Rocking the Pink
Page 24
One of the first things people want to know when they talk to me now is, “Did chemo work?” I know everyone wants to hear me say, “Abso-fricking-lutely!” I hate to disappoint people, I really do, but the honest answer is, “Who the hell knows?” The surgeon took out the initial tumor and lymph nodes, and I choose to believe that no cancer cells remained after that. Of course, if my optimism is wrong and bastard cancer cells did remain after surgery, then I am certain chemo blasted every single rogue cell to kingdom come—and then poisoned, nuked, stabbed, shot, karate-chopped, and electrocuted them, just for good measure.
I will officially be in remission in three more years, when I hit my five-year mark without a problem. Until then, how do I know if it “worked” or not? I just have to wait and see. But I refuse to spend the next three years waiting to cross some imaginary finish line. I’m just going to live my life to its fullest in the here and now.
Remember when Dorothy, trapped in the Wicked Witch’s tower, watched in terror as the grains of sand fell unabated into the bottom half of the hourglass? Even as a child, I couldn’t help but wonder why Dorothy just sat there, staring at the hourglass. Why didn’t she check to see if the tower door was, by some lucky chance, unlocked? Or maybe look for a secret passageway? She could have used her time so much more wisely!
If you knew the Wicked Witch had turned over an hourglass to mark the end of your life, would you sit in the tower, fretting and staring at the grains of falling sand? Or, with whatever time was left, would you beat down that damned tower door, bitch-slap a flying monkey or two, and move on down the road? Speaking for myself, I’m gonna bitch-slap the monkeys and boogie on down the Yellow Brick Road.
Epilogue
After my return from Rock ’n’ Roll Fantasy Camp at the end of 2009, Matthew and I immediately began recording my second album throughout 2010. Each time he came home for a few weeks from a leg of his world tour, we disappeared into the studio together for days at a time.
Oftentimes, our sides hurt from laughing so hard; occasionally, perhaps inspired by our mutual brilliance at capturing a perfect drum solo or slide-guitar lick, we danced around the studio together like Kevin Bacon and Chris Penn in Footloose. Many times, despite our best intentions, recording never happened on a particular day, and instead we spent our time together sitting in the studio, talking, hugging, and crying away the hours. But mostly we just enjoyed the thrill of creating music together, the joy of sharing our common passion.
At the end of that year, despite Matt’s crazy touring schedule and my own frantic schedule as a wife and mother of two busy girls (sports for Sophie and musical theater for Chloe), Matthew and I managed to bring my songs to life. And oh, the joy! They turned out exactly as I’d envisioned.
It was a magical year. It was the year I found, and revealed, my true voice.
Not surprisingly, then, it was also the year I wrote this book.
Whenever Matt went off on another leg of his tour, temporarily halting progress on the album and leaving me pent up with unfulfilled artistic energy, I quenched my creative thirst by arranging words on my computer screen for hours at a time. Every night after I put the girls to sleep, and after Brad’s rhythmic breathing next to me confirmed he’d drifted off into dreamland, I crept to my computer and wrote, and wrote, and wrote, usually until the wee hours of the morning.
And whenever Matt came home, I swapped my nighttime writing sessions for recording sessions with him.
Thus, throughout that year, the two projects—the book and the album—became indistinguishable to me, two means of telling the same story simultaneously.
When I released my second album in early 2011, which I christened I’m Still Here (complete with a back-cover photograph of my badass tattoo), I held my breath, eager to find out if the world would hear the new clarity in my voice. And if people did hear it, would they like it?
I got my answer soon enough: A respected music blog called my album “a brilliant and emotionally naked artistic turn” and applauded its “startling emotional honesty.”
And then Billboard magazine, a truly iconic music publication, ranked me number three on its list of the top fifty emerging artists in the world. Not too shabby for a forty-year-old (former) lawyer, wife, and mother of two! And it got even better: For twenty weeks following my initial entry onto the Billboard chart, I remained there, bouncing around, week after glorious week.
“I feel like a proud father,” Mark Hudson said when he called to congratulate me on my album, which I’d sent to him with an effusive thank-you note. “You did it, Laura! You did it. It’s a masterpiece.”
But before I could get too full of myself, he added, “Now, Laura, it’s time to go even further. I know you’ve got even more inside you!”
And, of course, he was right.
Acknowledgments
This book’s existence has depended on the support and generosity of some very special people. At the top of the list is Brad, my woobie and my rock. Let’s face it: Your memorable zingers throughout the years have supplied half the content of this book. And my lovely little girls deserve so much credit, too. Sophie, in particular: You peeked over my shoulder the entire time I wrote this book (except when I told you to go away because I was writing something intended for “mature audiences”), and your exclamations of “Mommy, you are such a good writer!” and “Mommy, you are so funny!” kept me going and believing in myself. Even when you were ten years old, I trusted your judgment that much, honey. Chloe, my little stick of dynamite: Keep dreaming, keep singing, keep writing, keep strutting your stuff, little mama. Thank you so much for your great idea that led me directly to the title of this book!
Jane Barker, My Dearest Jane, my chemo buddy and soul sister, thank you for holding my hand from across the pond. Allyson Aabram, you read and reread every draft of this book and pushed me to reveal more and more. Thank you. Dad, you can see what I see, even when it’s crazy! I love you, Pops. Jill Marr, thank you for believing in me and changing my life. Sharon, words on a page aren’t enough. You know what you mean to me. Mom, thank you for calling me Lamby when I was little. Matthew, you showed me who I could be. Lorlou, you inspired me to be a writer. Thanks and acknowledgment to my entire family for their boundless love and support.
Thank you to the wonderful folks at Seal Press, especially my editor, the generous and spirited Brooke Warner. Special acknowledgment and heartfelt thanks to Andrew Hampshire, Paula Dozzi, Lesley Ballard, Cristina Almeida, my CBL brothers, JR Reed, Jack Black, Mark Hudson, Triple Negative Breast Cancer Foundation, Jennifer Griffin, Amanda Nixon, Kimmy McAtee, Keep A Breast, David Fishof, Beverly Trainer, Caroline and Emil Wohl, Tommy Sablan and the Jeff & Jer team, Wildy Haskell, the folks at Right Recordings, Jennifer Argenti, Leslie Tall Manning, Martha Lawrence, Lisa Pulitzer, Joni Rodgers, the Bogans, the Zamoyskis, Tiffanie Kasner, Heather Dugdale, and, of course, The Bunco Girls. And to those of you mentioned throughout this book: I’m a better person for having known you (or, in some instances, having dreamed of knowing you).
About the Author
Laura Roppé is an award-winning singer-songwriter, cancer survivor, speaker, and former attorney from San Diego, California. She obtained a BA in theater arts from UCLA (summa cum laude) but then pursued the “family business” by attending law school at the University of San Diego, where she graduated number two in her class, and went on to practice employment/business litigation for over a decade.
In 2008, the year of her diagnosis with triple negative breast cancer at age thirty-seven, Laura ditched her legal career to follow her musical dreams in earnest, winning Americana Single of the Year at the 2009 Los Angeles Music Awards. Upon the release of Laura’s second album, I’m Still Here, which she wrote during chemo treatments, Billboard magazine ranked her number three on its chart of the top fifty emerging artists in the world. Laura spends her time with her husband, two daughters, and dog, Buster; writes and sings; plays bunco on the second Tuesday of every month with her girlfriends; an
d, last but not least, devises various schemes to get herself into the Copacabana. For more information, go to www.lauraroppe.com.
Selected Titles from Seal Press
For more than thirty years, Seal Press has published groundbreaking books. By women. For women.
Marrying George Clooney: Confessions from a Midlife Crisis, by Amy Ferris. $16.95, 978-1-58005-297-9. In this candid look at menopause, Amy Ferris chronicles every one of her funny, sad, hysterical, down and dirty, and raw to the bones insomnia-fueled stories.
Another Morning: Voices of Truth and Hope From Mothers With Cancer, by Linda Blachman. $15.95, 978-1-58005-178-1. A collection of powerful, inspirational, and deeply moving personal stories of ordinary women responding to every mother’s nightmare: a cancer diagnosis while raising children.
Lessons from the Monk I Married, by Katherine Jenkins. $15.00, 978-1-58005-368-6. Katherine Jenkins offers up ten powerful lessons about life, love, and spirituality that she has gathered during her marriage to former Buddhist monk Seong Yoon Lee.
Something Spectacular: The True Story of One Rockette’s Battle with Bulimia, by Greta Gleissner. $17.00, 978-1-58005-415-7. A piercing, powerful account of one woman’s struggle with bulimia, self-image, and sexuality, set against the backdrop of professional dancing.
A Thousand Sisters: My Journey into the Worst Place on Earth to Be a Woman, by Lisa Shannon, foreword by Zainab Salbi. $16.95, 978-1-58005-359-4. Through her inspiring story of turning what started as a solo 30-mile run to raise money for Congolese women into a national organization, Run for Congo Women, Lisa Shannon sounds a deeply moving call to action for each person to find in them the thing that brings meaning to a wounded world.
Follow My Lead: What Training My Dogs Taught Me about Life, Love, and Happiness, by Carol Quinn. $17.00, 978-1-58005-370-9. Unhappy with her failing love affair, her stagnant career, and even herself, Carol Quinn enrolls her two Rhodesian ridgebacks into dog agility training—and becomes the “alpha dog” of her own life in the process.
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Rocking the Pink
Finding Myself on the Other Side of Cancer
Copyright © 2012 by Laura Roppé
Published by
Seal Press
A Member of the Perseus Books Group
1700 Fourth Street
Berkeley, California
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form without written permission from the publisher, except by reviewers who may quote brief excerpts in connection with a review.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Roppé, Laura, 1970-
Rocking the pink : finding my rock star self on the other side of cancer / Laura Roppé.
p. cm.
eISBN : 978-1-580-05454-6
1. Roppé, Laura, 1970—Health. 2. Breast—Cancer—Patients—Biography. I. Title.
RC280.B8R66 2012
362.196’994490092—dc23
[B]
2011027014