Little Gray Dress

by Aimee Brown

  “He left town, without even telling me.”

  “What?” she asks, obviously confused by me starting a conversation in the middle. You’d think she’d be used to me by now, but I’m still able to surprise her with my over-thinking.

  “Yeah… I went through all the work of picking up all of our favorite foods to surprise him for dinner at work, and when I get here Rachel has to tell me he went out of town with Andy – this morning.”

  “And you’re sure he didn’t tell you?”

  “Yeah. I haven’t talked to him in like three days; when would he have told me?”

  “That is weird.”

  “Do you think he’s cheating on me?”

  “No…” Her hesitation doesn’t match her answer.

  “Great. Now what?”

  “Let’s go to his apartment and see what else he hasn’t told you.”

  “I don’t have a key, Lil.”

  “So? That’s a minor, workable detail.” She laughs. “We’ll just tell the super that you left your medication in there and you have to get it back before Jack gets home from his business trip.”

  “That could work.”

  This is not the right thing to do.

  “I’ll meet you there in ten.” I hit the End call button.

  It might not be the right thing to do but I’m doing it. What can it hurt? If he doesn’t want to talk to me, I’ll figure out why on my own.

  The super was more than easy and let me into Jack’s apartment with no questions asked. Apparently, I’m on the list of accepted people in his life so he didn’t even stay to make sure I got what I needed and left.

  “Now, what?” I glance at Lily who is already going through drawers in the kitchen.

  “Start looking for things.” She’s obviously done this before.

  “What am I looking for?”

  “Proof that he’s not always at work. Women’s underwear, condom wrappers.”

  “Ew…” It’s at moments like these I question my friendship with Lily, but also thank the Lord above that I have her.

  “Well… it’s what men do, Ems.”

  “I hope it’s not what Jack does…” I walk into his bedroom. Everything is perfectly clean, the bed made, no dirty clothes and the curtains closed. I glance through a couple of drawers but he’s so anal about everything there’s no reason to even dig: the shirt drawer has shirts, the sock drawer has socks, yadda, yadda, yadda. Nothing exciting anywhere.

  “Find anything?”

  “No… you?”

  “This.” She holds up a bright purple bra.

  “That’s mine.” I grab it from her just as the front door clicks open. “Oh my God,” I whisper at her, hoping to God it’s just the super checking on us.

  “Hello?” Jack’s voice comes booming through the apartment.

  “I left my purse out there,” Lily whispers, running to my side.

  “Emi?” He walks down the hallway, our eyes momentarily meeting before his gaze moves to the bra hanging from my fingers. “What—” He looks around the room, spotting Lily cowering behind me. “What are you doing here? How did you get in?”

  “Jack… I… uh… wanted to surprise you, with dinner, so I went to your office but Rachel said you were here.”

  “So then, why is Lily hiding behind you?” he asks, with no emotion on his face.

  “We couldn’t find you so we thought we’d check in here. We just got here.”

  “And how did you get in?” He’s being really hard to read right now.

  “The super let me in.” I watch Jack’s brow furrow and his lips pinch together.

  “I’m just going to wait for you in the car.” Lily runs past us and is out of the front door before I can object.

  “If you thought I was here, why did you get the super?” He grabs a picture frame still in my hand and sets it back on the dresser where it belongs. “I’m confused. And where is this dinner?”

  There is no way I can continue to lie my way through this. “I must’ve been so excited to see you I left dinner in the car, I got our favorite, though. Past—” But I am obviously going to try the lying. At this point what else have I got to lose?

  “Ems, Rachel called me a few minutes ago to tell me you were upset I didn’t tell you I was going out of town.”

  “Oh.”

  “I was going to call you after I got back, but… here you are, sneaking around my apartment. Why are you really here?”

  Of course, he sees right through my lies. As he should, it’s not like we’ve been dating for just a couple of weeks. It’s been a couple of years.

  “I don’t know, Jack… You act like I’m at the bottom of your list lately, so I wanted to find out what you’re really up to. Why you don’t treat me like you used to.”

  “So, you snuck into my apartment to – what? Look for another woman?”

  “NO.”

  Jack frowns at me.

  “Fine, yes. That’s exactly what I was doing.”

  “The dinner story was a lie?”

  “Yes… no! I have dinner, and dessert, but I didn’t think you were here so I just came up to see if you were with—” I pause momentarily, knowing if I say it out loud I’m going to sound like a complete pathetic jealous girlfriend.

  “You just came up here to see if I was with someone else. Got it. It’s nice to know after two years of dating that you don’t trust me at all.”

  “I do trust you! But you never talk to me anymore.”

  “I’m busy, Ems, trying to make partner at the firm. We’ve talked about this. I’m basically at Andy’s disposal until he decides I’ve earned this. Why can’t you understand this?”

  “Because I don’t know why it means I’m last in your life,” I whine. “It’s not fair.”

  “It’s also not fair you’re digging around my apartment, is it?” I watch Jack roll his eyes at the bra I’m still holding and walk past me to sit on the edge of his bed. “Listen, I think maybe we should take a break until I’ve done some thinking.”

  “What do you mean, a break?” My voice cracks as I ask it, knowing exactly what he means.

  “Like, no more Jack and Emi until I’ve made partner and figured some things out. Clearly this is stressing you out, and I can’t worry about what you’re up to next when I already have so much on my plate.”

  “You’re breaking up with me?” I squeal, flipping the bra in his direction.

  “I think it’s for the best right now.” He picks the bra up off the floor and hands it back to me.

  “You are such an ass! There is someone else isn’t there?” I yell, but he’s already directing me towards the front door.

  “Emi, just stop.”

  “I can’t believe you would do this!”

  “I could say the same.” The front door is open and he’s willing me out of the door. “I’ll call you, I promise. I just need some time. That’s all.”

  “Fuck you! Don’t call me, EVER!” I grab the doorknob and slam the door shut behind me, forcing myself not to allow the tears to take over until I’m safely down in front of the building. Lily at my side.

  “Ems, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think he was in town, had I know I’d have—”

  “He dumped me! He said he couldn’t worry about what I might be up to next while he’s got so much on his plate at work.”

  “He what?!” Lily is as mad as I am.

  “Yeah.” A single tear rolls down my cheek before I wipe it away. “I’m going home”

  “Do you want me to come with you?”

  “No.” Before she can object I’m in my car, doors locked waving, hoping she’ll get the BFF ESP that I’ll be fine, eventually.

  “Emi, I know you’re home, your mom let me in, please open the door.” Jack’s voice wakes me. I glance around and realize I’m still in the clothes I was wearing yesterday, food cartons are lying across my bed, and the bottle of wine on my nightstand is empty. “Ems.” I crack the door open for him and disappear into my bathroom. “Whoa�
� What happened in here?”

  “I ate our dinner last night,” I say, reluctantly walking back into my room, “after you broke up with me.”

  “All of it?” He lifts the half-eaten cake from the box, his eyes wide with surprise.

  “Almost.”

  “Ems, listen…” He sighs and walks towards me but I back away from him. “I didn’t sleep at all last night.”

  “Good,” I spit at him, with as much hate as I can muster at nine in the morning without coffee.

  “You breaking into my apartment wasn’t exactly the right thing to do, but I can kind of see why you did it.”

  “You can?”

  “Yes. You’re right, I’ve been putting you at the bottom of my list and that’s not fair. I’m sorry for that. I do need you to understand, though, that this is a critical time in my career and I need you to be patient with me.”

  “Well… You dumped me, so I guess you don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

  His deep sigh, frown, and hand through his hair make my heart pitter-patter in my chest hoping he’s having second thoughts. “I don’t want to break up with you, Emi. You just frustrated me.”

  “You frustrate me.” I fight back and watch him laugh under his breath.

  “I’m sorry for breaking up with you. I hope you’ll forgive me and maybe take me back?” He disappears out of my bedroom door and into the hallway before reappearing with a giant bouquet of yellow roses. “The lady at the florist said that yellow roses signify innocence and apologies. I know I’m guilty of not putting you first but I hope you’ll overlook it and give me another chance.” He hands the roses to me.

  “How am I supposed to say no to this?” I ask him quietly.

  “You’re not.”

  “You promise there is no one else?”

  “There will never be anyone else, Ems. You should know that by now.”

  “And why aren’t you at work now? Aren’t you going to get in trouble for this?”

  “Come with me, I want to show you something.” He holds out his hand for mine. “Please?”

  I set the flowers on my bed and follow him to his car not realizing he’s taking me somewhere. The route he takes tells me he’s bringing me to the office with him. Considering what I look like right now (red puffy eyes, still wearing yesterday’s clothes, and with the added bonus of a cheesecake stain on my shirt), I hope he’s not bringing me in to see anyone important.

  “That.” He points to the sign advertising his agency on the front of his building.

  “Morgan, Steller and Cabot?” I say it out loud.

  “I made partner, and this was Andy’s surprise to me. I guess they updated the sign while we were out of town yesterday.” I look at him and his smile says everything. He’s elated that his hard work finally paid off.

  “I’m sorry, Jack. I acted like a crazy, jealous girlfriend and I didn’t mean to do that. I just…” I bite my lip looking for the right words. “I’ve never loved someone the way I love you, and I was scared I was losing you.” I glance down at my own hands. How did I not notice that sign last night? It would have saved me a bit of heartache.

  Jack reaches over and takes my hands in his. “You’ll never lose me. OK?”

  I nod at him, tears again filling my eyes. When he kisses me the tears automatically spill out.

  “Why are you crying?”

  “That was the worst night of my life,” I sob, as he pulls me as close to him as he can in the front seat of his car.

  “I know, baby, and I’m sorry. But at least you got a great dinner.”

  When he laughs, I can’t help but laugh with him. It’s not every day you get to scoff down two entrées, an entire bottle of wine and half a cake, all by yourself.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Present Day

  Northwest Portland, Oregon/

  Northeast Portland, Oregon

  The Great Escape

  When I wake up the morning after the wedding, something catches my eye near the table by the window.

  “JACK!” I squeal when he moves, scaring the crap out of me. “What are you doing in here?” He’s sitting in the corner wearing jeans and a t-shirt, arms crossed, with a somber look on his face.

  “I stayed here last night and I needed to talk to you, but once I came in and sat down I couldn’t figure out what to say.”

  “So, you just sat there all creepy and watched me sleep?”

  “I didn’t mean for it to be creepy,” he says apologetically.

  I sit up and pull the blankets up to my neck as if he’s never seen me in my pajamas before. “Why did you stay here last night?”

  “Because I live with May – er – Greta, and I didn’t want to go home and deal with her, so Evan let me stay here.”

  “OK… Then what is it you need to talk about at,” I glance at my phone on the nightstand, “7am?”

  “It’s 7? God, I’m sorry, I haven’t slept all night. I can come back…”

  “No.” I flip on the side lamp. When I look back at Jack he looks terrible. His dark hair is unruly, he has a five o’clock shadow, there are bags under his eyes and he looks distraught. “Let’s talk.” We both sit silently staring at each other.

  “I’m sorry about Greta,” I say, even though he should know that I’m not really.

  “Don’t be…” He stands and starts to pace the room.

  “I’m not really sorry, you know. There was even a moment yesterday where I considered emailing Morgan and asking if he still had that video of the night we all first met Greta.” I bite my own lip, almost worried about what he might think about that. I haven’t completely decided if I will or won’t go for revenge against Greta. She totally deserves it.

  Jack raises an eyebrow and forces away the grin creeping up on his face. “I uh… I wish you’d let me explain this when it first happened.” He stops pacing, hand in his hair and looks at me. “I know I didn’t know all the details of what Greta did that day, but I knew I never cheated, Ems. Why…” He sighs heavily. “Why would you ever think I’d do that to you?”

  “You think I wanted to think that? It’s what I saw.”

  “I hated you for the last year.”

  “You hated me? For what?” I ask in a weird high-pitched voice.

  Jack rarely gets angry, and even when he used to get semi-angry it was hard to tell. But I’ve seen it enough in the last twenty-four hours to know that he’s at least a little mad right now. His eyes are narrowed, his lips pursed, he has a hand in his pocket, and the constant pacing back and forth in front of my bed says this is the argument we should have had two years ago.

  “For what?” He repeats my question in a sharp voice before sitting on the edge of the bed near me. “For you being so damn stubborn that you wouldn’t listen no matter what I said. For you even thinking that me cheating on you was a possibility. For moving away. Mostly, though, I hated you for hating me.”

  “I didn’t hate you.” I glance down at the bed, wondering if he knows I’m lying. “I don’t hate you now. You… You broke me, Jack. I can’t seem to move on, I can’t go back, and I can’t get what I saw out of my head. I don’t trust anyone. Especially after yesterday’s revelations.”

  “My mom suspected something, Em, and she didn’t even tell me. She let me stay engaged to this woman. And she let you think that I cheated.”

  “I’m not sure that’s how it went…” I say, but deep down I know how secretive and vindictive Amelia can be. Not normally to me or her children, but maybe she did know the truth all along.

  “Then how?!” He almost yells it before realizing Lily and Josh are sleeping next door. “Then why did no one tell us?”

  “I don’t know.”

  He’s off the bed again pacing, fists clenched. I’m almost afraid of what he might do, but I remind myself: this is Jack. He’d never hurt a fly.

  “You and the bartender, is it romantic?” He stops in his tracks directly in front of me, anger flashing through his face.

  �
��Romantic?”

  “Yeah....” He stares into my eyes.

  “No.”

  “Why’d you bring him?”

  “Because I’m single in Couple Land and even my ex had moved on. With my arch-enemy. I mean, come on, how pathetic was I, to still be clinging on to someone who tore out my heart, and then when I finally see him again I discover that he doesn’t even want me anymore?”

  The moment the words come out of my mouth, Jack’s face drops from anger to sadness. He walks to my side of the bed and sits down.

  “That’s the furthest thing from the truth.” He lays his hand on mine hesitantly.

  “Then what is?” I’m a little afraid of this answer, but I feel like he owes it to me.

  “I wasn’t really sure for the last year. But I’ve never moved on from you. Not really.” His smile is forced, and the grip he has on my hand is intense.

  “I need to ask you something.”

  “Anything.” He looks at me nervously.

  “How did you end up engaged to Greta? She’s just…” I search for a word but none can describe her in the way I want. “Awful.” That sounds a bit better than calling her a raging basket case of a bitch.

  “After what happened with us, Ems, I was so depressed, distraught, and I guess I figured Greta was really all I deserved. She was a distraction, and she was there for me even if it did feel at times like she snuck her way in. And she appeared to love me. I never would have imagined she was the way she was. If I’d ever even had the suspicion that she felt towards you how she did, I’d have ended it immediately.”

  I nod my head, unsure of what to say next.

  “I’m gonna be honest with you.”

  I nod my head again.

  “I never even proposed to Greta. I had your ring… er, my Mom’s ring hidden in a drawer in my office. Greta used to come by my office unexpectedly, and one day, while I was busy digging through some files, she was snooping through my desk and she somehow found it. After she opened the box she squealed, slid the ring on her finger, and assumed we were engaged.”