by Tici Pontes
“Oh, yes, I do exist!” I pinched her arm and she took a little leap back.
“Ouch, what was that?” She started rubbing where it hurt.
“A pinch, you know,” I answered with a mischievous smile. “So you can see you're not dreaming.”
“Oh, really, I am dreaming,” she murmured. “You're my best dream,” she completed in a low voice and placed a light kiss on my lips.
The day of the ENEM exam came and I was already in freaking panic.
Not that I didn't trust my intelligence, but it was my life that was at stake. My future.
I was still completely uncertain which course I would go on. I had thought of several options, the one that probably fit most in what I wanted for myself was the Language/Portuguese class. I was passionate about my mother language and thought that maybe I could work with something related to literature.
I had no ambitions to become a teacher, but maybe I could work in some important publishing company as a proofreader, or work with text production and publishing.
It was something to think about.
First I had to get the necessary score to pass the exam.
And the problem was exactly there. To pass the exam.
I had studied?
Yes.
Had I dedicated myself?
Obviously.
But what if at some point I had a blank and even forgot how to write?
My nervousness was so great that, incredibly, I became confused with the opening hours of the gates and almost became a celebrity in the incredible event that were the late students of ENEM.
Thank God I arrived ten minutes before the gates closed and I still had to listen to a little joke from the people who were there waiting for the final minute.
Yes.
It's unbelievable, but the whole ENEM try-out had turned into a national event and there was always a bunch of jokers carrying mountable chairs, coolers with drinks and, of course, their cell phones to register first hand the people who were late.
Relieved by not having turned into a meme, I started to look for the place where I would do the test.
The time had come.
All year long I had been preparing myself for that exam and suddenly it didn't seem so important.
Bullshit.
Of course the exam was very important, but returning to Fortaleza meant so much. I could not help thinking that going back to the capital meant moving away from Leonardo, and as much as he had said about his parents intending to buy a house in Fortaleza, it did not mean that he would live there.
And there were a thousand reasons why that shouldn't happen.
His parents had their whole life in Mar de Areia and they wouldn't give up everything to fulfill their son's desire to be closer to his girlfriend.
Leonardo had a serious health problem and couldn't just live alone. Well, he could, but I don't know if his parents would allow it.
In fact, I think he said all that to reassure me. Not that it was a lie or anything, because I didn't believe that he could lie to me, but deep down even he knew that his parents would not allow him to live alone.
I shook my head knowing that there was not the time to think about it.
Finally I found my classroom and in the hallway they handed me a little bag where I put the cell phone inside and locked it.
At the same moment I began to think that I had left an alarm clock on that would ring in the middle of the exam — even with the device turned off — and that they would disqualify me and that I would have to spend another year studying for the damn exam.
Even though I was sure that no alarm clock had stayed on, I took the cell phone out of the bag, checked that everything was ok and went with the cleanest face in the world to ask for another bag to store the phone.
Did these things just happen to me?
I kept the phone under the chair, put the water on the floor and put five blue pens - as much as I always used only one - two chocolate bars and a cereal bar on the table.
Yes. I was going to make a test, but I always brought a chocolate to eat. Worse was the girl next to me who even had a rapadura in a little bag.
Rapadura!
I checked every pen to see if it was working and after getting my hand all scratched I was finally ready to do the exam.
Now may the Lord grant me that.
Do you always get the feeling that the first person to leave an exam is either ultra-intelligent or doesn't know anything at all?
Well... I was the first person to leave the exam and... and since I know I'm not dumb, I think I did well.
Although I don't think it means anything, but... I'm pretty sure I did good.
When I left the school where I took the exam, Leo was waiting for me outside. The countenance was a little down.
“What happened, Leo?” I asked a little bit distressed.
“How was the test?” He ignored my question.
“I think it went well.” I shrugged. “Now we have to wait for the result. But what happened? You don't look well.”
“I think the platelet went down again,” he spoke in a low voice. “I just had a little nosebleed.”
“Oh, Leo...” I squeezed his arm tight. “Now what?”
“I've done the tests.” He showed the bandage on his arm. “This time the patch isn't a pet patch.” He smiled, but I could see the sadness in his eyes.
As strong as he was, I could see the frustration in his eyes. It was as if the disease was giving him a message that he was not in control of his own body.
“When do the results come out?” I held his hand and we started walking towards my house, which was only two blocks from the school where I took the test.
“Later. But I know my body, shorty.” He let out a heavy sigh. “I just wanted to get rid of it, you know?”
I remembered the campaign. The people who signed up for the database and... the lack of news about a donor. But Leonardo needed me and I wouldn't let it get me down.
“We'll get rid of it, Leo. You'll see.” I tried to put a little optimism in my voice, even though I was once again invaded by the monstrous fear I had of something happening to him.
The road to my house was made in silence. Both Leonardo and I were immersed in thoughts.
As soon as I crossed the street from my house and went up the sidewalk towards the gate, my mother opened it on the spot, giving us a tremendous fright. She had her cell phone leaning against her chest and her breathing was panting.
“I'm glad you're here,” she said breathlessly. “Don't you use your cell phone, miss? I've been calling you for ages.”
I pulled the cell phone out of my back pocket, it was still in the evidence bag.
“I was doing the test, Mom.” I showed her the bagged cell phone. “I didn't turn it back on when I left. But what happened? You look like you saw a ghost.”
“I-I... I got a call,” she said running over the words.
I looked at Leonardo who wasn't understanding anything either, he just shrugged his shoulders and went back to face my mother.
“A call from where, creature of God?” I asked in distress. “Spit it out.”
It was then that I noticed the lack of a mini-person.
“Where's Miguel, Mom?”
My mother's eye-opening made me sure that she had momentarily forgotten my brother. Without answering me, she ran inside the house looking for little Miguel, who, according to my suspicions, was alone and probably up to something.
I pulled Leonardo by the hand and we entered the house.
Mama was horrified by the scene.
In those few seconds when he had been alone Miguel had somehow managed to get access to the chocolate powder and now the whole room was a war camp between my brother of almost three years and the chocolate.
Miguel was sitting on the floor in the middle of the room, covered in chocolate powder and licking his two hands satisfied with chocolate and drool.
A chocolate bomb seemed to have been thrown i
n the middle of the room. Sofa, walls, TV and obviously the floor were filthy.
“I think I'm going to have a heart attack,” said my mother, throwing herself on the couch and raising a chocolate dust in the air.
At that moment I didn't know whether to laugh, cry or turn on my cell phone to film my little brother's stunt.
My mother, poor thing. I didn't know where to start.
“I'll just... kill you...” She was able to pronounce it while she got up from the couch and grabbed my brother and put him in her lap. He started laughing at my mother's reaction and she couldn't take it. She also fell in laughter at the situation Miguel was in. Then she got serious and faced me.
“What do I do with this boy, Alice?” She cried.
“First you give him a bath... Then you put him up for adoption,” I said, joking.
“Good idea,” she replied. “The bath... not the adoption. Come on, boy... let's give you a bath while your sister cleans up the mess you made.”
What's that?
“Me?”
“Yes... and Leo helps.” It wasn't a request.
I snitched and crawled out behind the vacuum cleaner.
“And Mom...” I said as she climbed the ladder with Miguel in her arms. “The call. Who called you that made you so distressed?”
“Oh, my God, the call.” Mommy hit her hand against her forehead and went back down the stairs.
“They called, Alice,” she spoke in a low tone of voice. “They called to say your marrow is compatible for a donation. They want you to travel to Fortaleza as soon as possible to do the preliminary tests.”
How come Alice's mother threw a bomb like that and just walked out like it was some random news?
Was she compatible for donation?
But to whom?
Me? No... It would be too coincidental.
“Go on!” I pinched Alice's ribs which made her squirm. “Ask her what else they said.”
“We have to clean up this mess,” she answered still looking towards the stairs.
“I'll start cleaning up. Actually, the vacuum cleaner will clean it up. The heavy work stays with you.” Alice narrowed her eyes towards me and gave me a smile. “Go, Alice. Go after your mother. How do you get this kind of news and stay calm like this?”
“I'm not calm like this, I just...” she stopped for a moment not realizing what that call really meant. “I'm donating a bone marrow?” she asked in surprise when she finally digested the news she got. “When you sign up for the donor registry, that's the intention, shorty.”
She rolled her eyes.
“I know, I know. What I mean is...” She took a break. “I didn't know I'd be called soon, do you think that's for you, Leo?” Alice gave me an interrogative look and I could see a spark of hope emanating from her.
“I don't think so, Lice,” I answered with a sad smile.
“But what if it is, Leo?” her voice was full of expectation.
“If it is, it would be the greatest gift you could ever give me,” I answered, holding her hand and kissing it. “But I don't want you to be disappointed if it's not for me. Remember, you will save someone's life. And even if a compatible donor doesn't show up, I'll be satisfied, because your campaign has taken effect.”
“I made the campaign for you,” she said.
“You made the campaign for people who need a new marrow, shorty. And even if among all the people who signed up, only you ended up being compatible with someone, it was already worth all the effort.”
Alice hugged me tight and then went upstairs to talk to her mother and try to find out a little more about the donation.
In the end, as I suspected, Alice's marrow was not for me, but she decided to make the donation. After all, it was a life that was being saved, even though she had no idea who would receive her marrow.
We would travel to Fortaleza so that she could perform the necessary tests and I would take the opportunity to consult with my Hematologist to show my exams and decide the treatment that I would do.
Contrary to what Alice imagined, I was not disappointed that she was not compatible with me, on the contrary, I was proud of her action and pleased to be, even if indirectly, a little responsible for this life that was being saved.
It was because of me that she started the campaign and it was because of me that she registered herself in REDOME — the National Registry of Bone Marrow Donors.
Because of me, she would save a life.
The day of the trip came and I noticed that Alice was worried.
“You need to calm down,” I said when we got into the car and I needed to help Alice buckle her seat belt because her hands were shaking. - Donate marrow doesn't hurt, Alice.
“How do you know that? You've never donated before.”
“But I've done a lot of research on the subject,” I've talked calmly. “It'll be all right, shorty, you'll see.”
“I wanted it to be you,” she murmured, looking down.
“My time will come.” I placed my hand on her chin and raised her head, making her look at me. “And you'll be twice as proud. For donating your marrow and for being responsible for getting me a donor.”
I fastened my belt and held your hand.
“Ready to go?” My mother, who was sitting in the driver's seat, looked back to see if everything was ready for us to leave.
Everything set,” I spoke with a smile.
“Did you put your belt on, dear?” Alice's mother asked.
“Yes, I did, mom.”
Alice's mother was traveling next to my mother, in the front, and Alice and I were going behind. In a few minutes we had left the city and we were already on the road to Fortaleza.
As the landscape changed and we moved further away from Mar de Areia, I felt that Alice became more and more edgy. She rested her head on my shoulder, quickly stirring in the passenger seat. She would look at her cell phone, grab a book, and then lay her head back on me.
“Alice, what's happening?” I asked worried. “I'm feeling your impatience from here.”
“Oh, Leo, I'm so insecure,” she said in a weak voice. “This whole marrow donation thing is making me afraid.”
“I told you, shorty. Donate marrow doesn't hurt.”
“I know, Leo, it's just...” She stopped and snorted. “You really wanna know?”
“Of course I do, Alice.” I mean it.
“Honey, what's leaving you like this?” Alice's mother turned around and faced her daughter.
Alice looked at the floor of the car and was speechless. I knew that the presence of both my mother and hers were making her ashamed, but at that moment it was all we had. We had been on the road for a little over two hours and it was still a little while before we reached Fortaleza.
“Ugh, Mom... I wanted to be making this donation to Leo and not to a complete stranger,” she confessed in tears. “I know it may sound horrible to say this, but that's what I'm feeling. That's why I'm like this. I know I should be happy to do something like this. And I am, I swear I am. It's just that at the same time...” Alice looked at me and I knew exactly what she meant.
“Alice...” I took her hand and placed a kiss.
“At the same time I wanted it to be you,” she confessed, facing the car floor again.
“What you need to understand, shorty, is that when my marrow comes... and I know it will... it will be the same as it was from you.”
“I can't thank you enough for what you did for my son, Alice.” This time it was my mother who spoke.
“And you have no idea how proud I am of you, honey,” her mom said.
“I just wanted them to find your marrow right away,” she murmured unable to take her eyes off me, the restless impatience stamped on her gaze.
“They will, shorty.” I gave her a kiss on the cheek. “And it will be because of you that it will happen.”
“I'll never know if your marrow, when it arrives, was the result of the campaign I did,” Alice grumbled.
“Shorty, to
me you're already responsible for everything good that happens to me from now on.”
And it was the purest truth.
Ever since Alice came into my life I've seen her differently.
She rested her head on my shoulder and shook my hand hard.
I love her so much.
“Sometimes it feels like I'm dreaming,” she whispered softly. Maybe ashamed that our mothers would listen. I kept quiet so she would keep talking. “Having you by my side was the best thing that ever happened to me this year. And despite all the problems we didn't give up. We're here.” She ran her hand over my arm. “Together.”
I opened a smile and put my hand on her back, leaning on her shoulder, pulling her gently towards me. Alice's presence was intoxicating. To be at her side was to feel alive. It was forgetting the problems. Forgetting the misfortunes that life insisted on giving me.
Being at her side brought me peace.
“You know” I gazed deeply into Alice's eyes and she became serious, totally attentive to what I was saying “since I got diagnosed with aplastic anemia I spent a long time of my life wondering why this had happened to me. After much therapy and, of course, my parents' support” he reached out and touched his mother's shoulder “I realized that it was just a rock in the path of the road that we call life. And then you showed up and all the questions came back. But again I learned, Alice, that you came into my life to teach me to appreciate time. What matters is not the amount of time we spend together, that we live, that we exist. What matters is the intensity that we do each of our activities with. Every minute at your side is worth more than an hour away from you.” With each word spoken by me, Alice's eyes sparkled more and more for the tears that were forming.
But I had to say that to her.
I had to make it very clear to Alice all the positive impact she had made on my life.
“Right now, there are millions of people with similar or worse problems than mine and who don't have someone like you at their side to provide the necessary support. At this very moment, Alice, there is a person thanking God for your existence, cuz, because of you, shorty, because of you, that person's life will be saved.” This time it was my vision that was clouded by the tears. “You are special, Alice. Not just for me, but for the world. You're my world, that's the truth.”