Diva Diaries

by Janine A. Morris

  Tony snapped his neck toward her real fast and looked at her, very surprised.

  “You are?”

  “Yeah.”

  “When did you decide that?”

  “Well, I’ve been considering it—I really thought hard about it on the way home and I think I’ve made up my mind.”

  Tony looked kind of shocked.

  “OK, that’s fine by me. I’ll support whatever decision you make.”

  “Well, there’s the decision.”

  “OK.”

  Dakota was sitting on one end of the couch, Tony on the other. There was an awkward silence. After a few seconds, as if he finally realized it was the right thing to do, he scooted over and put his arm around Dakota.

  “Everything will be just fine,” he said.

  Dakota rested her head and his shoulder. “Thank you,” she whispered. She was an emotional wreck, and had been trying to stay strong over the past few days.

  “I’m sorry,” he said.

  “For what?” she asked.

  “For not being very sensitive to the situation and for walking out the day you told me.”

  “It’s OK—I understand why you walked out that day. It was kind of foul, but I knew it wasn’t cool that I was telling you I wasn’t sure who the father was.”

  “I hope this doesn’t come off crazy, but who else did you think it was?”

  Dakota couldn’t believe he’d asked that. Tony wasn’t supposed to ever care. It was a silent rule. She had actually wished that he did care; she just wished that this wasn’t the time that he chose to do it.

  “I thought it was yours, but in the past few months I slept with one other person,” she said, feeling a tad awkward admitting it. She wasn’t telling the whole truth—she had actually slept with two or three people, but she didn’t want to tell him all of that—she would have sounded like a cheap whore.

  “Mmm,” he replied. “Who was this dude?” he asked.

  “Just this guy that I had been seeing on and off for a couple of years, and when me and you were on the rocks.”

  “So, question ... which one of us were you wishing was the father?”

  Dakota was under attack and was unprepared for battle. She didn’t know why he was asking these questions and what it was he wanted to hear.

  “I wanted you to be the father, but I knew that he would have wanted to be the father more than you would have.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “I knew that he would have been more excited about it than you, but I was hoping that it was yours.”

  “That’s not the case. I am excited ... and why is it that you wanted it to be mine then, if you thought he’d be happier about it?”

  “Because I want you in my life, I care a lot about you, and if I had to raise a child, I wanted it to be with you.”

  Tony seemed to like her answer—at least, that’s how Dakota took it. He had tightened his grip around Dakota, giving her a much-needed hug.

  For the first time in a long time, Dakota felt happy with Tony. Not only because he seemed to be happy that the baby was his, but because he had opened dialogue with her in a way that he never had before. She felt a warmth that she’d yearned for when he held her in his arms. She actually did believe that everything was going to be all right.

  That remained to be seen.

  65

  Lordy Lordy Lourdes

  Chrasey was sitting in her bedroom, folding clothes and watching a Lifetime movie. The kids were in their room watching a Disney movie, and Keith was downstairs watching football. It felt like a typical evening at home, and it was close to bedtime for everyone.

  About 10:15 the phone rang, and Chrasey picked it up. After a few questions back and forth, it became evident that it was Lourdes. Now the homewrecker wanted to talk.

  “What do you want?” Chrasey asked.

  “Can I speak to Keith, please?”

  “No, you can’t. What do you want with my husband?”

  “Please ... your husband? He is just as much mine as he is yours.”

  As curious as she was to hear what Lourdes had to say, now that she was talking, Chrasey refused to give her the satisfaction.

  “Oh, now you want to give information? ... Hold on.” Chrasey hung up. She never did like the way Lourdes put her on hold that night and never came back. Payback was a mother.

  A few seconds later, Lourdes called back. “I have just as much right to him as you do. Now, let me speak to him,” Lourdes shouted in the phone.

  That’s when Chrasey blew up. “Really? How do you figure? Because you opened up your pussy and this time something came out?”

  “Whatever—where is he?”

  “Don’t call my house again, bitch,” Chrasey said and she hung up.

  Of course, she called right back.

  “What do you want, Lourdes?” Chrasey shouted into the phone.

  “I want to speak to Keith—he was supposed to bring something by here for our daughter, and this has nothing to do with you.”

  “Really, you think so? EVERYTHING that Keith does has to do with me, and if you have a problem with that you might as well remember that your child is a bastard.”

  “Whatever, bitch—my child has a father. Your husband. He is by here all the time and my daughter knows her father.”

  At first, Chrasey was pissed hearing he was by there often, but then she realized she had to be lying or exaggerating because she couldn’t think of but one or two nights that Keith hadn’t been home.

  “In your fantasy world where he is your husband, right? Well, he is downstairs with his children, at his house with his family like he is every night, so you’re just going to have to figure something out.”

  “I’ll call his cell phone.”

  “Obviously he isn’t picking up for you, or you wouldn’t have been so stupid to call my house ... and I advise you not to call here again or you’re going to come home one day and find me on your doorstep ... I’m sorry, I mean building lobby, you ghetto rat.”

  Click. Chrasey slammed the phone down on her. She went straight downstairs to the living room where Keith was chilling with his beer, watching ESPN. The phone had rung a few seconds after Chrasey walked out of the bedroom, but she was done talking to that tramp. She stood in front of Keith and said in an obviously unhappy tone, “You need to control your hos.”

  “What are you talking about?” he said, sounding a little nervous.

  “Lourdes just called here for you, and if you don’t check that right away, you will be living in Brooklyn with her. I don’t want her calling my house.”

  “I’m sorry about that, Chrasey ... what did she want?”

  “I don’t know—she said you were supposed to go out there tonight. Is that true?”

  “No, I’ve been here all night.”

  “Well, she seems to be waiting on you ... and is it true that you’re out there all the time?”

  “Chrasey, when? I’m here all the time unless I’m at work—she is just trying to make you angry because she lost.”

  “What do you mean, lost?”

  “Chrasey, she has been threatening me all this time that if I didn’t spend time with her or leave you she would call here and tell you all about the baby. I didn’t want you to find out that way but I was scared to tell you, so I would try to appease her. But now that you know and we are working out our marriage, she is pissed. She wanted me to leave you for her.”

  “And you told her you would?”

  “No, I just tried to appease her. But now I don’t have to anymore and she has lost the little power that she had ... but I’m sorry to put you in the middle of this.”

  “How did you appease her?”

  “I stayed with her some nights while me and you were split up, and I did make some promises to her, but they were empty promises, just to buy me time until I could find a way to tell you.”

  “You were never going to tell me, Keith.”

  “I was—I just needed time.”r />
  Chrasey was pissed off. No wonder this woman was talking about him being her husband, too—Keith had been filling her head with nonsense. She didn’t even know if she could believe Keith. Who was to say he wasn’t still lying and giving her empty promises, too.

  “Well, I will assume that since you no longer have to appease her, you won’t be over there anymore.”

  “No, I won’t be.”

  “Well, call your other wife and let her know to stop calling my house.”

  Chrasey walked upstairs. She didn’t even want to continue the conversation because it was useless—she didn’t even know if she believed the things he said.

  66

  Too Late

  Jordan hadn’t called Omar since the day she hung up on him in Bloomingdale’s, and he didn’t call her, either. This had been the longest length of time that she hadn’t reached out to him—it had been three weeks. Jason told her he stopped by his school one day for lunch. That was sweet, but it made Jordan sick how much he had tried to avoid her. Ever since she and Jayon had first slept together, her mind wasn’t on what Omar was doing anymore.

  Jordan was at home playing cards with Jayon when the phone rang. Jason jumped up to answer it, and because she was in the middle of kicking Jayon’s butt, she let him. She heard Jason say, “Hi, Daddy.”

  Jordan felt her stomach drop. Oh shucks, she thought to herself. The good thing was if Jason was who he wanted to speak with, that’s who he got, and she didn’t have to endure that awkward opening conversation. The bad thing was if Jordan was who he wanted, Jayon was there with her, and she didn’t want to be rude to Jayon, either.

  “I’m fine,” Jordan could hear Jason saying. Jayon also heard that it was Omar, and he just looked at Jordan. He gave her a smile, letting her know he was cool. Jayon and she had never discussed in depth what would happen if she worked things out with Omar, but she had said several times that she wasn’t going to. Omar’s behavior was irreparable, as far as she was concerned. She couldn’t continue to be in a marriage with a man who would just walk out on her at will with no regard for her feelings.

  She heard Jason rambling on about school and some of his friends that were mad at him, and his latest score in Madden 05. He talked for about five minutes about all the excitement in a six-year-old’s life. Jordan and Jayon just continued their card game, paying close attention to Jason’s conversation. Then, right after Jason finished his football story, she heard him say, “You want Mommy? OK, she is right here with Mr. Jay.”

  Jordan froze and looked over at Jayon. Jay looked at her.

  Then Jason said, “Oh, OK. I’ll talk to you later—love you.” Jason hung up the phone.

  “What happened?” Jordan asked Jason.

  “Daddy wanted to talk to you, but then he said he would call back later.”

  Damn, just my luck, she thought. She knew Omar was pissed for more reasons than one. He finally called to speak with Jordan, and she was there with Jayon, not moping around like she was sure he thought and hoped she was. She knew he wasn’t too happy that Jayon was around his son—Omar was the type to make a bigger deal out of that than it was. She would, too, but Jayon was not just some man—Jason had known Jay since he was born. Jay was like an uncle to him, so he wouldn’t think anything of his presence.

  Jordan could only imagine what was going through Omar’s head at that very moment. A piece of her felt bad, because she knew he was mad. Then another piece of her, a bigger piece, was thinking, the nerve of him! Was she just supposed to sit around twiddling her thumbs until he thought enough of her one day to call her back?

  This had been an emotional few months for Jordan, but she had been better lately, and now something like this had to happen. She had decided a week or so ago, that she just wanted her and Omar to be friends. She didn’t know if they had to be officially divorced right away or what, but she knew that she couldn’t see herself with him again. She knew that their marriage was in deep trouble, but she would never have expected this. She was still amazed at the way Omar handled things. To disappear like that was the most disrespectful thing he could have done. She would have preferred that he cheated on her, but to just walk away and completely close their lines of communication was terrible and torturous. In a sense, it was typical of him but never for that long. Besides, she had explained to him numerous times that that was the worst thing you could do in a relationship, but Omar kept doing it, and now she was handling it her way.

  “You OK?” Jay asked her.

  “I’m fine, just caught a little off guard.”

  “I know—you haven’t spoken to him since that day in the store, right?”

  “Nope, that was weeks ago. I didn’t expect to hear from him.”

  “What do you think he wants?”

  “I have no idea.”

  “I do.”

  “What?”

  “It’s make-up time,” he said teasingly.

  “Yeah, OK. That’s not going to happen.”

  “OK, watch. I bet that’s why he is calling.”

  “Well, it’s too late for that,” she answered.

  “All right,” Jay said, like he didn’t believe her.

  “How would you feel if I did get back with him?” she asked.

  “I’d be upset—I would probably need some time to get cool with it, but I would understand and we would still be cool.”

  “So, just like that, we would go back to the way we were before?”

  “No, not just like that. It would be hard, but I would understand. It’s not a simple situation and I don’t want to add any more stress than you are already under.”

  “Thanks, Jay,” she said, “but I doubt that’s going to happen. I’m cool with the way things are now.”

  He reached out and took her hand. “You’re a strong cookie.”

  “No, I’m not. Omar has pushed me here, and I’m not trying to go back now,” she replied. “Now let’s finish this game so I can beat you again,” she said, taking her hand from his and putting down a card.

  In Jordan’s opinion, Omar had had more than enough time to save their marriage. Instead he let his pride get in the way, and he didn’t bother to work things out with her when he still could. She knew from some of their conversations that he could tell that what he had done had caused major damage to them, but not once did he apologize for or change his actions. Even though Omar didn’t deserve it, and as strongly as she felt about Jayon, she still would probably have given him another chance if he’d made the right attempt. Unfortunately, Omar was too prideful to admit what he had done, and say he was sorry. Instead he wanted to be tough, and all he did was push her toward Jayon. So he can tell Jason he will talk to me later all he wants—he doesn’t realize the time he has wasted is why it’s too late, Jordan thought to herself.

  67

  Divas’ Downfall

  Since the new year began, Jordan, Chrasey, and Dakota had major turns in their lives, and they were all trying to maintain or get their grooves back. Chrasey found out the hard way that two wrongs don’t make a right, Dakota was pregnant and was no longer feeling like the sexy diva she had been, and Jordan’s marriage was practically over and she didn’t know whether she was coming or going with Jayon.

  It had been a few weeks since Dakota had found out that she was pregnant. She still couldn’t believe that she was in her third month. Looking back, there were days when she felt really sick, but she didn’t think for a second that it was possible she could be pregnant. She had gotten her period all three months, and couldn’t think of any major signs that would have made her worry. She asked the doctor if the baby would be at risk, since she had consumed liquor and been around smoke in the past three months. The doctor said it was unlikely, and to just be careful for the next six months.

  In the past week or so, Dakota had started to feel better about her situation. She was beginning to look at the positive side of being a mother. She would finally have somebody that would be there with her regardless—she wo
uld never be lonely again. She would have a little person to spoil and love unconditionally, and bring her a happiness that no man could take away from her. Like the doctor said, this baby was something that she had created, and it would be all hers. She hadn’t really told anybody at work yet, and she still hadn’t told David. She spoke to him once or twice, but she wasn’t ready to tell him just yet. She told one co-worker of hers, her closest friend at work, who she could trust with a secret. She knew once everybody found out, there would be a ton of questions she wasn’t ready for. She was in publicity and marketing—she knew that it would be on the local news the minute she told the first person, so she was keeping it on the low for a while.

  Chrasey was wondering whether she could ever trust anything Keith told her anymore. There were many nights when she lay there, staring at Keith, wondering what was going through his mind. It was as if she thought that if she stared hard enough, she would be able to read his mind. Things had been even harder than she thought they would be. She was trying to hang in there and keep their family together, but each day was a challenge. She had family members judging her, and saying she was stupid for taking Keith back. She went to church a couple of Sundays, and Keith wouldn’t come with her, and he needed it more than she did. Still, she came home from work every night and cooked and got the kids ready for bed as if things were normal. Most nights things were just fine, and then there were nights that Chrasey just came home mad. Mad at life, mad at her ruined marriage, and mad that until that child was 18 years old, Lourdes had a role in their life. She hated Keith for giving her that power, she hated Keith for forcing her to deal with it. Her only option was either to stick it out or leave him and be alone with the kids, which was equally miserable. She felt like she was in between the biggest rock and the biggest hard place.

  They hadn’t had sex in weeks, although Keith had hinted at it a few times. Chrasey wasn’t ready for that—she knew the minute she was intimate with Keith, her mind would start to remember all the pain and anger she felt about his infidelity. She wondered if by doing this she would push him away, and possibly back toward Lourdes. She decided to do things at her pace, because when she did cater to his every need, it didn’t matter anyway. He still cheated. There were times when she wondered if he would leave her, if Lourdes would win the fight after all. Maybe she was the better woman, maybe she looked better and was better in bed. Maybe life with her and one kid was a lot easier than life with Chrasey and two kids. She couldn’t worry about that, though—Keith would do what he wanted to do. Chrasey had to do what she wanted to do. Keith didn’t work late as much, but there was a night or two, and that felt like too much for Chrasey. He had no room for error—his freedom had been revoked. If he wanted her to forgive him, he had a lot of rebuilding to do.