Her heart told her the answer.
He had stood between the soldier and her, a shield of protection. He had held her in his arms, a comfort she did not wish to leave. She knew it as surely as the sun would tomorrow rise.
She loved him still.
The kitchen door opened. Julia looked up to see Samuel and another man stepping into the room. Shock rippled through her and heat immediately crept into her face. For a moment she thought he had surely read her previous thoughts.
He, however, looked just as surprised to see her. His eyes widened.
"Julia," he said, quickly coming toward her. "I didn't know you were here."
"I didn't know you were, either."
The other gentleman, an older one, nodded to her. Samuel introduced them. "This is Dr. Carter, my friend and colleague."
The man smiled knowingly. "Ah, so you are Thomas's daughter."
"Yes," she said.
"It is a pleasure to meet you."
"A pleasure to meet you, sir." She was dying to ask what they were doing and how this man knew her father but she didn't question for fear of being rude.
Dr. Carter did not offer any further clues nor did he stay to converse. He made his excuse saying he was in a hurry, then he climbed the staircase.
What is going on up there? she wondered.
"For Edward?"
She turned her attention from the stairs back to Samuel. He smiled and pointed to the yarn in her lap.
"Oh," she said. "No. I thought that perhaps you might be in need of another pair."
He smiled at her and drew up a chair. Everything Julia had been thinking about since Madam Fontine's came flooding back. Oh, Lord, is compromise possible? What should I do? I don't know what is right. Please tell me.
"
Sam could see the questions in her eyes.
"Mr. Wilkerson met my father on the street in front of the dress shop," Julia said. "He said he needed his help. That it was urgent."
"It is. That is why we sent for him."
"We?" she asked in a whispered tone. "Samuel, who are these people? How do you know them?"
"I met them by way of Dr. Carter. He is a professor at the seminary."
"Oh," she said slowly.
"They are good people, Julia. They aren't radicals."
Her blue eyes blinked inquisitively. "They are abolitionists?"
"Yes."
She leaned slightly back in her chair, as though she were trying to put a measure of distance between them until she could determine whether he was safe or not.
After a moment or two of hesitancy, she relaxed somewhat. Her face took on an expression that he had not seen in quite a while.
"Well, I suppose there is nothing wrong with expressing one's personal views," she said. "You didn't stop me from knitting socks for a Confederate regiment. I suppose if you wish to write pamphlets or distribute bread, it is of no consequence to Edward."
His heart began to race and his ears were thudding. Julia's words were full of promise. On impulse, Sam reached for her hand. He was thrilled beyond words when she allowed him to take it.
"Tell me," she said, "my bread, the socks that I knitted, are they now benefiting some former slave?"
Her directness stunned him but he realized it was better to have the subject out in the open at last. "Yes," he said. "They are."
She did not look surprised. In fact, a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. "I figured as much, especially when you acted so secretly about who it was for."
He couldn't help but smile.
"Will you do the same for Elijah and Elisha?"
It was as though the Almighty had revealed to her the subject of his prayers. "God willing," he said. "Somehow."
Their eyes were locked and the intimacy of the moment made his heart pound.
"Your teachers," she said, "your friends in Philadelphia, I am certain are grateful for your assistance. Are there many more up north that you wish to help?"
Sam balked. Up north?
His heart sank like a stone to the bottom of the Chesapeake. She thought he had sent the items to Philadelphia. She had no idea what he was really involved in.
Decision time was at hand. He would not lie to her but this wasn't where or how he had intended to tell her. Although her words up to now were charitable, he feared what she would say if she knew the full truth.
But I must tell her and then leave the rest in God's hands, he told himself.
"Julia," he said slowly. "The bread did not go to Philadelphia. It was for someone here in Baltimore."
"Oh?"
"In fact, that is why your father is here now."
"Is the woman's husband ill?"
"No."
"One of her grandchildren?"
His chest was tightening. "It isn't anyone in her family. It is a young Negro woman. She hadn't eaten in days and she was beaten severely."
Julia's fingers turned to ice and her face immediately drained of all color. "What are you saying?"
"She is a runaway," he whispered. "We are helping her get to freedom."
She ripped back her hand and she stood quickly to her feet. Her ball of yarn fell from her lap. Sam's chair raked across the floor as he also stood.
"Julia'"
"Oh, Samuel! How could you? How could you?"
"Julia, if you only knew what she has been through'"
"You are breaking the law!"
"Sometimes laws made by men are unjust."
"But the soldiers! After that captain's warning? Giving bread on the street is one thing, but this! Samuel, how could you?"
He watched fear give way to anger as she realized the full implications of his actions. "I am an accomplice to your crimes! And my father'¦now you have dragged him into it, as well!"
"No one dragged him, Julia. He came willingly."
"He came because someone needed his help. He didn't know'"
"Yes, he did. I spoke with him several weeks ago, when I was trying to make my own decision on whether or not to be part of this."
"Am I to believe he gave you his blessing to break the law?"
"He told me that the decision was between me and The Lord but that if his service as a physician was ever needed, he would be available."
She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Didn't he understand what would happen if they were caught? Didn't he understand what those soldiers would do? Julia was so angry that she could barely get the words out.
"Samuel, are you purposefully seeking to destroy my family'¦or are you simply doing so in ignorance?"
"Julia, I would never let anything'"
"I don't believe you!"
She had raised her voice so loudly that her father had come into the room. Shirtsleeves rolled up, red faced, he looked as angry as she felt.
"That is enough, Julia!"
His tone was so firm, so uncharacteristic that she was shocked into silence.
"We will discuss this later," he said. He then looked at Samuel. The color slowly faded from his face. "It pains me to ask this, son, but would you be so kind as to escort my daughter home?"
"Certainly, sir."
No! Julia thought. I won't go with him! Father, why are you doing this? Don't you realize what is happening here? Don't you realize what is at stake?
Dr. Stanton turned for the staircase. Julia glanced at Samuel. He was busy gathering up her yarn and stuffing it in her carpetbag. It was clear t
hat there would be no discussion. He handed her the bag. Julia snatched it from him then walked to the door.
"
It was a cold carriage ride. Sam held his tongue for the course of six blocks, then he spoke.
"I am sorry that you had to find out this way. It was not my intention to deceive you."
He stole a glance at her. She was staring at the back of the mare. She said nothing. She refused to even look at him.
"I had planned to tell you everything when the time was right."
They stopped at an intersection. When a group of soldiers crossed the street in front of them, Julia gripped the bag on her lap. Her knuckles turned white with fear.
"I can see how frightened you are," he said when the soldiers were a safe distance from them. "And I am sorry that I am the cause of that. But believe me, Julia, I would not be involved in such things if I wasn't absolutely convinced that this was the right course of action to take."
Silence still. Complete, lonely silence.
For a moment he was tempted to tell her everything, to give her details he had learned. He wanted to tell her how the poor runaway in the Jordan's attic had come to be in such desperate conditions, how the child she carried was not the result of a loving, marital union.
But he could not bring himself to do so. Julia had already seen enough hatred and horror of war so that it filled her with fear every time she saw a blue uniform. What would she think if she knew what slave-holding men of this city were capable of?
The carriage wobbled repetitively over the uneven stones. She firmly held her bag and her place, as far away from Sam as possible. He pulled to a stop in front of the gate. Before he could secure the reins, Julia stepped from the carriage, her hoop swaying as she hurried to the front door.
"I love you," Sam said as the door shut solidly behind her. He couldn't help but think he had just seen her for the very last time.
"
Julia scurried up the front walk and bolted the door behind her. Heart racing, she leaned back against the secure frame in order to catch her breath. A cold sweat made her shiver. What had happened today was the final straw. There was no hope of compromise. Samuel was harboring fugitive slaves! It wasn't the charity given to the poor souls that troubled her. It was doing so illegally that was so terrifying.
To make matters worse, her own father was assisting! Soldiers already patrolled her neighborhood looking for traitors. What would they do if they knew her father was actively undermining Maryland state law?
Instinct told her to shutter the windows and search Edward's room in the event that he had indeed left a musket behind to defend them. Her heart told her to pray but for whom and what outcome, she had no idea. She despised Samuel for involving her in such a conspiracy.
While Edward defends our liberty, Samuel actively seeks our downfall. How could I ever have considered marrying a man like him?
She passed the next two hours monitoring the windows and pacing across the parlor. When her father finally arrived home, Julia begged him for an explanation. He offered very little.
"Her name is Rose," he said. "She is about your age and she is carrying a child."
He then went into his study and retrieved a small book. He handed it to her.
"Samuel didn't want you to read this because he didn't want to expose you to such terrible things. But I think the time for protecting is past. You are old enough to know that this life does not consist of society balls and beauty for everyone."
Julia glanced at the book in her hand. Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, an American Slave. The last thing she felt like doing at this point was reading a book. She looked back at her father.
"Does Mother know about all this?"
"Of course," he said. "We have no secrets from each other. A marriage cannot survive without both parties united in purpose and love."
Well said, she thought. Which is exactly why it won't work with me and Samuel.
"I want you to read that. Afterward, if you still consider Sam's actions and mine foolhardy, then so be it." He studied her for a moment; his spectacles perched upon the end of his nose. "But I trust that whatever you decide, you will keep what you know of our activities to yourself."
"Of course I will," she promised. I would never betray my family.
"
Sam had hoped to assist Dr. Carter in making certain that Rose safely reached Pennsylvania. But given what had taken place in the Jordan's parlor, it was rather obvious to the man that Sam's fiancée did not support his endeavors. When questioned out of concern, he was compelled to explain what had happened.
"I see," Dr. Carter said thoughtfully. "You need time to pray, young man, and so does she."
Sam was thankful that the man did not speak unkindly of Julia or dismiss her altogether. He wondered how much more time he would have to spend in prayer before he saw a change for the better. Things had not gone as he had imagined. He didn't understand why. Hadn't he done his best to follow God's will? Hadn't he prayed each step of the way? Why wasn't Julia more receptive?
Lord, don't You promise if we delight in You then You will give us the desires of our heart?
Struck by the self-centeredness of the thought, Sam searched his motives. Had he served Rose only for his own gain? Had he become involved in something that was never God's plan for him? Have I misread Your instructions, Lord?
He then was reminded of the look in Rose's eyes when he helped to clean her wounds. He remembered how her unborn child was spared early delivery because of Dr. Stanton's expertise.
God gave him the knowledge to save the child. A lesser physician could not have managed it. And his patient demeanor helped calm the distraught woman.
Sam drew in a deep breath. In his heart he knew he was exactly where he should be. He had hoped that Julia would walk this path with him. But even if she would not, he couldn't allow her anger or fear to sway him from doing what he knew was right. I must stay the course'¦trust God.
"Let the Almighty do his work," Dr. Carter said to Sam. "And guard yourself against doubt. For it will certainly come."
Sam nodded slowly. It was as if the man had read his mind. "It already has," he confessed.
Dr. Carter gave him a grandfatherly smile. "Then seek God's strength. Why don't you come to church with me this Sunday?"
Sam accepted the invitation. He wished to worship but he did not want to be a distraction to Julia nor allow her to be one for him.
"
Sunday came and Julia joined her family for worship. Thankfully, Samuel did not show. To say that she worshipped, however, would be a lie. She spent the hour thinking more about soldiers, slaves and Southern rights than anything else. She had tried to pray but she couldn't seem to focus her thoughts on anything but her own family's safety.
Oh, Lord, if Father feels he must do this'¦please don't let the soldiers catch him. Please.
Sally stopped her on the church steps after the service had ended.
"I have had you on my mind almost constantly for the last two days," she whispered. "Is everything all right?"
Julia drew in a deep breath. She could not tell her best friend all the things she was thinking. She had promised her father that she would remain silent.
Sally somehow must have sensed the issue was a confidential matter. "I have been praying for you," she said. "And I will keep on doing so."
So touched she was by Sally's perceptiveness and concern that Julia felt her chin begin to quiver. "Thank you," she whispered. "Keep praying for Edward and Father, especially."
Sally nodded. "And for Sam?"
Julia shook her head. "It is over," she said. "There is no hope of compromise."
/> Sally's face registered pain. Julia still felt the same inside but for the sake of being perceived resilient, she lifted her chin.
"I am going to go to Dolly Moffit's party and dance with every eligible young man who isn't wearing a blue uniform."
Sally gave Julia's arm a squeeze but she didn't say anything.
Word came from Edward the next day. Sally brought the letter as soon as it was daylight. When she arrived Julia was in her bedroom, still in her gown and morning robe, her hair about her shoulders.
"I knew you would want to read it privately," she said, "and not at the church."
"Thank you." Julia quickly tore into the envelope. "He says he is well."
She and Sally both breathed a great sigh of relief.
Thank you for your letters, Edward wrote. It is good to know that Mother and Father are doing well.
Edward stated that he and most of his fellow Baltimoreans had been placed under Corp Commander General Ewell. He went on to tell that he respected the Confederate man greatly. He is disciplined but fair and I am convinced that all of this drilling we are doing will make us seasoned soldiers for battle.
Julia gulped, still hoping such a day would never really come. She prayed that the Confederate show of might would be enough to make the Northern soldiers back down. She remembered Edward's promise of how he would see to it personally that the Yankees were thrown out of Baltimore. Though she longed for the day when she could walk down the street without glares from men in blue, she still prayed the soldiers would withdraw peacefully, not at the expense of further Maryland blood.
"What else does he say?" Sally asked.
Edward then moved his pen to the happier thoughts of camp life, playing chess with Stephen and writing of a recent promotion.
"They have made him a captain," Julia said with delight.
"Oh, how wonderful! Won't he look handsome in an officer's uniform?"
She grinned. "I suspect you would find him handsome in any type of clothing."
Sally only blushed.
Her Rebel Heart Page 14