Right Girl

by Lauren Crossley

  My little boy is missing

  The knowledge of this has submerged me in darkness. I can’t hear anything apart from an excruciating noise inside my head, separating me from reality and drowning out everything apart from my terror.

  “Mama!”

  I whirl around, struggling to figure out where his voice came from.

  “Jamie?!”

  “Whoa… careful where you’re going, buddy.”

  I hear a deep, masculine voice to my right and I follow it, barging past the customers who refuse to get out of my way.

  I can only see the back of a man’s head because he’s kneeling down in front of Jamie, helping him back up onto his feet.

  “I think I ‘urt my knee.” My little boys sniffs, feeling sorry for himself as he wipes away his tears.

  “Well I think you’re being really brave.” The unknown gentleman assures him kindly. “Is your mummy with you?”

  “Mama?!” Jamie cries, holding his arms out for me.

  I rush towards him, cradling him in my arms as soon as I pick him up.

  “Shh, I’m here now. Are you ok, baby?”

  I smother him with kisses, trying to comfort him as well as convince myself that he’s really ok.

  The man who found him politely clears his throat, capturing my attention. Placing Jamie on my hip, I turn around so I can thank this stranger for his kindness.

  That’s when I see him.

  We’re face to face and I can’t move.

  Zack.

  He’s standing right in front of me with a bemused expression on his face. It’s obvious he’s unaware of the impact he’s just had and I don’t know how to react to him.

  “I guess this must be your mum?” Zack grins at Jamie, ruffling his hair lightly.

  “I-I am.” I stammer, my heart racing.

  “He took quite a fall but I think he’ll be ok. I have a little girl a couple years older than him and she would have screamed the place down if she took a tumble like that.” He says, addressing me like I’m a complete stranger. “He’s a brave boy.”

  “I am.” Jamie beams, feeling pleased with himself.

  “T-thank you.” I murmur, struggling to remain standing.

  I don’t know how to act. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how I should feel or how I should behave. I’m completely lost, floundering and helpless now I’m face to face with the man who still consumes me.

  The man I let go.

  “You’re welcome.” He replies. “See you later.”

  He waves at Jamie before he turns around and walks away. I watch him for a few moments before I put my son down, encouraging him to walk now we know he hasn’t hurt himself too badly.

  “Mama, what’s wrong?” My four year old asks, noticing that something is wrong with me.

  We’re halfway across the car park and I’m still shaking, trembling uncontrollably because I know Zack is still close by.

  “Nothing, baby. Come on let’s get out of here.”

  I deliberately speed up, hastening our footsteps when I hear Zack’s voice calling out for me.

  “Excuse me, Miss?”

  He catches up with us, placing a hand on my arm to stop me from leaving. His touch awakens something deep down inside of me, something which has been dormant for so long.

  “Yes?” I ask him, feigning ignorance.

  “I… I know this might sound like a strange question but… do I know you? Have we met before?”

  He looks nervous, staring at me with those beautiful brown eyes of his. The same ones I fell in love with all those years ago.

  I inhale slowly, realising I have a choice to make.

  A very simple choice.

  I can lie to him or I can tell him the truth about who I am and what we once meant to each other.

  Guess which one I choose?

  “No.” I answer him simply, smiling weakly. “We’ve never met.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry.” He apologises sincerely, raking his fingers through his short brown hair. “I just thought you looked familiar.”

  I nod my head and turn around, holding onto my son’s hand so tight.

  “Mama, who was that nice man?” He asks me, sounding concerned.

  I knew down in front of him and stroke his face, placing a soft kiss in the centre of his voice.

  “That man is your daddy.” I reveal calmly, awaiting his response.

  “What? My real daddy?” He demands, his sweet face lighting up with excitement.

  “That’s right.” I confirm. “Do you want me to tell you about him?”

  “Tell me, Mama.”

  We walk home together hand in hand, taking a small detour by the lake on our journey back. It’s the place I used to come to with Zack and bring Jamie here often.

  It’s the one place I feel close to him.

  We walk alongside it while I tell my son all about his father and what an incredible man he is. I also tell him about the day he will finally come back to us…

  The day he will remember.

  Zack

  I don’t know why I can’t get her out of my head.

  I don’t know why I’m still thinking about her.

  I can’t stop.

  It’s been two weeks since I helped her little boy in the store and I’ve been tormented by her ever since.

  She told me we hadn’t met and I believed her at the time. She was so convincing, I thought I’d made a mistake and got it wrong.

  Except… I swear I felt something. I don’t know what it was but I definitely felt it.

  A feeling so strong it consumed me, forcing me to chase her and her son out of the supermarket like a lunatic.

  I guess I just felt this need to speak with her some more. I had a need to touch her, find out about her and even ask if she had a husband.

  I presumed she did at first because of her little boy but then I noticed she didn’t have a ring on her finger. I guess it was enough of an incentive for me because I bailed halfway through being served, racing out the store so I could find her.

  I couldn’t see her at first, panicking at the thought of her vanishing.

  That’s when I saw her.

  She was walking halfway across the carpark so I had to run to catch up with them. I thought she might freak out but she was really nice, promising me we had never met before.

  I’m still not so sure…

  I even asked Rachel about it a few days later, describing the young woman to her. I hoped she might have been able to give me some answers but she told me she didn’t know anything.

  I thought she might have been hiding something at first but she has no reason to lie me now we’re separated.

  Things were so different after my accident because I could barely remember anything. Rachel told me my parents had died as well as my brother and grief took over, erasing the desire I had to remember.

  I couldn’t believe I had a daughter, a two year old little girl I couldn’t even remember.

  It took a lot of therapy for me to sort my head out. I was in hospital for weeks but still didn’t feel at home when I moved back in with Rachel.

  Something wasn’t right but I didn’t know what it was.

  I still don’t know.

  Rachel eventually broke down and confessed that we weren’t together before my accident. She said I had broken off our engagement and left her devastated. I couldn’t remember any of it but felt so guilty, she had been so supportive, taking care of me when most people wouldn’t.

  I felt like I owed her to try again. We both owed it to Amber and that’s why we tried to make it work.

  It didn’t last of course. I think we made it twelve months before I had to end it. Rachel was furious and I could understand why. I had given her false hope and then took it all away again.

  We’ve now reached the stage where we can be civil to one another, trying our best to get along for Amber’s sake.

  My little girl is six now and she’s happy, confident, beautiful and independent. She�
��s exactly like her mother and I love her dearly.

  Except something is still missing.

  I stopped seeing my therapist two years ago but still have his number. I’m seriously considering going to see him again because I don’t know how much longer I can go on like this.

  His main priority was to help me recover. I needed to overcome the fact that I had lost my memory and try to rebuild my life. I thought that being with Rachel again would help but it didn’t. It only made things worse.

  There’s only one place which helps. It’s the same place I visit time and time again when I feel like this and it’s my favourite spot.

  The lake.

  I used to come here when I was a kid because I was drawn to its tranquillity. The lake is the middle of nowhere, surrounded by beautiful countryside and several tress, calming me the second I step foot out of the car.

  Something makes sense here.

  It’s as though this place remembers… even if I don’t.

  I don’t know how long I stay there, sitting on the bench by myself. I guess I hoped something would come back to me today but it hasn’t.

  Not yet.

  My therapist once told me that I should never give up hope and I won’t.

  I won’t give up because I made a vow to myself, a vow which I intend to keep.

  I promised myself that I will keep on looking for what my soul is still searching for.

  Until the day I figure it out...

  Until the day I will remember.

  If you are reading this right now… Thank you!!!

  Thank you for purchasing this novel and thank you for completing it. I wish that I could sit down with each and every one of you and discuss the book you have just read. I’m desperate to hear your feedback, answer your questions and find out what you think.

  Unfortunately, we can’t do that but you can email me at laurencrossleyauthor@gmail.com which is the second best thing! Please, please, please don’t forget to leave this book a short review on Amazon or Goodreads if you enjoyed it. It really makes all the difference and I appreciate it so much.

  I couldn’t have done any of this without you.

  Lauren x