Don't Plan to Stay

by Kaje Harper

  A tug at my hair. A word. I was too focused to even hear it. I slid one hand lower to rub my thumb over his sac, crisp curls and soft curve, and he froze. I sucked up, plunged deep, vibrated a breath around him in my tight-filled throat, and eased up. He groaned and flooded my mouth with jizz— slick, bitter, and perfect. Hell, yeah. I swallowed as fast as I could, gagging a little but not letting up on the suction and tongue flicks until he pushed gently at my head.

  Then I pulled off him with a pop and sat back on my heels, grinning.

  “Come up here.” He tugged at me, his voice as hoarse as if it’d been me pounding his throat. I stood a bit awkwardly, and he steadied me with an arm around my back. I’d have kissed him, but he ducked and shoved his face into the crook of my neck. “Your turn,” he muttered against my skin.

  He shoved the hem of my sweater up and fought with my snap and zipper, cursing when he had to let go of me and use both hands. Then he reached into the fly of my briefs, worked my dick free, hugged me in, and wrapped his fingers around me. One damned stroke of his hand, root to tip, and I came like I was still sixteen, flooding over his fingers while I clung to his shoulder for support. It felt so good, it almost hurt.

  He chuckled, face pressed against my neck again. “You’re still easy.” He’d stilled his fingers, but his firm grip around my cock comforted me, grounded me.

  “Fuck you,” I panted.

  “You can.” He rubbed his rough cheek over my hair. “Well, not now, ’cause I’m wrecked. But soon.” He eased his fingers off my sticky shaft slowly. “I’ve missed this dick inside me. Thought about it, a bit.”

  All I wanted right now was to collapse. With him, preferably on him. I hugged him around the waist and shuffled our jeans-tangled legs together, nudging him a few steps back until the couch hit the side of my knee. Then I tugged and toppled us onto it. Donnie ended up on top of me, because I had to pull him over with my weight, but it was all good.

  He sighed out a long, slow breath and rearranged us so we weren’t quite as smooshed into the cushions. “Gonna have your cum stains on our jeans.”

  “Who cares? No customers to see them. I can throw your laundry in with mine later.”

  “Okay then.” He pulled me closer and ran the palm of his hand down my thigh.

  His sticky hand, I realized. “Jerk.”

  “You said who cares.”

  We lay together for a while not saying anything, his chest rising and falling against mine. I wanted to ask him questions or babble about how good he felt, but this moment after sex had always been the only time Donnie ever fully relaxed. A sated Donnie was soft, and sweet and beautiful. Right now, I wanted to savor that. I slid one hand up and down his back, over his shirt. So good. So perfect, the way we fit together. So long since I’d had his weight on me. I closed my eyes and breathed him in. Just breathed.

  “This doesn’t mean we’re boyfriends again.”

  I jumped, startled out of a doze by his words, opening my eyes to find him staring into them from six inches away. “Huh? Oh. No, of course not. Wait, what did you say?”

  One side of his lips curled up. “Put you to sleep, huh?”

  “I’ve been a bit short on sleep lately.” I rewound my memory back to his first words. Oh. I worked my arm up from between us and rubbed my thumb around his chin. There was a little scar there, underneath, that I knew. And another bigger one that I didn’t. “Donnie, I didn’t expect this to be magic fix-everything sex. Just good sex that I’ve been wanting a lot. I had fun. Did you have fun?”

  “Well, yeah.”

  “Then we’re good.” I wriggled out from under him and rolled right off the edge of the couch onto the floor. “Ouch. I mean, that was awesome, but now we have to go finish work. Whatever comes next, happens.” I scooted around to get my jeans untwisted and my boxer briefs tugged up. I was a bit crusty. So worth it. Unless having done this makes Donnie panic.

  He peered down at me, not seeming too freaked. “Are you okay?”

  “I think I can fall two feet without breaking my ass.”

  “I meant—” He shook his head. “Whatever.” Standing up, he began fixing his own clothes. I saw a little flash of black, like a tattoo, on his forearm where his sleeve rode up before he tugged it down straight. His hair was more of a mess than usual, and it made him look younger and softer.

  I stood and put my hand on his arm. “I’m not going to make a big deal out of this. But do you want to pretend it never happened?”

  “No.” He eased away from me and got a glass of water from the sink. After one sip, he passed it to me along with a paper towel. “Here. Your chin’s a mess.”

  I cleaned a bit and drank a few swallows. The taste of him faded off my tongue. A cool breeze down my back made me shiver, and I set the glass in the sink, wishing it’d been hot coffee. Then Donnie stepped beside me and kissed me once, fast and off-center, a brush of his lips on the corner of my mouth. “Thanks.”

  Before I could ask for what, he pulled open the door and headed back to the sales floor.

  I followed him more slowly. He was whistling, sounding almost cheerful as he straightened the display of ornamental plates. The tension in my gut faded, and I went to help him. He said, “Tell me more about your classes. What’s your favorite? I want to know what you’ve been up to lately.”

  I waggled an eyebrow at him, and he chuckled. “A little less lately than that.”

  “Well, I loved Social Welfare History. Mainly because the prof was so passionate.” I talked about my classes and program as we worked. We’d talked before, of course, over the last four days. But somehow it had been either about right now, about the store and the house and the dog and what needed doing, or what oddball customer we’d waited on. Or about the long past, a spate of bittersweet do you remembers that left an ache inside me.

  I realized how much I wanted to tell Donnie about my life, my real moving-forward life. He was always a good listener. People used to think he was the talkative one, with his easy charm, while I was the shy geek. But when we were alone, I could let my thoughts and imagination go, and it was Donnie who mostly listened. He was a quiet well I could drop ideas into and be heard and understood. Then sometimes, with a few words, he’d make me see things differently, in a Donnie-shaped angle on the world. God, I missed this too.

  I was talking about the time this really superior grad student came to lead discussion section stoned. “He swore it was cold medicine making him sleepy, but he was high on something.”

  Donnie cocked his head. “Why not on cold medicine?”

  “Because.” I stopped. “Well, everyone said so.”

  “Did he smell of weed?”

  “Well, no.” I ran the day back through my memory. “I guess I’m not sure. Since when are you an advocate for thinking the best of people, though?”

  His lips quirked up slightly. “I just like to be contrary.”

  “That I believe.” I set a tangled garland aside for the discount bin. “What about you? Tell me something good from the past year.” There had to be something, right?

  He answered easily enough, “I have this friend, Leon. He’s a naive kid, even now. He got out about when I did, and we headed to Fargo together to find work. So, this one night, we were heading out to a bar…” He spun a story about Leon being all obliviously courteous to a streetwalker who was trying to offer her wares to him. “She finally tugged her shirt down to nipple danger level and said, ‘You got money for what I’m selling?’ And he flushed so red, I swear his ears lit up. He said, ‘I got no money for that,’ and she stomped off in a huff.”

  “Poor guy.”

  “Well, this other pretty girl had been watching us, just a regular girl. She says, ‘I like a guy with a bit of class.’ She hooked her arm through his and led him off. Apparently he had a good night. Virtue being its own reward and all.”

  “Hah.” I set the last few opened items into discounts and hesitated, decided to go for it, asking as lightly as I could. “But you
never scored after you were free? What were the Fargo guys thinking?”

  “Didn’t say I was never hit on.” He shrugged. “For one thing, I mostly hung out with Leon, and he’s got unfriendly opinions about queers. For another, well, I wasn’t looking. Adjusting to making my own way again? Trying to save money? Hooking up would’ve been a distraction.”

  “I’m just as glad since it kept your test results current.” I licked my lips.

  “Me, too.” He moved in closer, put his thumb under my chin and tilted my face upward, then had to release the pressure to kiss me properly. “I forget we’re the same height now.”

  I kissed him back, trying to find a balance between simple and climbing him like a tree. “I like it.”

  “Obviously.”

  “Jerk.” I kissed him harder. This was so good, just having my arms around him and his mouth to play with. Donatello Kagan, solid and warm and here, with me. I enjoyed it for a long time before reluctantly separating. “Okay, come on, let’s total up the till and get the hell out of here.”

  “You do the till. I’ll straighten up a bit more.”

  “It’s straight enough. Come on, you can help count the cash.”

  He raised an eyebrow at me. “You realize Nate would have a fit if you handed me the day’s money.”

  “Nate doesn’t know you like I do. I trust you.” With my life, maybe my heart. That was too much too soon. And too big to say out loud anyway. “Even if you do put ketchup on hot dogs instead of mustard.”

  “Ooh, a man who forgives my deepest faults.” For a second, something glimmered in the depths of Donnie’s shadowed eyes. But he just added, “I think I remember basic addition. Lead me to it.”

  “Come on.” I took a fistful of his shirt, like I was afraid he might leave, and tugged lightly toward the counter. “This way to the joys of cash reconciliation.”

  Chapter 9

  Donnie

  “It’s fucking weird.”

  I didn’t realize I’d said that aloud until Adam turned toward me. “What is?”

  “Uh.” I knelt and sliced open a cardboard box of butter cookie tins. “These look good.” It wasn’t at all what I was thinking.

  “They are. I’ll buy you a whole box when you tell me what’s fucking weird.”

  “It’s weird not fucking,” I said, to be clever. Also true. I’d thought when we finally gave in to the temptation to get each other off four days ago, that’d be it. Sex back on the table. Or at least on the couch. But Adam hadn’t pushed for anything more intense than kissing since. Although kissing Adam could peg the meter all by itself.

  A pink flush ran up Adam’s cheeks. “It’s not that I don’t want to.” He squatted beside me and began stacking the tins, not looking at me. “You believe that, right?”

  “Given how hard you get when we make out, yeah, I’m with you that far.” What I didn’t understand was why he’d started ducking out on me as soon as we got going. Not that he didn’t have the right. It was just confusing.

  He put a hand on my thigh and lowered his voice. “I want it too much. I want it to mean more than it does.”

  “Clear as mud,” I muttered. Although I knew what he meant. If I fucked him even one more time, I might not ever leave this place. His mouth on me had made me think impossible things.

  “Less than a week till Christmas. Less than a month till I head back to Minneapolis to restart my Masters.”

  “I don’t have any fancy plans.”

  “I know.” He gripped me tighter. “I’m so glad you’re here, but I don’t want getting to know you again to be short-circuited. When there’s a time limit.”

  “Now I remember why I do the talking in public. You make no damned kind of sense.” At least no sense I wanted to admit. My dick was much too happy just having his hand six inches downstream. “Maybe I might go to Minneapolis. Look for work. Ain’t much here, that’s for sure.”

  Adam looked like he was about to say something. If he was going to ask if I’d stay on and help his dad and Nate out, I was gonna have to bust that bubble. His dad was pretty friendly now, but that was Willow’s doing, not mine. And though Nate no longer tracked where I was in the store, like he thought I’d steal something, he was never going to be my friend. But Adam just smiled. “That would be cool, if you did want to move.”

  Nothing for me here when you’re gone. I figured I didn’t have to say that. “Freaking Minneapolis in the winter. I was headed to L.A.” But I nudged his knee as I stood up. That smile of Adam’s could warm Minneapolis better than the L.A. sun. “I’ll take the cartons to the back.”

  As Adam straightened up, a gust of cold air blew past us. We turned to check the door, which was opening even though we hadn’t unlocked yet, and all three of us were in here. The bright low sun silhouetted the man coming in, but after a moment’s blinking I recognized Adam’s dad. Adam hurried toward him. “Hey, hi! Is something wrong?”

  “Nothing’s wrong.” Mr. L accepted a quick hug. “I just thought I’d come see how things are going.”

  “Going fine.” I could hear the forced calm in Adam’s voice. He’d told me his dad hadn’t come into the store since they’d first started setting out the Christmas stuff Mrs. L had loved so much.

  Nate hurried over to them. “Hey, Dad. I’m expecting a good sales day. Less than a week to Christmas, you know.”

  “Yep. I figured you might be able to use my help.”

  “Um, sure.” Nate was actually smiling. I don’t think I’d seen that, except his customer-face version, since I arrived. It made him look younger. “That’d be great!”

  Mr. L waved toward me. “I thought you might give Adam and Donnie a few hours off. They’ve been working non-stop for a week.”

  “I don’t need time off,” I said.

  “Shush, young man.” Mr. L nodded to me. “When the boss gives you a break, grab it.”

  “Are you sure?” Adam reached like he was going to touch his dad’s arm, then he pulled his hand back. “I mean, you’re looking after Willow and all.”

  “That dog is fine.” Mr. L’s voice was stronger than I’d heard it. “She had her walk and her treats and is holed up happy with a big chew bone. And now it’s time I gave you young people a hand. You take Donnie and go have some fun for a few hours.”

  “Okay. Thanks, Dad!”

  “Yeah, thanks Mr. L.” I untied my green apron as I spoke.

  Adam moved slower to pull his off. “I’ll call you in a while,” he said to Nate. “See how busy things are.”

  His dad said, “We’ll let you know if we need help. Otherwise maybe you can come back and spell Nate for his lunch break at one-thirty.”

  “Right. Can do.” Adam grinned, looking giddy. “Come on, Donnie, let’s make a break for it.” He grabbed my hand and ran toward the hallway, tugging me along. Not that I wasn’t happy to go. Once through the staff door, he whirled and leaned back against the wall. “Whew. Wow. Dad!” The grin hadn’t faded.

  “He looks okay,” I ventured.

  “Yeah. Fingers crossed.” He held up all ten linked together. “Come on, let’s get going.”

  The parking lot was icy and blustery as we crossed to Adam’s car. The sand I’d spread gritted underfoot. Not a day for romantic sightseeing. I ducked into the passenger side and shivered as Adam turned on the engine. “Where are we headed?”

  He looked at me. “Could go home. Or maybe we should buy you a better winter jacket.”

  “This one works fine.” I’d been borrowing an old parka from the Lindbergs’ mudroom. It wasn’t fancy, but it did the job well enough.

  “Still. We could head into town and check out Target, or the thrift store if you prefer. I can advance you on what Nate’s going to pay you.”

  Adam knew I hated spending money and hated being in debt even more. “I have some. Anyway, I didn’t know I was getting paid.”

  “What?” He turned to me, eyes wide. “Of course you’re getting paid.”

  “I’m getting room a
nd board. I figured I was helping out.” I figured I owed ten times this. A hundred.

  “You are. And it might have to be minimum wage. Depends on how the next few days go.”

  “Is he paying you?”

  “Some. Family’s different.”

  I wish I was family. Somewhere. I shoved that pathetic little thought down where it belonged. “Well, if I’m getting paid, then I do have something I want to buy.”

  “Not a coat?”

  I gave him my best grin. “A tattoo.” One I choose.

  “Seriously? You know what? Me, too.”

  “You? Mark up this lily-white skin?” I touched the back of his wrist, above his glove. Adam always had amazing skin.

  “Yeah. For a while now. In fact, I did my research. There’s a place everyone says is good, and it’s only half an hour away. Let me call and see if they can squeeze us in.”

  I sat back, turning my fingers in the gradually-warming air from the vents, as he made the call. He must’ve been telling the truth. He had the place in his contacts.

  He turned to me for a moment. “She says if we show up, like, ASAP, they can do us both. As long as yours isn’t a big piece.”

  “I’m good with small.”

  He nodded and made the appointment. As we pulled out of the lot, I asked, “Any idea what this will run me? I mean, I’m willing to spend for good work, but I’m not made of money.” Understatement.

  He turned onto the freeway ramp. “Mine will be around two hundred. Small, two colors. They’re not the cheapest, but it’s on my skin forever.”

  “Okay.” I still had almost six hundred bucks left. And if I had more coming to me, I could manage it. “Let me think on what I want.”

  “You don’t have a plan?”

  You were the one with the plans. I made them happen. “Just a wish. Gotta refine it.” I leaned back and closed my eyes. Adam cranked up the tunes. All kinds of memories filled this old car, of him and me driving out to do something his folks might not approve of. Something he needed to do. Or just wanted. With Adele in the background, and Adam singing along. He was still a bit off key, but I’d never minded. Not even when it’d been me driving, and his voice breaking like a Ming vase in a tornado.