by H. L. Logan
My jaw set. No. That wasn’t how I did things.
I took the script, scanning it quickly. As I took in the dialogue, I felt myself coming alive. The energy of a performance took control of my muscles. I flipped a page. The more I read about Jordan, the more I felt myself becoming her, fully inhabiting the role. I was ready.
I set the script back on the table.
“You don’t need to read from it?” Braelyn asked.
I shook my head. “I think I’ve got it, thanks.”
“Jessica, are you ready?” He shot a piercing look over her shoulder at the grown woman laying on the floor playing with a puppy.
“Been ready for ages.”
I watched her walk towards me, and as she did, she ceased being Jessica and became Gail, the sassy cowgirl stealing my heart. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. I didn’t come this far to just go halfway.
I opened my eyes. “Why the hell are you getting this close to me?”
A cheeky grin spread across Jessica’s face. “Because you don’t want me to stay away.”
She kept moving closer, each footstep bringing out another thump in my chest until my own feet were moving backwards.
“You think you’re pretty smart, don’t you?” My back pressed against the wall.
“No.” She pressed a hand against the wall and leaned into me until our chests were almost touching. “But I don’t need to be smart to figure you out.”
Her breath fell against my cheek. Suddenly, I became so overwhelmed by Jessica’s closeness that I forgot my next line. Then I remembered there was no next line. This was the part where she kissed me.
My mind screamed, and I lost my character completely as I panicked. My eyes itched so bad from the dog hair that I was tearing up. When she reached down and grabbed my bruised wrist, pain forced the tears to actually fall. A warm trickle melted down my cheek and she wiped it away, letting her hand remain on my face, thumb gently stroking my jaw.
Time slowed and then seemed to stop as I stared into her blue eyes. She was so near that I could take in every minute detail of her face. Even this close, she was perfect. Not a wrinkle or a pore to mark her glowing skin. Even though she was fair, dark lashes covered her hooded eyes. My breath rose and fell heavily in the pregnant silence between us.
Then I noticed the distance between our lips was disappearing. My breath caught. My lips tingled in anticipation.
A sharp ring tore through the moment, making me start from the trance I’d been thrown into. Jessica backed away, looking sheepishly at the table as she took her phone from her pocket.
Emily rolled her eyes. “You know what, that’s great for today. Thank you so much for coming out, Amelia.”
I pressed my lips together to keep from cursing and muttered a tight, “Thank you.”
Jessica walked away, phone already pressed to her ear. Five minutes from now, she’d never think about me or the chance she’d ruined for my career. She didn’t care about anyone but herself and her stupid Marshmallow.
I sighed as I found my way out onto the street. The craziest thing? When I was looking into her eyes, waiting for her to kiss me, there had been one second when I’d thought I might be able to do this.
2.
Jessica
“Bastard!”
I groaned into the phone again. Cleo’s big blue eyes looked up at me with concern, and I stroked her soft fur until she nestled back into my lap.
“Sorry.” I sighed. “I get that he’s my agent, but he can’t just tell me what to do. None of you can.”
“I explained to him how important this film is to you,” my publicist said patiently over the phone. “But he insists it’s going to kill your career.”
“Well what’s he going to? Drop me as a client?”
Samantha laughed dryly. Of course there was no way my agent would let me go. I was the biggest client he had.
“He could be right,” she said hesitantly.
“Not you, too.”
“Well, I’m just saying, your image is built on the romantic dream of happily-ever-after.”
“That’s why this film is even more important!” I gripped my hair in frustration. “People need to see that two same-sex partners being together can be as normal as a man and a woman.”
“I know, I know, you don’t need to explain it again.”
“Apparently I do, because you just interrupted an audition to ask me to drop out of the movie.”
“I’m just asking you to think about what this could mean.”
“I know what this could mean! It could mean that a lonely kid in high school will know someone’s standing up for her. It could mean a guy confused about his sexuality could have some context to understand himself. This movie could mean a lot to a lot of people.”
Her voice was quiet. “I see your point.”
“Please don’t ask me to drop out again, because it’s not going to happen. I’m already funding half the film.”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry I asked. Look, can you do me a favor and go out somewhere with Oliver tonight? Somewhere you’ll be photographed? Meanwhile I’ll try to think of how to keep this from blowing up.”
“Let it blow up!”
“And here I thought you were my easiest client.”
I said goodbye and tried not to be annoyed as I hung up. I’d gotten opposition from my PR firm since I’d first gotten involved with this movie. My publicist seemed to think it would hurt my image if I appeared in a lesbian film, and that alone showed me how necessary it was for me to do this.
My best friend Sara had come out of the closet when we were teens, and the hard time she’d gotten since infuriated me. So what if she loved women? Why the hell should that matter to anyone? After all the betrayal and backstabbing that’d followed me on my rise to fame, Sara was the one friend who I’d always known I could count on. I wanted her to feel like I had her back as much as she’d always had mine.
When this movie came on my radar, I knew I had to do it. Sure, I’d never kissed a girl before, but I didn’t see any issue with it. I’d faked it with plenty of actors, so this shouldn’t be any different.
I stroked Cleo’s soft fur as she looked up at me as if to ask what I was thinking about.
“Just about how awful and stupid the world can be,” I answered. “Which you already know too much about.”
Her furry little head tickled me as I planted a kiss between her ears. I’d felt like such a failure when I’d thought I’d lost Cleo. I’d been about ready to break down when I realized she hadn’t had her medication yet. What if that actress hadn’t found her for me? I made a mental note to remember that I owed her big time. And to ask what her name was.
I opened a small orange bottle and nestled a pill into a pâté of food in her dish. She sniffed curiously before digging in. I lay out on the carpeted floor to watch her cute little teeth go to work.
It broke my heart that someone had just abandoned her in a cardboard box on the side of the road. When I’d found her huddled and wet on my way home from filming my last movie, it had been love at first sight. I wasn’t sure what breed of dog she was, but her fluffy fur made me think she might have some pomeranian in her… I just hoped she wasn’t a breed that would get too big. I stroked her silky fur, making her look up at me curiously.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your dinner. Go back to eating.”
Being left alone was really hard on her. I’d tried leaving Cleo with friends when I was working, but every time I left her for too long, she developed separation anxiety and stopped eating. I was so grateful that Aorta Studios had allowed me to bring her with me. If I had to choose between Cleo and the movie… well, I wasn’t sure what I’d do.
I sat up reluctantly and thumbed through my phone again. It had been a while since Oliver and I had hung out in public and if we didn’t keep up the image, the press would start spreading rumors that we’d broken up.
Hah.
If only they knew.
My ‘relationship’ with Oliver was just one of the many publicity hoops we’d jumped through for our film that would be premiering in a month. The public loved swooning over this type of fluff, pretending everything we said to each other in the movie was real, so we gave it to them.
As far as fake boyfriends went, Oliver was great. He and I probably would've been friends even if we weren’t forced to hang out with each other as a hazard of the trade. Of course, neither of us were crazy enough to actually date a co-star. When those relationships went bad, they had the ability to destroy an entire film and send careers spiraling into the dust.
Still laying on the floor, I rolled onto my back and sent him a quick text to ask if he wanted to get drinks. He responded quickly.
>Oliver: Publicist on your ass again?
>Me: You know me all too well.
>Oliver: Hah. I can meet up with you at ten.
As I was texting Oliver, I saw another call coming in. My mom’s number. I chewed my lip and sighed before ignoring the call.
Oliver and I chose a bar to meet up at and I texted my best friend Sara to ask if she’d come over to my house to spend time with Cleo while I was out, to which she responded with an enthusiastic, yes! With that settled, I decided to go over the script some more, but when Cleo nuzzled up to me, I melted into a big puddle and couldn’t resist taking quick a nap with her.
I left my phone in my dressing room and scooted into the room where props and costumes were stored. There was something about a dark prop room that felt so peaceful to me. I pulled down some heavy coats to make a comfy bed for me and Cleo behind a row of long dresses. It was a trick I’d picked up to get me through early rehearsals as a kid, and for some reason I never slept as well as I did in prop rooms. It was a safe place where no one could find me.
I bundled a jacket under my head and pulled another one over me as a blanket. Cleo batted at a fluffy dress before turning to me and nestling into the soft space under my chin. As much as she needed me, sometimes I needed her even more. I breathed a deep, relaxed sigh as all the stress of the world disappeared and I slipped into warm sleep.
3.
Amelia
I sighed as the mechanic wrote out the bill for my poor car. I didn’t even know if the heap of junk was worth the three-hundred bucks it would cost to fix. I did know I didn’t have the money. The club I worked at had cut my shifts back and cash was tighter than ever.
Thank God for credit cards, I guess.
Though I was quickly sliding into a deep pit of debt that I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to dig myself out of. Unless I landed a big role.
I tried to hold my frustration in as I thought of the opportunity I’d lost that morning. This movie could’ve made all the difference in my future.
Damnit, I wouldn’t think about it.
Wouldn’t think about Jessica Black and her stupidly adorable dog or her unprofessionalism. I wouldn’t wonder how such a diva could get any role she wanted.
I swallowed another sigh as I snatched the receipt from the mechanic and headed for the bus stop just in time to see a bus pulling away. Perfect. I took a seat on the bench, hoping I’d get home in time to change for work.
Waiting for the next bus gave me plenty of time to practice not thinking about Jessica. And I definitely needed practice, because my mind circled around her the entire half-hour I had to wait.
And for the hour it took the bus to meander to the crummy end of town where I lived. It was dark by the time I began my walk home, and still, somehow, I couldn’t get that woman out of my head.
I unlocked my apartment and opened the door carefully to avoid tipping over the table next to entrance. My studio apartment was so small that I could barely move without knocking something over. Before I’d moved into the little hovel, I’d rented a place with two other girls who were also pursuing careers in acting. We’d gotten along great.
Until the day we all auditioned for the same role.
Well, I can’t really say I auditioned, because one of the girls swiped my alarm clock to keep me from getting up and just in case that wasn’t enough to prevent me from making the audition, she nabbed my car keys.
She got the role—I got a new apartment. Ever since, I’d lived alone.
The real kicker was that she was doing really well these days. I tried not to be bitter about it whenever I turned on the TV and saw her in the latest sit-com. I tried not to be bitter about a lot of things.
Then there had been a boyfriend who I’d planned on moving in with, but that had ended badly… to put it mildly.
“Don’t be bitter,” I reminded myself for the thousandth time that day.
I opened my cupboard and dug out the bag of rice that sustained my meager existence. I’d only have time to gulp down a bit of food and change before I had to get to work.
While the rice cooked, I slipped out of the neat dress pants and reluctantly into my ratty jeans. I had fewer and fewer reasons to dress nice these days. As I iced my bruised wrist, I gulped down the plain rice, not bothering to scoop it into a bowl, which I‘d just have to wash. I’d be doing enough washing up tonight.
I was exhausted by the time I arrived at my job, the thundering music of Club Echo assaulting my ears. I evaded my supervisor and set to work taking out trash, scrubbing bathrooms… menial, mind-numbing work.
Did the people around me in $500 t-shirts have any idea how lucky they were? Club Echo was one of the ritziest spots in the area, and I’d been excited to get a job there as a chance to meet celebrities in the business. But lately, I’d found that being around people whose lives were going well just depressed me.
My shift was only half over when my bruised wrist was throbbing too much to continue, and I had to beg my supervisor to let me go home early. I could tell by her expression that I might be going home permanently. I was too tired to care. Too tired of it all.
“Fine. But I need you to mop up one of the VIP booths before you go home,” she finally conceded with an annoyed sigh. “Someone smashed an entire bottle of Patron.”
Great. Now assholes were dumping their billion-dollar tequila all over the place. When I’d wheeled my mop and bucket through the crowd of writhing bodies, I stopped and did a double take at the couple in the booth.
Jessica Black.
Was she haunting me or something?
She lounged comfortably in the VIP booth, heels kicked off, whispering and laughing with her boyfriend Oliver. Maybe if that morning had never happened, I would’ve been stoked to stand next to Jessica Black and Oliver Colt. But as it was, I couldn’t even look at her.
I kept my head down as I quickly swept up the smashed glass. I wasn’t sure what I’d say if I had to talk to her. Good thing most of the people I worked around never even looked at me.
I had to get closer to her to sweep under her feet and the familiar scent of her cinnamon perfume permeating the overwhelming scent of alcohol instantly brought back memories of her proximity to me that morning.
“Sorry about the mess.” She laughed. “My fingers got really slippery from squeezing limes into my glass.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I said as sincerely as I could, which wasn’t very sincere. I should’ve just kept my gaze down, and I definitely shouldn’t have looked up to glare at her.
“Hey, it’s you!” she exclaimed with an excitement that suggested she didn’t even notice my death stare. “Funny seeing you here.” Her plump lips pulled into a dimpled grin that I’d seen staring at me from dozens of movie posters.
“Yeah, funny.” I looked back down and grabbed my mop, swishing it around the floor.
Jessica leapt to her feet. “I gotta admit, I’m pretty excited to start filming this movie.”
The mop clattered to the floor. All my annoyance, all my frustration, came bubbling up in that one uncontrollable moment.
“Yeah, I was pretty excited as well. Too bad I won’t be in it, thanks to you.”
“Huh?”
Was I going to get fired for
this? Definitely. But I was pretty sure I’d already lost my job for asking to go home early, so I really had nothing to lose at this point. “Did you ever consider some people might be allergic to dogs?”
“Huh.” She got a thoughtful look, shaking her head. “No, I didn’t.”
My voice dropped to a low hiss, and I leaned in so close to her that the heat of our bodies mingled. “And you really had to interrupt the audition to find your precious pet? Waste everyone’s time and exasperate the casting panel before I even got in the room?”
“She needed her med—”
“And then, on top of that—on top of all of it!—you didn’t even shut your phone off!” My jaw was clenched, lips pressed against her ear so close that I could feel the tiny hairs prickle with every poisonous word I spat. I’d officially lost it.
My voice dripped with all the disappointment I could no longer contain. “You have no clue how much this movie meant to me.”
With our bodies pressed so close, I could feel the electrical impulse that shot through her at those words. She put her hand on my shoulders, pushing me far enough away that I could see into her face. The infuriating woman was still smiling from ear to ear.
“I didn’t realize you felt so passionately about the movie!” Her grin widened even more. “It means a lot to me too!”
I lost her attention as a server returned with another bottle of overpriced booze. Somehow Jessica’s cheerful dismissiveness made my blood boil even hotter.
“If it means that much to you, why didn’t you at least turn your phone off? You didn’t even do what we were actually there to do, which was kiss.”
She blinked a moment before looking back at me, her grin turned crooked and she punched me lightly in the arm. “Hey, if you wanted to kiss me so bad, all you had to do was ask.”
My brain short circuited as fiery rage tore apart every cell in my body. How arrogant can you be? She flopped back down next to her boyfriend and started pouring out glasses of booze. She held one out to me, saying, “Cheers to Real Love.”