Tai had been listening intently to their story and seemed as if they were about to comment when their order arrived. As soon as the server left, Tai responded, “Aren’t family members the worst?”
Cruella shrugged. “They can be.” They idly dipped their tea bag in the hot water over and over. “I mean, Neal has these awesome parents and sister. They’re so cool. But I take it your family didn’t treat you right?”
Tai whacked the air with one hand. “Ugh. Don’t get me started. But, honey, if you didn’t like the name Cruella, why did you keep it?”
Cruella laid the tea bag on the saucer. “Oh no, I love it. It worked out great, definitely added to my mystique and image. That’s why I kept the white for years and years. My real name is Frank.” Cruella laughed at the name they hadn’t uttered in ages. They’d even had their name legally changed.
Tai nodded. “I understand. But I loved the purple too and now the burgundy.” Tai placed a croissant on the second dish the server had brought and slid it in their direction. “And no way you’re a Frank. Just sayin’.”
Cruella nervously eyed the croissant as they cleared their throat. “No, I’m not. Never was.”
Tai tore off a piece of his own pastry and stuffed it into his mouth. He rolled his eyes as he chewed. “This place has the best coffee and baked goods.” He took a sip of his latte. “Well, except for Elliot’s, of course.” Tai glanced up at Cruella. “You know I used to model professionally, right?”
Cruella smiled. “Yes. Elliot’s very proud of you. He couldn’t stop talking about all the famous designers you’ve modeled for, and how popular you were as a model.”
Tai snorted. “I figured, he’s such a sweet thing. And ‘were’ is the proper assessment. Well, anyway, something I’ve never talked about with him, although Lucas knows, is that I had a severe eating disorder back when I was at the top of my game. I was the binge and purge queen.”
Cruella’s face heated. They’d never done that, but they had starved themself plenty of times. I guess I’m not exactly stuffing myself these days either. “I assume it was because of your modeling career?”
“Oh my, yes. It can be brutal. Didn’t you say you’ve done some modeling before, too?”
Cruella fiddled with the tea bag on the saucer. “Not like you have. I did some local print stuff, that’s all.”
“But it all counts when we’re trying to look our best, doesn’t it?”
Cruella stared at the tea then let their gaze wander to the plate with the croissant. How long had they been punishing themself? They’d sworn they would knock it off after getting away from Tucker. But here they were, over six months later and still afraid to take a bite of something with even one carb in it.
“It wasn’t only that.” Cruella regarded Tai. They hadn’t wanted to discuss it with Ray, even if he had to know that they weren’t eating, because he wouldn’t understand. Not the way someone like Tai would. “Starving myself had the potential to be a problem when I got into beauty and fashion and all that, but it wasn’t anything compulsive. I’ve always been naturally thin. However, when I got with my ex it blew up.”
“Why’s that, if you don’t mind me being nosy as fuck?”
Cruella chuckled, beginning to relax in Tai’s company. “That’s okay, I don’t mind you asking. He was such a controlling bastard who loved the way I looked to the degree that I think that’s all he loved. I was this…this object that turned him on and he didn’t want one ounce to change that.”
Cruella pressed their lips together, holding back the anger the memory of Tucker’s treatment of them always brought to the surface. “I was almost at the point where I was feeling good about myself, accepting who I was and that all the assholes from school and my family didn’t get to dictate that to me anymore, when along came Tucker and undermined it all.” Cruella’s stomach twisted as they recalled their own stupidity. “And I let him.”
Tai reached over and lay his hand on their arm. “And you also had the strength to do whatever it took to make him your ex. You got away from him, right?”
“Yeah.” Cruella nodded. “I did.” They shifted in their chair. “It’s not just what I eat. It’s eating in front of other people. Me and Liam have a similar issue, but mine has more to do with how every time I’d eat with Tucker, he’d watch me to make sure I didn’t eat one more morsel than he thought I should. If we went out or were around other people, he’d make snide remarks about what a pig I was turning into if I had a cracker with some cheese on it. Eating in public started making me sick to my stomach, my nerves would get so out of control.”
Tai squeezed their arm then let go. “Sugar, if I could kick him repeatedly in the balls for you, I would.” He arched his eyebrows. “And trust me, these heels would not make his nut sac very happy.”
Cruella almost spit out their tea. They shielded their mouth with one hand as they tried to recover from Tai’s vivid description. “He’s not worth any potential damage to those Louboutins.”
Tai nodded sagely. “So true.”
They sat in silence as Tai tore off another piece of pastry and washed it down with some of his latte. Cruella regarded their own pastry, their stomach roiling at the thought of eating any of it in front of Tai. Or anyone else.
“So, here’s my concern.” Tai pushed away the now-empty plate, only the flaky crumbs left. “Part of the reason I wanted to meet with you today is to discuss the possibility of having you model for me. However, sugar, I wouldn’t feel right if doing so contributes to your health being damaged.”
Fuck. “I want to model for you, very badly. And I’ve been getting better. When Ray and I go out, or even at home, I can eat with him.” They sighed. “Not piles of food, and it has to be healthy, but I can do it.”
Tai tilted their head. “How serious are you about Ray?”
“I…” In addition to all the other intense feelings they’d been having for Ray, a fierce possessiveness had recently taken over whenever they thought of him. “Very serious. I think of him as mine.” Their cheeks heated. “We haven’t gotten very far when it comes to the lifestyle yet, but we’re working on it.”
“And he’s serious about you?”
Cruella had to smile. “He’s crazy about me.”
Tai scooted closer to them then took both their hands in his own. “Okay, honey, then here’s let’s what. With your permission, I’d like to bring Ray in on this situation. I need to feel secure enough that if I hire you, there’s someone there keeping an eye out in case you fall into your old habits. Does that sound fair? And I can recommend an excellent counselor who specializes in eating disorders if you’re interested. She’s amazing, helped me out so much.”
“I think that’s very fair. I don’t think I need a counselor at this point, but thank you for the offer.”
Tai let go then straightened. “Of course. Anytime you want to talk about any of this, don’t hesitate.” Tai rested his chin on the heel of his palm. “Now let’s talk about fun things. Did you see the ass on our server? A booty like that should come with a warning.”
Cruella laughed as Tai launched into a colorful and detailed description of the hottest asses he’d personally encountered over the years. The conversation was entertaining, but their thoughts kept drifting to Ray. He was on their mind almost all the time. But even more importantly, he was now in their heart too.
Chapter Twelve
As Ray pulled into the area behind Rogue where his reserved parking spot was located, he found it already taken up.
Fuck.
All he’d wanted to do was stop by on his day off to see Cruella then pick something up for them to eat. They had confessed to him what he’d suspected all along—that they struggled with food. After asking if there was anything he could do to help, Cruella had said they wouldn’t mind if whenever he had the time, he could send them a text as a reminder to get a snack. Their years of making it a habit not to eat would take a while to break.
Ray did a three-point turn to get
out of the confined area and steeled himself to go on the great WeHo parking quest. Instead of texting, Ray had decided he would show up at Rogue instead. He wouldn’t be on for another couple hours, but he thought he’d see if Cruella wanted to join him for a meal in the breakroom when they were done with their shift. If nothing else, he could do the snack reminder in person.
After circling the block on one side of the shop, then trying the one on the other side, he spotted someone leaving only a few cars away from Rogue. He could fill the meter, then try and track down whoever had jacked his space. Ray completed an expert parallel parking job between two big trucks and with traffic tearing past. His years of driving in Los Angeles had served him well.
Once he’d locked up his SUV, he made his way toward Rogue, the familiar excitement of seeing Cruella soon singing in his veins. A car honked loudly, and he whipped his head toward the sound just in time to see a man he vaguely recognized step back onto the curb across the street.
He must’ve been trying to run across. Ray stopped and frowned as the realization of who it was hit him. Motherfucker. Cruella’s asshole ex had been about to run across the street. To Rogue. He couldn’t believe the nerve of the guy.
Ray stared at Tucker, who still seemed to be searching for an opening in traffic. No way was he letting the abusive prick set one foot in his business. A red light half a block away brought traffic to a halt and Tucker darted into the street.
Fuck this shit.
Ray did the same, rushing toward him, and the moment Tucker got close enough to see Ray, it was clear he recognized him as well. He whirled around and took off, darting between two parked cars before running down the sidewalk. Ray jetted after him.
“Hey, asshole! I wanna talk with you!”
Tucker didn’t seem too interested in a conversation and disappeared into a bar after a few minutes of Ray on his heels. Ray ground to a stop, out of breath, adrenaline surging through him. Safety in numbers, I guess. He considered cornering him inside the busy establishment, but figured the guy would probably make a scene. The last thing he wanted to do was get arrested or something crazy like that.
He brushed the back of his hand across his forehead, wiping away the sweat that had gathered there. While the temps were only in the fifties, his leather jacket had heated him up rather well.
Might as well head back to the shop.
Waiting outside the bar wasn’t happening. He didn’t need to be as creepy as Tucker, and anyway, after their almost-run in, Ray figured he’d scared the guy off for good. Not willing to dodge oncoming traffic anymore, Ray behaved himself and meandered down to the crosswalk. It would also give him a moment to get his breathing under control and not stroll into Rogue with sweat running down his face.
Once he made it to the front of the store, he remembered he still needed to search for whoever had stolen his space. They might even be gone by now. But first, he’d check in with Cruella and see if they wanted to grab something to eat together.
As he pushed through the door he was met with both Neal and Cruella standing by the front window. When they turned his way, his stomach tightened, something telling him that they’d probably seen what happened and weren’t too pleased about it for some reason.
He furrowed his brow. “What?”
Neal glanced between him and Cruella with his lips pressed tight. “You know, Liam’s about done setting up the new Instant Pot in the breakroom, so I’ll ask him to come out and give Cruella their break. Excuse me.”
Ray gave a slight shake of his head. “What the hell is an Instant Pot?”
Cruella crossed their arms and arched their eyebrows. “Hon? Not the most important thing going on right now.”
Ray took in the reception area surroundings and noted they were alone. “I saw Tucker across the street.” He swallowed hard as Cruella’s look of disapproval remained. “I thought that was kind of strange.”
“Which meant you had to chase him down the street?”
Cruella continued to stare him down while Ray struggled to reconcile with himself why he’d felt compelled to do such a thing.
“N-no. I guess…” Ray huffed. “He was getting ready to come inside the shop.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, I’m not understanding why you took it upon yourself to run after my ex, yelling at him, for no good reason.”
Ray crossed his arms too. “No good reason? They guy beat you and treated you like shit. No way I’m letting him near you.”
Neal and Liam emerged from the breakroom and Ray looked away, taking a few deep breaths to calm down. He didn’t want to fight with Cruella, especially not in front of their friends. They could take it into the back and have an adult conversation without things blowing up.
“Well, you can take your break now, Cruella.” Neal had his arm around a visibly upset Liam. “I don’t have a client for another hour, so I’ll be out here with Liam.”
“Thanks, hon.” Cruella regarded him. “You’re welcome to join me, if you’d like.”
The offer wasn’t made with anger or as a demand, but their tone had remained no-nonsense.
“I would, thanks.”
Cruella led the way and as Ray passed Neal, his friend smacked the side of his arm without comment. Ray gave him a glare, but Neal didn’t back down, narrowing his eyes at him instead. Liam had already taken a seat behind the desk and his attention was elsewhere, so Ray shrugged with his palms up in a gesture of ‘what?’.
Neal leaned in and spoke next his ear. “Don’t fight other people’s battles when you haven’t been invited to do so. And listen. Really listen.”
Ray frowned. He kept his voice low as well. “Did they say something to you?”
Neal chuckled, shaking his head as if frustrated by how obtuse he was being. “Dude. They didn’t need to. I saw. I was wondering why the hell you were running across a busy street chasing some guy. I could tell from here how pissed you were. So, I asked them. All they told me was that he was their ex.” Neal patted his arm, the gesture more encouraging than hostile this time. “Like I said, not your battle.”
Ray lowered his head, nodding. “Yeah. And I already kinda stepped in it when we were out on Halloween.”
Neal sighed. “They’ve never struck me as helpless. You might need to reassess your perception of them, Mr. White Knight.”
Ray glanced sideways at Liam, who was pretending not to be trying to listen in. “You’re right.” He patted his friend’s arm back. “I’d better get in there.” He cleared his throat. “Thanks.”
Neal chuckled. “Happy to call you out on your bullshit anytime, bro.”
No longer angry but embarrassed, Ray made his way to the breakroom. When he entered, he saw that Cruella had a glass of carrot juice in front of them. Ray assumed it had protein powder in it, which was part of their new effort to get more nutrition.
“Hey. Is it okay if I sit down?” He wasn’t sure if he was about to be kicked out after a good dressing down.
Cruella gestured to the chair across from them. “Please.”
Ray gingerly took a seat then folded his hands and placed them on the table, waiting for a cue from Cruella.
Cruella took a sip of their drink then locked eyes with him. “So, I’ve had a moment to consider what just happened, and why I got so upset. The other night when you grabbed and moved me so I wasn’t facing Tucker anymore, I reacted to being manhandled. But it’s more than that.” They reached across the table and laid their hand across his clutched ones. “Baby, I understand the part where you want to protect me, I do. But I went through a huge battle to wrench my life back from Tucker, and that’s an accomplishment I’m incredibly proud of. Not you or anyone else gets to decide how I handle that going forward. That’s my battle, my challenge, if he should continue to appear in my life for whatever inane reason he might have.”
Cruella let him go then sat back. “Hon, you’ll never fully grasp what my relationship with Tucker did to me, how it affected who I am. How he kept watch over me
night and day, dictated how I ate, who I saw, what I wore, told me who I was or wasn’t allowed to be. But that’s okay. I escaped his tyranny and I love me now. And I want you to be a part of my new life—however, that can’t happen if you keep trying to make my decisions and control my world for me. Even if those decisions are done from the kindness of your sweet, caring heart, I can’t have that anymore. Discussions are welcome, input encouraged, but conclusions are up to me.”
Shit. He hadn’t seen Cruella’s life with Tucker through their lens, only his own. “I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am. I never took the time to consider any of that. And I don’t view you as incapable, I really don’t.” He winced as he struggled to find the words to get his feelings across. “When I look back to a year ago, when you were first coming here and I’d see the bruises…” He swallowed past a lump in his throat. “I never said anything. I mean, yeah, the perfunctory ‘how are you’, but I never delved deeper.” He lifted his gaze. “I’m sorry I didn’t try to help you then when you really needed it.”
Cruella rose from the chair then came around the rectangular table to take a seat next to him. They wrapped their arms around him and he clutched them back, burying his face in their hair as a few pesky tears sneaked their way out.
“Shh, baby. It’s okay. I was quite skilled at hiding and pretending.” Cruella rubbed his back in soft circles. “I never expected anyone to come in and save me. I knew I’d fucked up.” They drew back then put two fingers under Ray’s chin, encouraging him to meet their gaze. “The relationship we’re building is something I’m very excited about. I’m learning so many things about myself I never knew existed and I’m sensing you’ll be by my side as I learn even more.” Cruella brushed his hair back. “Which brings me to something I’ve been wanting to seriously discuss with you.” The corner of their mouth quirked in a smile. “This wasn’t where I’d envisioned such a conversation taking place, but sometimes we can’t time things perfectly.”
Kink Aware (Kiss of Leather Book 9) Page 12