Diva Diaries

by Janine A. Morris

  It was about 7:00 when she took a ride through Brinkerhoff Road, where Trevor said his daughter’s mother lived. When she didn’t see his car, she realized just how crazy the whole thing was. What would she have done if she had, knocked on the door?

  “I am a married woman with two wonderful kids. What in the hell am I doing even thinking about this little 27-year-old kid? I need to be home with my husband,” she murmured, trying to convince herself as she drove back home.

  Her own thoughts were making her feel dumb and guilty. She remembered that Jordan warned her not to entertain him. It just seemed for some reason, Trevor had said something that struck a nerve with her, and although she knew it was crazy, she wanted to entertain him some. Even if it was just for fun—she was just a tad bit curious.

  When she walked back in her house, Keith was in the living room as usual, watching television. At first she was tempted to go sit next to him and try to spark a conversation. The temptation left when she saw that he didn’t even acknowledge her presence. Instead she walked upstairs to her bedroom and started to change into something more comfortable. As she slowly switched from her work clothes into some sweats, she realized that she wasn’t giving much of an effort with Keith, either. She had settled for the relationship he was giving her and she hadn’t fought for what she wanted. She found herself trying to avoid the rejection; it had just become easier to allow him to treat her like she wasn’t there than to beg him for attention.

  She convinced herself that she should make an attempt. Who knows, maybe he was waiting for her to make a move. He had probably gotten so caught up in his ways, he couldn’t just change his behavior without some help. With this in mind, she went back downstairs and he was still watching ESPN as he was when Chrasey walked in. She sat next to him on the couch, and as soon as she sat down he looked over at her with a look of surprise, confusion, and annoyance, all in one. Once she confirmed with her eyes that she meant to sit there and interrupt his alone time, he turned away.

  “Hey there, mister,” she said.

  “What’s up, Chrasey?” he replied without looking over at her.

  “How’s everything going at work?”

  “Fine, Chrasey, why?” he said with frustration.

  “Just asking. I’m wondering why you come home these days and you barely speak. I thought something was going on at work, and you had it on your mind.”

  “No, work is just fine. I’m barely speaking because I’m watching television.”

  “Every night, and you find time to talk on your cell phone.”

  “Chrasey, can we talk about this later? I really want to see this.”

  Chrasey sat there in silence for a few more minutes. Then she figured now that she had started to try to break through the wall, she didn’t want to give up that easy.

  “Keith, that’s the thing—everything gets more attention than I do around here.”

  “What are you talking about, Chrasey?” Keith said with a tone and facial expression of disgust and aggravation.

  “TV, your phone conversations ... but when I want to talk or sit with you, that’s when you have no time.”

  “Because you always wait till I am in the middle of something to want to talk to me—besides, there is nothing to talk about anyway ... now really, can we please do this later. I want to see this,” he said as he pointed the remote at the television and turned the volume up.

  By turning up the volume, he made it clear that she had no choice—he was about to tune her out anyway. So after a few seconds of just looking at him with sympathy, hoping he would notice her cry for attention, she stood up and walked away, once again feeling worse than if she had just left the issue alone. Keith had a way of making her feel small even when she was right. She walked back upstairs. Keith didn’t budge from what he was doing. He didn’t even bother to notice the sad look in Chrasey’s eyes as she walked away.

  She glanced in the bedrooms at Kelsey and Quinton. They were still coloring in their homework books, oblivious to the silent war that was being fought right outside their door. When it came to the kids, Keith was magnificent at his fatherly duties. On nights that Chrasey had to work late, he even cooked for them sometimes, he helped with homework, bathed them, everything. He had no problem leaving his television set for them—it was just Chrasey that was not worthy. It was like he just didn’t want to interact with her, because the nights she was home he barely spoke to the kids, as if it would leave the door open for interaction with his wife.

  Before things got so bad, most nights when the kids were having their own fun and she was tired of watching television, she would find herself in the bedroom or living room trying to get some attention from the man who vowed to give it to her. Of course, like tonight, trying to spark a conversation with him was useless. He never had much to say about anything. When he was home, the most he would do was watch TV or talk on the phone. She found herself throwing sex at him just to get his attention, and that didn’t always work. Deep down, her intuition told her that he was cheating with another woman, but she had no hard-core proof of that. Her proof was in her gut, so unless she had something concrete he wouldn’t even try to console her to make her feel more secure. It was as if he knew she knew, but didn’t care because he felt that he wouldn’t get caught. He also knew without proof she wouldn’t threaten to leave—she had put too much into the family. Keith was the only man Chrasey had slept with, and they had dated since they were teenagers and been married for years. Chrasey wasn’t trying to walk away and he knew that.

  Trying to keep her spirits from hitting a new low, she turned on the television in her bedroom and started to flip through for some sitcom characters to keep her company. Moments later, her phone rang and it was Dakota.

  “Lexia is in New York, and Jordan is about to bring her by my house. I was thinking you should come meet us so we can hang for a bit.”

  “Come out to the city, ’Kota?” Chrasey asked as if her idea was crazy.

  “You are such an old lady—it’s only twenty minutes. Bring your butt on ... unless the warden won’t let you out.”

  That’s all she had to do was bring up Keith, and Chrasey realized she needed to go out ’cause there was nothing there for her.

  “I’ll leave in about ten minutes,” Chrasey said.

  She changed her clothes, pulled her hair back into a neat ponytail, and headed down the stairs. She gave the kids kisses, asked Keith to watch them, and without waiting for his reply, was on her way.

  12

  Girls’ Night

  About a half an hour after Dakota hung up from telling Chrasey to come over so they could all give Lexia a big old college welcome, her doorbell rang.

  Rushing to the door, thinking it was Jordan and Lexia or maybe Chrasey already, she opened it. Once again, there stood the sexiest brother she’d ever seen. Again, his six-four frame was a sight to be envied. He stood there, towering in her doorway.

  She forgot that he said he was coming over.

  “What are you doing here?” she said.

  “I’m just stopping by. I felt bad about how I haven’t been spending that much time with you. So, I just came to make it up to you,” Tony said with a smirk.

  It was just something about him that got her every time. Feeling the juices beginning to flow, she knew he couldn’t have had worst timing with this one.

  “Sweetie, my friends are on their way over.”

  “ So.”

  “Tony, they will be here any minute.”

  “OK. That’s all I need.”

  Both laughing, Tony moved toward Dakota and held her in his arms.

  “Baby, that’s not all I came by here for. How about I go lay down in the bedroom. You guys can have your little girls’ night and when you’re done, we will be waiting for you.”

  “We?”

  “Yeah, we,” Tony said as he looked down at his manhood.

  Before she could bust Tony’s bubble and let him know that one of her “girls” would be sta
ying with her, the doorbell rang.

  Dakota backed away from Tony with a smile and opened the door. It was Jordan, Chrasey, and Lexia. Chrasey arrived at about the same time that Jordan and Lexia did and they all met up in the downstairs lobby. The next twenty seconds was an exchange of big hugs and “hey, girls” and little jokes.

  Jordan said hello to Tony in one of her obligatory tones, and Chrasey followed with another not-so-sincere hello. Tony returned the greeting in a similar tone. He was aware of what Dakota’s friends thought of him, and he had never really bothered to care.

  Brushing off her friends’ obvious disgust for the man she would love to spend the rest of her life with, she turned away from the two of them. She began to introduce Lexia, and as she did, she kept her eyes on his to make sure they didn’t wander over her half-naked body.

  “This is our home girl from college, Lexia. She is in town for a while and she will be staying with me.”

  “Hello, “ Tony said.

  “Hello,” Lexia replied.

  “I will be in the bedroom watching TV,” Tony said to Dakota as he walked out of the living room, giving her a look.

  “Where did you find that one?” Lexia asked Dakota as soon as Tony was out of hearing range.

  “You don’t want to know,” Jordan assured her.

  “Yes, I do,” Lexia confirmed.

  Dakota began to tell Lexia the story like a proud mom bragging about her son. As she started telling Dakota, they all had made themselves comfortable on Dakota’s custom-made sofa.

  “Well, he used to play football for the Atlanta Falcons, and the NFL is one of my clients. We were at a season-opener party and we were introduced by a mutual friend. He was there with a girl, but by the end of the night we were back at his place getting to know each other.”

  “Damn girl, it’s like that,” Lexia said.

  “Well, he was fine and I had some drinks in me ...” Dakota jumped to her own defense.

  “Yeah, yeah. He was fine and you were horny,” Chrasey corrected.

  “That, too,” Dakota said.

  “So, what happened from there? Looking for rings yet?” Lexia asked.

  “No, nothing like that. I flew back to New York and we spoke for two months on and off. And then one day he showed up at my office, telling me he was moving to New York. His contract with the Falcons was up, and he was retiring from the NFL and wanted to start his own record label. He owns Touchdown Records, now another one of my clients,” Dakota said matter-of-factly.

  “Really? That’s with that new R&B girl ...”

  “Yeah, Shidaya.”

  “Oh, well, that’s good. He is fine and got money—ain’t nothing wrong with that.”

  As the three of them laughed and sipped on their drinks, they talked about their current situations with their men. The delivery man brought the food Dakota ordered, because she wasn’t bothering to cook, guests or not, and after everyone was settled with their food and drinks, Chrasey figured she would be a daredevil and get into Lexia’s updated business.

  “So, what brings you here to New York, Lexia?” Chrasey blurted out.

  “Business and personal. I am looking for a job here, so I set up some interviews for this week. And also, I wanted to come check my girls,” Lexia said.

  “Are you still doing accounting?” Dakota asked.

  “Yes, but I am willing to try another area of the business world. As you know, I have also worked in marketing and management.”

  “Well, that’s cool. Good luck with the whole thing. I can talk to some of my contacts and see what I can do for you before you leave,” Dakota replied.

  “Thanks so much, Dakota. I really appreciate it.”

  Jordan broke the sentimental moment with a loud, “Sooo—how is Maurice?”

  “I am done with men. They all get me sick. They are just headaches to deal with, and I’m through with them,” Lexia responded with true disgust in her voice.

  “Preach on, sister,” Chrasey agreed.

  “I feel ya,” Jordan said.

  “You ain’t never lied,” Dakota laughed.

  Now one thing was for sure—these four women had a lot of different perspectives on a lot of different things, but they all seemed to be in agreement about at least one thing: men were headaches. Maybe not that they were through with them ... but they were headaches.

  13

  Boy Toy

  Trevor had called almost every day that week, and he had met Chrasey for lunch once. Every morning she put a little extra effort into her clothes and makeup, never knowing when she might see him.

  The last time he called her at work, when she answered her phone, the first thing he said was, “I’m downstairs with lunch and I am waiting for you.”

  After Chrasey was sure he wasn’t pulling her leg, she went downstairs to find Trevor parked in his car. When she walked around to the passenger side to get inside, she noticed a picnic basket in the backseat. Trevor had packed some sandwiches and snacks. Chrasey couldn’t believe it, but she tried not to act too excited. She had been married to Keith for eight years and he had never done something so sweet.

  They pulled over and parked by a pond close to Chrasey’s job. They unpacked the picnic basket and ate their lunch and talked. They talked about Chrasey’s marriage, Trevor’s daughter’s mother, work, life, and ambitions. By the time Chrasey had to head back to work, they had talked about almost everything they needed for a detailed introductory class about one another. All the while they talked, Chrasey was enjoying the lunch that was so well put together. Trevor had sliced some fruit in little Tupperware containers, he had all the condiments in the cute mini Heinz jars, and he even had rolled-up napkins with the utensils inside. It wasn’t just a basket thrown together; Trevor really put time into their lunch together. Chrasey couldn’t recall the last time Keith put effort into anything pertaining to her.

  Trevor drove Chrasey back to work and assured her he would be in touch. Ten minutes later, Chrasey was sitting at her computer when her cell phone rang. It was Trevor. “Just checking on you,” he said.

  Chrasey was floating on cloud nine. She wasn’t that easy to take there, but at a time like this when her marriage was depressing her daily, Trevor was just what the psychologist ordered.

  Through their talks she could tell he wasn’t just trying to be a player. He rarely made flirtatious or sexual comments, and he really seemed to want to get to know her. He let her talk about Keith, never putting him down or comparing him. He actually advised Chrasey not to read too much into his actions and explained that it’s hard for men to open up. Most men would try to say how bad a husband Keith had been to win points and make it seem as if they were so much better at tending to a woman’s needs. Not Trevor—he made it clear that all men had issues just like women do, but men aren’t trained to express themselves. He advised that it’s best to just be patient to make things work. So even though Trevor didn’t seem to be trying to disrespect Keith’s wife, he was closer to her than any other man had gotten in a long time.

  Chrasey walked in the house and Keith was sitting on the couch watching TV as usual. She walked in, gave a brief hello, and headed toward the dining room. She didn’t bother to bend over and give Keith a kiss, because she knew he wouldn’t acknowledge it or care either way. She was fed up with giving so much effort to the marriage and getting nothing back, so she had decided that until he could at least hold a decent conversation with her, she wouldn’t keep trying to be a perfect, perky wife.

  She walked upstairs to see what her children were doing. When she got to their bedroom door, they were both in their room playing a video game. She stood in the doorway.

  “What are you two doing? Your homework better be done,” she said.

  “Not yet—Daddy said we could play a game first,” Quinton said.

  “It is almost 8:00—get your butts up right now and start your homework,” Chrasey said as she went to turn the TV off.

  Ignoring their whiny complaints, Chras
ey walked straight downstairs to Keith. “Why didn’t you have them start their homework when you brought them home from school?”

  “I told them they could play a game first,” Keith defended.

  “So not only in addition to cooking dinner and giving them a bath and getting them ready for bed, I also have to get their homework done? You couldn’t at least do that?”

  “Chrasey, please. I don’t want to hear all of this. If you don’t want to bathe them, don’t, and if you don’t want to help with their homework, don’t.”

  “Keith, they’re kids—one of us has to do it.”

  “Well, go do it instead of wasting more time.”

  “I can’t believe you, Keith. What is happening to you?”

  “What’s happening to me is my wife keeps nagging me—I’m trying to watch the game.”

  “I’m surprised you still call me your wife—you damn sure don’t treat me that way,” she said as she went to walk away.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  Shocked that he even responded or was bothered by the comment, she quickly replied, “You don’t. You treat me like the maid for your kids.”

  “Chrasey, please. They’re your kids, too, and you’re their mom—that’s a part of your role.”

  “There are no roles, Keith. I have to work just like you, so you can help with the kids just like me.”

  “All right, Chrasey. Whatever. Next time I won’t let them play a game.”

  She just walked away. He didn’t even get it. This was far from about a game. Chrasey knew that on most nights he was great with the kids, and when she wasn’t there he did a great job of getting things done before she got home. It wasn’t that she wanted to make a big deal about this one night that he didn’t get them ready for bed. It was just that his teamwork in their marriage overall was terrible, and what made it harder to deal with was she knew the old Keith and she hadn’t yet adjusted to the new one. He used to be so sweet, bringing home flowers every payday, attentive, helping with any and everything. These days, it’s like he couldn’t care less. She couldn’t even remember the last time he brought flowers home.