Small Packages

by J. A. Armstrong

  Davey giggled a bit through his tears. Brooke’s mother had made more trips to Massachusetts since Brooke and Tess had gotten together than she had in all the years Brooke had lived there. Rebecca Campbell adored her daughter’s girlfriend. Brooke never questioned her mother’s sincerity in her consideration of Tess’s children as her grandchildren. Rebecca delighted in spending time with the twins, together or one on one. And, Davey and Dani had grown to love Brooke’s mother as well. No one who saw them together could have denied that. Rebecca spoiled the twins. At first, Brooke feared that Tess might resent her mother’s fawning, or see it as over the top. Tess seemed to welcome it. One day with Tess’s parents shed a good deal of light on Tess’s reaction to Brooke’s mother’s attention.

  “Grammy would probably spank you if she could,” Davey laughed a bit harder. Brooke rolled her eyes. “She wouldn’t make you that ice cream pie you like anymore,” Davey said with a small grin.

  “Mm. You like that pie too,” Brooke reminded him. Davey shrugged and smiled. “So, I guess in the interest of ice cream pie and my behind, I had better stick around then, huh?” she said.

  Davey nodded. “Brooke?”

  “Yeah, D.?”

  “Can we go home?” he asked.

  Brooke sighed. She shook her head. “No, D. We can’t.”

  Davey frowned. “She should be nicer,” he mumbled. “Is Mom mad?”

  Brooke smiled. “Mom’s okay,” she said. “Why don’t you come into our room and we’ll have a powwow.”

  “Indians have powwows,” he laughed.

  “So?”

  “We’re not Indians,” he said.

  “Actually, D., my great grandma was Cherokee. So, I am part Native American, or Indian as you put it.”

  “Really?” Davey asked. Brooke nodded. “Can you build a teepee?”

  Brooke laughed. “I can’t say I ever have.”

  “Can we try when we get home?”

  “That depends,” she said. Davey looked at her to continue. “Are you going to attempt to use any part of it to construct an airplane, ramp, or….”

  “No!” he interrupted her. “I promise,” he crossed his heart.

  Brooke pursed her lips in thought. “I’ll think about it.”

  “I still wish we could go home,” he said.

  Brooke just smiled. “In a couple of days, D.”

  ***

  Brooke watched Tess carefully throughout the day. Dani and Davey seemed to have had their fears eased. Brooke admired the resilience of children. She and Tess had spent more than an hour reassuring the pair that Brooke was not going anywhere. Eventually, both the D.’s succumbed to exhaustion and slept. Brooke had woken several times and glanced over at Tess. She was sure that sleep had not come to her girlfriend. Tess was rattled. Tess was hurt. Tess was angry. Brooke felt a sense of all of those emotions, but she pushed them down. Tess needed her to remain calm and supportive. Remaining calm was not Brooke’s natural inclination. It was a skill she had learned, a tool she had learned to implement in the face of crisis. It was a necessity in her profession. At times, she loathed the emotional distance that she had to employ. There would be a time for her to let her emotions flow, now was simply not that time. Unknowingly, a small sigh escaped her.

  “Something is bothering Tess,” Chris Sinclair guessed. He too could read his daughter’s mannerisms.

  Brooke shifted uncomfortably on the living room sofa. She could see Tess instructing the twins in the distance while Tess’s mother looked on. She attempted to offer Tess’s father a smile, but she was fairly certain it looked at least as insincere as it felt.

  “You don’t have to tell me,” he continued. “I imagine Mary said something that upset her,” he said with a small sigh of his own.

  Brooke nodded. It wasn’t her place, or at least she didn’t feel it was her place to discuss what had transpired with Davey and Dani earlier that morning. This was Tess’s territory and Brooke wanted to respect that. She glanced in Tess’s direction and witnessed the slight slump in Tess’s posture. Tess was many things, and Brooke had seen her girlfriend display a myriad of emotions and reactions over the last six months. She had never seen Tess appear defeated. Looking at the woman she loved now, her heart broke slightly. She took a deep breath and turned to Tess’s father.

  “The kids were upset this morning,” she told him. Chris Sinclair looked genuinely surprised at her comment. Brooke sighed deeply. “They overheard Mary telling you that I would eventually leave them,” Brooke explained.

  Chris hung his head and shook it sadly. “I’m sorry,” he said. He looked back at Brooke. “She worries. Sometimes that comes out all wrong,” he acknowledged.

  Brooke took a moment to gather her thoughts before she continued. She spoke without reservation, surprising herself with the strength of her words. “I understand—I think,” she began. “When I walked into D.’s room this morning and he looked up at me,” Brooke paused, closed her eyes for a second and stilled the emotions that the recollection evoked. She turned and looked directly at Tess’s father. “They are not my children,” she said flatly. She saw Chris’s face tense slightly. “I understand that too. I missed eight years of their lives. Tess is their mother. She’s an incredible mother,” Brooke said proudly. Chris’s father’s lips twitched with the hint of a smile. Brooke went on. “Tess calls the shots where Dani and David are concerned. That doesn’t mean that I am willing to stand by and watch anyone hurt them, not if I can help it.”

  “You love them,” he observed honestly.

  Brooke nodded. “Yes, I do.”

  Chris took in a deep breath and released it slowly. “It nearly broke them all,” he muttered. “When Jackie left them.”

  Brooke remained silent for another moment. Tess had openly discussed and shared her experience with Jackie, both the happy times and the demise of the relationship. She understood the toll that it had taken on Tess and her children. Brooke also knew that life did not come with guarantees. Things happened. She saw it each day in her work. Lives came into the world and lives exited it. All of life was that way. She couldn’t promise that nothing would ever come between her and Tess. She could promise that she would exhaust every option at her disposal to keep them together. She could say with assuredness that she did not want to imagine her life without Tess, Davey, and Dani in it.

  “I’m not perfect,” she said. “I’m not Jackie either,” Brooke said pointedly.

  Chris chuckled. “I can see that.”

  “The truth is that Tess loves you and Mary. I’m not the one who needs your trust and approval—she is. Things happen. Tess would never let those kids suffer in any way that she could prevent. She’d give up whatever she had to if it meant keeping those two safe and happy. Even me. She already gave up a great deal. Though, she doesn’t see it that way,” Brooke said.

  “Yes, she did,” Tess’s father agreed. “Look, Brooke…”

  Brooke held up her hand. “You don’t need to explain anything to me,” she said. “Just understand—understand that I want her to have everything she can. I want that for the kids too.”

  Chris nodded. “Can I give you just one piece of advice?” he asked gently. Brooke nodded. Chris smiled at her. “Tess worked hard for everything she does have, Brooke,” he said. Brooke was puzzled and he chuckled. “She’ll want to give you everything. That’s how she is, always has been.”

  “She already has,” Brooke said.

  Chris didn’t doubt the sincerity of Brooke’s statement. Brooke’s desire to take care of Tess was evident. That reassured him of her commitment, but it also concerned him. Tess was fiercely independent, more so that some people might have imagined. She had to be.

  “I was not as supportive as I should have been,” he said. Brooke waited for him to clarify his words. “When she found out she was pregnant,” he said. “I thought maybe it would be best if…”

  “If she didn’t go through with it,” Brooke finished his thought. “I know. She told me.�
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  He looked at Brooke regretfully. “I just wanted the best for her. I should have trusted that she knew what that was better than me.”

  Brooke smiled genuinely. She could tell that Tess’s father’s words were both an endorsement of his daughter’s decisions and of Tess and Brooke’s relationship. She reached over and touched his hand. “She knows you support her, but it wouldn’t hurt to tell her what you just told me,” Brooke suggested.

  Chris nodded. “You know,” he began. “Mary will come around. She always wanted another doctor in the family,” he joked.

  Brooke rolled her eyes. “I’ve heard. Not sure I am what she envisioned.”

  Chris shrugged. “Probably not,” he admitted. “But, at least from where I am sitting, I’ll bet you are a whole lot better looking.”

  Brooke broke out into laughter. “I might not say that too loudly.”

  Chris shrugged again. “I guess my daughter takes after me for her taste in beautiful women. Mary should be thankful,” he winked. Brooke laughed harder. She laughed so loudly that Tess peered into the room.

  “I am almost positive, I do not want to know,” Tess commented from the doorway.

  Brooke tried to answer with a straight face. “Just discovering your dad’s secrets.”

  Tess shook her head. “Just watch out how many of yours he uncovers without you knowing,” she warned Brooke before heading back the way she came. Brooke noticed the curl of Tess’s lips. Laughter between Brooke and her father had lightened Tess’s spirits. That brought Brooke a small sense of peace.

  Brooke pursed her lips in thought and turned back to Tess’s father. “Thanks,” she told Tess’s father.

  “For?” he wondered.

  “She needed that. So did I,” Brooke confessed.

  Chris nodded his understanding. “Give it time,” he told Brooke. “Even Mary can’t ignore a beautiful woman forever.”

  Brooke’s face went pale and Chris began laughing. She shook her head at him. “I hope she never hears you say that,” Brooke laughed, receiving a wink of encouragement from Tess’s father.

  ***

  “What in heaven’s name is going on in there?” Mary asked Tess.

  Tess chuckled. “I’m not sure, actually. Either Dad is entertaining Brooke or Brooke is entertaining Dad.”

  Mary grumbled slightly. She moved to put some dishes in the dishwasher and nearly tripped over Davey, who was behind her. She looked down at her grandson and smiled. “Why don’t you and Dani go see what Grandpa is up to in there? Tell him if he wants any pie later, he’ll behave himself.”

  Davey giggled and grabbed Dani. “Come on. You know Grandpa will be grumpy if Grandma hides his pie,” he said as he pulled his sister to follow him.

  Mary closed the dishwasher, turned slowly and faced Tess. “Your father mentioned that you are looking for a new house,” she commented.

  Tess sighed. “Actually, Brooke has been looking for a house for a while.”

  “I see.”

  Tess flinched. “Don’t start,” she warned her mother. “Not today.”

  “What did I say? I just asked you a simple question,” Mary replied.

  “No, you asked a question that was laden with accusation,” Tess corrected her.

  “Why are you so defensive?” Mary asked.

  “I’m not defensive,” Tess answered.

  Mary folded her arms across her chest and looked at Tess skeptically. Tess titled her head, closed her eyes and made a futile attempt at quelling her anger. She had hoped to keep the peace as much as possible for the remainder of the visit. In truth, she wanted to leave as soon as daylight had broken. Tess let out a frustrated sigh. When she opened her eyes, the intensity of her gaze pinned her mother in place.

  “Enough,” Tess said firmly.

  “Tess…”

  Tess held up a finger. “No. It’s bad enough that I have to feel so much stress coming home. The least you can do is keep your opinions to yourself until I leave.”

  “I hardly think…”

  “No, you don’t think,” Tess agreed. “That’s the problem. You claim you are concerned about the kids—about me. If that were true, you would learn to control your tongue,” Tess shot.

  Mary was growing angry. Tess had never spoken so harshly to her mother. “I raised you to show respect…”

  “Respect?” Tess raised her voice. “Don’t. I am not a child, Mom. In fact, I have two children of my own that I am raising. They are the most important thing in my life. When they wind up in my bed, in tears, fearful of something you planted in their minds, that shows me just how little respect you have for me.”

  “I haven’t said a word to Davey or Dani about your life,” Mary said harshly.

  “Directly? No. They are eight, Mom. They understand more than you seem to think. They also have ears. You don’t seem too concerned with what they might overhear. If you want to voice your opinions about my relationship with Brooke, that is your right. I would ask you not to do it when we are here.”

  “I hardly think my concern—that trying to protect my family is wrong,” Mary countered.

  Tess shook her head. “Then understand that is what I have to do as well—protect my family. That means Davey and Dani, and that includes Brooke.”

  “Six months, Tess. Brooke is lovely, but be honest with yourself. You are the one who is standing here telling me that she is looking for a house. I don’t hear a we in that statement.”

  “Brooke has included me in that decision at every turn.”

  “I see. So, she wants you to live there then?” Mary asked pointedly.

  Tess sighed. “Yes,” she said.

  “You don’t want that?”

  Tess sighed again. “It’s not that.”

  “I see,” Mary said caustically.

  “No, you don’t see. Like it or not, this is my life, Mom. Either you can accept that or we have nothing left to discuss. I’m not on trial and neither is Brooke.”

  “One day, Tess, those kids will be adults. You seem to think that somehow that changes your role as a parent…”

  “It will,” Tess interrupted her mother. “But, right now, they are not adults. Right now, it is my job to protect them,” Tess said. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Davey overheard you last night.”

  “Overheard me?”

  “Telling Dad that it was only a matter of time before Brooke left him,” Tess explained.

  Mary closed her eyes regretfully. “He was not meant to hear that.”

  “I know,” Tess said. “That isn’t really the point,” she continued. “There aren’t any guarantees in life, Mom. You of all people should know that. Things change sometimes, people leave us. That isn't always their choice or ours,” Tess reminded her mother.

  Mary’s eyes flew open. “This is not about your brother.”

  Tess shook her head sadly. “Yes. I think it is,” she said softly.

  “This has nothing to do with David.”

  Tess smiled weakly. For the first time in her life she felt she was seeing her mother clearly. Her anger abated slightly and began to be replaced with a deep sense of loss. Fear ruled her mother’s life. Some of that fear, Tess was starting to understand, had found its way into Tess’s life—into Tess’s thinking. She crossed the kitchen to her mother and placed her arms on her mother’s shoulders.

  “You can’t protect any of us from loss, Mom. You just can’t. I wish you could. I wish I could. I can’t live my life alone because I am afraid someone might leave,” Tess said. She placed a kiss on her mother’s cheek and pulled back.

  “I don’t want to see any of you hurt that way again,” Mary said.

  “I know. You can’t keep throwing stones in my path,” Tess said. “I love Brooke.”

  Mary looked at Tess and nodded. “I don’t understand.”

  “I know. That’s why I think it is best if we cut this visit short.”

  “Tess…”

  Tess shook her head sadly. “This is
not good for any of us. It’s not good for me. I won’t subject Brooke to it. I won’t let your doubt feed Davey and Dani’s fears. They trust Brooke. You need to respect that. You need to respect me. Until you can, I can’t be here. We can’t be here,” Tess said. She turned from her mother before Mary could answer and left the room.

  Brooke looked up to see Tess offering her a sad smile in the distance. Instinctively, she understood her girlfriend’s plea and nodded her head. “Chris, would you excuse me for a….”

  Chris caught sight of Tess in the distance and closed his eyes in resignation. “Go on,” he told Brooke. “I’ll entertain the hellions.”

  Brooke offered Tess’s father a lopsided grin of understanding and made her way to Tess. “Hey.”

  “I hate to ask you to do this, but…”

  “You want to leave early,” Brooke guessed. Tess nodded. Brooke kissed Tess’s forehead. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked Tess.

  “Not now,” Tess replied. “I hate to ask you. I don’t know what it’s going to cost to…”

  Brooke smiled. “Stop. I’ll take care of it. And, Tess, there isn’t anything you couldn’t ask me for.”

  “I know,” Tess said. I do know.

  Chapter Four

  “Hey, come look at this,” Brooke beckoned Tess over to her.

  “What am I looking at?” Tess asked.

  Brooke pointed to the screen of her laptop. “Look,” she said excitedly. Brooke pointed to the picture on the screen. “It’s perfect, Tess. It’s even in the same school district.” Tess’s forced smile caused Brooke’s excitement to wither. “What’s wrong? You don’t like it?”

  Tess shook her head. “It looks great,” she admitted.

  “But?”

  “No, but,” Tess said.

  Brooke nodded. “Would you like to go see it?”

  Tess smiled. She could see the hopefulness in Brooke’s eyes. “When do you want to go?”

  “There’s an open house tomorrow afternoon and then one on Sunday. Would tomorrow right after work be okay for you?” Brooke asked.