by Tara Ahmed
“I-I don’t know,” I sighed. “I just feel like there’s something I need to find. Or something’s missing, or I forgot something. I don’t know, I’m just certain there’s something in this room. I can feel it—“
“Women’s intuition?” she asked.
“Maybe.”
While I jogged towards my closet, sliding it open, I heard the sounds of small feet shuffling towards my bed.
“A letter,” said April.
My heart pulsed rapidly, as I turned, gaping at her. She stared blankly at me, before passing me the letter, and in a heap, I grabbed it. My fingers must have gripped the paper too hard, for the edge tore, as I furiously unfolded it, reading the contents.
I glanced at April, who placed her hand on my shoulder, giving it a gentle tap. Her powder blue eyes stared warmly at me, telling me to read the letter, and that no matter what it said, everything would be alright.
But nothing felt alright.
Returning my eyes to the letter, I slowly read- my eyes sliding from each line, soaking in Richard’s goodbye.
Dorothy,
Your home is the warmest place I’ve ever been. Honestly, I didn’t want to leave.
Give your family my sincerest apologies, and tell the truth about James. They deserve to know. Thank you for listening to me…for hearing me out. I can’t begin to tell you how much that means to me. Perhaps we’ll meet again one day, and if we do, I hope you can forgive me.
Had we met in another life, I wouldn’t let you go.
As for now, I’ll be where the ocean meets the sky.
Yours truly,
Richard.
A piece of my heart, ached, as I clenched the letter against my chest, feeling my eyes glaze. April stood beside me, sending me a comforting smile, as I folded the letter, placing it carefully within the drawer by my bed.
“You can tell me later, or not at all,” April said. “Just don’t look so sad, or else it makes me sad, and we both know how crazy I get when I’m sad.”
I choked out a quiet laugh, shaking my head.
As we walked towards the door, I yelped, watching it swing open. Charlene stood before the open door, her eyes shining with excitement. Two pigtails rested over her small shoulders, hanging against her mint green t-shirt. Her bare toes wiggled against the soft carpet, as she hopped up and down, clapping her hands like an enthusiastic seal.
“You won’t believe it,” she exclaimed. “Mr. James brought us a limo! And he’s calling for you to come out, or else he said he’s going to carry you out!”
I frowned, my mind recalling the letter I had just read.
Richard?
But…he was gone. Wasn’t he?
Chapter Twenty Four
My bare feet clenched against the soft woolen carpet- the beats of my heart beginning to thunder within my chest, as I gaped at Charlene. Her emerald eyes held a cheerful glow, as her thin lips spread into an eager smile.
“Come on!” she urged, rushing towards me.
I took a step back, almost tripping, as Charlene’s small palm curled over my wrist, dragging me out of the room. I glanced nervously at April, who gave me a comforting nod, as she walked out of the room, down the narrow hallway. April strode slowly, her narrow hips slightly swaying, as the lavender of her pony tail, swung like a pendulum. I gaped at her back, wanting her to say something, anything, to stop me from seeing the man that had ripped my heart out. I wasn’t ready to see him.
At least, I thought I wasn’t.
“Charlene, wait,” I said. “Are you sure Rich…I mean, James is downstairs? In a car, you said?—“
“No, not a car, silly. A limo. A great, white, limo!” she exclaimed. “Quit asking questions and just come with me!”
But I didn’t want to go with her. I didn’t want to go anywhere that meant seeing him again. But then, there was a small part, resting deep within the pits of my soul that was curious to see what he had to say.
“Dory.” April’s voice startled my musings, as I shook, flipping my head towards her.
She stood by the stairs at the end of the hall, staring passively at me, though from the worry glazed over her ocean blue eyes, I could almost read what she was thinking.
Don’t be a coward, she said. Confront him.
“You’re right.” My voice escaped in a whisper as I stared from Charlene to April, exhaling a sharp breath.
“Huh?” asked Charlene. “What’s right? Who’s right? What are you saying?”
She blinked her large almond eyes at me, tilting her head- confused. Her fingers fiddled over the ends of her braid, as she placed another hand on her hip- her mint green top appearing vibrant against the light of the room.
“It’s nothing,” I muttered. “Let’s go downstairs…I think Mr. James and I need to have a little talk.”
Charlene beamed, her small lips widening to a happy smile, as she tugged me by the wrist out of the room, and down the hall. While we trudged down the steps, I could feel the blood in my veins begin to simmer, as James’s mischievous eyes fogged over my mind.
As we descended the stairs, my thoughts wandered on the idea that James was always used to being the hero of his story. In his world of glamor, he’d always been the main lead, defeating all odds to get the Cinderella like girl. Unfortunately for him, I was no Cinderella, whose kindness could forgive even the coldest of hearts.
While Charlene, April, and I, walked through the living room, heading towards the front door, a simple thought occurred to me. In the few seconds before my warm hand curled over the knob, my mind sped a mile a minute. In the millisecond before I opened the door, allowing the sunshine to splash over my cheeks- I came to the conclusion that James Bellevue was a cruel, heartless, selfish, spoiled brat, who didn’t deserve anybody.
And he sure as hell didn’t deserve me.
**
Charlene was wrong, for James didn’t appear in a great white limo. No, that would be an understatement.
I stood on the steps before my door- the humid wind whisking past my neck, my eyes roaming over the beast of a limo that James leaned against. The sun soaked against the white coat of the car, giving it a milky shine, as the large, silver rims, glimmered against the pavement, putting my bland suburban street to shame.
My gaze stopped on James, who stood against the door of the limo, his arms crossed over his chest- wrinkling his smooth white polo shirt. His long legs were draped in pale brown board shorts, as he tapped a foot against the ground- impatient. While I pursed my lips, unsure of whether or not I had anything to say to him- he ran a tanned hand over the thick main of his locks, pushing the tresses back.
“You’re not going to stare at him all day are you?” Charlene complained. “He’s been here for a long while, but this is the first time I’ve seen you look at him like that. Dory? Are you even listening to me? Go to him! Tell him I want to ride front seat in the limo!—“
“Charlene, Dory’s got a headache,” I heard April whisper. “Let’s let them have some time alone okay?—“
“But!”
“No buts! Now, come on! I have some cool magic tricks to show you, and believe me- they’re a lot more interesting than that lame limo. I bet the inside smells like sardines anyway.”
Charlene objected, as April dragged her inside by the wrist, before giving my shoulder a light squeeze. The door swung shut as they entered inside, leaving me alone, with him.
When our eyes met, his back straightened against the car, as he nervously stuffed both hands within the pockets of his shorts, before pulling them out, as though unsure where to place them. He opened his mouth to speak, as if ready to spill out an explanation, but then, his eyes fell to the ground, his words seeming to disappear altogether. James appeared to be lost in thought, chewing the edge of his lip in a way that was quite unlike him, because for the first time since I’d met him, he looked confused.
Lifting his golden eyed gaze towards me once more, I could almost feel his apprehension radiate through the silver fen
ce and ten feet of distance that separated us.
As I contemplated James’s peculiar behavior, he took the first step towards me- just one, small step, staring nervously me. The sunlight splashed over his face- casting a light over his eyes, which I couldn’t quite read.
I couldn’t move either. I couldn’t do anything, but stand there, gaping at him like a fool. I had so much to say to him, so much to ask, yet all I could do, was gawk at him, my throat suddenly feeling dry. There was a slow pounding in my heart, as my mind recalled that woman I’d found him in bed with. The woman who had proved to me what a fool I was for falling for a womanizing jerk who could only ever love himself.
But then, like an echo in a silent cave, James’s voice boomed through my disordered thoughts, forcing me to listen.
“Hey,” he began. “It’s…it’s been…a while.”
My eyes stung, but I held back the tears with every ounce of my strength.
I will not cry. I must not cry.
“Two days,” I said. “It’s been two days.”
He smiled. “Feels a lot longer, I guess.”
His legs fiddled against the pavement, shuffling over the grey patchy ground- his hands dropping to his side. A faint blush rested against the apples of his cheeks, as he stuffed one hand within his right pocket, staring at me with a kind of hope riddled over his eyes.
He was tense- that was for sure.
I took careful steps down the three cemented stairs, walking with an edge towards him. His back straightened, as he gulped, watching me approach him with an antagonistic stride.
I could feel his apprehension- the blood in my veins, boiling. Upon reaching the short metal gate, I pulled it open, taking sharp steps towards him. The wind blew back my pony tail, though an annoying strand blew over my nose, flapping over the tip like a bird’s broken wing.
I stared up at him- my eyes narrowed.
“I didn’t expect you here,” I said.
His lips curled to a small smile, as he took a step towards me, breaking into my personal space. I glanced at his feet, then back at him, my eyes tracing over his face, before taking a careful step back.
“Well, here I am,” he replied.
There was a two second pause, as he cleared his throat, his lips extending to a smile. I glanced at his mouth for a moment, to which he raised a brow, making my cheeks flame in that way of his. Meeting his gaze once more, I stared blankly at him.
“Man, I swear I memorized everything I was going to say to you.” His voice was light, as though trying to break the frozen lake of ice that rested like a wall between us. “But now…now I’m here, right in front of you, and all those words I’d been practicing to say, just drowned somewhere. Geez, I’m such a dumbass…I keep losing my damn train of thought. I mean…just look at you. You’re beautiful.”
I pursed my lips, my eyes rolling.
“And you’re full of crap,” I snapped. “Look, I don’t need your flattery, alright. I need you to leave. What? Did you think I’d run into your arms like some brainless doll, excited that you came all the way here just for me? Well, guess what. I don’t feel anything for you. And, it’s kind of a long story, but I need you to go before someone sees you—“
His hands cupped my cheeks, lifting my face up to meet his. I gasped at his touch, my skin burning, and my eyes widening. My voice drowned in my throat, as he stared at me with tears brimmed over his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “But I can explain. Just please, give me a chance to explain. Please…one chance. That’s all I’m asking for.”
His hands were cool against my flesh, and for a moment, I leaned against his touch, for I didn’t realize how much I’d missed the tingling of his warm skin against mine. I inhaled his musky lavender scent that could only belong to him- my pulse racing as he wrapped both arms around me.
Wait. What the hell was I doing?
Snapping my eyes open- I gasped, taking a step back and shaking out of his touch. He looked taken aback, almost hurt, as he tried to approach me once again.
“Not a step closer!” I warned. “Stay back. And don’t touch me! I don’t need any explanation from you. Just go! I don’t want anything to do with you. Not now and not ever.”
James’s jaw ticked, as he rubbed both hands over his face, grunting in frustration. Placing his hands by the sides of his shorts, he shot me an exasperated look, before turning, and heading towards the car.
I felt almost relieved, but confused as well. Was he just leaving like that, without giving that explanation he was begging to give? No, that wasn’t like him. But then again, why did I care?
I shook my head, biting the corner of my lip, watching as he reached the door to the limo.
“Well, guess this is the official goodbye,” I whispered.
I turned, feeling an aching in my chest- my eyes focused on the silver fence a few feet ahead. My eyes glazed, as I reached the fence, my palm curled over the small handle.
But the strumming of a bass guitar stopped me in place- my ears perked on the unfamiliar tune streaming from behind my back.
All I could think, as the strings of the guitar grew louder, was, ‘this can’t be happening.’
“Dorothy. Wait. Don’t turn until I say so alright?” His voice was soft, as the slow melody from the guitar strummed on.
“I don’t have to listen to you,” I replied. “I don’t know what you’re doing, and I really don’t care—“
“Alright, alright, I get it,” he said. “I have no right to tell you anything, I understand all that. But please, I’m on my hands and knees. Just give me a few minutes. Please?”
I sighed, crossing my arms over my chest, deciding to give him those precious minutes. As he requested, I didn’t turn, though I did hear some strange noises.
The sound of shuffling escaped out of the car, as muffled voices spoke in hushed whispers.
“Damn it, Alec!” James swore. “Watch the equipment!”
“Man, chillax. It’s all good,” said Alec.
“It’s not all good,” James snapped. “Do your damn job, alright? Now, on three. You ready, Jose?”
“I’m all set,” replied Jose.
I could feel James’s glare towards this Alec person, as my ears perked on other sounds. There seemed to be two men with him, carrying some type of instrument, as though setting up a band or something.
I bit my tongue, feeling a bit confused, for James was not the type of person to woo anybody with a song. Much less prepare a band in two days, fly them over to suburban Ohio, just to try to win me over.
I had two options. Leave now, humiliating him in front of his ‘band’, just like he’d humiliated me that day I’d found him in bed with another. I could have embarrassed him, telling him he was wasting his time, and that I had no interest in listening to his stupid song. It was the perfect moment to get my revenge on him. To make him feel almost as bad as I felt that day he’d betrayed me.
But I couldn’t. I supposed, doing any of those things, would make me just as horrible as him. So instead, I stood there, my back facing him, as I waited for whatever he was preparing. I thought, I’d hear out his cheesy song, and then, tell him a final goodbye. That sounded fair.
“Alright,” said James. “Everyone ready?”
“Ready!” A chorus of voices emerged through the silence of my neighborhood.
But, that was impossible. I was sure I’d heard only two guys. But from the unanimous chant, it sounded more like two hundred were behind me instead.
“Should we tell her to turn?” James asked, his voice booming through a mike.
“Yes!” they chanted.
My heart thundered within my chest- goose bumps crawling up my bare arms, as I curled a hand over my middle, feeling the soft cotton of my t-shirt press against my queasy stomach.
My words were caught in my throat, as I turned, my eyes widening at the crowd of people. Hundreds of people dressed in pale blue marching band attire, stood in a circle around the limo, layered
like a stalk of dominos behind each other, smiling brightly at me.
What the freaking hell.
I could only gape, my eyes tracing over the drums in their hands, and the dull, transparent look in their eyes. Some looked happy to be there, smiling widely at me as though they knew me. But others held a strict, passive stare, gazing at me with their chins up and shoulders back.
James stood at the center, standing in front of the limo, a sleek electric blue guitar held in his arms. Two men stood on either side of him, one dressed in a grey, tattered t-shirt with a few holes in them. The man’s wild blond locks were held in a ponytail at the nape of his neck, as he strummed a beat along with James. The other man, on James’s right, was a head shorter than him, holding an acoustic brown guitar, his olive skin appearing tanner under the sun. I pressed a hand against my chest, feeling my pulse begin to pound, as James took a step towards the mike before him, shooting me a nervous grin.
“This isn’t happening,” I whispered, staring wide-eyed at James. “Oh, God, please let this be a nightmare. It’s alright Dorothy, you’re most likely dreaming. Now…wake up! Wake up damnit!”
I clenched my hands by my sides, closing my eyes, and hoping that in any moment, I’d wake. Everything, every moment I’d spent with James and Richard, would be nothing but a fabrication of my mind- an illusion.
But as the chorus of drums began to start, piercing through my ears, my eyes slowly fluttered open.
“Dorothy.” James’s voice boomed over the mike- his gaze sharp, as he stared at me with a kind of desperate longing. “This one’s for you.”
Only a day ago, I’d sworn that if I ever did see James again, I’d pretend as if I never met him. I’d say hello, in the politest way possible, with a curt nod, and bland gaze, leaving him standing there wondering what the hell was wrong. I wanted him to know that even if he somehow managed to pluck every star in space, placing it by my soles of my feet; I’d still kick those stars away, turn, and make my rightful exit. I wouldn’t give him the time of day to get me back, no matter what he tried.
Yet, here he was, standing before me, with a marching band, and two tired looking musicians who looked like they hadn’t had a gig in ages.