Obsession: Loving an Alpha Male

by S. K. Lessly

  Josh leaned into me and brushed his knuckles against my cheek and looked in my eyes with such intensity, I couldn’t hold his gaze.

  Josh asked, “So this guy, Nickels, kept you under the radar all this time?”

  “Yup,” I replied.

  “And no one has ever tried to find you? I mean, did your family at least put out a missing person’s report?”

  I sighed. “No, not really. You see, my first stop was Alabama, and I sent my mother a post card telling her I wasn’t coming back and that I was fine. I let her know I couldn’t take it anymore, and if no one was going to help me, I’ll help myself. That same day I left Alabama, and I kept moving for months before I figured I was safe enough to stay in one place longer than a few weeks.” I looked down at my lap. “I know I took the coward’s way out.”

  “Hey, hold on a second.” Josh brought my chin up so our eyes could meet. Anger filled his eyes as he said, “Don’t you dare say that shit. Baby, what you did was one of the bravest things I have ever heard of.”

  I scoffed and tried to move my chin from his grip, but he held on.

  “Listen to me. The fact that you knew to make sure you didn’t stay in the same place long enough for someone to remember you is what a smart operative would do to survive. It’s textbook. You live modestly, and we both know you don’t have to. I know about your investments and the money you have hidden in a Swiss bank account, but you never touched it. You stay quiet and to yourself. You blend in with the shadows…”

  “And you’re probably right, from what I could tell about Noah, he has connections. He would’ve twisted whatever you claimed into something far worse for you and your family. It’s fucked up you had no one to fall back on in your family, but you running was the safest thing you could have done for yourself, and in my opinion that was all that mattered.”

  “Yeah, until I got here.” I shook my head, tears forming in my eyes. “I don’t know what it is about this city and this place, but I can’t seem to leave. I know I should. I know I should move on, but…”

  “Sweets, you don’t have to run anymore… I promise you I’ll make this go away… as a matter of fact, you can best believe I’m going to handle this motherfucker myself.”

  I gripped Josh’s arms tight. “No, please listen… Please promise me you won’t kill him.”

  Josh shook his head. “That’s a promise I can’t make, Sweets.”

  Josh stood, and I followed.

  “No, listen please.” I moved to stop him from leaving my room. “Let’s get him another way, okay… I want him to pay for what he’s done, but I don’t want you to kill him… Promise me you won’t kill him, Josh.”

  Josh and I stood staring at each other. I don’t know why I cared about Noah. I should have wanted Josh to make him pay for what he did to me. And honestly, to think that he may have done the same thing to someone else made me really feel like a coward, but for some reason I wanted him to be humiliated instead of killed. I wanted him to pay for the rest of his life, not get the easy way out.

  I tried to reason with Josh again and told him why I didn’t want him to die. Finally, that seemed to work, and he smiled at me.

  “All right, Sweets, I promise you I won’t kill him. Okay… but I won’t promise you that I won’t beat his ass… but I won’t kill him…”

  I wrapped my arms around his neck.

  “That, I can live with.”

  “And you owe me a phone and I want a nice one too,” I added because, hell, it was true.

  Josh just kissed my lips and said to me, “Of course, baby. Anything for you.”

  Joshua

  Josh sat on his couch in a dimly lit living room, nursing his second glass of scotch. The instrumental jazz coming from his iPad docking station should have eased his tension, but it hadn’t. This by far would be the hardest thing he had ever had to do. He had waited long enough, hoping that he would think of an easier way of telling her, but no matter how he looked at this, she was going to be upset.

  Josh laid his head on the back of the couch and closed his eyes. The past month had meant everything to him. He’d never been this happy in his lifetime, and it had everything to do with Kenya Frost. He fell in love with someone that he found he couldn’t live without, and if he had any doubts to that fact, it was removed during this month.

  Josh’s primary focus was Kenya. He wanted to spend all his time with her, and the only way he could do it was take some time off. Josh grounded himself from fieldwork, allowing him time to be with her. He didn’t completely give up his job. When she went to work, he would drop her off and head into the FBI office to assist with any cases his team was currently working on. He left the fieldwork to Misty and Jacks, who begrudgingly accepted his decision. They both knew there was no need to argue with Josh. Once he set his mind to something there was no way to change it.

  Josh wanted to be completely available to Kenya. He wanted to make sure he was available to pick her up from work every night. He wanted to make sure she was safe, number one, but the main reason was simply he couldn’t fall asleep without sating himself with her body. He couldn’t get enough of her. He loved making her scream, making her lose her mind. He loved waking up to her beautiful smile and face. She was coming into her own; Josh could see it every day. She developed a mouth on her that she gave credit all to Josh for creating, and he didn’t deny it.

  He actually found it quite amusing when she cussed. Seeing her express herself in any way made him feel good. It meant she was opening up to him, getting comfortable. She hadn’t told him she loved him yet, but he didn’t mind it. He knew she did and couldn’t wait for the time she actually said those words. What she managed to do effortlessly was show him how she felt with even the smallest of gestures. It could be a simple touch from her, or a shy smile, and Josh could see and feel how much she loved him. The words he knew would come in her own time.

  This new side of Kenya he loved learning about, except when she shared things about her past. Sometimes he wished he hadn’t opened that Pandora’s Box. Every time he looked into her eyes and saw the pain from her past, made him want to beat the shit out of every male that wronged her in her life.

  Hell, if he could, he’d go after the women as well. He knew sisters could be mean to each other, but to hear that Kenya’s mom turned a blind eye to the way she was treated ate at him. He couldn’t understand how a mother could allow that to happen to her child. His mother was the complete opposite to her kids and would definitely hurt anyone that hurt them. And as he learned more and more about Kenya and the kind of heart she had, pissed him off even more.

  To put down and hurt someone with such a kind and loving heart had never sat well with him. All she had ever wanted was someone to truly love her, and he wanted to make it his mission in life that she felt nothing but that from him.

  So when she was off work, he made sure they spent as much time together as they could. Kenya never seemed to mind he was occupying her free time. She wanted him around just as much as he wanted to be around.

  They became tourists of the city and drove everywhere visiting museums and parks. Kenya took him to Kennywood, and they rode rides, ate up a storm and played games, getting in touch with the kid in them. They went to the movies, baseball games at PNC Park, dined all over the city, some expensive restaurants and some were everyday food chains. They went to some of the clubs and bars around the city too, hanging out with Ivan and Joy and her now boyfriend, Brian.

  Josh couldn’t help but wonder if her hesitation on telling him how she felt had something to do with her past relationships. Maybe the closeness they were feeling seemed similar to Noah for her, and that was something he didn’t want. He wanted her to feel his love and not just hear him say the words. He wasn’t sure if his plan was working, but he hoped soon she would be comfortable and express herself the way he’d been dying to feel.

  Tonight, though, was probably going to make all his plans and hard work go down the tubes. This was going to test how
she truly felt about him. It was too soon for this he knew, but things couldn’t be helped. He just hoped he did all he could to show her how he felt about her, and that she was confident enough in him to keep any and all promises he’d made to her.

  He heard someone struggling outside his door and knew it was her. He sat up, put his glass on the table in front of him and rose. As he walked toward the door, he felt his heart speed up with anticipation on seeing her. She had only been gone for a few hours, but damn, he missed her.

  She got the door open before he could get there, and upon seeing his face, a smile so full of love greeted him.

  “Hey, baby… I’m so sorry I’m late. It won’t take me long to get ready, I promise.”

  Her eyes raked over him, and he saw desire instantly fill them. Another thing about his Sweets was her tenacity and hunger for sex had tripled. She had found her inner sex goddess, and she didn’t hesitate to take what she wanted from him.

  He smiled at her, knowing she was undressing his charcoal grey Christian Dior suit off his body in her mind as she stood there in the doorway.

  He bent down close to her, taking the bags out of her hand making sure he teased her before he moved away saying, “No problem. How long do you need?”

  Josh couldn’t help but smile as he walked into the kitchen to place the bags on the counter. When he turned to her, she was licking her lips looking at him from his legs up to his face. If it was any other day and any other time, he would let her undress him but not right now. They had dinner reservations at a restaurant called ‘“Seven” in the Strip District in about an hour and thirty minutes, and even though she said she wouldn’t be long, he knew she would. It was a great thing the restaurant was about ten minutes away.

  “Sweets, how long do you need to get ready?”

  Josh walked closer to her, and her eyes traveled to his crotch then sharply to his face. She smiled and as he got closer to her, she reached for the lapel of his jacket and pulled him closer to her. Josh had to admit he was as turned on as she was. It didn’t take much for him to want her, but he refused to give in.

  Kenya brought her arms in the inside of his jacket to his back and looked up in his eyes.

  “Well, that would depend on you.”

  She moved to the tips of her toes and brought her lips to his. He kissed her, because hell, he’d been craving her since she left. He brought his hands to her the sides of her face and caressed her cheeks with his thumbs.

  He said, “We have reservations at your favorite restaurant in an hour. Do you think you could be ready by then?”

  Kenya pouted realizing she wasn’t going to get her way, and he smiled. “Oh my little vixen, if you’re good, I’ll make it worth your while later.”

  She smiled and rained light kisses along his jaw line, underneath his chin and down his throat.

  “You’re going to make me wait? If that’s the case, why tease me with this suit? You know how much I love seeing your half–Italian hot self in your suits.”

  Josh was holding on by a thin thread. He loved feeling her lips on him, anywhere on him, and it was driving him crazy.

  “Mmmmm… Sweets, you know what your lips do to me…”

  He groaned again, gripped her hair in his hands and slanted her face up to his and took her mouth. He backed her up against his door and slammed his body against hers. Damn, she felt good.

  Kenya moaned her happiness, getting exactly what she wanted from him, but the moment she went for her prize he stepped back.

  Breathing heavy, chest moving a mile a minute he wiped his mouth with his hand. “Sweets, you’re insatiable, do you know that?”

  Kenya, equally spent and horny, replied, “Takes one to know one.”

  He laughed. “Yeah well, I need you to play nice tonight okay. Come on, go get dressed. I’m starving.”

  Kenya smiled devilishly and walked toward him, but he stepped back, laughing again. “No, for food…”

  Kenya frowned and folded her arms. “What if I don’t want to go out to eat?”

  Josh took a deep breath. Earlier he thought about just telling her in his apartment and not going out, but he wanted to take her to dinner. He wanted to spend time going out, and wanted to do one of the things he loved to do with her before he left.

  He slowly walked to her and traced the side of her face with his index finger.

  “I would love it if you get dressed up for me, put on one of those dresses I forced you to buy last week and blow my mind. Make me crave you the whole time during dinner so when we get home, I can rip the damn thing off and do the freakiest things to your body.” Josh brought his finger under her chin and tilted her head further up then leaned in and kissed her softly. He whispered, “Can you do that for me?”

  Kenya closed her eyes and licked her lips savoring his kiss.

  She sighed, opened her eyes and said, “Okay, but you promise to do the utmost freakiest things to me?”

  Josh nodded. “Yes, I promise.”

  “Okay, I’ll do this for you.”

  Kenya turned and headed toward his bedroom, removing first her long sleeve t–shirt, then bra. Never looking back at him but knowing his eyes were completely on her.

  Josh shook his head.

  “I’ve created a monster,” he said quietly and then chuckled.

  Chapter 15

  Kenya

  Seven was a great looking, two–story restaurant, creating enough space for large groups and private parties. They had a great soft and dimly lit atmosphere that I loved. The food was great too, I might add, but I simply loved the ambiance. It was sexy and seductive to me. Josh and I came here at least once a week. He, of course, came here for the huge rib eye steak he ordered and the wine. I came here to experience the romantic side of Josh.

  Can I tell you that this man is amazing to me? I know he loves me, and he tells me every chance he gets, but he has no problem with showing me too. I mean, I can feel how he loves me, desires me, and treasures me just by his touch or the look in his eyes. It’s not anything forced or trying. He doesn’t make me feel like I’m being needy or I’m draining him. Sometimes I feel like this on my own, and I try to separate myself from him. I’ll tell him I’m going home after work or tell him that I don’t need a ride home, but he never lets me fall through. He’s always there after I get off either job I’m working. And if I do go home to my apartment, he’s lying beside me every night.

  It’s been hard to express to him how I feel. I’m hesitant, and my past makes me automatically feel this way. I can finally see light surfacing in my life, and I’m scared to death. I feel like I’m going to be consumed with darkness at some point, and I need to be ready. But Josh… He won’t let me dwell on my past. He holds so much promise, and happiness and life. I just want to let go. But I haven’t so far, and it’s killing me. Fear is taking over me, and I don’t know how I’m going to keep this man without being able to fix myself. It’s so unfair to him. I mean, this past month has been unbelievable. I don’t know where he wants to go with us, but I do know if I don’t figure out how to let go of my past and fears I could lose him.

  What I’ve noticed this past week however is a change in him. I can tell he wants to talk about his job, which scares me. But it’s coming, and tonight, the fact that I just practically threw myself at him, and he didn’t bite tells me tonight will be the night we talk. I’m a little nervous, which is why I was trying to stall. The fact that he wants to go out to eat makes me think it’s going to be bad, and he wants me in public so I don’t cause a scene.

  What I keep doing, however, is leaning on the fact that he loves me. He says he can’t live without me, so he wouldn’t end it. I just hope whatever it is it won’t be the end of us. I hope he’s not tired of waiting for me to open up to him. I don’t know what I would do without him.

  So I went back into his room, or our room, which was what he wanted me to think of it as, showered as quick as I could, shaved and put on this soft and silky red dress that came to the mi
ddle of my thigh. There was nothing fancy about the shape of the dress or the way it was made, just the price. I frowned just thinking how much Josh spent on buying me clothes.

  About a week or so ago I was wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a simple long sleeve contoured type t–shirt. Josh asked me if I had any more jeans like the ones I had on, or any more dresses like the green dress I wore to seduce him. I told him I didn’t, so one day when we were taking a drive along the city, he asked if he could take me shopping. Typically I would shop at the neighborhood thrift store and had been doing so since I was on the run. It was cheap, and you could find really good clothes from there. I hesitated but thought hell, if he wants to shower me with gifts, who am I to stop him? I mean, what girl would say no, right? So I guided him a few blocks from my house, and I had him park right in front of my favorite thrift store on 17th Street and E. Carson.

  As I was getting out, Josh reached for my arm.

  “What?” I asked him.

  “Yeah um, where are you going?”

  He looked at the building in front of us then back at me.

  “In there.” I pointed to the store then looked back at him. “Why, what’s wrong?”

  Josh shook his head, reached around me and closed my door. He pulled out of the parking space and got back on the road.

  “What’s going on, Josh? I thought you wanted to go shopping?” I asked him.

  Josh looked over at me. “Sweets, if I said I’m taking you shopping, we aren’t going to the thrift store.”

  I started to protest, telling him he didn’t have to take me to some expensive store, but I kept my mouth shut. When we got to a light, he looked over at me, leaned in and kissed my cheek.

  He said to me, “Trust me, baby, what I want to buy for you, we can’t get it from the thrift store.”

  Again I wanted to argue that we could find anything and everything at the thrift store until I found out exactly what he wanted to buy. We found ourselves at Robinson Towne Center Mall, and by the end of the day, he had two hands full of bags, and I had a few myself. He bought me high top sneakers, sexy stilettos, that he so eloquently called ‘fuck me heels’ in front of the sales people, not to mention dresses, jeans and shirts.