Diva Diaries

by Janine A. Morris

  “You have a child by Tony—is that what you’re trying to say?”

  “Yes, I’m pregnant; Tony and I are having a baby. So all that ‘his fiancée’ stuff you calling me with isn’t really saying much to me, so like I said, you need to talk to him.”

  Click. Jonelle hung up.

  Dakota sat there, livid. This is not what I want to deal with during my pregnancy. Why now? Why after I am in my second trimester, do I have to find out that Tony is engaged to this chick? Dakota said to herself.

  She immediately dialed Tony, knowing she would be beeping in on his argument with Jonelle. She knew Jonelle had called him directly after as well, to give him hell. Still, after the fourth call to his cell phone, he didn’t answer his phone.

  Of course, she called Chrasey and Jordan to tell them what happened. Jordan didn’t pick up the first time, but Dakota told Chrasey to dial her again, because she didn’t want to have to tell the story twice. Chrasey tried again, and Jordan picked up. Dakota dived into the story about how this girl called her. She told them close to verbatim what Jonelle said to her and what she said back. Dakota was upset and sounding really stressed-out, and neither Chrasey nor Jordan wanted to add to that. However, neither of them was surprised. They knew Tony was a lot more serious with his baby’s mother than he admitted. They knew he had been playing Dakota a lot more than she knew, or that she admitted. They weren’t going to tell her that, though, not right then. So instead they acted just as shocked and upset as she was. Chrasey told her to call him and hear his side—maybe Jonelle was just lying to piss Dakota off. That worked—Dakota thought that was probably what it was. She knew she would do the same thing, just to make the other girl mad. Besides, Dakota said she didn’t ever remember seeing a ring in the picture she had seen of Jonelle. She knew it was the girl from the picture in People magazine—she just knew in her gut. Tony was a player, but he wasn’t a mack like that, to have two baby mothers and a separate fiancée. Besides she had heard rumors, and she always knew deep down some of them were true.

  While she was in the middle of talking to her girls, her phone beeped and the Caller ID read Tony’s cell number. She told them who it was and that she would call them both back.

  “Hello,” she said with an attitude.

  “Dakota, what the hell is going on?”

  “You tell me.”

  “Jonelle just called me, breaking because ...”

  “Oh, Jonelle ... now she has a name.”

  “Dakota, knock it off ... what did you tell her?”

  “Are you fucking kidding me? What about what she told me?”

  “You told her you were pregnant with my baby?”

  “Aren’t I?”

  “Yeah, from what you tell me.”

  “What the hell did you say?”

  “I’m just saying ... you say that you are.”

  “Are you trying to say now that you don’t believe this baby is yours?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “That’s what you’re trying to say, though. Fuck you, Tony. You don’t have to have shit to do with my baby. I don’t need a dime from your ass, and you and your fiancée can kiss my ass.”

  She burst out in tears the second she hung up. Her heart was crying—the pain was unbearable. She had given so much of herself up for Tony and she was tired of letting him play her. She had tried to be accepting of his treatment by pretending she agreed with it. She pretended like she, too, didn’t want more, when she and everyone close to her knew that she did, including him. He didn’t care, though, he never did, and she was just another chick he was dealing with. She was on his roster, not the other way around.

  Five seconds after she hung up, he called right back.

  “What?” she yelled when she answered the phone.

  “Dakota, why are you flipping? I didn’t mean it that way—I’m just saying, why did you have to tell her?”

  “Tell who? Your fiancée?”

  “Dakota, what did you tell her?”

  “She shared with me you that guys were getting married and I shared with her that we were having a baby.”

  He didn’t say anything.

  “Is that a problem?” she said.

  “No, Dakota. I just didn’t want her to know.”

  “Why? Are you guys really engaged?”

  He hesitated for a second.

  “I can’t believe you have been lying to me like this all of this time.”

  “We aren’t getting married. I gave her a ring a while back to quiet her up. To keep her happy. I’m not marrying her, though, especially not anytime soon.”

  “But if you were to get married, it would be with her?”

  “I’m not getting married, so this is an irrelevant conversation.”

  “If I would have known this, I would have had an abortion.”

  “How could you say that?”

  “Do you see how stupid I look? I’m having a baby with an engaged man. I would look better if it was a married man.”

  “Dakota, I’m not marrying her, OK? Can you just let it go?”

  “Whatever, Tone. Well, we will talk later—I need to get some rest.”

  “OK, sorry about the phone call. You get a good night’s rest.”

  “Yeah, and let her know not to call me anymore.”

  They hung up the phone, and Dakota sat there trying to decipher what she did and didn’t believe. Most of the time she didn’t know what was truth and what was a lie—she knew she barely believed what he told her, though. For all she knew, their wedding date was a few months away, and if she saw pictures of the wedding in some magazine, he would say that was just to shut her up, too.

  72

  Just Checking

  Jordan didn’t know what it was this morning, but she woke up feeling overwhelmingly guilty. Omar was her husband, and regardless of what he did to deserve it, she had broken her wedding vows and committed adultery. She had managed to justify it in her mind; all that had happened was that she’d let spite overcome her.

  She was so deep in the middle of this mess, she didn’t know which way to go anymore. She had definitely started to feel some strong feelings for Jayon and she really imagined spending her life with him. On the other hand, she had a marriage that she started some years ago, and just because things were at their worst, she vowed to stick through for better or for worse. She had to put her pride and ego aside and do what was right in God’s eyes, and what was best for Jason. She had spent the whole day thinking about this, so as soon as she finished putting Jason to bed she called Omar. She wanted to talk to him and try again to see if and what she could do to get him to come back home.

  “Hey, Omar—it’s me, Jordan.”

  “Hey.”

  “You busy?”

  “Not really—whassup?”

  “Nothing much, just chilling at home. Jason is at Chrasey’s having a play date with her kids.”

  “That’s cool. My mother is having something next weekend—she wants him to come so I’m gonna pick him up next weekend.”

  “OK, that’s cool.”

  There were a few moments of silence before she built up her courage.

  “Omar, listen—I have been thinking about some things and I thought we should talk.”

  About what?

  “About me and you, our situation.”

  “What about it? What is there to talk about?”

  “Well, our separation. Where are we going with this? I just thought we should meet somewhere and talk things out.”

  “There is nothing to talk about, Jordan. I told you how I felt and you told me how you felt.”

  “So, that’s it? We are just going to walk away from our marriage just that easy.”

  “This isn’t all of a sudden—like you said yourself, we have had issues for some time and I’m tired of trying to deal with it. I told you I’m done trying—there are no hard feelings, but I don’t want this anymore.”

  She felt her heart cringing at his words. “I want
you home. We are married and we need to fix this one way or the other.”

  “Oh, did you ask your boyfriend if I can come over?”

  “Omar! What is wrong with you? We have to grow up and put our egos aside. We have a marriage to mend—let’s call everything even and start over.”

  “Even? Even Jordan? How are we even?”

  “Forget that ... Omar do you want our marriage to work?”

  “Listen, Jordan, you are doing what you are doing, and I’m doing what I’m doing. Things are fine just the way they are.”

  She couldn’t tell if Omar was just trying to get her to grovel or if he really meant what he was saying. “Omar, are you sure? This is it? You want us to just walk away?”

  “Basically.”

  She was speechless. Omar has lost his mind.

  “Listen, Jordan. I love you, but your career and your choice of friends is a problem for me, and I’m a lot happier not having to deal with all of that and I’m sure you’re a lot happier not having to worry about me.”

  “So, you don’t think it’s even worth talking about, Omar?”

  “Jordan, do you? There’s nothing to talk about.”

  “Fine, Omar.”

  “We will be there for Jason and we will still be cool, but there is nothing to talk about.”

  “Fine, Omar. I was just checking.”

  Omar didn’t catch on, but her just checking meant this was his last chance. This was it—she was giving him one last opportunity to step up and be with his wife. He didn’t see that, or he didn’t care. Either way, she had done all that she could. She was done—he wasn’t getting any more out of her. No more guilt, no more confusion. From now on, Omar was her ex-husband.

  73

  Oops

  It was Valentine’s Day, and all over the building Chrasey was seeing people receive flowers and teddy bears from their spouses. She remembered a time when Keith used to do romantic things all the time, and Valentine’s Day—forget it. He would send stuff; write poems, cards, flowers, and the works. Those days were long gone. She doubted he was doing romantic stuff for Lourdes or anything like that—she thought that Keith changed that part of who he was.

  She was just getting back from lunch, and she saw the bouquet of flowers on her assistant’s desk. She thought to herself, I hate this holiday—it’s just a reminder of how unloved a person is. When she walked by her desk, she asked who sent her the flowers, and she said they were for Chrasey. For me? Chrasey thought to herself. She didn’t expect Keith to do this. She hoped he was smart enough to use Valentine’s as an opportunity to get them back on good terms, but it had gotten so late, she thought he probably didn’t think of it. She picked the flowers up off of the desk and brought them into her office. There were a dozen multicolored roses, with a little bear sitting on top. She took the card off and read it. I just want things to be the way they were ...

  That was so sweet, and just the right sentiments that expressed how she felt. Chrasey reminisced all the time about the days that she and Keith were happy, and they did things together, and played games at home and went out on dates. They were one of the cutest and happiest couples at one point. She was happy that he remembered those times, and also wanted to work toward getting things back where they were.

  She sat down at her desk and called Keith. When he came to the phone, he sounded like he was busy.

  “Hey, Chrasey—Happy Valentine’s Day, baby,” he said.

  “Happy Valentine’s day, baby—thanks for the flowers.”

  Keith paused. “Flowers?”

  “Yeah ... didn’t you send me flowers?” As the words left her lips, she asked herself, Who said they were from Keith? The card wasn’t signed by Keith.

  “No, I didn’t. I had plans for us later tonight. The question is, who did send you flowers?”

  She knew she had messed up, but she tried to cover it anyway.

  “I don’t know—that’s why I assumed you sent them.”

  “What did the card say?”

  She was hesitant to answer that question; she was just going to come up with a lie, until he said, “And don’t lie and say there isn’t a card or there wasn’t a message on it.”

  “It just said, Wish things were the way they were,” Chrasey admitted.

  “No, well, that wasn’t me. It was probably from your boyfriend—call him and thank him.”

  “Keith ...” Chrasey said, trying to fix the mess but not knowing exactly how.

  “I have to get back to my meeting, but Happy Valentine’s Day and I wish things were the way they were, too,” Keith said, obviously trying to maximize her guilt. As soon as he finished his sarcastic comment he hung up, not giving Chrasey a chance to respond.

  She sat there, mad at herself for making that call. What was she thinking? She didn’t even stop to ask herself why the card wasn’t signed. Was she that hopeful that Keith would send her something, that she imagined it all? If she had only stopped to think about it, she could have figured that it was from Trevor. Now it felt awkward to call and thank him after that. Still, she had to, because he was probably expecting her to call when she received it. She picked her phone back up and dialed the number. When he answered, she thanked him and told him that if it wasn’t for him, she would have felt like nobody cared about her. Then she told him what happened with Keith. At first he laughed, then he caught himself and apologized. He said he didn’t mean to cause any problems, and that he just wanted to express his feelings on Valentine’s Day because it felt like it was an appropriate time. He said he could see why she thought they were from her husband; Keith could and should feel the same way. He said he didn’t sign the card, because he didn’t want to make her co-workers ask a bunch of questions, but he thought she would know who they were from. He did point out the humor with her calling Keith to say thank you, bringing attention to the fact that Keith hadn’t actually sent flowers. Chrasey did have to admit it was kind of funny, and she realized he couldn’t get mad, because his ass should have sent some damn flowers.

  74

  XOXOXO

  It was Valentine’s night and it was pouring rain. Jordan had just come home from work and was rushing to get ready to be on time for the dinner reservations that Jayon made. She hopped out of the shower, and started lotioning up with cocoa butter as she listened to the India Arie album. She put her special scents in her special areas and then put on her favorite bra and thong set, black lace with pink ribbon from Victoria’s Secret. She went into her walk-in closet and located the outfit she had set out the night before. She slipped on her black sweater dress from BCBG, and checked in the mirror to make sure it looked OK.

  Damn, I am hot ... brains and beauty ... I am no joke, Jordan told herself as she did the front and back mirror check.

  Jayon called and said he was just getting off the bridge, so he would be there in less than fifteen minutes. She quickly darkened her eyebrows with her off-black eyeliner, put on her Mac Ooh-Baby lip gloss, and finished up with her black eye liner and dark brown lip liner by Bobbi Brown. She combed down her wrap and spritzed her Razac oil mist to make it shine. She pulled her black, open-toe Dolce and Gabbana pumps from the shoe rack and slipped her feet into them. Her toes, just like her nails, were freshly done with a French manicure. She was set from head to toe, and now she was ready to go.

  Less than five minutes later, Jayon rang her doorbell. She grabbed the bag with his gift in it and went to the door; he was there with an umbrella waiting to escort her to his car. He was looking damn fine himself, with a black-and-gray Prada sweater, black slacks, and his black-and-gray Prada loafers. He had a fresh haircut, facial hair perfectly trimmed, and he was wearing her favorite cologne, Jean-Paul Gaultier—she could smell it from the door. He gave her a kiss hello, took her by her arm, and walked her to the car. He opened the passenger door and waited for her to get inside, then closed the door behind her. When she sat down, she reached over and opened his door for him, and when he stepped inside, she took the umbrella from hi
m and placed it in the backseat.

  Seeping from his speakers was Jodeci’s “Love You for Life.” Once he got settled inside the car, he reached in the backseat and handed her a card and a cream-colored jewelry box. She handed him the big bag with his gift in it. They both agreed they would open their gifts then, before dinner. They were both excited about exchanging gifts. They had given each other trinkets and cards in the past for Valentine’s Day, but this time it was different. It was the first real holiday that they were some sort of item. He opened his gift; she had gotten him a rust-colored leather jacket with some rust-colored shoes. He loved them. Jayon was a clothes man, so she knew that he would. Jordan opened her box, and inside were some beautiful platinum earrings. They were heart-shaped with two letter J’s intertwined in the center. She looked at him, and he smiled.

  “The double J’s are one for each of us, but together.” She leaned over and gave him a kiss. “This is one of the nicest gifts I have ever seen. Thank you, baby.”

  The earrings were so nice and unique she thought she would cry. They read their cards and then got ready to go. Her card to him thanked him for being everything she needed for the past fourteen years and even more than she needed the past several months. It told him how much she loved him and that she hoped this was the beginning of something special. His card was a little simpler but it said that he loved her, their relationship felt like a fairy tale, he didn’t deserve her, and that he wanted this to be their first Valentine’s Day together with many more to come.

  They hadn’t even gotten to the restaurant and she was already feeling all mushy inside. She just felt at one with Jay, like this was how things were supposed to be. She remembered in the movie Brown Sugar, where Sanaa Lathan said, I don’t know why your heart won’t do what your mind tells it—she now understood that so much better. She realized that we really can’t control who we love. At times she may have thought that it was wrong of her to deal with Jayon, but her heart said that it was all right. Besides, Omar didn’t even call her today—he wasn’t even thinking about her. So why was she wrong to want to be happy on Valentine’s Day, and every other day for that matter, she asked herself.