catfish. They were pretty small in the creek and terrible eating. We had decided to cut it up and feed it back to the fish. Actually the second part was an afterthought, we just wanted to cut up something.”

  He smiled, remembering.

  “I heard my mother call my name and looked up the bank at her. She was standing straight, tall but shaking and she’d gone as white as new snow. I had no idea what was going on, but I felt my shoulders drop with a heavy weight and I turned cold and started to shiver. When I climbed up to the flat land, I saw two forest rangers had joined her, but neither one was my dad. They had concerned looks on their faces and held their heads low. Some of my mom’s friends were crying. At that point I mentally shut down.”

  For once I kept quiet but shifted so that he could lay his head down on my lap. It was then that I noticed that the two dogs had joined us and were lying in the sand side by side, watching us protectively.

  “I didn’t utter another word for over six months. Mom took me to see a host of therapists and they said there was nothing wrong with me other than shock and deep despair. I needed time.”

  “I’m so sorry, honey. What happened?”

  “A family of four had gone rafting, attracted by the swelled rapids. They had two kids under the age of sixteen. They either ignored or didn’t see the signs warning that this part of the river was only for certified guides and experts. They’ve since restricted access even to get into that area of the forest.”

  He looked at the dogs looking at him.

  “They capsized about a half mile down their point of entry. Luckily a copter running early morning patrol spotted them and checked to see where my dad was. He got the coordinates and drove over there. The parents and one of the boys had made it to shore. The father was cut up from the rocks and looked like he had broken a leg from his efforts to try and rescue his other son. Dad radioed for help but knew he couldn’t wait if he was to have any chance of saving the boy. He anchored some lines to a tree and waded in.

  “Over the roar of the water, the family said they heard faint cries for help. They directed my dad to the area it was coming from. He held onto the line and drifted toward a rocky island in the middle of the river. There he found the boy shivering and clinging on for dear life to a jutting rock. His lips were blue and he wasn’t responding to Dad’s questions. Dad secured him to the rope and instructed his parents on the riverbank to pull their son in. They had to pull up and against the current.

  “With a lot of effort they managed to get him to shore. Once the boy was untied, they tossed the rope back in and Dad grabbed it and started to pull himself in. Just then the rushing water loosened a large boulder, which came crashing down, taking Dad with it. The rope grew taut and then snapped. They found Dad’s lifeless body in the calm pool of water at the end of the rapids.”

  We were both crying and hugging each other.

  “From that point on, I was raised by a house full of women; my mother, her sister who never married, my sister, and my gran. I miss my dad every day, but I am grateful for the strong female influence I have in my life.”

  “And look who you gravitated to,” I said, elbowing him in the ribs.

  “So I did. I should just let you run things, like the women did when I was growing up.”

  “I’m sorry, what?”

  “I should just let you—” he suddenly caught on. “You heard me.”

  We looked up to see Bardot racing along the shore with a long strand of seaweed in her mouth. It was airborne and the leaves were flapping like a semaphore. Clarence was following behind.

  “I don’t know what took you so long, your dog got it right away,” I said.

  We spent a magical afternoon together. I could see that Jack was both exhausted and relieved that he had shared his family tragedy with me. He seemed at peace.

  Which is why I couldn’t tell him what Sally and I had planned for later that evening.

  Chapter 30

  To get into Musso’s backyard, we had to jump Marisol’s fence. And there was no way in doing that without her involvement. Heck, she’d probably eavesdropped on our conversation anyway and knew exactly what we were up to.

  When it was dark enough and while Musso was out delivering cars to another movie shoot, we headed over to Marisol’s. She opened the door before we could knock. Sally and I had dressed in black for the occasion, which actually made us more conspicuous. If this had been New York where everyone dresses like mimes that would be different, but in LA black is only worn on a string bikini.

  “You sure you want to do this?” Marisol asked as we followed her to the back of her property.

  “I don’t see how we have a choice, if we don’t get evidence on Tala before they leave on Saturday, then she gets away with murder,” I said. “Either way, you’ll be rid of her as your neighbor.”

  That made Marisol’s eyes light up.

  “Hope the door doesn’t hit her bony ass on the way out,” she said.

  The fence was over six feet high and even Sally, being as tall as she is, was going to have trouble scaling it without some help. I spotted a rusty wheelbarrow and dragged it over. It was full of leaves and stagnant water and I hoped that the rats had jumped ship when we arrived. I stepped up into it, drenching my feet in muddy sludge.

  “I didn’t know he had a pool.”

  “He never uses it,” explained Marisol. “What are you doing up there?”

  With that, she pushed on two of the slats and they pivoted up creating a nice entry into his yard.

  “Fantastic,” Sally exclaimed and crawled through.

  “You couldn’t have mentioned this earlier?”

  “You didn’t ask.”

  Why I oughta . . .

  “If we get into any trouble, you call Augie and the cops, okay?”

  Marisol nodded and I slipped through the fence.

  * * *

  It took a moment for our eyes to adjust to the dark. Musso characteristically had no outside lights on. The blinds were all drawn on the windows facing the back, which meant that if there was anyone home, they would see us before we saw them. I was starting to think that we should have planned this better.

  “Come on, it looks like that window is open a bit, could be our way in,” Sally whispered. “All you need to do is identify the shoes she kicked you with, take a photo, and we’re the hell out of here.”

  In hindsight,
we had no reason to assume that Tala had gone with Musso; it was clear that she wanted to distance herself from his illegal doings so she could cleanly blackmail him. I suppose we were just being naively optimistic, but heck, if you imagine the worst and it happens, then you’ll have gone through it twice....

  “Your phone’s on mute, right?”

  I nodded.

  Sally was about to do the same when hers chimed. She quickly silenced it.

  “Phooey, that’s an alert I set to remind Joe to take his pills,” she explained.

  We saw a light go on in the house.

  “Time to boogie,” I whispered.

  * * *

  “What a nice surprise, I wasn’t expecting guests.”

  Tala caught us halfway between the house and the back fence and we froze. Not because she had such an intimidating presence, but because she had an impressive-looking gun pointed at us.

  Tala held the gun to my head and pulled a zip tie from her jeans pocket. She ordered me to cinch Sally’s hands behind her back. When she was secured, Tala turned to me to do the same to me. I had the presence of mind to make a fist so that the restraints would be looser.

  Her face was about a quarter inch from mine and she wore a sinister grin.

  “You might want to think about trying a chemical peel,” I suggested.

  WHACK!

  I saw a blur and then felt a painful sting and neck lash from her slap.

  “Holy Easter bunnies.”

  For that she slapped Sally as well.

  While she was looking away, I kicked her arm like a Rockette in the line, she yelped, and as she fell to her knees, the gun popped out of her hands and slid along the coping of the pool. It was slippery from the night mist and the gun dropped into the water.

  Tala struggled to her feet and pulled out a handful of zip ties.

  “Perfect, now I can add assault and battery to the charge,” she sneered. “I’m going to tie you down to the chair and call the cops. Sit here, both of you, I’ve had enough of your snooping and prying,” she said, pointing at a lounge chair.

  “We thought we heard someone in your yard, we came to help,” I tried.

  “Save it for the confessional, Sister Halsey. You and that witch next door have been a thorn in my side for too long. And you, missy,” she said, looking at Sally, “should have stayed home minding your own business. I caught you both breaking into my house; my boyfriend works at nights so I have a gun, just for protection. This time when I call the cops there will be no question, I’m pressing charges.”

  I saw a hand reach in and take the restraints from Tala.

  “Don’t move a muscle.” Musso stepped forward out of the darkness and instructed us. “Go inside,” he told Tala.

  “But—”

  “Go!”

  This was really one of the few times that I had seen him up close. His jet-black pageboy length hair rested behind his ears. A high forehead swept into his aquiline nose and compressed lips, giving him a look of constant ennui. Still, this in itself did not make him look evil. From a distance you might mistake him for a dancer or a musician. But close up you notice his eyes, deep set with coal-black pupils surrounded by gold rings. Just like a hawk’s. The complete image made me quake inside.

  He looked at me for a prolonged period doing, I suspect, the same analysis of my features.

  “Nice to formally meet you, neighbor. We’ll make sure to invite you to our next potluck. By the way, why don’t you ever have any trash?”

  This is what I do when I’m nervous.

  He proceeded to secure us to each other and the chair before returning to the house.

  * * *

  “Who pissed in his Wheaties?” Sally asked. “I think we’re in deep shit!”

  “They can’t kill us in the middle of Rose Avenue, Sally, they’d have to move us, and that would give us a chance to get away,” I reassured her, but not with much conviction.

  We could hear the arguing coming from the house. Much as I tried to listen, it was too faint for me to make out what they were saying.

  Suddenly I felt something wet on the palm of my hand behind my back. Was I bleeding? I gently turned my head, hoping that my movements would not draw the attention of Musso or Tala.

  Bardot! And back in the bushes Marisol could barely be made out. She lifted her head and nodded toward the pool. What was she thinking? Surely they’d hear Bardot. I lightly elbowed Sally, hoping she would look behind her as well.

  * * *

  I saw Tala return, looking pissed and carrying a roll of duct tape. This could not be a good omen, although if they were afraid of us screaming, then our deaths weren’t imminent.

  Right?

  “I have to pee,” I tried to stand and announced to Tala. “You need to untie me so I can go to the bathroom.” I was going on a hunch that I could talk Musso into letting us go.

  “You’re not going anywhere,” she said, pulling off a strip of tape. “Thanks to you we’ve got to leave right now,” she whispered, looking back to see if Musso was listening. “I had a mani pedi scheduled for tomorrow at The Regal!”

  So that is what they were fighting about.

  “Listen, I gotta go, let me into the house to use the bathroom,” I said as loud as I could.

  She tore off a strip and fiercely wrapped the tape around my head and mouth. Thank God I’d left the house with a ponytail or she’d have to pay for extensions until my hair grew back.

  “It is very dangerous and a terrible strain if you don’t let her relieve a full bladder. She could suffer an infection, you need to let her evacuate,” Sally said.

  Well, that confused the hell out of her, she wasn’t sure if I had pee or find a panic room. She got another piece of tape ready.

  “You keep your mouth shut,” she yelled in a whisper, exasperated. In her anger and with the dark she had managed to stick the tape to itself, and had to work to peel off another piece.

  She uttered a long string of words in Ukrainian that I would love to have had translated.

  When she finally had a strip ready, she yanked Sally’s head back.

  “Please,” Sally said softly. “I won’t say anything more, and if you restrict my airways you may trigger my COPD, and unless you have a respirator standing by that you are trained to use, you will have quite a mess on your hands. And you do not want to hear one of my asthma attacks. The walls rattle, it’s deafening.”

  She heard a tap on the sliding glass door and saw Musso wave her in. Before she walked away, she grabbed Sally by the throat.

  “One sound and I snap your neck.”

  She was feisty, I’ll give her that.

  * * *

  At the back of my hand, I felt what I now knew was a wet nose made damper by an ever-so-quiet dip down to the bottom of the pool. Bardot had retrieved the gun while Sally and I were arguing with Tala. I grabbed the heavy metal instrument and waved Bardot away with my fingers. I heard Marisol faintly call her.

  I had never held a gun before, let alone behind my back in the dark. I was not even sure which way was up, and couldn’t count on Bardot having passed it off to me in the right position. I carefully juggled it around, praying that I didn’t drop it in the process. Faintly in the distance, I could also hear the sounds of police sirens.

  God bless Marisol.

  In seconds they would hear them too, and who knows what that crazy bitch might do before they bug out?

  I visualized what I wanted to do. I couldn’t even whisper anything to Sally, restricted by the NASA approved adherent qualities of the tape I now sported. I turned my head slowly and slightly, just enough so she could see my eyes. I blinked three times and gave her a slight nod. God knows if she understood what I meant.

  Having now heard the approaching cop cars, Tala came out one last time intending to tape Sally’s mouth.

  “I’m hoping that this will buy us just a few more minutes to get away cleanly,” Tala said. “One false move from either of you and it will be your last.�
�

  She backed that statement up by showing us another gun, this one smaller, her purse gun I’m guessing.

  Do I see a Hello Kitty graphic on its handle?

  I looked at Sally and gave her the three blinks and leaned over toward her. She leaned to her left as well, giving me room to lie prone on my side and point the gun in my tied hands in the general direction of the house. I squeezed what I hoped was the trigger. It jolted my body so violently that we both fell backward as the chair tipped.

  Who knows where the shot went, I only hoped that it was enough to convince Tala not to bother with us.

  At this point dogs were barking, lights were going on all over the street, and people were screaming. Tala had dropped the tape and was pointing the gun at us.

  “Leave them, you idiot! We’ve got to go,” Musso said from the back porch door. “Now!”

  I saw him disappear and heard the deep motor of a Mercedes start up.

  “Just go and leave us,” Sally shouted. “Otherwise you won’t get very far!”

  This infuriated Tala so much that she leveled the gun at Sally and shot. The small gun made more of a champagne cork pop noise than a bang.

  “Mmmmmmmmm,” I screamed through my muzzle.

  The last thing I remember hearing were the sirens approaching Rose Avenue and a foot closing in on my face.

  Chapter 31

  I watched Jack’s face cringe. Two hospitals in as many weeks, these places always made him queasy. He’d been in too many—first to visit the kid his dad had saved and then for his own problems. And now I was the cause of his recent return to the land of the sick.

  St. John’s in Santa Monica is a huge facility, which gave him some distance from the sick, but one of the first things we heard walking in was a “code blue” call over the hospital’s speakers. He started to turn and leave.

  “I can go see her on my own, Jack, why don’t you wait for me in the garden,” I said, seeing his obvious distress.

  He did a kind of Zen breathing exercise and said, “I’m fine and I want to see Sally.”