Diva Diaries

by Janine A. Morris

  “Jordan, go to bed. You need sleep ’cause you are bugging out.”

  “I mean it. I know I am failing at motherhood and being a wife, and I hate to admit that to myself. I have no time to spend with Omar and Jason, and the little time I do have just isn’t enough. Omar is doing all that he can as a husband, and Jason is the best son I could ask for. I just have to face the fact that sacrifice is needed to succeed at this point. My career isn’t fulfilling anymore, especially when I come home to a house that’s missing my nurturing.”

  “I want to see you home every night cooking and cleaning—that would be a sight. You have never been a domestic chick, so don’t try now.”

  “I know I’m not the housewife type, either. Shoot ... I’ll be making microwave dinners every night,” Jordan said, laughing at herself.

  “Jordan, you will be just fine. I am not always happy in my field. It’s competitive and cutthroat—sometimes I have to deal with some real egos, but at the end of the day there aren’t too many other things I’d rather do.”

  “I’ve considered going back into some of my niches before law—entertainment, freelance writing, or maybe something new. I want to be able to keep my freedom as well as my income, but being an attorney is hard to beat. I am willing to sacrifice the prestige and money, but only if it is something that fulfills me in a different way.”

  “Girl, you’re just burnt out, and you need a break.”

  “It’s not that easy to take a break when you’re in the middle of major deals,” Jordan replied.

  “What does Omar say?”

  “I try to discuss it with Omar, but he has a tendency to make me feel even worse about these ‘simple problems.’ As usual, he thinks my dilemma is ridiculous and is no help at all. It just leads to arguments because I feel like he is not being sympathetic to my needs. I don’t need the added stress. At times he can be so inconsiderate and insensitive. He makes me feel like my issues are trivial and I am just making a big deal out of them.”

  “Well, they’re not trivial, but you do need to count your blessings.”

  “I know in the scheme of life they aren’t serious issues, but in the scheme of my life, they matter.”

  “Listen, drama queen, you getting all poetic on me and shit ... go to bed,” Dakota said, laughing.

  “Good night ... love ya,” Jordan said, laughing as well.

  “Love you, too, girl,” Dakota said, and she hung up.

  29

  Perfect Timing

  It was Monday morning, and it was Jayon’s first day back in the office. He was out all last week on the annual cruise that he went on with his family. Ten A.M. rolled around, and he still wasn’t in yet.

  Jordan made some calls and started typing one of her case briefs. At about 10:30 A.M. she finally saw his name sign in the computer. She felt a bit of excitement go through her. Jayon’s back, she thought to herself. She didn’t know why she got excited. She was used to Jayon, talking to him about work and home. When he wasn’t around, she felt his absence more than she cared to admit sometimes. She had her girls to talk to, of course, but Jayon also knew a side of her most people didn’t. Like her thing to be honest with Omar—he didn’t make fun of her for it like her girls did. He knew how she took pride in being faithful in her relationship, and he was the same way when he was in a relationship. He was the friend that she could talk to for hours, and he would listen. He never judged her, and he always had a way of looking on the bright side. Jayon was the type of man that was going to make some lady very happy one day. For some reason they just hadn’t found him yet.

  After about fifteen minutes, he walked into her office and when he approached her desk, he placed a bag down in front of her. The plastic bag advertised Royal Caribbean Cruises.

  “Those are your souvenirs,” he said.

  “For me?” she asked jokingly.

  Jordan peeked in the bag at her treats. There was a bottle of Gucci Rush perfume, a key chain, a handmade jewelry box from Puerto Rico, a picture frame from Jamaica, and some other trinkets from the boat.

  “Thank you, Jay,” she said as she gestured with her face to come get a kiss.

  “You’re welcome,” he said as he leaned over and kissed her forehead.

  “My mom asked about you. She said you should come on the cruise again.”

  “I know, it’s been a while. I would love to go again,” she replied.

  “Well, you’re welcome to come anytime.”

  She started to fiddle with some of her souvenirs.

  “Make sure you tell your mother I said hello. I have to go by there and see her.”

  “So, how is everything going?” he asked, changing the topic.

  “Cool, I guess,” she said. “Work was busy last week. Two new clients.”

  “That’s great.”

  “Yeah—great, I guess. Two new clients, two hours less spent at home every week.”

  Jayon looked at her with disbelief.

  “Jordan, you’re not allowing yourself to be thankful for your blessings. Every good thing that happens for you is counteracted by something negative in your mind.”

  “I know, Jayon, but that is how it seems these days ... the more successful I get at work, the more unsuccessful my marriage is becoming, and I truly don’t know what to do.”

  “I can imagine that it’s not easy. Still, if you’re going to dread each accomplishment, you might as well just stop practicing now or stop trying to build your practice. It makes no sense to strive for something and then when you get it, regret it,” he said.

  “I know—I just wish he would give me this time to get where I want to be and then in time I will balance it all out.”

  “Why don’t you try to include him more?” he asked.

  “I have—he usually doesn’t want to get involved. He doesn’t want to hear it, he doesn’t want to go anywhere with me—he’d rather complain. He says he just wants a regular marriage—he doesn’t want to have to be out at all the Hollywood parties just to spend time with me.”

  “I can feel him on that, but ...” Before he could finish his thought, Jordan’s phone rang, and before she could read the Caller ID, her assistant answered. Seconds later, she walked in and said Omar was on the phone.

  “Give me a second,” she said to Jay.

  “Don’t worry, I need to get caught up in my office anyway. I will come back in a few.” He walked out.

  She answered the phone. “Hey, sweetie.”

  “What’s up?”

  “Nothing much.”

  “Listen, can you bring home some of those cookies you brought home last night with you tonight?”

  Laughing, she said “Damn greedy ... you called me to ask me that?”

  Realizing how greedy he sounded, he replied, “Shut up. Those cookies were good as hell. I was thinking about them all morning.”

  “Yes, sweetie. I will bring some home.”

  They hung up the phone, and she continued back with her work that she was doing before Jayon came in. She started to think about what Jayon said, and things she was doing wrong and the things she did right. She thought about the people she affected with her decisions and the people that she let affect her decisions. She wondered how women all across the world dealt with these issues. She also realized that successful women like Oprah didn’t have children or a husband, which allowed them to be such impressive career women. Oprah was Jordan’s idol, but she knew that it was too late for her to follow in her footsteps. She always envied her for what she stood for, and being an African-American woman with power and dignity. Even Oprah, who seemed like she could do and had done it all, probably had to sacrifice somewhere. If she had kids and a husband, maybe she would have given up some of her success.

  Jordan remembered her old boss when she worked in radio was also a very successful, powerful woman. She told Jordan it was hard to be a mother and wife and be successful, that in this business you had to give up something. She had a chance then to change her goal, but Jordan was
already years into love with Omar and wanted nothing more than to pop out a baby. So although she wanted success, she thought she could do it all. Now here she was, trying to figure out most successful women with kids greatest challenge. Another woman she used to work with who had a very high title stepped down in position, accepting less money and power. She told Jordan that she made the decision because on her tombstone it would never read her salary or title at work, but it would read loving mother and wife. In life every woman has to find her own way down this path, and Jordan just had to take some time to find hers.

  30

  Two Birds with One Stone

  D J Envy was having a private party to celebrate his new television show. Jordan had to attend—he was a good friend of hers and a very important person in the music industry. In Jordan’s field you just didn’t miss these affairs unless you had to. Besides, she had known Envy and his wife since she worked in radio years ago.

  It took a lot, but she convinced Omar to attend with her. She knew bringing your spouse to events like this was always risky, but she figured she had more to lose by leaving him home. Any opportunity to get in quality time with the husband and still get some work done was a great thing for her. Once they got there, she could tell that it was going to be an interesting evening. Her plan was to stay for a short while in hopes of avoiding any drama, and then be on her way back home with her husband in tow.

  DJ Clue was spinning and Fabolous was hosting. The guests ranged from music artists and Hollywood actors, MTV hosts and radio personalities to music business executives. It was a who’s who affair. Jordan visually searched for Envy and his wife—she had decided not to walk through the crowd to try to avoid any uncomfortable moments. In the business, there was a lot of innocent flirtation and other things that could easily be taken the wrong way. They were all used to it, but their spouses weren’t. It was very likely that someone wouldn’t notice a spouse, and say something that would make someone and their spouse uncomfortable. By the end of the night, the couple’s arguing, or they’re thinking in the back of their minds that you must be some type of whore at work. This was usually the reason people didn’t bring their spouses with them, and when they did, it was a task to introduce them before you greeted anyone. For Jordan, it was just easier to play the background so that Omar wouldn’t feel out of place. So she didn’t work the room; at most parties she just stayed in one place and conversed with Omar. Even Omar could tell she wasn’t herself. People came up to her and said hello, and she would introduce them to Omar and make very little small talk.

  Finally, Envy walked in with his wife, and she was happy because she knew that she didn’t have to stay much longer after he arrived. She had been there about an hour already and she wanted to stay about a half an hour more, but she knew she couldn’t leave until she at least saw the guest of honor. He walked in with all his icy jewelry on, of course, having to make a grand entrance. His wife, Gilda, looked absolutely beautiful. She, too, was blinding people with her dazzling jewels. Envy had been working hard in this business since he was in college. He had done well for himself, and he was finally at the top of his game. He was happy and he deserved every minute of it.

  They made their way through the crowd, giving out hugs, kisses and handshakes. Everyone who was there to congratulate them waited for them to stop by. In the meantime, everyone continued in conversation, periodically glancing to see how far through the crowd they had made it. One of Jordan’s clients, Black Jewlz, a new artist from Queens, was there and he came over and had started talking with her and Omar. He was with his manager and one of his boys. He had just released his first single on Virgin Records. The video was out, and it was receiving a lot of airplay throughout the country. So, although he was new, he had a buzz already, and a career with potential. They discussed what was going on with him, and his new fame. He seemed excited and said so far it had been nothing but great.

  Finally, Envy and Gilda approached.

  “What’s up, J,” he said as he gave her a hug.

  “Hey, Env,” Jordan replied. “Congratulations.” She introduced them to Omar, and as he and Omar did the handshake-pound thing, she gave Gilda a hug.

  “You look amazing, miss,” Jordan said to her.

  “You do, too,” she said.

  “How are the kids?” she asked.

  “Both of them are doing great—Kahmel just started the second grade,” Gilda replied.

  “Damn, time flies,” she replied, laughing.

  They talked a bit more, about the kids, and Envy’s new show. After a few more minutes they went on to finish greeting the rest of their guests and Omar and Jordan went back to their conversation. They sipped on their drinks and talked about different upcoming artists and some of the new ventures of the old artists. It was real cool for Jordan to talk to Omar and let him know about things she was working on and get his feedback. When they first got married, he used to be real interested in her line of work. He would tell her about songs he thought would be cool for airplay when she was working in radio. When she was fresh out of law school, he would tell her about street artists that he heard of who were looking for representation. He was into it—Jordan figured that was until he felt it took her from him. Then one day he decided that it was the last thing he wanted to talk with her about. So, she was actually enjoying sharing her updates about her work with him again.

  By the time they left the party they had been there about two and a half hours. She had introduced him to a lot of the celebrities and executives, and a lot of people told him how nice it was to finally meet him since they had heard so much about him. She felt the whole evening helped let Omar feel better about what she was doing. She thought he was able to see that he was just as much a part of her work life as she was. She brought him with her even when he wasn’t there.

  On the way home, they decided to let Jason stay at his grandmother’s—she would take him to school in the morning. As soon as they got home, before they even had a chance to change clothes, Omar backed her up against their bed and started kissing her neck and grabbing on her breast. Maybe it was the liquor, maybe it was seeing his successful wife in her world, or maybe it was just that he was finally trying to remember that they were in this life together. Whatever it was, Omar hadn’t been so passionate with her in what felt like a year or two. She had no complaints whatsoever—she gave him just what he was asking for, all of her, right back.

  31

  The Freaks Come Out at Night

  Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one ... Happy New Year! The New Year was here, and the crowd in Dakota’s house was jumping all over the place. She threw a little party to bring in the New Year and it was getting a little wild ... even Jordan was a little tipsy. She was happy because she was just hired by one of Elektra’s new artists and she had wanted him as a client for months. Omar was there with her—Keith even came with Chrasey. The party was real nice and even better than Dakota was expecting. It was just supposed to be a little gathering, but the word had spread and people brought other people and before she knew it she had a house full. Lexia had invited a few friends, male and female, including the girl from the mall, Monique.

  Dakota had hired a professional waitress as she usually did for her affairs. The woman just walks around serving the hors d’oeuvres and drinks. Dakota damn sure wasn’t doing that. She always felt that hiring help was just the diva thing to do. She barely decorated, but she had a banner hanging, and had some noisemakers and party hats for the guests. In one room she had holiday music playing and in the other she had Hot 97’s Top 97 songs of the year on the radio. So the romantics and more mature folk were able to cuddle and smooth-talk to TLC’s happy new year song, and Kenny G and the others were able to jam to Kanye and Jamie Foxx’s Gold Digger song, Mary J. Blige, Papoose, Keisha Coles, Busta Rhymes, and G-Unit. The key ingredient for the party was the liquor and she had more than enough of that. All the guests were having a good time, and Dakota was off in the corner some
where talking to a client.

  By one o’clock in the morning everybody had their buzz on and was involved in conversation or in a corner hugged up with somebody. Dakota was trying to play hostess, but she was having too much fun testing her player skills by having Tony, David, and the guy she met at the club all there mingling. After her fourth drink she was scared she would be too out of it to keep the game up, and she would blow herself up. It was going pretty well, because Tony had his own friends there, so he was preoccupied; David was sitting and talking with another co-worker of hers; and the new guy came with a friend as well. So since no one wanted her undivided attention, she was able to handle the situation quite well. She also knew none of them really knew of each other or what each other looked like, except that one time, David showed up at her door unexpectedly when she was expecting Tony. She asked if he could stop by at another time because she was waiting on someone to be there any minute. He seemed to understand and left right away, but it just so happened that Tony was walking up the hallway as David was leaving. She was sure they both saw each other in the hall, and being that Dakota’s the only black person on her floor, they had to have some funny thoughts about each other’s purpose there. When Tony came in with his detective hat on, she ’fessed up and told Tony that her co-worker David had just stopped by to drop off some work. Well, she kind of ’fessed up. Tony was no fool, though—all he had replied was, “Mmm. You have some very accommodating co-workers.”

  So during the party she figured they might recognize each other, but she wasn’t worried, because she was sticking to her story either way. Besides, between the two of them, she was only really involved with and having sex with Tony. She hadn’t messed with David since that time a few months ago, so there was not much to hide. The guy from the club she hadn’t even slept with since that night, either. They had spoken on a few occasions since that night, and she had every intention on giving him some the first time Tony pulled another missing-in-action routine; and even though Tony was the only one who had some rights to say anything, even he knew his rights were limited because they weren’t officially committed. It was cool, though, because the boys and girls were playing nicely, and Dakota had nothing to worry about so far. Although Chrasey and Jordan couldn’t believe she had all of them at the same party, Dakota’s rebuttal was that there was more where they came from, and she actually left most of her black book off the guest list.