by Tara Ahmed
“Talk to me,” I snapped. “You’re acting weird and it’s freaking me out—“
He groaned loudly, dipping his face so close to mine, we were only a centimeter apart. My heart stopped, as his cool breath fanned into my nose.
“Don’t lie to me,” he said, his eyes burning into mine. “Don’t fucking lie to me—“
“I never lied to you!” I said. “And let go of me!”
He shook his head, staring at me like a mad man, as I pressed my hands against his chest, trying with all my might to push him off.
But he wouldn’t budge.
“Did you eat nails for breakfast?” I snapped. “Why the hell are you so strong? Get off—“
His hands found my wrists, pinning them above my head. I would have kneed him in the crotch, had his legs not twisted over mine, keeping me in place.
I was caged.
“You told me you were going to Jenna’s place that day.” His voice took on a dangerous edge- his lips barely touching mine, as he gazed painfully at me.
“What?” I began. “You’re insane!—“
“You were supposed to be only mine,” he hissed. “I loved you…I really did.”
I stopped squirming, staring at him in confusion, as his hands on my wrists tightened. His eyes searched my face for an answer to a question I never asked, to an action I never made, and I began to worry whether he recognized me at all, for he was drenched in another world.
My chest clenched, for I could almost feel his pain seeping into my veins, as he continued looking at me with that faraway gaze.
“Did I break your heart?” My voice escaped in a whisper so low, I feared it didn’t reach his ears.
But when a drop from his eye trickled onto my cheek, warm against my skin, I knew he had heard. His grip on my wrists loosened, as he let go of my hands, rolling onto the side of the bed- lying beside me.
“You did,” he replied. “When I found you and James in that room, I thought for a second, it couldn’t possibly be you. It couldn’t be my Lorie. No, my angel wouldn’t betray me. She wouldn’t hurt me.”
At the sound of James’s name, my ears perked, as I shot my head to the side, staring disconcertedly at him. My hands clenched against the soft, pink comforter- the material wrinkling in my palms. The beats of my heart thundered on- a million thoughts roaming in my head, before stopping on one final conclusion.
James had done something unforgivable to his brother’s lover. But a part of me, a very small part, denied the truth.
James might not have an ounce of respect for me, but I was sure he loved his brother. They weren’t close, that was for sure, but he couldn’t possibly have done anything with…Lorie.
My mouth dried, as I turned towards Richard, placing a hand on his shoulder. The soft fabric of his t-shirt, felt warm against my palm, as I gave him a gentle squeeze.
But he ignored my touch, staring passively at the ceiling, as though the spirit within his soul, were lost.
“You always wore something red,” he said. “It was your thing. You said that a woman should always wear a piece of something she loves, wherever she went. And so you wore red. If only you wore a piece of my heart, then maybe you wouldn’t have done what you did…There were times that I thought you were hiding something about yourself. Something you never told anyone. You were the queen of mystery. On our third year anniversary, I gave you that necklace. Do you remember? You returned it to me the day you left. I still have it, but I don’t think I’m giving it back. Not yet. Sometimes, I wonder if you miss me. But then I tell myself not to be such a moron, because the dead never miss anybody. They just disappear. But, why do I feel like you’re still with me? I bet you’re laughing at me aren’t you? You know something Lorie? I hope you’re in hell. Maybe someday, I’ll meet you there, and when I do, we’ll burn in a thousand flames, together.”
I wasn’t sure if he was momentarily deluded, or perhaps, trying to tell me something.
A cool wind blew through the open window, pushing my hair over my back, as I rested my head against his shoulder. A small lump rested in the center of my chest, as I wrapped my hand over his- our fingers interlocking.
I should have hated him then. I should have yelled, and screamed at him for using me against a plot for revenge. It was clear that James had had an affair with Lorie, to which Richard had been keeping a grudge for years. I wasn’t even sure how many years, for he never mentioned when they met. But I supposed that was beside the point.
Though I should have been angry, I couldn’t help but feel empathetic towards him. I knew how it felt to lose the ones you love, and all he needed at that moment, was someone to hold.
His hand tightened against mine- my head dipping further into his neck, as he both sighed into the cream ceiling.
“Why didn’t you do it?” I asked. “This is what you were plotting isn’t it? You wanted me to fall for you, leaving James. It was all a game. But today, you stopped. You didn’t try to do anything with me, yet it was the perfect moment.”
He turned his head towards me, staring blandly- his brown eyes glazed with a kind of loneliness.
“Perfect moment?” he questioned. “Are you saying you would have let us spend the night together? You would have gone through with it?”
I bit my lip. “No…I mean…you didn’t even try to kiss me—“
“I don’t understand your point,” he said.
I sighed. “My point…well, I guess I don’t have much of a point. What I’m trying to say is that you could have tried to seduce me, tried to get me in bed, but you didn’t do that. That’s what I find interesting. I mean, this was what you’ve been planning for who knows how long, yet when the moment came, you didn’t go through with it—“
His whipped his hand away from mine, shooting up from the bed- sitting against the headboard. He ran both hands over his face, before exhaling a deep sigh, looking exhausted.
“I couldn’t do it,” he snapped. “I just…I couldn’t. I love her, Dorothy. Maybe I’m not the type that can go through with vengeance, but when James finds out I’m here, he’ll make sure I pay. Not that I’m scared of that bastard, because I’m ready to kill him myself. I have so much anger inside me, and I don’t know how to let it out. I just don’t! I tried to use you, but I couldn’t. I’m an asshole too, don’t get me wrong. But I’m not as bad as James. I could never be. I’m guessing you hate me now. I don’t blame you.”
I looked at him for a moment, before clearing my throat, adjusting myself up on the bed. I sat beside him, running a hand through my unkempt waves, and placing my legs under my thighs.
“We all make mistakes,” I said. “But what you tried to do isn’t something I can easily forgive. You tried to use me, by attempting to sleep with me, just so you can have some petty revenge against James. But can I tell you something, Richard?”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t know why Lorie hurt you, but I do know that wherever she is right now, she’s sorry. I think, you need to let this go. I have nothing to say in regards to James, but if you want to be the better person, then you can’t do what he did. You still love her, don’t you?”
His eyes dropped to his lap, as he sat Indian style on the bed, keeping his head low.
“Yeah,” he said. “Always have, always will.”
“Do you mind if I see that necklace from earlier today?”
He turned his head towards me, staring sadly at me with red, puffy eyes. Reaching into his pocket, he placed the necklace in my hand. The silver from the heart felt cool against my palm, as I grazed my index over it.
“I had a feeling this wasn’t your mother.” I gave him a small smile.
Sliding out of the bed, I walked around it, until I reached him. He watched me with a curious gaze, staring at my hands as I placed the necklace over his head. He didn’t move, sitting still as a rock, watching me adjust the necklace over his t-shirt.
“There,” I whispered. “You look much better now.”
I shot him another smile, the
n turned, walking towards the door. As I prepared to head out of the room and into the shower, his hand curled over mine, tugging me gently back.
I froze.
His shadow loomed over me, as he stood behind me- his hand curled over mine.
“How can you not hate me?” he asked.
I contemplated his question, repeating it over in my mind until it drowned out, disappearing into a haze.
“I don’t know,” I replied. “I guess…I guess I can understand you.”
A calm silence passed between us. I stood rigid, as he took slow steps towards me, before placing a light kiss to the back of my head.
I gasped.
“When I’m real old, and grey, with my memory growing weaker by the day, I know one thing for sure. I’ll remember you, Dorothy Web. Perhaps we’ll meet again in another life, under a better circumstance.”
I didn’t respond, but as he walked around me, exiting out of the room, I felt a piece of my heart- melt.
**
The rush of the morning sun, spilled across my shoulders, as the light breeze blew through my open hair. Adjusting the yellow headband above my head, I sat on the front steps with Charlene, trying to detangle her brown locks.
I glanced, for a moment, on my faded blue jeans from my teenage years, which were a bit too snug as I had gained a few pounds over the years. My plain white t-shirt swayed against the light wind, as I stroked the brush against Charlene’s thick strands.
“Ow!” she yelped. “I hate this! I hate brushing my hair. I wish I was bald!”
I laughed, giving her head a light tap with the end of the brush.
Sighing, I focused on the ends of her silky hair, which was twisted in a violent knot. Holding one end with one hand, I snipped at the locks in a quick motion, trying to free the knots.
“My professor is bald.” I smiled lightly. “Maybe you and he can swap heads.”
“I wish!” said Charlene. “Having hair sucks. Anyways, I’m real jealous of you, Dory. I’m real jealous.”
“Why’s that?”
“Well, duh! You get to go to school in New York City! I bet everything is amazing there, right?”
My hands on her hair- stilled, as I exhaled a shallow breath. Not quite knowing how to respond, I stared at the turquoise sky, tilting my head towards the patchy white clouds. Memories of my years at New York streamed through my mind like a movie, as I recalled the important people in my life.
But the final person that came to mind- was a golden eyed man, with a carefree smile, and a mischievous spirit.
James.
I shook my head- a chill curling down my spine, as I focused once more on Charlene’s messy hair.
“Aunt Molly!” Charlene’s chirpy voice stirred me from my thoughts, as I snapped my head up.
“Where?” I asked.
“Over there!” she said. “All the way at the end of the street. Look!”
Placing the brush on her lap, I stood, scanning my eyes over the street. I was beginning to think Charlene was seeing things, until a speck of an electric red minivan approached the street, zooming through the garage. The windows were rolled up, as Aunt Molly sped through, parking the car into the cave of the garage.
When she got out of the car, pushing the door closed, I almost ran to hug her, but stopped, when a familiar purple haired, blue eyed girl jumped out of the car seat- slamming the door closed. Her white Minnie Mouse t-shirt, contrasted against bright green shorts, as she tapped a flip flopped shoe against the cement ground. When her eyes met mine, she smiled- her pale face lit with mirth.
“April!” I yelled, running towards her.
“Dory, you son of a gun!”
We ran to each other, embraced in a warm hug- then jumping around like we were teenagers.
“No hugs for me?” asked Aunt Molly, frowning.
Her bright red locks were placed in a loose pony tail, the thick strands resting over her shoulder. The sun streaked over her lavender blouse, as the cotton of her black skirt, waved by her thick knees. Her face glowed, and as I threw my arms around her, giving her a tight hug, I inhaled her strong coconut perfume.
“Wow, aren’t you dolled up,” I told her. “Have a date tonight?”
She glared, giving my arm a slap. I smiled, pretending to be in pain, as she exhaled a sigh.
“That’s none of your business, young lady,” she said. “Now, do you like our surprise? April thought it would be great for you both to go back to New York after the carnival together.”
“Aren’t I the best?” said April, grinning. “But, I have a lot to discuss with you, Dory! You didn’t even tell me you were coming here! You just left. James was really worried—“
Oh, no.
I stared frantically at the ground, trying to come up with an excuse to tell Aunt Molly, before she asked—
“James?” asked Aunt Molly. “Dear, is your head in the clouds? James is here! He came with Dorothy only yesterday—“
“Exactly!” I said. “That’s right. That’s…um…that’s totally right.”
April frowned. “Totally? You only use that word when you’re lying—“
“April, I have to show you my room!” I said, placing my hand over hers. “Come on!”
Aunt Molly looked from me to April, shaking her head as though we were insane.
“You two are weird,” she noted. “Well, let’s head inside then, unless you want to fry under this awful sun.”
“That sounds fun,” said April seriously.
Aunt Molly raised a brow, giving her a pointed look. But April being April, merely smiled- not realizing that my Aunt thought she was a total nut job.
**
I locked the door to my room, pressing my back against the hard wood, as April stood before me, blinking slowly.
“April,” I said. “I have a lot to explain—“
“So do I,” she interjected. “You wouldn’t believe what James said.”
“No, no, just hear me out,” I began. “I know I should have told you this before, but everything was so sudden, and I really, honestly didn’t feel like talking to anybody.”
April clicked her tongue, her purple brows furrowed in annoyance, as she began to pace my room. My eyes followed her steps, as she crossed her pale arms over her chest, looking confused.
“I don’t get it,” she said. “Why did you leave? I swear James kept calling me and calling me, asking weird questions—“
“Wait, just stop right there, before you lose your train of thought!” I said. “April, tell me slowly. When did James say?”
She sighed, wrapping an index over a strand of purple hair, before turning, and walking towards my bed. She sat at the center, crossing her petite legs, her shoulders slumped.
“Well…he said he hurt you,” she began. “He wants to make things right…Oh, Dory you should forgive the guy. He even cried on the phone telling me how bad he feels. I wasn’t going to tell him your house address, but he kept begging for it, and—“
“What?” I snapped. “You told him my house address? Oh, God! April! I can’t even be mad at you ‘cause you don’t even know what he did, but…God! April, how could you tell him my address? I left him for a reason!—“
She shook her head.
“He’s a changed guy!” she said.
I rolled my eyes, groaning. My back slumped against the door, as I stared helplessly at the ceiling.
“The main reason I left, was to get away from him,” I explained. “He…he cheated.”
“I know.”
My eyes bulged.
“You know? How?”
She shrugged. “He told me.”
I gaped at her, my eyes widening- my mouth upturned into a frown. She turned her head to the side, staring at a poster of a 90’s rock band plastered against the wall, her eyes taking on a dreamy look. She appeared so content, so care free, that I wondered whether she had taken her medication in the morning.
And where the hell was Judy, her nurse?
�
��And you’re completely okay with this? He cheated, April. I don’t need you to care, but I also would appreciate that you stop assisting him in whatever he’s planning—“
“Did you know that a baby elephant goes through all its life, making mistakes upon mistakes, but also trying to fix those very mistakes? It’s because the baby elephant cares enough to fix those mistakes…it is this that makes the baby elephant special. Not everyone cares about others. In fact, half of humanity is full of jerks that don’t give a damn about anyone other than themselves. People are selfish. But after I hit James with a bat a few times, he took every hit, begged me to give him your address, just so he can make it up to you. Now it’s up to you to forgive him, or ditch him, but I’d say, hear him out.”
I was silent for a moment, processing her words like a sponge, before stopping on one particular fact.
“Wait...You hit him with a bat?” I exclaimed.
She nodded. “He hurt you, so it was the least I could do.”
I sighed.
April will be April.
Walking towards her, I took the seat beside her, placing my head on her shoulder. We both stared nonchalantly at the wall, lost in the mist of our thoughts.
“I’m so confused,” I confessed.
“It’s alright,” she said. “I’m always confused. And life feels better that way, actually.”
Stretching my arms over my head, I rose from the seat, prepared to introduce April to the rest of the family.
As she followed me to the door, my hand hovered above the knob, almost reaching it, but then stopped. A cool chill fluttered past my neck, Goosebumps reaching down my arms, as I suppressed a shiver.
Something was wrong. I could feel it.
“You okay?” asked April. “You look like you’re having a premonition or something.”
“Um…just give me a sec,” I said.
Without another word, I turned, searching my room. I looked under the bed, inside the drawer, under the pillows, and even outside my window.
“What are you looking for?” April asked, leaning against the wall beside the door.
I opened my vanity drawer, shuffling my hands through the clothes from my high school years- my eyes scanning desperately for something.