Girl

by Blake Nelson

  Dating Mark Pierce. It was so weird. He’d call me on Thursday and ask me if I wanted to do something on Friday and I’d say, “I’d love to,” which was what you were supposed to say. And we’d go to a movie or for pizza and then we’d park someplace and make out which was fine except I knew he was on this schedule in his mind and pretty soon he would want sex. And I didn’t really dislike him and I wouldn’t even mind that much if he was the first one because Cybil and Richard were doing it and Rebecca Farnhurst had done it and Wendy Simpson did it with a boy from Bradley Day School when she was drunk. So Mark would be okay. And it was inevitable anyway. And it didn’t seem like you were really part of things until you did it because that’s what everything was about, like jokes and TV, and even the ends of extension cords were either male or female and when you plugged them together, what was that? But then I also remembered when Tracy Schwartz did it in junior high and how terrible that turned out. And after the Tracy thing me and my best friend, Carol Mahoney, even made a pact that we would only do it for love, especially the first time. But we were just little kids then, in junior high, and this was real high school now, which was a totally different situation.

  And then Thriftstore Apocalypse was going to play at this new all-ages place called Outer Limits. But Darcy was so scared of Greg she wouldn’t go. And I couldn’t drive. And it was the only time they played since Julie’s party and I didn’t want to miss it so I called Mark Pierce. The show was in the afternoon and Mark picked me up and you could tell he had trouble figuring out what to wear. He had an old sweater with holes in it that maybe he thought was alternative or grunge or something. And he was nervous and he couldn’t find the place and you could tell he never went downtown. And then I saw the Outer Limits sign and I was like, “Turn! Turn!” but he couldn’t because he went too far. So we went around the block but he couldn’t get back because it was a left turn only. And he was getting so pissed and I felt bad for him and I thought I should have just taken the bus.

  When we finally got there Mark paid for me and we went in and another band was playing. There weren’t that many people but Cybil was standing by the side and she waved to me and I ran over. And she started telling me about the singer on stage whose name was Nick and their band was called Pax, which meant “peace” in Latin and wasn’t that cool? But I was like, what about Richard? She just shrugged. And I didn’t want to be a drag so I watched Nick sing and I couldn’t see Richard anywhere. And poor Mark Pierce was standing in the middle of the floor looking like a suburban jock in a holey sweater. And Cybil said, “What’s Mark Pierce doing here?” And I said, “He brought me.” And we both looked at him and you could tell how out of place he felt. And Cybil was just in love with this Nick person and swaying back and forth with his music and I watched Nick but he didn’t seem that cute to me. He looked weird and sort of deranged.

  Poor Mark Pierce. I stood with him while Thriftstore Apocalypse played. And I wanted to dance but he didn’t want to but then some other girls did and I danced with them. And then afterward Mark and I sat on the curb outside and these two girls sat next to us and they were checking out Mark and then they lit cigarettes and started gossiping. And they had cool retro dresses and I had on my favorite Gap skirt which wasn’t very cool I guess. And then Mark said he didn’t think any of the bands were any good. He said he didn’t mind if they wanted to be artsy but if they couldn’t play their instruments why did they think they could go on stage? He said his friend Scott Haskell could play Scorpions solos and stuff off the radio and he wasn’t even in a band. Then he said that the Outer Limits people were pretentious and the girls were stuck up and they thought they were so cool but they were obviously losers.

  When the show was over Greg pulled up his station wagon and they loaded their stuff. Then he and Richard came over to us and Richard tried to say hi to Mark Pierce but Mark would only grunt at them. And then I told Richard I had one of their songs in my head and he got so excited. He was so happy. I even sang it a little, not as good as Cybil of course. He was ecstatic. He said that should be their first single. He said they were thinking of making a record and Mark Pierce scoffed and Richard tried to explain how easy it was and then Greg started talking about the studio he was going to build in his basement and everybody rolled their eyes, even Richard.

  · · ·

  Then Cybil appeared and she wouldn’t look at Richard and they all got in Greg’s station wagon and drove away. I said to Mark that something was up between Richard and Cybil and he said, “Yeah, they’re having sex.” Then we got in Mark’s car and drove around the block and got stuck in that same left turn only. Mark got so mad he just drove over the partition and floored it. I felt sorry for him then because he was doing all this for me, wearing the sweater and standing around and getting checked out by snotty girls. So then we went to Scamp’s and had frozen yogurt and talked about neutral subjects like people at school and how he scored twenty-four points in a basketball game. Then he told me a long story about when he and Scott Haskell went to the beach and snuck into a blues bar and Scott asked the guy if he could jam but they wouldn’t let him and so they got really drunk and made out with some sleazy beach girls.

  After that we drove around and parked and made out. Then we talked and Mark said how he thought Cybil was okay and how he defended her to his friends when she shaved her head. And he thought the Outer Limits scene was all right in some ways. He was leading up to asking me for sex but I changed the subject to clothes. I complained that my Gap skirt was too boring but he said I looked really cute in it and how I was the cutest girl at the show. And then he told me how sexy I was and how I had a great body. And then he let down the seat and got on top of me and we made out more intense than ever. And it was so strange because he was Mark Pierce, senior, with a car, and very cute, who millions of girls liked. And I felt like I should like him more and I tried to but it was hard in the dark when he was just this big weight grinding into you.

  At school I told Darcy she was stupid not to come to Outer Limits and Greg was no problem and anyway Mark Pierce would protect her. And then after school we went to a thriftstore in Sherwood Oaks and I looked through the dresses for something like the girls at Outer Limits had. But the dresses were all of gross material and not that cool. I found a couple that seemed okay and we went in the dressing room and I told Darcy about Mark Pierce getting on top of me and if you could have an orgasm from making out. And I was saying how easily I could have had sex with him and didn’t she think it was inevitable really, and was it dishonest if you didn’t like them that much? Darcy said it wasn’t about being honest, it was more about if you’re ready or not. And I asked how you know if you’re ready and she said, “If your friends are all doing it, then you are.” And she was trying on hats and I was trying on dresses and then we talked about Mark’s friend Scott Haskell and if he was Darcy’s type and if we should double-date. And I picked out the least ugly dress and as I put my regular clothes back on I watched myself in the mirror and imagined I was in Mark Pierce’s bedroom and we had done it and he was asking me to stay but I couldn’t because I had a meeting to go to or a flight to catch or something important to do.

  4

  On my sixteenth birthday it just rained and rained. Cybil and Darcy and me went to a movie and had frozen yogurt at Scamp’s and then we went home because Cybil was bored and Darcy had homework and I was getting depressed. At home my parents had a cake and my brother, James, called from San Francisco and his stupid wife, Emily, got on and talked for about ten hours about how she was finally pregnant. And then Grandma Marr called from Phoenix and she was sending money. And everybody made such a big deal about the fact that it was “sweet sixteen” and it seemed so stupid that a girl has to be sixteen and seventeen and everybody gushes over her like this is the big high point of her life. When boys are sixteen nobody cares. They get drunk and crash their cars and get in any kind of trouble they want. They can have pimples and smell bad because nothing matters for them until they
grow up and have important jobs bossing people around. But if you’re a girl everybody says you’re blossoming, you’re so beautiful, here let’s take a picture so when you’re old and ugly you can look back and remember.

  Mom took the pictures. Dad gave me a card that said he would take me to the DMV on Saturday and I could get my license. And then my mom started crying for no reason and my dad was getting all weird and not looking at me. That’s another thing about sixteen, you’re a woman now and everybody hates you for it and even your own dad won’t give you a hug because the neighbors will think he’s a pervert. And the whole thing made me mad so I escaped upstairs to my room and listened to a tape Cybil gave me and brushed my hair and picked at a zit on my forehead.

  On Saturday Cybil wanted to come to DMV because she didn’t have her license yet and she wanted to see what it was like. So we went and she and my dad quizzed me and I got them all right because I was so nervous I’d memorized the whole book. And then the test lady called out “Andrea Marr” and off we went. And it was a hard test too because it was in Sherwood Oaks and it was all these malls and these super-complicated intersections with a million cars coming from every direction. In one place I had to turn left and I turned and somehow ended up in the Food Plus parking lot. And it took forever to get out and everyone kept cutting me off. And when we got back to DMV, I smiled at the lady and walked over to my dad and Cybil and I swear I was dripping with sweat.

  I passed. I got my license. But big deal if you don’t have a car. Darcy had her sister’s car and on the first day of me having my license Darcy drove us downtown to the library. And we were hoping to see Derek and Jonathan but they weren’t there and so we went to Scamp’s for frozen yogurt. This was my real birthday party. The boy behind the counter was totally cute and gave me extra because Darcy lied and said today was my birthday. And we sat by the window and talked about everything like which girls were jealous of me going out with Mark Pierce and how cute Scott Haskell was and where we should go on a double date. And then two hippie women walked by in Guatamalan pants with their butts jiggling like Jell-O and Darcy was like, “Gross!” and I was like, “Haven’t they heard of underpants?” And we were giggling and making fun of everyone and saying all the things we would never do when we got old.

  Mark’s idea for a double date was to go to the beach and spend the night in a motel. I thought that was a little much. Mark and I had not really talked about sex and he probably thought that meant we were going to do it. And I didn’t really know what I thought, which probably meant I would. But what about Darcy and Scott? We couldn’t go to a motel on their first date. So instead we went to a movie and then for pizza and Mark and Scott paid and Darcy asked me in the bathroom if Mark always paid for me. I said yes and Darcy said didn’t I worry that he’d think I owed him and he’d want sex? I hadn’t thought of that. And the date wasn’t going well anyway. Scott Haskell was a junior but you’d never know it by how he acted. He shot spitballs and talked back to the waitress and he was totally obnoxious. But afterward Mark said he was just nervous and he really liked Darcy. And she hadn’t minded him that much and he was cute and a lot of other girls liked him so I guess she was still interested.

  So we decided to go to the beach. I told my parents I was spending the night at Darcy’s and she said she was spending the night with me. I’d never done that before but Darcy said it always worked. We left on Saturday during the day and Mark drove and he had a cooler full of beer. When we got there we had to go to several motels because he was too young and he didn’t have credit cards but finally we found one. We went in and there were two double beds and we put our stuff down and there we were. In a motel. Scott turned on the TV. Darcy checked out the bathroom. Mark brought in the beer. Then we went for a walk on the beach and Mark looked so handsome in his raincoat and with the wind blowing his hair. And we walked arm in arm and it was so mature, like we were adults, like we were in a magazine at the sea. Then we walked back through the little town and went to McDonald’s but Scott was sticking his straw in his nose and acting like a moron. And then it started raining and we went into the video arcade, which was sleazy but sort of fun. Me and Darcy played Mario Brothers and Mark did Kung Fu and Scott played a game where he flew a jet and shot people and he was gritting his teeth and pounding the buttons like, kill kill kill.

  Back at the motel room we ordered pizza and watched TV and then Darcy wanted to take a shower so I went with her but then Mark and Scott wanted to come too so we all put on our bathing suits and got in the shower. It was a tight squeeze and then Scott turned on the cold water and Darcy started shrieking. And Scott asked us if the cold water made our nipples stick up but it wasn’t making mine because I was the farthest back. And Mark kept touching my butt and I could see he was getting an erection. And then Darcy saw it and then she really started shrieking and Scott sprayed Mark with water and said “Down boy! Down boy!” And the cold water was hitting Darcy and she fell out of the tub and then I tried to get out but Scott undid my bikini top and it almost came off. And the boys were still spraying each other and I tried to cover myself and then Darcy grabbed a towel and whipped Scott with it and Mark got him in a headlock and Darcy was going to pull down his pants but then the doorbell rang and it was the pizza.

  We ate pizza. We drank beer. Then we went outside and the night was really still and the stars were like an explosion across the sky. So we all got dressed and got some blankets and went for another walk. It was so beautiful. And Mark was getting all cozy and putting his arm around me. And then we went up in the dunes and started making out. And Darcy and Scott were really getting into it and then they got up and went over the hill and I asked Mark what they were doing and he said, “What do you think?” I didn’t know. And then Mark kissed me and put his hand between my legs and at first I wouldn’t let him but then I did. And then he whispered for me to close my eyes and open my mouth because he had my birthday present. I knew he was going to do something stupid but I did it anyway and he put something in my mouth and it was a condom packet. I spit it out and I was like, “Thanks a lot!” But he said he meant it. That’s what he wanted to give me for my birthday. He wanted to make love to me because he was falling in love with me and that was the best present he could think of. He said we didn’t have to do it right then but sometime. Whenever I wanted. Then he started whispering how sexy I was and undoing my pants and putting his hand in and I guess it felt okay. And there was still no sign of Darcy and Scott and it was quiet and the sand was cold and the waves made a rushing sound. Then Mark undid his own pants and got his penis out. He wanted me to touch it so I did but that just made him more horny and he started begging me and I said no and he said “Back at the motel?” And I said, “I don’t think so.” And he said it would feel so good and this was the perfect place with the beach and the scenery and everything. But I didn’t want to. Not with Darcy and Scott right behind us. And after a while they crawled back over the dune and Darcy was buttoning her shirt and Scott was grinning so big. But Mark was getting cranky and he wanted to go back and drink beer so that’s what we did.

  The next day I just wanted to get home so our parents wouldn’t catch us. Mark dropped us off at Darcy’s, where we could wash our clothes and get the sand out. Of course I wanted to know what she and Scott did in the dunes and she said not much but enough to leave a mess all over his jeans. I said, “Darcy, it was only your second date!” But she said she had to do it because if she didn’t he would get this pain in his testicles and he wouldn’t be able to walk and the baseball coach would know and then everyone would think she was a tease. And then she said I was getting too weird about boys and why was I so uptight lately? It was true. The problem was Mark Pierce. I couldn’t tell if I liked him or if I should trust him or if he should be the one. And it seemed like I should decide because I was sixteen and a virgin and I couldn’t put it off forever. But when I asked Darcy if I should break up with him she was like, “No way!” But that was just because she liked Scott Haske
ll and he and Mark were so popular it was like this big honor for us to be dating them.

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  5

  In the cafeteria on Monday Darcy and I argued about sleep. She thought it was bad to get too much because it made you tired and gave you zits. But I said it kept your skin young because it was less time being awake and dealing with stress and getting old. Then Greg walked by and we both looked away super fast and prayed he wouldn’t come over. We watched him go past and he didn’t have anyone to sit with and you could tell how embarrassed he was. That’s how lunch was at Hillside. Totally brutal. Like if you didn’t have any friends there was nowhere to hide. Fortunately Scott Haskell and Brian Babbit came over and sat with us. Then Mark Pierce came and Renee Hatfield. Renee sat right across from me which was sort of scary because she was a junior and popular and a total gossip. And Mark was talking about how he almost got in a fight at baseball practice and Renee was scoffing and then Scott grabbed Brian’s orange and wouldn’t give it back. And Renee was teasing Mark and then Scott tried to make a basket with Brian’s orange and accidentally hit a freshman girl in the head. And then Mr. Angelo lifted Scott up by his hair and marched him to the principal’s office and as soon as they were gone Mark threw Scott’s sandwich at some sophomores but they wouldn’t throw anything back and everyone complained how boring the sophomores were this year.

  And it was weird because from that day on it was like we were this little clique of Mark, Scott, Brian, Renee, Darcy, and me. It was nice to have someplace definite to go at lunch but it also made you feel stuck. Like you always had to sit with them no matter what. I mean, Cybil and Richard didn’t even come to the cafeteria. They’d eat outside or sneak across the street to Taco Time or sometimes they would go on fasts or eat trail mix or weird vegetarian stuff that Richard would bring. And everyone thought I was Mark Pierce’s girlfriend now and all the sophomore and junior boys started looking at me differently, with a new respect. And I suppose I should have felt lucky but mostly I felt restless and like I didn’t want to sit in the exact same place every day listening to Mark’s jock stories or Renee’s gossip or watching Scott blow bubbles in his milk.