Ray took a chance and gathered their hands in his own. “Sure, whatever you want.”
Cruella chuckled. “Off to a good start.”
Ray tilted his head. “How do you mean?”
“We’ve been playing around with domination, the bondage and so on.” Cruella traced the tip of one finger down the side of his face then along his jaw. “And I know how much you enjoy being my good boy.”
Heat rose under Ray’s skin. “Yeah. A lot.”
Cruella broke into a wide smile. “Then what do you think about making a more formal arrangement with me as your Top?”
“Formal? Like, how?” He wanted to explore with Cruella but was so lost when it came to the particulars. Sure, there was the Internet, but he didn’t want to trust something so important to questionable sources.
“Well, I think we should have some sort of contract, even if it’s very basic. Taro talked a bit about contracts in class. He was discussing boundaries for rope bottoms who you might not work with on a regular basis, and gave a brief overview. What do you want to explore beyond the shibari, if anything?”
Ray straightened, the unexpected queries giving him pause. How formal did he want to be about what he and Cruella shared as part of their intimate relationship? Neal had always sworn by it, how it went beyond kink for him personally, made his connections with lovers so much stronger.
“I like the idea of discovering what we both enjoy beyond the shibari. I’ll confess I’ve never understood the appeal of getting flogged or whipped—the thought doesn’t turn me on whatsoever—but the dildo was hot. You teasing me was hot.” Ray found himself flushing again. “I got off on you being demanding or whatever. You know, when you took charge.”
Cruella traced a fingernail over his denim-covered knee. “That all sounds hot to me, too. I think we should take it a step further, where you only come when I say so.”
“During sex?” He could roll with that.
They trailed the fingernail up the inside of his thigh toward his crotch. “What about all the time? Or at least for a set period of time?”
He sucked in a breath, his cock twitching even while he strove to understand why the idea of being denied made him horny rather than turned off. “Um, okay. But, when you say ‘all the time’, how would that even work?”
“I think my baby would get a lot out of using a cock cage with me holding the key.”
Ray choked on his own spit. “You…” He sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth as his dick hardened more. “Jesus, Cruella. I’ll be coming from this conversation alone.”
Cruella chuckled. “I’ll take that as a yes.” They reached the vee of his crotch, slipping their fingers between his thighs and cupping his package, stroking their thumb across his now-visible erection. “And it would seem you already need some help controlling yourself.”
Ray placed their hand over Cruella’s to stop the teasing. “I don’t have another change of clothes with me. Just wanted to point that out.”
“Then you’d better not come. I wouldn’t want to have to spank you later.”
“Shit.” Ray gritted his teeth and drew in a few deep breaths while thinking of taxes, sad puppies, his grandmother and any other boner-killing things he could drum up. “I forgot to mention that the spanking works for me too.”
Cruella winked as they blessedly took their hand away from his junk. “I had a feeling. We can add all those things to a basic contract. One other thing—do you believe you could submit to me in public?”
Ray’s heart seemed to sink into his stomach. Giving over his life and decisions to Cruella the way they didn’t want him to do to them? Serving them the way Liam insisted on doing with Neal, even though his buddy had never searched for that type of sub? Not hot, and he’d never be able to keep a straight face anyway. Not to mention that he’d never considered that Cruella would want such a thing.
“I don’t understand. You mean being your servant all the time or whatever it is that’s called?”
Cruella shook their head. “No, baby. I’m only viewing this as something we do if we went to a club like Kiss of Leather, or when we’re in the mood for it in the bedroom.”
“Oh.” Their discussion was so out of his realm of understanding. “Then how would I show my submission to you in public, at a club?”
“Acknowledge that I’m the Top in front of others. Perhaps by kneeling, keeping your gaze lowered or wearing a collar. It would be a work in progress as we try out various things, but do you think you’d be embarrassed by allowing others to see you—this masculine, virile man—submitting to someone like me? Could you accept being taken care of by me and be seen as the bottom rather than being in the role of savior and protector?”
Ray chewed on his lip and shifted in his chair. They’d have to keep it real, he knew that. But he also knew that if he could do such a thing, it would go a long way toward rebuilding Cruella’s trust. Maybe my trust too? Because maybe he didn’t trust that Cruella could take care of themself. Maybe he did think he knew what was better for Cruella than they did.
He cleared his throat. “That’s a good question. Could we start with some of the other things first, then revisit the submission thing at a later date? I mean, I’ll totally do it when we’re alone, but maybe work up to the other?”
A tinge of disappointment crossed Cruella’s features and he wished he could’ve given them a better answer. They seemed to recover and offered him a sincere smile. “Sure, hon. This journey has to be real for both of us, or there’s no point.”
Ray hoped the smile he gave back appeared as genuine as Cruella’s had. “I promise I’ll consider it.”
Cruella squeezed his hand. “Thank you, hon. Which brings me to the next thing I wanted us to consider as a couple. How would you feel about us joining Kiss of Leather? I can’t afford it right now, but after I do the ad campaign for Breathless, I could take that money and put it toward a membership.”
“I think that’s an awesome idea. I was impressed with the place when we took the tour and I enjoyed it when we went for your graduation. But don’t worry about the memberships, I can take care of that.”
Cruella huffed then rolled their eyes. “Five minutes ago you knew I could take care of myself, but now I need you to step in and buy me a membership?”
Good one, Ray. “It could be a Christmas present?”
“Christmas is six weeks away.” Cruella narrowed their eyes at Ray, daring him to continue insisting he should handle it.
“Okay, I’ll shut up. We’ll make it a goal for the new year.”
Cruella exhaled on a long breath. “Good.” They scooted closer again. “Come here, baby.”
Ray leaned forward and they embraced, holding each other in silence. He closed his eyes and rested against their shoulder, his thoughts filled with all the possibilities between them.
Assuming I don’t fuck it up.
Chapter Thirteen
Ray double-checked to make sure the apartment was neat and tidy, or at least as good as it ever got. He ran a hand over his head then shook both of them out, trying to get himself to calm down before Cruella arrived. He had wanted to pick them up, but they were getting a ride from Tai. He almost shouted at the sound of the knock on his door, but he rushed to answer it.
“Hey, baby.”
Ray smiled as he drew Cruella into his arms.
“Hey.”
They kissed, long and slow, and Ray thanked the heavens once again that he hadn’t fucked everything up with his knee-jerk behavior. He had another chance to move forward with Cruella, and he was determined to show them he could be the man they needed.
Cruella pulled back, but left their arms hanging loosely around his neck. “Did you want to write this out by hand, type it in your laptop…?”
“My writing is shit.” He shrugged then gave a jerk of his head toward the kitchen table. “I fired up the computer for us.”
Cruella grinned. “Then let’s get started.”
They crossed
the short expanse of the front room to the kitchen then took a seat. Ray thought he might jump out of his skin, so he wasn’t sure sitting was such a great idea. Instead, he paced.
“Can I get you a drink? Something to snack on?” He glanced at the time. “Did you ever have dinner? I could order in.”
Cruella’s sigh drew his attention. They had leaned back in the chair with their arms crossed. “This part of the process isn’t supposed to be a punishment.” They narrowed their eyes. “Hon, if this isn’t something you really want, then let’s not do it. I don’t want to push you into anything.”
Ray rushed over, grabbed a chair then planted it next to Cruella before sitting down. He clutched their hand. “No! Not at all. I really want to do this with you. Only with you.” He lowered his head. “I’m just nervous as all hell.”
Cruella tipped his chin up with one finger. “Hey. I’m nervous too. Listen, Neal told me about a site that has some basic, sample contracts that he thinks are good ones to start with. Why don’t we give them a look, then go from there?”
Ray nodded, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans. “Totally. That works.”
He decided that if he really wanted to keep to his commitment of allowing Cruella to be in charge, he should let them take over the contract hunt and lead the negotiations. As Cruella scrolled through the site they’d clicked on, Ray tried to sit still, but couldn’t find a comfortable position to settle in.
Without tearing their gaze from the computer screen, Cruella spoke. “Why don’t you get us some ice water, Ray. Then practice the breathing we do when I tie you up while I pick out the best sample contract for us to work off of.”
He jumped up, banging the top of his thigh and jostling the table. “Sorry. Didn’t scoot back far enough.”
Cruella glanced up at him, a smile tugging at the corner of their mouth. “That’s okay, baby. Grab the water then we can get started.”
After he’d done what Cruella had asked, Ray took a seat and focused on his breathing—anything to keep from jumping out of his skin.
Once Cruella seemed to find what they wanted, they regarded him. “Do you have a printer?”
“Yeah, it’s in the corner by the desk.” He leaned in, then pointed at the screen. “That’s the one you want to use?”
“Uh huh. Print two copies then we can each have one.”
Ray grinned. “Cool.”
After he had printed then collated the contracts, he stapled them together. He’d been surprised to discover they were only three pages each. For some reason, he’d imagined some elaborate document with headers and subsections and who the hell knew what else.
You’re letting yourself get too carried away.
“Hon?”
Ray set down the stapler then turned to face Cruella, who had left the kitchen and moved closer. They rested a hand on his shoulder.
“Yeah?”
Cruella took the contracts from him. “Let’s sit on the couch and go over these together.”
“Sure.” Ray nodded then drew his eyebrows together as something struck him. “Aren’t I supposed to answer you with an honorific? Like…” His frown deepened. “What would work?”
Cruella patted the cushion next to them. “We can start off by discussing that. I’ve already been thinking about what I’d be happy with.”
Ray hurried to join them. “Okay. What about me? Are you going to call me, you know…”
His face heated in record time. He didn’t fully understand the particulars of everything they were doing, couldn’t grasp why certain things got him so hard and were so natural in the moment, yet he felt weird discussing them out loud.
He sat with his thigh pressed against Cruella’s. When he’d initially taken a seat, he hadn’t meant to sit so close, but it turned out he needed it, needed the reassurance. Cruella took his hand and laced their fingers together.
“Boy? Is that what you were going to say?”
Ray couldn’t meet their gaze. “Yeah.” He had to chuckle at himself. After taking in a deep breath, he met their eyes. “It turns me on. But it also puts me in that headspace with you where you’re the one in control.”
“Good. It works the same for me. And I’ve considered the various honorifics, and for the most part, they’re not appropriate. Too gender specific. I don’t mind being referred to as your Dominant or Top, since those are neutral. But when you answer to me directly, use my name. ‘Yes, Cruella’ is all you need to say. No pet names while we’re playing, that would be the one restriction.”
Ray glanced at his copy of the contract then back at Cruella. “Is that the kind of thing we’d write down?”
Cruella handed him a pen. “The perfect thing. This way, we’re clear on what to expect.”
What about the good stuff?
“All right.”
Ray made a note at the top where they were supposed to place their names and titles for when they were in a scene. He tapped the pen against the paper when he was finished, biting his lip to keep himself from pestering Cruella with what sort of kinks they should explore and what punishments he’d get for misbehaving. Like the dirty boy I am. Ray dropped his head in his hand. Jesus. What’s happened to me?
Cruella nudged him with their elbow. “Focus, baby. I’m guessing it’s a good thing I brought the cock cage over tonight.”
Ray straightened, his eyes going wide. “Oh, damn. You want me to focus? After you tell me that?”
Cruella shook a finger at him. “You’re going to sit here and behave, or you won’t get the spanking you’ve been hinting at all week.”
Busted. “Okay. I’ll be good.”
They cupped his package and squeezed hard. “I know you will, because you’re Cruella’s best boy, aren’t you?”
Ray gasped, his teeth gritting. He nodded jerkily as he struggled to keep his composure.
“That’s not how you respond to your Dominant, now is it, boy?”
“No, Cruella. It isn’t. I apologize.”
They loosened their grip then slowly removed their hand from his aching balls. Cruella grinned. “That’s much better.”
Ray licked his lips. He had the feeling he was in for one hell of a night.
Cruella entered the final receipts for the day into the accounting program at Rogue, something Liam had been showing them how to do. The day had been slow, but then again it was the beginning of the Thanksgiving week and until the holiday was over, it would likely remain that way. However, they’d had plenty of tasks to keep them occupied. Liam had ordered a ton of earrings, body and leather jewelry that he expected customers would pick up as holiday gifts.
Cruella checked the next day’s schedule to make sure the appointments had been verified then began tidying up the desk. They nodded at the couple sitting on a loveseat at the far end of the reception area waiting for their friend. Cruella glanced at the clock again. Only ten minutes remained until closing, but snake bites wouldn’t take that long to do.
They lowered their head, smiling to themself as they continued to put everything to rights. Soon, Ray would be there. Then they could head back to his place, where Cruella would have the cock cage ready to go. Ray’s first round with it had been for twenty-four hours. But they planned on edging him for most of the night, letting him come once, then locking him back up again.
At the sound of the door ringer, Cruella glanced up then gasped, gripping the edge of the desk as they tried to process the sight before them.
Tucker. Un-fucking-believable.
Cruella sat frozen, a thousand thoughts racing through their brain as they tried to comprehend what Tucker thought he was doing there and what they should do about it. Tucker held his hand up.
“Don’t toss me out. I just want a few minutes of your time, that’s all.”
Cruella glanced at the customers at the other end of the room. They seemed lost in their own conversation, but Cruella didn’t want to cause any trouble for their bosses. They rose from their chair on shaky legs then moved behind the
glass display case, which took them further from the customers yet still kept a barrier between them and Tucker. As they suspected, Tucker followed them in that direction.
“We have nothing to talk about, Tucker, so I don’t know why you’re here.”
Tucker ran a hand across the top of his head, pushing back the chestnut-brown strands that hung in tangles just past his ears. He was a bit more muscular than Ray but not as tall. Even without heels, Cruella was a couple inches taller than the guy. His complexion could get ruddy at times, which was more pronounced against his lighter skin, and he was more flushed than normal. It had always been like that when he drank to excess. Cruella hoped they weren’t dealing with drunk Tucker, since alcohol only enhanced his already unpleasant personality.
Tucker glanced over his shoulder as if verifying the others weren’t listening in. “I only want to tell you how sorry I am, that’s all. To let you know there were certain things you might’ve been right about.”
Cruella had always assumed that if they ever received any sort of apology from Tucker, it would be as pathetic as the one they were currently hearing. “I see. Well, that’s just dandy. But you need to leave now because the shop is closing in a bit and I have to finish up my work.”
“Oh? Awesome. We can go grab a drink after.”
Cruella’s gut clenched at the mere thought of going anywhere with Tucker. “Not now. Not ever. Please leave.”
Tucker stepped closer to the case and Cruella jerked back. He held up his hands again, palms out. “No, no, sweetheart. Don’t do that. I won’t hurt you.”
They figured they’d heard that promise from Tucker more times than they cared to count. “I’m not interested in anything else you have to say, Tucker, nor am I going to spend any time with you, and that’s final. I don’t know why you’ve been following me around or how you found out I’d be at Rage the other night, but this stops right now. I’ve moved on, I have someone and I don’t want you in my life ever again.”
Kink Aware (Kiss of Leather Book 9) Page 13