by Zoey Derrick
On November Eleventh, at exactly thirty six weeks, my water broke at three in the morning and the guys rushed me to the hospital. I could tell that they were nervous but they never let me really see it. Until Dr. Paige ordered an emergency C-section because of fetal distress. We’d agreed that if this happened, because they both couldn’t be in the operating room for the delivery that I would go in alone. It killed me to let them go, but rules are rules and despite my begging, they said no. Dr. Paige’s concern was the fact that there had to be so many people in the OR already because of the twins.
Emily Grace Carver-Black was born first, followed three minutes later by her brother Logan David Carver-Black. I only got to see them briefly before the tears overwhelmed me.
“Addison?”
Feeling very weak I try to respond, “Hmm?”
“Addison, I have to go in, one of your cysts has bursts. I’ve got to put you out.”
I don’t remember much after that.
When I come to, I’m back in my room. I can’t see much but I can hear cooing and talking coming from Kyle and Talon and I look over and immediately burst into tears when I see Emily in Kyle’s arms and Logan in Talon’s. Talon and Kyle have the biggest, brightest, most beautiful smiles on their faces. Kyle notices me first. “Hi mama.” He stands up and Talon follows, bringing my babies to me. Kyle comes around the bed, “Who do you want first?”
“Both of them,” I say and they lay them gently on my chest facing each other. “Hi babies,” I coo at them. I watch the miracle of life before my eyes as they both start rooting around, looking for food.
“Let me call the nurse,” Kyle says softly. He has tears in his eyes. Talon too, as I hold our babies to my chest.
“Yes?” a voice comes over the phone.
“She’s awake,” Kyle says.
“Be right there.” The nurse comes back.
I keep talking to my babies as I hold them close and just a minute or two later the nurse comes in. “Hi Addison, my name is Melissa, I’m your nurse. How are you feeling?”
“Happy.”
“Good, any pain?” I shake my head. “That’s good. You ready to feed your babies?” I nod.
Melissa helps me get set up and feed the twins. They both took to it pretty easy and Melissa made jokes with the guys while I watched them eat. It was so surreal and hypnotic to watch. I realized quickly that being close to them like this would bring me the greatest joy most days.
Once I’m all dried up, or at least I think I am, I change gowns, adding my nursing bra to the mix so that I have some protection against leaking everywhere just as I’m about to take back the babies two nurses come in with Dr. Paige. “Hey there Addison, how you doing?”
“Great.” I smile. “They’ve eaten and I was just about to hold them again.”
“Er, okay, we’ll hold off on the testing for a while. I need to talk to you about what happened after they were born.”
“Are they alright?” I say panicked.
“Oh, they’re perfect. I promise.” she says with a reassuring smile.
“How long will the testing take?”
“About half an hour,” Dr. Paige says.
I nod. “Go ahead and take them now. Then I don’t have to be interrupted with them later,” I say reluctantly. But it’s true, I’d rather not get an hour than have them taken again. Both Talon and Kyle pout as they hand over the twins, then Kyle comes to sit on the bed at my feet and Talon pulls the chair closer to be near me as the twins leave the room. “Okay Doc, talk to me.”
“Do you remember what we talked about, the risks of delivery?” I nod. “Well, the cysts that were blocking your tube ruptured when I pulled Emily’s placenta out. It caused a lot of bleeding, and it ruptured your uterus.” Tears, more tears. “I didn’t want to have to do it, I swear I tried, Addison.”
I shake my head. “No, it’s, it’s okay. I…Today I got more than I ever imagined I could have, I got two very healthy babies.” I look at Talon and Kyle and they’re both crying. They know what this means. “It’s okay.” I look at both of them and repeat myself, “it’s okay.” I nod at them. It’s a lot to process.
“I was able to leave your ovaries. We will continue with some hormone treatments to help keep your symptoms managed. We will continue to monitor for cysts on your ovaries. It also means that you have eggs for the future, should you want to have a surrogate or other options.” She smiles reassuringly at me. I nod. “Now, for some possibly fun news, more for these two.”
“Oh my god,” I squeak. “No way.”
“Yes, way,” Dr. Paige teases.
“What way?” Talon and Kyle say together.
“You want to tell them?” Dr. Paige smirks. I nod.
“Do we know which?” She shakes her head. “Okay.” I look at both of the boys. I smile wildly. “I gave Dr. Paige permission to run some blood tests on the twins when they were born.”
“Addison, we talked-” Talon says and I cut him off.
“Let me finish. All she did was compare the twins against each other. Because they’re fraternal twins their DNA and blood types were going to be different, but there are enough differences for her to determine..”
“They don’t match,” Kyle says standing up, complete shock on his face. “You mean one is,” he points to himself “and one is…” he points to Talon. I smile again and Kyle sits back down.
“Now this really makes you having to take my uterus okay.” I tell Dr. Paige who smiles. “They each have their own.”
“They do.” Both of them are in shock staring at each other. “Now the real question is, do they want to know which one is theirs?” She asks playfully.
I’m blown away by the resounding, “No!” that comes out of both of them. “We don’t care. We will each raise them as ours no matter what. They’re both our babies and we’re okay with that,” Kyle says with a huge smile on his face.
“Just knowing that we both played an equal role in making them is satisfying enough for us,” Talon adds and the subject is dropped.
Three days later, we finally get discharged to go home. I’m still recovering from the C-section and my hormone levels dropping makes me feel sick and weak and emotional. But it’s all worth it when I get to hold Emily or Logan or both in my arms, which it’s rare that I don’t have one of them in my arms all day long.
The guys take turns getting up at night with them, but I refuse to let them not feed from me when they’re hungry. So one will get up, change them and bring them to me to be fed while I lay in bed.
When I lay in bed feeding, whoever got the baby out of bed lays awake watching, even if I fall asleep. Emily was born at just five pounds and Logan was five pounds three ounces. By their first week check-up, they’ve each gained about five ounces and it’s a great sight to see.
As I get better from my c-section I become more active, eating is still my number one priority because these two babies eat a ton from me, but my food choices have shifted to healthier options. With the cooler weather, the five of us always take a walk. Putting Emily and Logan into their stroller, we take a nice long walk.
Hate me if you want to, but by their first Christmas, six weeks later, I’ve lost all of the weight I gained, but I’m working hard to lose the pouch. Though the guys miss having the babies in there, they constantly remind me of the good reasons why I have it and I love them all the more for it.
My mom is a whirlwind of energy around the house, helping with meals, taking care of the twins when I need to rest, though after Christmas, my resting becomes few and far between. It’s great having her around the house and she seems happy here in LA.
She has her CPA and has worked as an accountant for years. Talon hires her to handle his own financials regarding the band, paying bills and managing the expenses. It’s great to have her working again. Talon’s own financial madness is enough to keep her busy a good twenty hours a week. Though with the new album getting ready to come out, I imagine it’s going to increase some more. Also
, tax season is coming and the entire band is determined to have her do their taxes.
I tell her it’s too much and she tells me it’s not. Lest we forget that I need someone to do my taxes now. It’s great to see my mom feel needed for more than a nanny. Which she’s all too eager to do whenever we let her. Which as the kiddos grow older, and I give up some of the feeding duties to the guys, they start dragging me out a little bit more.
In January, Talon has to leave for a week of promotional appearances in New York in preparation for the new album’s release. I wake up when I hear Logan whining and see Talon sitting in one of the two rocking chairs in the nursery alcove. He’s holding both babies in his arms. I sit up and smile.
“Hey mama,” he whispers. I climb out of bed and go over to him.
“Hi big man. He hungry?” I ask and Talon nods. “Want me to?” He nods again and I take Logan from him. “Hi big guy,” I say as I hold him up. “Are you hungry?” I smile, and tuck him into the crook of my arm and in a few swift movements, he latches on and I back up into the other rocker.
I look over at Talon who’s looking down at Emily, he looks so sad. “Talk to me, big man,” I encourage softly.
He looks up at me and I can see a couple of tears streaking his cheeks. “I can’t stand this.”
“What?”
“I don’t want to leave them tomorrow,” he admits quietly. “I wish I didn’t have to go, or that you guys could come with.”
“Don’t beat yourself up, you have a job to do. We will be fine and we will all be here when you get back. We’ll Skype and everything else while you’re gone.”
“I just feel like I’m going to miss so much.”
I stand up and go over to him. “Better to go now, when they’re only eight weeks old.”
“Yeah, I just…I’ve been thinking a lot about my life and where it’s going. I don’t think I can or want to keep this up throughout their lives.”
“What are you saying, Talon?”
“I think I’d rather slip behind the scenes, write songs, produce music, produce your music. This way I can stay here, and don’t have to travel around the country away from my family.”
“What about the band?”
He shrugs. “I don’t want to make it seem like I’m giving up on them, or on us, but sometimes I wonder if their heart is still in it the way it was when we started this gig. But I’d have to talk to them, and it wouldn’t be something that would happen right now. We have tour commitments and everything else that we’ve already agreed to and I can’t find anything to get pissed off at them about that we could just break up over.”
“I wouldn’t want you guys to break up, not like that.”
“No, I know, it would have to happen amicably and mutually. It’s not something that can happen over night, and I don’t want to squeeze anyone out and if they decide to stay together, I’m okay with that, I wouldn’t mind if they replaced me. But it’s so much to decide on and talk about,” he says softly, looking up from Emily to me as I rub Logan’s sleeping face. His mouth falls open and he releases me. I tuck back in and bounce him softly.
“You want him back?” I ask and he nods. I turn Logan around so that he can take him back. He rocks them both in the chair. “Talon, if this is what you want, you know I will support you one hundred percent. I don’t want you jumping into the decision. You need to remember that they won’t be babies forever. Eventually they will grow up and leaving might not be as hard.”
He looks down at both the babies again. “I think it would be. But it’s a lot to think about and process.”
“And not a decision you can make tonight. I know going away kills you, but it’s only a few days, you’ll be home before you know it.”
“I just wish you guys were coming too.”
“I know, I wish we were too, but they’re so young and flying, I…”
“Shhh, angel. It’s alright. I understand and I agree. They’re too young. But it doesn’t stop me from wishing.” He gives me a sad smile.
“I know, big man.” Emily starts to stir and whine in his arms. “Here.” I lean down and take her from him. “Hi baby girl.” I whisper and put her down on the changing table, changing her. Talon gets up and puts Logan in his crib and he comes to stand behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist as I dress Emily back in her pajamas.
I pat his hands and hold him there for a few minutes. Emily starts to cry and I pick her up, much like Logan, she’s hungry so I feed her too. Once she’s settled, I turn to look at Talon. “Talk to Kyle. He’s going to give you better insight into ideas on how to deal with the guys, the contractual obligations and he’s great with pros and cons. But remember something for me, big man.”
“What’s that?” he says softly as his hand gently rubs along Emily’s head.
“Do it for you. Don’t do it for her, for Logan, Kyle or me. Do it for you. Make sure that giving up 69 Bottles is really what you want and what you’ll be happiest with in the long run. If you decide on a solo career, it might not pan out the way you want it to. Writing and producing might not work out either. I don’t want you to resent giving up a good thing.”
He kisses my forehead. “That’s not possible, angel. Trust me. Everything I do, I do for this family, for the band and then finally myself. Besides, I’m pretty sure I’ll have a regular customer for writing and production.” He smirks at me.
“This is very true.” I smile and he kisses me softly as Emily continues eating.
We don’t talk much while she finishes and when she’s sound asleep, Talon takes her from me, kissing her sweetly and then putting her to bed. “Come on, mama.” He grabs my hand and leads me back to bed. As we approach, I realize that Kyle’s awake. It doesn’t take me long before I’m engulfed by both of them. Each one having their way with me.
We’ve only been back at the sexual aspect of our relationship for about a week, and they’ve indulged every chance they could get and I love it! I love them, wholly and completely. From now until forever.
**** ONE YEAR LATER *****
Next week, Emily and Logan turn one. I can’t believe a year has gone by so fast. But tonight, tonight is all about me. Well, sort of.
In January after the twins were born, after Talon and I had our talk about his future with 69 Bottles, I signed a record contract with Vicious Records and by March, inside of Talon’s studio, I recorded my first solo album. With a lot of help from Talon who became my writer and my producer. I’m musically inclined when it comes to singing, but I suck at writing music. So Talon has taken care of most of that for me. There was a time when I would have called you crazy for predicting what would happen, but in the middle of April when my first single, ‘Now and Forever’, hit the airways, it hit the Top 40 for more than six weeks. Reaching number two. Hey, what can I say, not bad for a first solo song, right?
When the single was released for sale, I made the Billboard Top 100, though I didn’t reach the top. I was actually kind of glad about that, I rather enjoy the fact that Talon and I together hit the number one spot with ‘To Be Free’.
Part of my signing with Vicious was that I wouldn’t go on tour until after the first of the next year. I needed Emily and Logan to be at least one and I needed them to be weaned completely, the upcoming tour gives me that excuse, though the twins will be traveling with us and I have a lot fewer appearances on my tour than Talon and the guys did on theirs.
So about tonight, I am attending my second awards show since releasing my first album and being with the band. The first one I walked the red carpet because I was picked to present and perform during the show. Which of course was awesome. No need to mention that Talon was my guitarist that night. No one knew, which tells me that there is a definite separation between me and 69 Bottles. Though they too performed at that award show. Tonight however, I am performing, presenting and lastly, a nominee. Well, Bryan Hayes is the reason I’m a nominee. Our duet has been nominated as Duet of the Year, Song of the Year and Video of the Year.
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Everyone seems to think we’re going to win, but I’m skeptical, better to be that than expectant and lose.
Talon and Kyle walk the red carpet with me. Talon is in the vest, shirt and pants of a Brioni tux. Having ditched the jacket completely, his sleeves are rolled up and the top button is open. Regardless, he’s still sexy as hell. Kyle, on the other hand, is in an Armani tux, vest and all, looking amazingly handsome. I should mention that somewhere along the course of the last year people started putting two and two together that we were three and not two, it might be the fact that my name is Addison Carver-Black. We received some backlash for it, but in the end all was okay. I guess it helps that we try our hardest not to flaunt it in front of people. Kyle is mine and 69 Bottles’ full time manager now, which of course keeps him super busy, but he never complains and is constantly coming up with new ideas for both 69 Bottles and myself.
So back to the red carpet. They’re both with me tonight. Though they don’t kiss me or do anything to invoke the comments, other than have their arms around me for pictures. I stand there with my arms behind their backs too.
Now that you’re drooling about Kyle and Talon, I should tell you that I’m wearing a custom made Vera Wang, that is black, sleeveless and very short. I am rocking the purple hair again and I’m wearing my favorite purple suede platform pumps and my hair is cascading down my back, about two inches longer than last year.