Bad Rep (Southern Ink Book 1)

by S. N. Garza

  But I didn't open the window.

  He looked me over and his nose flared and his eyes darkened. "Penelope, let me in. We need to talk."

  "So talk."

  "Let me in."

  "No." Then I reached up and locked the window. "You have something to say, say it and leave. I told you not to come to me."

  "Dammit, Penelope. Don't you think I’ve been just as miserable as you?"

  Miserable? Oh, did he think the woman I saw him with just the other night, who had her hand in his pants would make me feel what? Happy that his life went right back to normal? Yeah. Seeing that made me sick.

  I was at the movies watching the new Avengers movie when Deke and some girl had come in and sat in the row behind me, and just across. It was half way through the movie when I heard him groaning. The theater was mostly empty at that time of evening, but I didn't want to be at home, wallowing. I didn't acknowledge him until he muttered my name. That’s when I turned to see his date had her hands in his pants, on his erection. I couldn't stomach it so I left in a rush.

  And what? He thought I wouldn't see that he's been flaunting girls in front of me so I knew exactly what I meant to him? Which was nothing.

  "No. I don't think that. You need to leave, Deke."

  "Penelope—

  "No. Don't call me that. You've hurt me like no has ever hurt me. You don’t get a pass for that. So leave me the hell alone."

  "Tomorrow's your graduation, I just wanted to tell you everyone from SoIn will be there, cheering you on."

  "You could have just called. But of course, you wait until late at night to come so no one sees you coming to the house of the stupid, little band nerd you feel sorry for."

  He sighed heavily and shook his head. "Penel—Penny. What I said before—

  "I said leave me alone. I hate you. I gave you everything and then you couldn’t even treat me like a decent human being. You were my best friend. Then you ripped my heart apart. You made me feel stupid, and weak. Taking what made me feel special and ripping it to shreds as if it was nothing. As if I was nothing. Did you think we'd be fine? No. You're right. I'm glad you showed me exactly what you were made of. Now please. I know you saw my parent’s car in the drive. You need to leave."

  "Penny."

  "I said no! Now, please. Seeing you hurts me. If you have any respect for me at all, you will leave."

  “You’re mine.”

  I thought I was. For moment I was all his. I never knew what it meant to be someone’s everything. And for one split second, I felt it down to my core that I was his. And I never wanted to do without him. Until he ripped it away. Leaving me half a person. Leaving me without the one thing my heart desired above all else.

  A knife had been shoved into my back and pierced my heart. I would never truly be his. I was just fooling myself.

  I shook my head no. And the tears boiled over. I couldn’t look at him anymore. It was too painful. My heart was ripping out of me like the knife he shoved into it was being pulled out slowly to only be shoved back in.

  "You said you loved me."

  "Well I was wrong. I don't love you."

  Then I reached up and let the blinds snap closed and I closed my curtains.

  I heard him mutter something, but I was too upset to hear it. Tears were streaming down my face and I threw myself on my bed. Sobbing and screaming into my pillow. Because I lied. I did still love him. I loved the boy that had been my friend and the guy I gave myself to. He was tender and sweet and loving. But this Deke, the hard, sarcastic jerk Deke, oh hell. I still loved him. I want him to break in and hold me tight against him. I want his warm arms around me. The three weeks he hadn't come here and slept in my bed made me realize how accustomed I’ve become to having him here. It was like he grounded me. I gave him a place of peace when he couldn't deal with what life threw at him. I hugged my pillows tight at night hoping he'd come and wrap me in his arms.

  I was such an idiot.

  Him coming here confirmed it. He seemed determined when I shut the blinds. As if I hadn't seen the last of him. Well, after tomorrow, he wasn't going to see me at all.

  I realized the problem I was having when I cried myself to sleep every night for the past three weeks. If I wanted to free of him, I needed to leave. There was no other choice for me now.

  I talked to my brother Patrick a few days ago when I couldn't sleep because all I could think about was Deke. How much I wanted to see him. Be with him. Talk to him. I remember the conversation clearly. My parents were at work when I called him.

  "Hello?"

  "Patrick?"

  “Penny? What's wrong?" He always had a way of knowing when something was wrong.

  "I'm sorry to be calling you so late."

  "Don't worry about that. Talk to me, honey."

  "I know its last minute, and you have a lot of stuff going on, but I was wondering...if it wouldn't be too much of a burden...

  "Wanna come and live with me for the summer?"

  "YES! Please. I can't take it here anymore."

  "Alright. Breathe. Relax. What does mom and dad think about this?"

  "I haven't told them."

  "What about your friend, Deke?"

  "My friend? Ha. He was never my friend."

  He was quiet for a minute and then with an anger I’ve never heard from him before he yelled, "What the fuck did he do to you, Penelope?"

  The sobs that broke free felt like a dam breaking apart. I had slumped on the wall, sliding down until I was sitting on my butt.

  "I just want out of here."

  "Penelope."

  "Patrick, please."

  "Alright, we'll go after graduation. Since I'm taking you, we'll put your things in ahead of time, that way we can just leave right after. How's that? Mom and dad have to work, don't they?"

  "Yes."

  "Alright. Legally you don't have to tell them, you're eighteen, but they should know your plans so they don't worry, honey. And when we get home we'll celebrate your acceptance letter to ASU all proper like, won't we?”

  I smiled for the first time in three weeks that day. "Yes. Thank you, Patrick."

  "I'm still your big brother, Morgan better not let me see his face."

  "Please don't pick a fight with him over me."

  "Pen-pen, you're my sister and that's reason enough to pound him in the face if he hurt you."

  "Patrick."

  "I won't unless he comes to me. Then all bets are off, Penelope."

  "Thank you, Patty." I only called him that when I was at my weakest.

  "Oh, Pen-pen. What did he do to you?"

  "He broke my heart. Let's leave it at that."

  "Bastard. Well, you won't have to see him for a long time. I'll see you this weekend. Okay, honey?"

  "Thank you."

  "Always."

  And when I walked the stage, my parents and brother cheered for me. Then I heard a louder ruckus on the opposite side of the auditorium. I looked to see Johnny, Trixie, Bunko and Castor, then a few yards away, Deke, whoop and holler in excitement. Besides that one glance, I didn't pay attention to him. But I smiled at Johnny and gave him a small wave. He winked and turned his head and I knew who he was looking at. He looked back at me with a sad, downturned expression marring his face and shook his head.

  There it was. Sympathy. Johnny knew how much Deke meant to me. And Deke hurt me like no one had been able to do. To the core and bone until I felt so broken and alone I couldn’t even stay the rest of the summer here. Not with him so close.

  When we walked out to Patrick's jeep, my parents hugged me and told me to be safe. They accepted that I was going to Houston, but I don't think they realized the real reason.

  As we drove away, and thank God for tinted windows, I saw Deke running out of the school auditorium doors looking for me.

  In a way, I felt ashamed. I didn't say bye to him. I desperately wanted to tell Patrick to stop so I could run out and give him one last hug. To tell him I really did love him. That I
wouldn't love anyone like I loved him. He'd been there for me every step of the way and I didn't even have the courage to say bye.

  But it didn't matter. I couldn't stay in Lilton anymore. Not with Deke so close and not being able to do anything about it.

  With a heavy heart, I turned around to see my brother looking at me and his hand settled on my shoulder.

  He squeezed gently and said, "Everything will turn out for the best, Pen-pen. Time will heal the hurt. It'll catch up to him what he lost."

  "Not soon enough."

  "I love you, Pen-pen."

  "I love you too, Patty."

  He threw his head back laughing and his smile had always been so stunning. "Good, now let's let the past stay there. It's time to start living, honey."

  Yeah. Maybe it was.

  Chapter 12

  Penelope

  “Penny, you’re going to love college.” Patrick said as he heaved the last of my suitcases out of his Jeep before he walked me to my dorm room.

  “I hope so, too. When we came for orientation, I fell in love with this place. It’s like a dream come true, Patrick.”

  “And it’s also a part of Arizona State University, so you can join groups, a sorority—whatever. Penny, make friends.”

  He’s been telling me that all summer long. I worked my tail off in Houston, saving up a good chunk of money so when I came here I wouldn’t be completely poor.

  Patrick was an arts dealer now, and had told me I didn’t have to worry about money issues, but I wanted to feel independent. Which he understood. He told me when he left Lilton he didn’t have much of anything and had to work almost to the bone to get where he was now. He was by far the happiest man I knew.

  “A sorority? Me?” I laughed but when I thought he’d laugh with me, I turned to see his face sad and worried. “What?”

  “Penelope, I love you. I only want what’s best for you. I know I haven’t been the kind of brother you needed when you were growing up, but I plan to be a better one now.”

  “Hey, none of that now. You’re the best kind of brother any girl could have. Don’t worry about me. What you did for me this summer? You rescued me. It was the best thing you could have done. And it’s not like this is going to be the last time I see you, Patrick.”

  “I know, Pen, but I hardly got to see you with both of us working. You got a car. A phone. You have blossomed, girl. I love it. And I love that you cut your hair like this.”

  His hand brushed the short strands behind my ears. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing. It was an asymmetrical bob. Long in the front and cut short in the back. I loved it.

  “Thanks. I figured, new school, new look. New me.”

  “The new you rocks.”

  The whole summer had been carefree and I had truly left everything behind me in Lilton. I talked to my parents once a week, and not once did they ask about Patrick. Which I didn’t understand and made me so angry. How could they just ignore their only son like that because of his sexual orientation? They did talk about Deke though. It was like they acted as if he was the son they always wanted. After a few weeks of hearing about him, I told them flat out to stop. I wasn’t talking to him. They scoffed, but they did drop it. Thankfully. I e-mailed Vera a few times. I didn’t mention me having a cell phone yet. I wasn’t ready for that. I wanted to start fresh in Tempe, Arizona. The Fine Arts campus was everything I had expected it to be when I came for orientation.

  I worked my tail off to get my own car, used but a newer used. It didn’t have many miles on it. Patrick generously told me he’d go in half and that would be my graduation present. My black Beetle Convertible was only three years old and she drove like a dream. Also, my brother forbid me to come here unless I got a cell phone. So in addition, he bought me an iPhone 7+ to make sure I had the best technology and it had everything I needed on it or so he said.

  We made it to my dorm room, which I shared with another freshman, Patricia.

  “It’s pretty weird to have a roommate named Patricia. Don’t you think?”

  “Well, at least you’ll think of me often.”

  I play-punched his shoulder and rolled me eyes. “You told me I have to text you every day to let you know how I’m doing. I don’t think I’ll be forgetting you anytime soon. And to call once a week. Just like you told me I should continue calling mom and dad. Which I don’t know why. I mean the way they treat you it horrible.”

  “Pen? It’s all water under the bridge. Don’t worry about the relationship between me and our parents.”

  “I do, you’re my brother. My family.”

  “And you’re mine. Do you want me to stay?”

  I looked around to see my roommate had already unpacked her belongings.

  “If you want you, but I’ll be okay. Don’t you have to get back for the new gallery opening?”

  “Yeah, but I thought I’d give you the option of my presence.”

  We both laughed and I wrapped my arms around him. “I’m going to miss you, big brother.”

  “Oh, little sister. I’ll miss you most. Besides, if you want, you can come down for the holidays.”

  “I think for this first year, I’m going to stay here. Get a feel for the area. You never know. I might just join a silly, stupid sorority or something.”

  He squeezed me tight and I knew his breath shook as he pulled away and said, “Penelope, you have grown up so much. You’re your own woman and remember, no one can ever make you feel inferior. You are beautiful, talented and you’re going to blow them all away.”

  “Thank you. I’m going to miss you. Thank you for being there for me.”

  He cupped my chin and tilted it so I could look into hazel eyes so similar to my own. “I will always be there for you if you ever need me. I promise.”

  “Me too.”

  He winked and hugged me tight once more. He was walking out of the room, grabbing a hold of the door and as he began closing it, he peeked his head back in and said, “Have fun and if you have to, be wild and reckless.” Then he winked and shut the door.

  It took me most of the day to unpack everything and set up my computer. My roommate still hadn’t come back yet so I took this time to look over my schedule.

  I can’t believe I was finally here. I was finally on my own. Somewhere deep inside, my heart yearned to hear his voice. I wouldn’t admit it out loud, but I missed him. Really bad. Even though he was a complete asshole. I missed him.

  I texted Patrick, telling him I was about to head to bed when he responded, telling me to call mom and dad.

  Ugh. I better.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi mom!”

  “Patrick! Come on, Penny’s on the phone!” She yelled in the background before putting me on speaker. “Hey, honey.”

  “Hey, Penny.”

  “Hey dad. How are y’all doing?”

  “We are doing great. We miss you, honey.”

  “I miss you, too. I just got settled in my dorm room.”

  “Oh! In Arizona already? Wow. Summer went by so fast.”

  “Yeah, I already have my schedule and my work schedule.”

  “You’re actually working? Aren’t you going to school full-time?”

  “Yeah, but I’m only working a few days a week.”

  “That’s good, honey. Make sure you find a good church. Better yet, I’ll have Father Mooney e-mail you when he finds one out there you should attend.”

  Why did they go right into that? What did they think? I was tainted now because I was with Patrick all summer? Ugh. I’d accept their advice, but I wasn’t going to take it if I didn’t want to.

  “That’s great. Thanks.”

  We talked for a few more minutes when my mother took me off speaker and said, “Deke misses you. I’m certain he has the same number. Maybe you should call him and see how he’s doing.”

  “What?”

  What the hell? How did she know he missed me? I doubt it but yeah, right.

  “Because he’s been coming to
church. Sits right next to us. Such a good boy even though he came from such horrible stock.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Of course I’m serious. Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “Deke’s been going to church?”

  “Yes.”

  “Thanks, mom, but I doubt he misses me.”

  “Why don’t you call him and ask?”

  “He’s the bad boy in town, mother. He has a wretched reputation.”

  “All rumors. He’s a good catholic boy. He’s come such a long way.”

  What the hell was going on in Lilton? Ugh. Nope. Not my business. Not going to get into it. Not even going to think about it. I hurried through the rest of our conversation and hung up. Naturally, Deke invaded my thoughts.

  Thanks a lot, mother. Ugh. Just thinking about him, and our epic fight brushed to the forefront of my mind as did our night of sex. Because that’s all it was to him, the big, fat, sexy jerk. Three years of friendship ruined and destroyed because I was just horny enough to ask him to take my virginity. I was so stupid and naïve. That he was right about. I was naïve. I thought I could make him love me. Like really, really love me. I was such a fool.

  I wonder what he was doing right now. It’s almost eleven there. I picked up my phone and went to the dial keypad.

  Don’t. Do. It.

  I dialed in his number, my thumb hesitating over the call button. Of course I star 67’d the call to block out my number. I didn’t want to risk him calling me back.

  My face scrunched up and I groaned as I punched the call button.

  I admit it. I’m weak. I want to hear his voice. Just this once. He had been my best friend. You’d do it, too.

  It rang four times when a breathless Deke answered.

  “Hello?”

  Oh, god. The sound of his voice made tears boil in my eyes. I missed him. I missed him so much. The whole summer had went by and he hadn’t been there to sleep next to me. I missed that. I felt weird clutching a pillow every night as I went to bed. Wanting him. Missing him. Hating him. Loving him.