Diva Diaries

by Janine A. Morris

  Dakota was positioned in front of the Mirage club, standing in her extra-sexy stance. She was waiting on Chrasey, Jordan, and Lexia, and since Chrasey picked up Lexia from a friend’s house, they were arriving together. Jordan was getting there a little later because she got a late start after running her errands.

  After they had called to say they were looking for parking, they finally walked up to the club at about 11:00 o’clock, also looking sexy and inviting. Lexia wore a slinky brown dress with brown shoes, and her gold makeup and body glitter were just the right touch. Chrasey wore a low-cut red top, jeans, and red-and-black sandals. She hadn’t done too much to her hair or makeup, but Chrasey had such a pretty face that most men didn’t usually pay attention to detail with her.

  Jordan had called and said to go on in, she would be there shortly and meet them inside. Once inside, the dance floor was packed. Women grinding on men’s pelvic areas with their backsides. Men holding on to the ladies’ waistlines for dear life. Hair was being sweated out, and shirts were getting damp with sweat. It was a very mixed crowd, predominantly black people with some Spanish and white people sprinkled here and there. The club was twenty-one and over, so it looked like the ages ranged from about twenty to thirty-five years old. Everyone was having a good time, though, just the right party scene for Dakota to celebrate in. She had been invited to a bunch of celebrity affairs, and had many other ways to celebrate. She had decided she wanted to just spend time with her girls.

  Twenty minutes later they had already purchased their drinks, scanned the club, and found a place to sit. It wasn’t much later that Lexia was on the dance floor with some Asian-looking guy, and she was holding on to him like she was ready to take him home with her. Dakota and Chrasey were sitting at a table against a wall, sipping on their drinks, Dakota her Apple Martini and Chrasey a Sex On the Beach. Chrasey engaged in conversation with Dakota, but kept her eyes on scan mode, as she hoped to see Trevor walk by at any moment. Dakota talked and bobbed her head to the music as she watched Lexia, along with some other girls, grind to the bass line. Jordan was going to stay home—she was busy working on cases, and she was really trying to make extra time for Omar and her son. But at the last minute she decided to come on out for an hour or two, because her girls’ birthdays only come once a year. Jordan’s temporary absence from their girls’ night out had seemed to make Dakota think of how stable Jordan was. How she was at a point in her life where she had things to prioritize. Dakota thought about it, and she realized that despite her love of freedom, she herself wanted priorities and stability. The liquor didn’t help, but it was only moments before Dakota started to have depressing thoughts. She looked over at Chrasey and blurted out, “Do you think I will ever get married?”

  Not knowing where that idea came from, Chrasey replied in a confused tone, “I guess.”

  “What you mean, you guess?” Dakota said sternly.

  “I mean, I’m sure you will. Why, you trying to have my problems? I wish we could switch places.”

  “No, you don’t, girl. Trust me. Don’t get me wrong—I don’t want a dog leaving his shit all throughout my house, but at least you have stability.”

  “How do you figure?”

  “You know who you’re going to wake up with each morning. Like Jordan, it didn’t mean anything for her not to come here, because she knew that she had to finish working on that case and tend to her husband. So, this was a small priority for her. But see, me, this is one of my priorities because I constantly have to be looking for who I may have to replace my current boyfriend with.”

  “ ’Kota, are you serious? How am I any more stable than you? And how is Jordan any more stable? Just like you, our men can get up and leave us any day. Husbands can get up and go, too, and that’s even scarier for us because we have some serious attachments to our kids.”

  “Yeah, I know. But I’m getting old and I’m not even engaged and my biological clock is ticking,” Dakota said with a giggle.

  “Girl, like I said, I wish we could change places. No kids, no pain in the neck husband to worry about, good career, and fine men in the Rolodex ... ” Chrasey laughed.

  “Yeah, well. This is getting played out. I’m tired of that life—I’ve had it for ten years already.”

  “That guy David is husband material, and he has been trying to get with you all this time, but you won’t give him a chance.”

  “You know I like a challenge—he is too easy.”

  “That’s your problem—you always want what don’t want you. Not me—I don’t like rejection. I don’t want to work for nothing—if you want me, then you’re the type of guy I want,” Chrasey replied, giggling.

  “Yeah, I see Trevor didn’t have to work too hard,” Dakota said, throwing a friendly stab.

  “That’s right. Keith’s neglect ain’t gonna turn me on and make me want to fight for him—I’m gonna go where the loving is easy to get,” Chrasey said, laughing.

  “Well, when Tony acts up, David is my easy call.”

  “Why can’t you make it vice versa? You’d probably have to make fewer easy calls.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You should give David a chance, and make Tony your easy call when David acts up ... And since David is a good guy, you will probably have fewer easy calls to make.”

  “Yeah, I’ll think about it.”

  “Look at it this way—you don’t have to share David. Tony is only partly yours—why do you want him to have all of you?”

  “He doesn’t have all of me—you know that I do my thing, too.”

  “Yeah, but he has all of your heart, because if he didn’t you would let David in. You shouldn’t let a player have your heart, but let the good men only have your body. What sense does that make? It should be the other way around.”

  Before Dakota could think of a logical response to Chrasey’s question, they noticed someone approach the table who gained their attention very quickly.

  Standing about six-three, 200 pounds, was this fine, brown-skinned, nice-built, neatly dressed brother. Both Chrasey and Dakota fell speechless as he stood there over their table. Noticing his effect on them, he gave a devilish grin and said, “What are you ladies doing sitting down in the corner? Why aren’t you out on the dance floor?”

  “I was waiting for you to come over here and ask me to dance,” Dakota said, hitting him with some of her charm.

  “Well, all you had to do was say something,” he replied devilishly as he reached for Dakota’s hand. She put her hand in his, asked Chrasey to excuse her, and headed out to the dance floor with her new potential husband.

  As she walked off, Chrasey mouthed to her, it ain’t that played, huh?

  Dakota laughed as she made her way to the crowded dance floor to shake what her momma gave her. She felt bad leaving Chrasey alone, but she knew that she understood. . . he was fine as hell and you don’t pass these rare commodities up.

  Jordan finally arrived—it was about 12:15 when she walked up to their table. She ordered a Cosmo, sat down, and joined the festivities. Dakota and Lexia were back and forth between the dance floor and the table all night. Chrasey stayed at the table for the most part, keeping her eye out for Trevor. A few guys asked her to dance, and she would satisfy them with a quick two-step to a song or two, but she didn’t want to give any guy too much attention just in case Trevor spotted her before she noticed him. She knew this was his spot, and he had mentioned when she spoke to him that he may go out, and he may go to Mirage. So most of the evening she spent patiently waiting for Trevor. Of course, she denied that to the girls, but deep in her heart her night was ruined because Trevor hadn’t showed up. Jordan spent most of the evening nursing her drink, replying to business e-mails on her BlackBerry, and talking to the girls when they made their way back to the table. She danced one time the whole night, and that was because Alicia Keys’ latest single came on, and that was her jam.

  It was about a quarter to two when Jordan headed out. The rest of the ladies lef
t shortly thereafter.

  24

  The Night Is Young

  Dakota pulled up in the parking lot on Sixteenth and Union Square. She got out, handed the keys to the valet, and got her ticket.

  She walked out onto the sidewalk and started walking toward the W Hotel. It was about 3:15 in the morning, and she was on her way to meet her dance partner from the club, Darryl. There was a lot of bumping and grinding on the dance floor and they had decided to finish the experience in a more private location.

  Once she stepped in the lobby, he was sitting there waiting. He had already checked in. They appeared to feel a little awkward, but it was obvious it wasn’t either of their first time doing something like that.

  They went up in the elevator to the tenth floor, and made small talk about the club.

  “Where did your friends go?” he asked.

  “They went home—they are both married.”

  “That’s cool. You ever been?”

  “No, you?”

  “I’m actually married now. We are separated, though.”

  Dakota tried to see if she wanted to back out or be a homewrecker. She never believed a married man when he said he was separated. That was their excuse for their disgraceful behavior.

  “I hope that doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable about accompanying me here.”

  “I like to live in the moment, but I don’t want to be part of any marital issues.”

  “Trust me, this isn’t the issue. I’m not a dog like that. We haven’t been together for almost a year now. I’m just living in the moment as well.”

  By this time, they had arrived at the hotel room, room 1012. It seemed as if Dakota had been convinced to go through with their plan. To hell with it, she figured—it’s my birthday weekend.

  Darryl sat on the bed and reached for the remote; he began flicking through channels. Dakota knew that he just didn’t want to seem too eager and jump right into it. So she took this time as an opportunity to go to the bathroom to freshen up.

  She came out of the bathroom and noticed he had turned off the lights; all she could see was the flicker from the television. She made her way toward the bed, and noticed that the television was turned to an xxx-rated movie. This was actually a turnoff for Dakota—she hated when guys tried to play a porno to drop a hint or make her horny. She always felt that was an easy way out. She ignored it and continued on her way to the bed. She noticed he was in his boxers and his undershirt. She eased out of her Armani Exchange jeans and top. She left her bra and panties on and crawled into the bed.

  Once she aligned herself next to him, he leaned in and started kissing her neck. She could feel herself becoming aroused; she had always enjoyed the feeling of a tongue twirling on her neck. She reached down and put her hands in his boxers and felt for his manhood, and she could see he, too, was aroused. He was an average size, not too big and not too small—he was a good size. As she massaged his erection, he began to start to explore her body as well, rubbing her breasts and back and wherever else he could reach. As he exchanged the hands on her breasts for his mouth and tongue, he began to slip his hand between her legs. She allowed her body to surrender to the pleasure and enjoy Darryl’s birthday present.

  She had forgotten her questions, and her doubts. The club or marriage factor, which was all a blur. The fact that this Darryl fellow had skills was the only thing quite clear for Dakota.

  Dakota knew that being in some hotel room with a strange man was a little slutty. She knew Tony played a subconscious role in her decision. When she woke up in the morning, he told her she had to go because his daughter’s mother was coming over in a little while. Trying to be understanding, she agreed without a fuss, until he asked for oral sex first. Dakota then told him he had some nerve to ask that as he was kicking her out, but he sweet-talked her into understanding it was just out of respect for his child’s mother. It wasn’t until after Dakota got up off her knees and into her car that she felt bad about herself and pissed at Tony. She hadn’t heard from him the rest of the day. So a piece of her letting loose tonight was to prove to herself she didn’t care about Tony and not getting closer to settling down.

  However, the reality was she wasn’t proving anything, because about an hour later when she was in her car leaving the hotel, she felt bad about herself again, and more pissed at Tony and herself.

  25

  Bedtime

  “It amazes me how you find time for your girls, but you can’t seem to spend any time with your family,” Omar said a few moments after Jordan walked in the bedroom. He hadn’t said hello, or anything else. Jordan thought he was sleeping, until he turned around with that comment.

  “How could you say that? she said.

  She was just getting home from the Mirage with the girls. It was about 2:30 in the morning and she had been the first one to leave the club. She was trying to get home as early as possible, although she was the last one to get there. She could never please Omar, though.

  “It’s true. What did you get married and have a kid for if you didn’t want this?”

  “Omar? Why are you tripping right now ... It was Dakota’s birthday ... and when is the last time I went out?”

  “When is the last time we went out?” he asked.

  “Whose fault is that? Half the time you don’t want to go. The other times we are fighting about something,” she said as she kicked off her black Gucci pumps.

  “Whatever, Jordan—you have excuses for everything.”

  “And you don’t? You know what amazes me? You will be angry for days, barely speak to me, but you will break your silence to have another argument. You won’t pass up that opportunity. You don’t even see yourself.”

  “I’m too busy having to watch you.”

  “Don’t watch me ...” she said, feeling herself get more upset. “And if you were looking good you could see all I do is work to try to keep us in this beautiful house and Jason in that expensive school,” she continued.

  “The house you’re barely in, and the school where the teachers barely know your name. Not to mention if going to a club comes before us on your list of things to fit in your life, what does that say?” Before she could answer, he continued, “And I’m happy you take credit for all of this—last I checked, I paid the bills around this damn house, too.”

  “Yeah, maybe going to the club is not a priority, but hanging with my friends is on the list. Not that they come before my family—that’s not it—but sometimes I need a break from my stressful life.”

  “Sorry that we are so stressful for you—we didn’t mean to cause any problems in your chaotic life.”

  “I’m not arguing with you, Omar. I’m going to bed. Most men would be happy to have me as a wife.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure your male friends feed you that bullshit every time we have a fight, don’t they?” he said sarcastically.

  “Maybe if you stopped dwelling on the things that’s wrong, you would make sure our home was happier.”

  “That’s your job.”

  “No, my job is to practice law, and yours is to cook.”

  She stormed out of the room before he could reply. She had finished changing out of her club clothes and into a wifebeater and some lounge pajamas. She went straight across the hall to Jason’s room. He was sound asleep; she pulled the covers back and crawled in the bed with him.

  A few seconds later, Omar walked in the room and started back up. “That’s your problem, Jordan. You think because you’re a lawyer that your career says it all for you. You act like Jason and I are just the background props in the Jordan movie.”

  Jordan was not in the mood to argue, which was unusual for her. Her life was hectic enough trying to balance her career and her personal life. A law career with very expectant clients, a husband, a son, close friends that try to help her enjoy life more, and then just time for herself; it was a lot of pressure. Jordan felt that Omar just didn’t understand that, he didn’t appreciate her and what she brought to the table in
their family. He damn sure wasn’t supportive. She felt if she was home more, he wouldn’t be half as concerned with their quality time. It’s just something to complain about. When men have a woman who has no life of her own and is home all the time, they try to get them to go out more or give them some space. Can’t make these freaking men happy, she thought to herself.

  After he realized that she was ignoring him, he walked away. She wasn’t in the mood to go back and forth—she was tired. Omar would never see it her way, and she didn’t want to wake Jason. So, he just had to deal with his issues by himself tonight.

  Jordan was sleeping with her son tonight. She missed him, she did admit. Just being there for all his stories that excited him so much when he first got done with school, and just seeing him progress at certain things. She missed out on a lot—she did realize that. This isn’t the mother she wanted to be, or the wife she wanted to be. She just hadn’t found a way yet to be everything, but she was working on it. Jordan got out of the bed and knelt down by her son’s bedside.

  “Now I lay down me to sleep, I pray the lord my soul to keep, if I should die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul to take. God, please pour blessings on my family and household. Please give me the insight to know what I should and should not do ...” Jordan spoke to her savior. She was a grown woman still saying the prayer her son said. Jordan never outgrew her childhood prayer, and even when she learned the other one she felt more comfortable with the kiddie one. She would say it’s God, he doesn’t have a preference, he just needs to hear from you. So she continued asking for blessings for her family and friends, one of her clients, and the less fortunate.

  When Jordan got back in his bed after saying her prayers, her mind went back to the argument she just had with Omar. As she started getting upset, she realized that Omar was making her knock herself for what she did. She had to realize that she couldn’t let Omar put a guilt trip on her for earning success and wanting the best for her family. Jason was able to be privileged to those exciting experiences and able to progress so well because she could afford to send him to a top school. As she thought about how proud she was of her little guy, she held him close and listened to his breathing. His little chest rose and lowered in a silent, vibrating motion. As she held him in her arms, she knew that this was the one man who loved her most, and it was for him she would continue to be a mother he’d be proud of no matter who had a problem with it.